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Full disclosure, the cover image isn't mine. Check out the full image here.
I put all the warning tags to give myself creative freedom, but I'm not going to write a story filled with gore or swearing.
This is my first time writing, other than for school projects. I put the gender-bender tag because I wanted to try writing from a female's perspective, and needed an excuse for why my MC reads a little tomboyish. The gender-bender fades into the background over the first few chapters, please don't let the tag keep you away from trying out my story.
Second chances are rarely earned, and even rarer given. Follow a new life in a new world, where anything is possible. Our MC wakes up, stuck as a baby, needing to decide how she will live her new life. Let's see what future she can forge for herself, when hard work is rewarded with status points and skill levels.
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started off pretty fun but along the way as the author saw increasing popularity and patreon support they started to believe only patrons were actual readers and people on royal road nothing but parasites not even worth keeping up to date with the state of the story.
which is pretty much cancelled. of course, you have to pay money to even find that out.
this is what happens when writers use royal road as an advertising platform with the singular use of gathering as many patrons as possible. and forget the whole site even exists when you don't feel like writing anymore.
don't bother starting with this story as it'll never get finished.
there's certainly a good chance the author will try again with a new story but you just know the exact same thing is going to happen.
plenty of good writers on this site - you need only look elsewhere.
Not that I'm the best reviewer in terms of giving an "unbiased" rating and serious cirtique instead of just whatever praise or recommendation I feel most appropriate, but I feel like I have to be more critical in how I rate this story for the sole reason that I feel like it deserves more than just mere praise. Since the Author seems to be fairly "new" as these things go serious critique holds value that pure encouragement can't. Plus all my reviews are pretty glowing and I want to be a better reviewer that can say more than just a blanket "this gud" for some of my favourite stories.
This story has several flaws that were im,ediately obvious. First off is the story blurb, the "synopsis" that advertises the fiction. It's basically not even there. It's a long spiel about the author's motives and choices spanning four paragraphs and then a small elevator pitch at the end that tells me basically nothing. Frankly I can figure lut more about the story from the title and genre tags alone, and it arguably doesn't even have all the appropriate tags since it doesn't mention (though it's so obvious it doesn't really need to tbh) that the story is isekai/portal-fantasy in another magical world.
(Short aside, spilling your motives and reasonings up front like that isn't exactly a bad thing, and I'll just say that I've read one or two books with some psycology trivia that might even suggest it could easily garner loads of goodwil and tolerance and create a space of "trust" etc etc. this is getting off topic)
When you start reading the book you get the first chapter (the prologue basically) which has some of the issues prologued usually have (quite understandible, I blazed right through it no prob) such as not immediately being compelling to read, loads of (utterly pointless to the story) exposition, none of it really being important to the story at all, jumoing around from the "present" time to the "past" (the prologue story is the past, and time hopping is usually a bit problematic since it's hard to avoid it being awkward). Finally my last complaint is that the backstory protagonist is rather bland and even has a very predictable mentality and reaction going into the story proper with the (pretty mich cliche) reaction of "oh no! What have I lost! I mourn the thing that I have lost and it took me super long to figure out even though anyone who's genre savvy will know it was super obvious. These are anime archetypal tropes 101 stuff here.
Going into the story proper you learn quickly that the book is very character focused, and not all that plot focused. The story takes its time to get to the next big plot development and tends towards slice of life rather than "skipping" lots of "growth". When I first caught up to the latest chapter, the MC hadn't even gotten to doing even themost basic kind of thing that was alluded to into the on-the-nose title of the book, only the things needed to do the things to learn how to do the thing. It's a patient book is my point.
Now since this is acharacter focused slice of life story that likes to take it time, the most annoying flaws would be character and dialogue focused flaws, since those are given the most page time. The characters and interractions are, quite frankly, very high quality for a first book attempt. The are thecore that keeps the story engaging to read through 21 (as of now) chapters. My major complaint for what should be improved is the character interactions is a bit "awkward" at times. Like two puppets talking to each other and reacting as if from a pre-written script instead of having a normal reaction time to process what others say and what to say in reply. This is not a thing easily described, or conveyed, but I feel it is there and needs some practice in improving.
