Magic-Smithing

by kosnik4

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

Full disclosure, the cover image isn't mine. Check out the full image here.

I put all the warning tags to give myself creative freedom, but I'm not going to write a story filled with gore or swearing.

This is my first time writing, other than for school projects. I put the gender-bender tag because I wanted to try writing from a female's perspective, and needed an excuse for why my MC reads a little tomboyish. The gender-bender fades into the background over the first few chapters, please don't let the tag keep you away from trying out my story.

Synopsis:

Second chances are rarely earned, and even rarer given. Follow a new life in a new world, where anything is possible. Our MC wakes up, stuck as a baby, needing to decide how she will live her new life. Let's see what future she can forge for herself, when hard work is rewarded with status points and skill levels.

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kosnik4

kosnik4

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rmullins
Overall

Good effort, keep it going.

Reviewed at: Ch: 20.5

Hitting second place on trending means you are doing something right. Don't fall into the trap of thinking you need to massively change this up now that it's gaining popularity. You got this far because your existing process has been working, so keep at it.

 

Too many authors give up the moment they hit trending and the torrent of .5 star reviews come in from trolls and jealous authors. This story looks like it has a lot of potential so please ignore reviews if that will help you maintain your momentum as a writer. Keeping momentum seems to be the key to success from all the most successful stories I've seen on here.

A finished story of even the lowest quality is way more impressive than a masterpiece on hiatus.

Please keep at it regardless of positive or negative comments.

Endless Paving
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

High Fantasy Isekai Adventure LitRPG

Reviewed at: Ch: 21

Not that I'm the best reviewer in terms of giving an "unbiased" rating and serious cirtique instead of just whatever praise or recommendation I feel most appropriate, but I feel like I have to be more critical in how I rate this story for the sole reason that I feel like it deserves more than just mere praise. Since the Author seems to be fairly "new" as these things go serious critique holds value that pure encouragement can't. Plus all my reviews are pretty glowing and I want to be a better reviewer that can say more than just a blanket "this gud" for some of my favourite stories.

This story has several flaws that were im,ediately obvious. First off is the story blurb, the "synopsis" that advertises the fiction. It's basically not even there. It's a long spiel about the author's motives and choices spanning four paragraphs and then a small elevator pitch at the end that tells me basically nothing. Frankly I can figure lut more about the story from the title and genre tags alone, and it arguably doesn't even have all the appropriate tags since it doesn't mention (though it's so obvious it doesn't really need to tbh) that the story is isekai/portal-fantasy in another magical world.

(Short aside, spilling your motives and reasonings up front like that isn't exactly a bad thing, and I'll just say that I've read one or two books with some psycology trivia that might even suggest it could easily garner loads of goodwil and tolerance and create a space of "trust" etc etc. this is getting off topic)

When you start reading the book you get the first chapter (the prologue basically) which has some of the issues prologued usually have (quite understandible, I blazed right through it no prob) such as not immediately being compelling to read, loads of (utterly pointless to the story) exposition, none of it really being important to the story at all, jumoing around from the "present" time to the "past" (the prologue story is the past, and time hopping is usually a bit problematic since it's hard to avoid it being awkward). Finally my last complaint is that the backstory protagonist is rather bland and even has a very predictable mentality and reaction going into the story proper with the (pretty mich cliche) reaction of "oh no! What have I lost! I mourn the thing that I have lost and it took me super long to figure out even though anyone who's genre savvy will know it was super obvious. These are anime archetypal tropes 101 stuff here. 

Going into the story proper you learn quickly that the book is very character focused, and not all that plot focused. The story takes its time to get to the next big plot development and tends towards slice of life rather than "skipping" lots of "growth". When I first caught up to the latest chapter, the MC hadn't even gotten to doing even themost basic kind of thing that was alluded to into the on-the-nose title of the book, only the things needed to do the things to learn how to do the thing. It's a patient book is my point.

Now since this is acharacter focused slice of life story that likes to take it time, the most annoying flaws would be character and dialogue focused flaws, since those are given the most page time. The characters and interractions are, quite frankly, very high quality for a first book attempt. The are thecore that keeps the story engaging to read through 21 (as of now) chapters. My major complaint for what should  be improved is the character interactions is a bit "awkward" at times. Like two puppets talking to each other and reacting as if from a pre-written script instead of having a normal reaction time to process what others say and what to say in reply. This is not a thing easily described, or conveyed, but I feel it is there and needs some practice in improving.

In terms of the plot there isn't much to say, because there isn't much. This story doesn't rush i to having a lot of plot development, and what has happened feels like it's only scratching the surface about what the plot will actually develop into. What I can say is that the author isn't scared to disrupt the status quo of the story, and does so quite rapidly and effectively at times. Sudden developments that heighten the tension between characters and create various kinds of conflict big and small, silly and serious, social and existential. This story knows how to hold it's patience but doesn't keep itself from pulling on it's strings and dragging you along without warning. Much of the conflict is short lived and the tension can quickly lower again within a chapter or less, which means events happening a few chapters before are quickly left behind for new things to focus on and to hold your attention. The plot is young and lively, amd I'm inclined to let it go at it's pace and let big things happen when they wanr to.

