Unbridled: A King in the Clouds

by ManeReader

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Drama Fantasy GameLit High Fantasy Magic Male Lead Ruling Class Strategy
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

In Goldfrucht, to have a title was to be. It was your very right to live. A child born without a title was swiftly abandoned to the wilds. Whether they lived or died, mattered not. Some didn’t even consider them human, the law barely recognized them as such. As a child, Kaizer believed it was his lot in life to forever remain an outcast, scraping by with the dregs of society. As driven as he was, he’d never be able to escape that fate. 

Kaizer wasn’t who he thought he was however. He wasn’t who anyone thought he was. His ‘fate’ laid far higher than he knew.

Schedule: Tuesdays and Fridays. 


Extra Tags:  Adventurers, Age Progression, Aristocracy, Business Management, Cautious Protagonist, Hard-Working Protagonist, Intrigue, Kingdom Building, Kingdoms, Leadership, Magic, Magical Technology, Manipulative Characters, Mercenaries, Multiple Races, Royalty, Secrets, Strategist, Thieves, Wars


The Unbridled series is a collection of stories written by ManeReader that feature LitRPG elements. They are not connected to each other in any other way unless otherwise stated.  

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ManeReader

ManeReader

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authorwriterbard
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Action Start with mysteries about magic

Reviewed at: Chapter 1.5: Kaizer

The boook starts off with a good dose of action, a thrilling rooftop chase and an entry into the underworld of this game.

I really like the juxtaposition of those with innate abilites vs those without. It's a really gripping conflict to read and gives you reason to root for the MC.

 

Style: the style is good, this author has a grasp of his craft.

Grammar: a few things to work on, nothing jarring or immersion breaking.

Story: I love underdog stories, so a 5/5 for me.

Character: Some people have said the MC doesn't have agency, but I feel more like he is having his agency taken away from him by external forces, not that he doesn't have it. Which makes you root for him more.

Overall, 5/5. Reccommend.

thecresthasntfallen
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The prologue is fantastic. It really gripped me and got me curious for where the story would go. The first 4 chapters focus a lot on action instead of the deeper story but once nobility got involved it got better.

I really like all the side character so far they have such fun personalities and interactions. The dialogue is really good. I wish Sister Jen got more screen time the interlude at chapter 9 is really nice.

Style and grammar are good but English is my second langauge so I'm a bad judge.

ManeReader is always looking to get better so the story gets better with each chapter!

Kurast
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Action packed fic with potent MC

Reviewed at: Quick Poll

Interesting story with a powerful main character. Contains a lot of action-packed scenes that many will enjoy.

Style
It's good overall. Dialogues are interesting and well written for the most part. But, details on the world and locations within it are scarce at times.

Story
There are a lot of interesting fantasy concepts going on in this fiction, though a bit more exposition at the start would likely help the reader understand the setting more.

Action seems to be a focal point for the author, and this isn't a bad thing. Expect a lot of well-written action scenes that highlight the capabilities of the main character nicely.

In terms of plot, I think the prologue is great, so while what's up so far hasn't really expounded upon that yet, I'm hopeful that in time, it will.

Characters
The main character, Kaiz, seems to be a bit overpowered (in my opinion). He is 13 years old, man-sized, highly intelligent, very knowledgeable, highly skilled, and has an extraordinary ability despite being a 'Tanlar', or manaless individual (which the synopsis tells us (sort of) is bad news).
I'm not exactly against any of these points, but, with the MC having been in an orphanage until he was 9, the knowledge and skill he possesses seem a bit much. More background information as to how this came to be, would certainly help.
I'd also say he doesn't sound like a 13-year-old, but this is highly subjective.

Other characters seem fine, though they do occasionally seem to take a backseat in terms of importance and or capability during certain scenes. This is only a minor issue at most.

Grammar
All around good, with a few small mistakes but nothing particularly glaring, bar one exception.
The author intentionally uses 'they' to refer to certain individuals, even when their gender is known. This leads to confusing scenes where the 'they' is absolutely ambiguous. As an example: Is the MC fighting a group of people, a single person, or is the 'they' him and his allies? I think using gender pronouns, or descriptive terms would be preferable. E.g. "The assailant.", "The foe.", etc.

