Rise of the Archon

by Havoc1021

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Fantasy High Fantasy Magic Male Lead Martial Arts School Life Strong Lead Xianxia

In the Kingdom of Ferris, Mages are not born but made. Through might of magic and arms, Ferris has grown to become the most powerful nation in the known world. In this kingdom, a young boy named Vayne was selected as a child and trained to become an advisor to a noble family. His life was set, he would live and likely die as a glorified servant for those who would use and replace him with little remorse or concern.

However, when a vision reveals that Vayne is destined to become an incredibly powerful mage, only to die before 30 in service to his country, he finds himself at a crossroads. Will he follow this path and die in servitude? Will he see his life cut short battling foes for another? Or will he forge himself into the greatest mage the world has ever seen? 


Feel free to leave any comments, criticism, reviews and so on and I'll do my best to address them. No need to worry about hurting my feelings, I survived Xbox 360 lobbies I can survive harsh criticism. 

Xianxia-inspired progression fantasy novel, where the primary focus is on watching the MC grow and develop as a person and mage. As a note, it will be a slow process, not an insta-expert situation. 

Release schedule is MWF

Thanks, and hope you enjoy!

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Havoc1021

Havoc1021

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uictoriam4
  • Overall Score

All in all,It is an average story by the standards here in RR and read it if you have nothing else to read or want to read an academy story of a cliched OP mage

The author's grammar is fine but the story is a little disjointed,and so very cliched. The magic system is mostly eastern style(xianxia with cores and channels and so on with little variations) but our teenage MC has little in the way of emotions and most of the story as of now has been training and studying and rinse repeat . Personally I think author was unable to decide on how to portray the character and so we have a kinda xianxia MC written by a western author. The tone of the story also changes very rapidly in the first few chapters and the change in MC's personality and ambitions that happen almost spotaneously are a bit unrealistic. At times there is also too much exposition and little in the way of proper human interactions. There are a few sketchy concepts such as seeing the probable future of your life at the time of awakening but being able to change it. What does that even mean? The author doesn't explores it even a bit and uses it as very bad plot device.

 

Spoiler: Spoiler

 

Eamond
  • Overall Score

its okay, but room for improvement

Reviewed at: Chapter 22: A New Friend

this is essentially a dime a dozen "magic academy" story that hasn't has enough time to differentiate itself from the rest of the pack, except in a few negative ways.

our protagonist realizes with the assistance of a magic induced LSD trip that he's  essantially slave labour for a powerful noble family, and even that if he achieves his wildest dreams he won't be able to escape dying early in the service of those more powerful than himself. enter his introduction to a master mind mage during his first day of school who offers to take him uner his wing and hide his absurd power level......who the MC is never suspicious of once despite having recently pecome uber paranoid about anyone with more power than him.

but okay, that's the intro and the Master needed introduced anyways, fuck it let's continue. our young future-badass enters the library(run by the even stronger mind mage mother of previous master guy) and after a blatant and  thoroughly done Mind Rape in front of the entire school,is given recipes for cheap and effective body stengthening techniques that even the most basic mage can afford........ which nobody else has access too? in the state run school.........run by people loyal to te kingdom to raise its magic soldiers......with the scions of powerful noble families there who should have presumably access to superior funds or knowledge given the medievel setting. but never are we told whether he's the lone student  with access to these formulae or why they aren't basically provided to all entry students since this school is training either nobles who would demand such things, or commoner mages who would serve in the kings armies.

but fuck it, maybe the MC will get a glimpse into other peoples training regimens later as the book goes on and we'll get that info.....so what happens next? well he stumbles into wizard Superman/leonardo davinci's hidden batcave that only opens for those with a love for kittens and a specific elemental mana.

and now i really need to clarify this...... *HE IS SEVEN FUCKING DAYS INTO THE FIRST SCHOOL YEAR*!!!!!!!!!!!!!


there's a reason that  JK Rowling didn't give ahrry potter access to his parents six fucktillion pounds(lb not british)  of gold in book one.