Overall I'd say this story thrives in its small moments. It doesn't need a grand plot or danger to be compelling and interesting, and its characters have personality and dynamics enough to be engaging even while their portrayal can be awkward at times the depth of their character shines through. This isn't a story that needs tension and drama to keep itself going, and it changes to regularly to become uninteresting or fatigue you with prolonged action scenes or miments of tension and uncertainty.

I'd highly recommend this story to any slice of life fans, and it has joined my list of favourites on this site. It has a long way to go, and it's writing has large room to grow and improve, and I look forward to seeing it continuing into a grand story.

Agasthenes
Overall

A very hard decision.

Reviewed at: Ch: 47

I like this story and I had fun reading it. That is of course the most important part. 

But the story has multiple flaws.

First the author makes a great deal about the gender swap at the beginning and leafs into an identity crisis. But then it gets completely swept under the rug. Later the is a sentence about getting her period but that's it. There is no exploration at all what it could mean to switch gender in that way, or the role of gender in the new world.

That leads to the next point. The world building is very very shallow. We are over five hundred pages in the story and haven't even left the village. That is no problem. The problem is I have no idea at all how the village looks. I don't know how large it is, what buildings there are, what craftsmen. There is no picture at all.

And the characters are even worse. The main trait of all characters seems to be they are afraid of MCs mother. They have no individual voice. The MC doesn't know any person in the village. At all. As an adult person she didn't recognize the village head. I assume the author grew up in a city. But in any community you could describe as village you know everyone of your generation and half the adults as well.

The dialogues sound unnatural, but to he fair it gets better the longer the story is. 

Then there are the unnatural reactions. Nobody pales or panics or goes red in the face because of the simplest of reasons. It really throws me off to read that the head of the village goes pale because MCs mother glares at him. 

All this sounds very, negative but in the summ I still had fun reading, even if I had to ignore some flaws, and that is what counts in the end. The author grows with the story too, so I have hope the coming chapters get better.

 

5.11.20 upping my rating to 4 stars, the writing continues to improve.

The Dragons Tales
Overall

Love the story. It has a really intriguing story and is going at a good pace. It's far from perfect, with plenty of plot holes and errors throughout but it's better than 90% of the books you'll find. 

The characters are fairly unique and resting in their own right, but do follow certain tropes a bit to often at certain points, such as the mother constantly getting mad at the daughter after she does something dangerous, and it does get rather repetitive after the 5th or so year the MC is alive.

I do believe the story could be a little less repetitive with the MC going into a fight, feeling like a monster, getting over it, and then fighting and doing it all over again randomly. It doesn't happen  very often but you  can't expect someonto be traumatized, recover, and the get traumatized by something again. It's unrealistic.

The system seems fairly unique, or it's the very first of its kind that I've read. The author is making the character very overpowered, or at least trying to but I feel like the MC is stupid. She's weaker then a villager, slower than a hunter, and less powerful than a mage, all because she wants to be a all rounder.

The skills system seems very unique and  she's definitely more powerful because of them, but I'm just wondering what will happen when she faces someone as strong as her with a tier 5 skill that's properly distributed stats. It won't even be a competition.

All around I complain about it a lot but I do love the read.

The skills are very interesting and I do like the way the character learns and adapts. I do like the way the character trains, (even if the author goes wait nevermind she has to have repercussions for this often) and it is an interesting read. I just generally have read to many stories that say OP protagonist because I say so, and while this may not be directly going  there it does feel like it's trying to. And I'm talking about forging here too, not even fighting.

 

Psychomeltdown
Overall

Reincarnated into another world, but with a good set up and quality characters. I like the developement of the characters and the people that populate the world. 

The MC has a good character voice and I do enjoy the loving relationship thier parents and family has. 

The nitpicks. (some spoilers)

- A knowledgeable mother who lived in a city and has an education, not teaching the MC about the world they live in, even though the MC is about 13 Earth years old. 

- The MC not even knowing many people in the village she grew up in, but everyone knowing who the MC is. 

- Basically the MC is supposed to be smart and inquisitive, but they know nothing about the world they grew up in. Even basic history, religion, or having freinds with other children. 

Yevon
Overall

Just my first impression. Updated

Reviewed at: Ch: 39

I've just started reading and reached the ch7, but it feels like there are too many toddler chapters, considering they are rather empty plot vise. I assume there are going to be a lot of time skips or the story will become unbarebly slow.

Also stats feel rather irrelevant. There is no reason to have 10 points per level up, it just means a single point is relatively worthless. In the games the designers add 10 points per level mechanics if there is something tied to the stats requirements, like equipment, othrewise there is no reason to micromanage a single point alocation that provides next to no benifit, everythign will be dumped in the same few stats anyway. And it looks like later the stats would be also raise by I assume training of some kind, MC has 92 stats in total at lvl 16 and 125 stats at level 26 (excluding the free 10 per level). father at level 36 has 429 points, getting showered with 30 random points raised per level without even taking the 10 free per level into account. There is very little sense in introducing those stat lists if they do not really matter that much in the end. Could have just left the skills only, because only they can be playing any role in a world like this.