Overall
It's full of detailed action that will appeal to many. If you like your main characters to be powerful and the type that stands out above others, you'll almost certainly enjoy this.






StarFighter
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An action-centered story that's getting better

Reviewed at: Chapter 7: Caution and Ambitions

 

Preface: I originally rated this at 3 stars, but the author has been constantly improving and tweaking and smoothing out the bugs, and that trend looks to be working well. It's not perfect, but it is getting there. 4.0

Overall, this story hooked me based on the cool ideas about magical combat, and the MC fighting an uphill battle against people with better natural abilities via the use of enhanced magical tech. It's cool, and put a smile on my face. Some of the pronoun use was weird, but is getting sorted out (and I got used to it, there is / was a reason). Overall it is well written. The POV jumps around a bit (3rd person omniscient) but that's fine, it was never jarring. I wish there was a little more background info on the setting / history of this world. Some more is being worked in as we speak in a careful manner (not info-dumpy). So, style = 4/5.

Grammar is overall good. For something written relatively quickly, this is better than most. 4.5/5.

The story had some interesting foreshadowing in the beginning, and it alludes to the MC being a unique sort of breed. The problem was, I didn't quite find him engaging enough (thus, character = 3/5). He has some redeeming qualities, but not too much agency yet.

I love action plots, and this one has that in spades. Most of the 1 on 1 combat mechanics are well thought out. If anything, there's a bit too much (weird for me to say, considering I write stories filled with epic space battles for multiple chapters in a row!). The early plot seems to lack a progression towards a known goal / objective. Now I think this is getting cleared up...there have been a few added chapters to provide some more characterization and relationships, and I think a bit more about plot objectives. The near term plot is fine, but the promise of the whole story is somewhat lacking. It's a work in progress, but I think it has the potential to get there. As this story is still relatively young, I think it deserves a look. Story gets 3/5 plus an extra 1/2 for the extra bits being worked in. 

Also, the author is very responsive to input and can / does listen to suggestions. It is clear to me that this is a much improved story already vs. what it was a few weeks ago. I do not doubt the author's ability to pull this off. I would consider this a good first draft...actually more like draft 1.5. Keep it up!

TheWillThatWont
  • Overall Score

If this is anything like his other story its gonna be great 

He better finish it this time <.<

Morgan Cole
  • Overall Score

Well written and interesting. Worth a read!

Reviewed at: Chapter ??: More Detail!

The way this story starts gave me a very familiar feeling. It felt like the beginning of Brandon Sanderson's Mistborn, a bit. That's a compliment!

The author's style is a bit strange. There are mentions of levels, and titles and magic powers, runes, enchantments, magic items, all of it. But we don't get to see any of it. It's that style of world building where you must get everything from context. Here, that mostly works. 

The action is decent, but a bit hard to follow sometimes. The very first fight with the Nightwatcher was the roughest. 

The characters are interesting, although I'm still not certain what to make of the MC Kaiz. He's thirteen? I'd never know. 

Grammar, spelling, typos, etc: Quite clean. There are errors but they aren't common and aren't egregrious. 

VitorF
  • Overall Score

A good story so far, still early but i am realy liking the main character and the world makes me curious.

My only complaint is the usage of their instead of he, but that seems to be the authors style to refer characters that the MC doesn't know name of.

 

circa1982
  • Overall Score

I like you're writing! Don't let negative comments get you down!

whoatherecowboy
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I'll say it upfront I'm a sucker for age progression and weak to strong novels. The slow build up from annoying brat to competent adult is my shit! Not enough novels do it tho :(

Its early but I like how this started. Kaizer, or Kaiz (why the different names?), is really interesting. He's seems kinda OP sometime .But then there was that time Josslyn almost killed him with a hug :'D I REALLY want to know more about her party. They seem badass. Can't wait for more!

JoshsReadingList
  • Overall Score

Its not the best thing I've ever read but this is me first review so Ill be nice