Eragon had to learn to read and wait three books for a riders sword.

these specific plot points happening aren't bad in and of themselves, but unless he's about to be kicked from the school in three days time, this is like cramming six seasons of dragonballZ powerups into a single episode. for the love of god, space this shit out. he needs the three alchemy powerups to toughen his body to survive the atherial mana.....fine, when will a sinle teacher or student ask for his mana type, or ask how he's not dead the first time he casts a spell. why bother setting any of that up if he finds the super tempering cave 6 days later and it easily surpasses all of his previous gains in a single sitting and gains the ability to instantly teleport there as long as he's within the city?? it makes everything that came before utterly irrelevant.

and in terms of pacing my god....he hasn't had a single class yet where he's attempted to cast a spell.....so none of these powerups feel like they're acheiving anything...... if he doesn't cast, him improving his casting ability is pointless. 

what are you going to do when the story advances? there's two other batcaves hidden on the continent, is each "cultivation array" in them going to be increasingly well made and thus provide more progression?? the rate of absurd powerups is going to be utterly unsustainable and unbelievable. fuck fighting an army at 30, he'll be tea-bagging gods by the time he's 21. 

Casius
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Rise of Archon has great potential. It just needs to go more in detail with the characters. Like, Vayne he's a very powerful mage but he doesn't have any morals. He doesn't have any old grudges, he doesn't have a very defined backstory as of yet. Overall this story has great potential but needs the spark of insight to make the characters more appealing to the readers.

Avery Light
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Solid foundation of a story here but I have to point out a few things.

The spacing! I know RR can wreck your doc format but the "double enter" hindered my reading experience somewhat. You know, just saying for myself here... don't know if anyone else agrees.

The exposition! Too much worldbuilding and info-giving in the beginning of the story. The author have a plan for his story and the world he makes, the system, and the plot. But some trimming of the info would make wonders.

Other than that, it's cool. The story setting is good and the twist about his mentor gave me a pleasant surprise.

I'm eager to see how Archon Vayne rises. Good work author.

Zarfas
  • Overall Score

A very interesting magic system and world building. An interesting enough MC but other characters could do with more fleshing out. Grammar and spelling are well above average for RR. If this is a first draft I'll look forward to buying the book later. 

Andrew Robinson
  • Overall Score

So far this is a really good start to the story. The writing is good and the setting, as much of we've seen of it is pretty interesting. 

At this point my only concern is the pace of the story. I know a lot of ground work has been set but as I write this we're 22 chapters in and just past the 1st day of classes in the Academy.

Hopefully Havoc1021 will manage to shift up the speed of time progression whilst retaining the quality. If not we may end up with a really good magic slice of life story which unfortunately never  gets past the very start of our Archon's rise. 

Having said that it's still 100% worth the read as it stands.

Neishen
  • Overall Score

Protagonist has clear goals so it's easy to follow his rationale and progress.

lockethegoon
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This review is through "Chapter 11: The First Steps."  This story is very, very good so far.  There are no problems with grammar, the MC is interesting and seems human (meaning they feel like a real person with real motivations).

If this story does not get caught in the bog that most well begun stories do it could be something great.  (By bog, I mean after the setup a lot of stories on this site bog down in leveling, training, etc... basically telling the "and then another thing happened" story.)  I look forward to reading more of this story and finding out where it goes!  Thank you for writing!

Userunfriendly
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Simply EXCELLENT. You will love this novel. Read it nau!

Reviewed at: Chapter 18: Miserable Work

Intricately crafted, intelligent and a protagonist who actually uses his brains, intriguing plots happening around him SIMULTANEOUSLY with the main plot.  Cultivation based magic system.  Realistic political system based on almost a monopoly on magicians, an intriguing system of patronage designed to let the powers-that-be exploit the talented. 

Just read it, if you like intelligent characters using their heads for more than hanging their hats, you will enjoy this immensely.    I recommend, read nau!

nymax
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Grammar is good, but the flow is fantastic. The flow of the story is something I have rarely seen on RR. It goes from A to B without leaving some or any questions unanswered. I didn't find many or any big logical loopholes. Most of the stuff I found was either personnel or a point of view. 

 

What I find phenomenal is the balancing between strong and weak. A weak mage might live longer, while a very strong one might die early. A very good aspect. I hope that the MC doesn't have a too easy time overcoming that. 

 

I liked the world-building, but I missed a lot on this front. The kingdom is explained well, but close to nothing about other kingdoms, other continents, what was before the founders came. Not even something propaganda-like. 

From my point, the characters are good believable and nice. Not phenomenal but better than the vast majority on RR. 

 

All in all, I hope that the author is going to continue and not drop this novel midway.

 

Best of luck,

nymax