But also father has like 8 skill in total over the course of his whole life. No essential skills what so ever, like cooking, even at starter level. If the author does not want to put any effort into this, then why even bother writing those stat screen walls of text? I already see how the MC becomes a demigod with hundreds of skills at his teen years in everything, while when you look back at the first chapters you see adults in their 30s with 8 skills in total.

Reached the ongoing ch39. It is an OK story, if you avoid thinking about the details of this world.

The value of money is starting to plumet. This is also one of the common issues when the authors go all out with the details they cannot or do not want to balance in the long run. This is a world economy we are talking about.

Presumable the master level of enchanting requires about 52 gold coins worth of materials to spend and we are told this is supposed to be a shocking amount of money. But here we are at the beginning of the book, a 15 year old MC with the help of two underequipped civilians farming magical monsters next door to the home village, who are worth about 1 gold or more in materials alone.

Yes, the author provided a whole nicely looking table of the currency values, that included iron and bronze coins, but the MC already deals in pretty much silver exclusively and gets a gold worth of materails from a day of effort. So the lower denominations pretty much do not exist as far as the story is concerned. We are sort of reaching a point where either the daily expenses turn out to be dirt cheap compared to gold or the 52 gold is not exactly that big of a sum as we were led to believe and we are looking at thousands in gold exchanging hands in the near future with silver becoming pennies and all the other coins fading out of the existence.

In some other books authors dealt with this by avoiding detailed prices and rewards, using the 'couple of coins' or 'payed in gold' or 'handed a purse' to play around the actual number and to leave some leeway. Otherwise sooner or later, when the prices for houses appear, it would turn out that either the village houses cost their weight in gold (while the villagers lose their breath at the mention of a single gold coin) or you can farm enough money within a week to pay for the construction of a whole town.

Erxen
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

An okay story, tarnished by the inexperience of the author

Reviewed at: Ch: 11

I don't think this story is nearly as good as other reviewers seem to think.

The worst issue, in my opinion, is in the way it's written. The style itself is... weird. A lot of punctuation is missing, especially in short dialogues interactions. Some sentences are a bit convoluted, but more importantly, the lack of variety in the  vocabulary makes the overall story difficult to process. Sometimes, you'll have multiple paragraphs telling the same thing, using a lot of words for simple concepts.

The grammar is okay. A few accidental typos here and there, but they are few and far between. Punctation is a part of grammar, though, so the score goes down to four stars.

Story seems... decent, so far. It's hard to judge it, considering not much has happened. The world building is pretty good. 

I hate your characters. Most of them feel like NPCs from an MMO. The MC is never seen having any kind of meaningful interaction with anyone, and when she  is, it's just oversimplified emotional overreactions. But, most importantly, she's immature. I can't blame you for that, since it's a trope. Still hate.

 

Aoverall, it's an okay story, leaning on the side of good if you compare it to the average for RRL.

My advice is to read more high quality books. More to the point : spend less time having your MC talk to herself, and more time having her speak to actual characters. For said characters, try to draw inspiration from real people. More importantly, take the time to think about what's important, and what's not. You spent more time describing the taste of beef from the weird bear monsters, than the feeling of frying goblins. That's an issue.

 

All in all, not for me.

underlord2132
Overall

This is a strange one, because it's well written, has believable characters, and is overall an interesting world concept. Not your standard status screen template.

But nearly 50 chapters in, and I'm not hooked. I'm never like, "oh sweet new magic smithing chapter". It's like we're still in the introduction/build up, and these aren't short chapters!

We're approaching an introduction to the main world now (not just the hometown), but I can't help but think the pacing to get here has been way too slow.

Rikimaru
Overall

World Building and Characters need work

Reviewed at: Ch: 39

LITRPG settings should not have a village where a 15 year old girl is able to grind to be unmatched.

Nor should almost everyone be quite lazy and stuck in their ways. There should be exploration and motivation. Doesn't need to be huge, but the MC doesn't actually have a cheat beyond being super motivated. Motivation shouldn't be uncommon in a society where literally just picking some hobby to do a lot of makes you super good at.

Dark Jester
Overall

Good but lacks direction

Reviewed at: Ch: 39

This was an enjoyable book at the start, but as chapters went on it began to feel more and more hollow. The world feels generally a bit thin and so do the characters.

My bigger issue is that it feels directionless. The MC continues to become more and more powerful, but I still don't really know what her goals are. Beyond becoming the most powerful little munchkin in all the lands I couldnt tell you what she really wants.

spoilers ahead

To that point it feels like the author keeps on adding skills just so that she can learn them. The issue with this is that I don't really understand why no-one else does what she is doing. The system is designed in such a way that abusing it is pretty easy. Even if other the MC is taking the skill abuse to an extreme level I don't understand why no one else does what she does.

it was established early on that most kids apprentice for their future job at ten years old and only learn skills relevant to their jobs. If society in this world grew up with the system it would make a lot more sense for people to do similar to what the MC is doing. Her strategy isnt particuarly hard, nor is it a secret or hidden technique.