In terms of the plot there isn't much to say, because there isn't much. This story doesn't rush i to having a lot of plot development, and what has happened feels like it's only scratching the surface about what the plot will actually develop into. What I can say is that the author isn't scared to disrupt the status quo of the story, and does so quite rapidly and effectively at times. Sudden developments that heighten the tension between characters and create various kinds of conflict big and small, silly and serious, social and existential. This story knows how to hold it's patience but doesn't keep itself from pulling on it's strings and dragging you along without warning. Much of the conflict is short lived and the tension can quickly lower again within a chapter or less, which means events happening a few chapters before are quickly left behind for new things to focus on and to hold your attention. The plot is young and lively, amd I'm inclined to let it go at it's pace and let big things happen when they wanr to.
Overall I'd say this story thrives in its small moments. It doesn't need a grand plot or danger to be compelling and interesting, and its characters have personality and dynamics enough to be engaging even while their portrayal can be awkward at times the depth of their character shines through. This isn't a story that needs tension and drama to keep itself going, and it changes to regularly to become uninteresting or fatigue you with prolonged action scenes or miments of tension and uncertainty.
I'd highly recommend this story to any slice of life fans, and it has joined my list of favourites on this site. It has a long way to go, and it's writing has large room to grow and improve, and I look forward to seeing it continuing into a grand story.
I like this story and I had fun reading it. That is of course the most important part.
But the story has multiple flaws.
First the author makes a great deal about the gender swap at the beginning and leafs into an identity crisis. But then it gets completely swept under the rug. Later the is a sentence about getting her period but that's it. There is no exploration at all what it could mean to switch gender in that way, or the role of gender in the new world.
That leads to the next point. The world building is very very shallow. We are over five hundred pages in the story and haven't even left the village. That is no problem. The problem is I have no idea at all how the village looks. I don't know how large it is, what buildings there are, what craftsmen. There is no picture at all.
And the characters are even worse. The main trait of all characters seems to be they are afraid of MCs mother. They have no individual voice. The MC doesn't know any person in the village. At all. As an adult person she didn't recognize the village head. I assume the author grew up in a city. But in any community you could describe as village you know everyone of your generation and half the adults as well.
The dialogues sound unnatural, but to he fair it gets better the longer the story is.
Then there are the unnatural reactions. Nobody pales or panics or goes red in the face because of the simplest of reasons. It really throws me off to read that the head of the village goes pale because MCs mother glares at him.
All this sounds very, negative but in the summ I still had fun reading, even if I had to ignore some flaws, and that is what counts in the end. The author grows with the story too, so I have hope the coming chapters get better.
5.11.20 upping my rating to 4 stars, the writing continues to improve.
The book has been dropped. I would also like to point ou that the author only ever told her patreons that it was dropped and not RR, at least if she did it's somewhere hidden in the comment section. Why does it need to be 50 words long? word word word
Reincarnated into another world, but with a good set up and quality characters. I like the developement of the characters and the people that populate the world.
The MC has a good character voice and I do enjoy the loving relationship thier parents and family has.
The nitpicks. (some spoilers)
- A knowledgeable mother who lived in a city and has an education, not teaching the MC about the world they live in, even though the MC is about 13 Earth years old.
- The MC not even knowing many people in the village she grew up in, but everyone knowing who the MC is.
- Basically the MC is supposed to be smart and inquisitive, but they know nothing about the world they grew up in. Even basic history, religion, or having freinds with other children.
.. and the story has begun moving, segueing over the last 10 chapters or so into the wider world. Imagine if you will the picture in a microscope, one slowly changing to show the larger picture and then coming to a halt focused on said wider view. So from the completed microcosm of the Village; the immediate surrounding region has come into focus.
I have so far enjoyed this story even though (and maybe because) the story has been so slow in moving past what should be in the first part of a story. Maybe (probably) all good slice of life type stories are the same?
Style & Grammar..
I am not on the whole a fan of the writing style, I personally think it needs a lot of work. That said, the overall technical writing quality has though in my opinion, improved noticeably from the early chapters till now at chapter 70.
The Story is the story. To me it is a question of what one makes of the mental constructs evoked by absorbing the tale. I personally found the pausable movie in my mind to be highly enjoyable. So disregarding any technical issues with the writing, the story which I have,.. absorbed so far shows great promise to my mind, it tickles some part of my mind if that makes sense.
-- @ kosnik4, Keep up the great smithing/crafting btw, it is what originally drew me to your story. --
Yeah not a fan of the MC coming across as an actual teenager now and then (outside of having to try faking it like one) when she should mentally be a 20 something, to a 40 something in technical life experience. This has been an issue throughout the story so far. From my pov it is made worse when one takes into account her mental stats which reinforce this fact by hard numbers from the start, along with every other subsequent time that the MC's stats are gone over. (as I see it the deviation makes the mental stats not seem relevent due to this behaviour/mental state/attitude)
As for the other characters, they seem fine to me and fairly natural, better then the MC for sure.
..The promise is strong with this one..
Thx for sharing your work in progress with us all btw ;)
I don't think this story is nearly as good as other reviewers seem to think.
The worst issue, in my opinion, is in the way it's written. The style itself is... weird. A lot of punctuation is missing, especially in short dialogues interactions. Some sentences are a bit convoluted, but more importantly, the lack of variety in the vocabulary makes the overall story difficult to process. Sometimes, you'll have multiple paragraphs telling the same thing, using a lot of words for simple concepts.
The grammar is okay. A few accidental typos here and there, but they are few and far between. Punctation is a part of grammar, though, so the score goes down to four stars.
Story seems... decent, so far. It's hard to judge it, considering not much has happened. The world building is pretty good.
I hate your characters. Most of them feel like NPCs from an MMO. The MC is never seen having any kind of meaningful interaction with anyone, and when she is, it's just oversimplified emotional overreactions. But, most importantly, she's immature. I can't blame you for that, since it's a trope. Still hate.
Aoverall, it's an okay story, leaning on the side of good if you compare it to the average for RRL.
My advice is to read more high quality books. More to the point : spend less time having your MC talk to herself, and more time having her speak to actual characters. For said characters, try to draw inspiration from real people. More importantly, take the time to think about what's important, and what's not. You spent more time describing the taste of beef from the weird bear monsters, than the feeling of frying goblins. That's an issue.
All in all, not for me.
This is a strange one, because it's well written, has believable characters, and is overall an interesting world concept. Not your standard status screen template.
But nearly 50 chapters in, and I'm not hooked. I'm never like, "oh sweet new magic smithing chapter". It's like we're still in the introduction/build up, and these aren't short chapters!
We're approaching an introduction to the main world now (not just the hometown), but I can't help but think the pacing to get here has been way too slow.
Good start, but I can't believe in Del. And in brother's girlfriend. These characters looks like plain NPC, who exist only to revolt around MC and tell about world via their mouth. Few examples:
1. MC was "wow, he serious, I never see him so serious!" - hey, you met him three hours ago! You didn't know he existing yesterday!
2. Why you asking random guy in what country you live. I can't believe you didn't ask you parents about it. I can't believe you didn't ask about system from your parents.
3. Del and brother's girlfriend is copy-paste characters when they talk about something worldbuilding.
Good first try to write novel. And like almost every author, main problem is characters.
Updated: MC become disgusting egocentric arrogant 2D hypocritical Mary Sue.
I'm on RR for years, and this is first time I feel so disgusted by MC. She's not cliche character, she have something in character, but all non-cloche of it only make me despise her more. It's some talent to write MC like that, really. Probably, plot? Idk. But character development in this direction continues for months.
There is no need for a gender bender tag, it really doesnt use it, and i feel the story would be way better without it, no need for the that,
Right... Word length,
I guess, apart from that, the story is not bad, but nothing too special either, and the characters are decent i guess