Ragna: A young girl's failure to become a hero
by YAK Edge
- Traumatising content
Family, love, a promising military career - Ragna Griffin's life was perfect. Well, it was, but when her kingdom brands her a terrorist, it all falls apart. Caught in the center of a conspiracy, she's forced to flee.
Thus, Ragna sets off on a journey to clear her name. Unfortunately, she'll soon realize the cruel and brutal reality of the real world. Each day, her mind and convictions drift closer to their limits.
In the end, will she persevere or break?
- Overall Score
- Style Score
- Story Score
- Grammar Score
- Character Score
- Total Views :
- Average Views :
- Followers :
- Favorites :
- Ratings :
- Pages :
Leave a review
Overall Score: 4/5 The start pulls you in with a bit of action that demonstrates Ragna’s ability to fight with a sword and her gravity glove (neat idea btw). We move on to meet a pretty obvious rival and potential love interest as Ragna prepares for a celebration that will end in tragedy. By the end of chapter 9 the story has been set up (and so has Ragna) for a good bit of revenge. The antagonist (who may have been prematurely identified) is now clearly obvious and I am ready for Ragna to give him a good ass kicking. Oh, and killing him would be nice too, just saying, he deserves it.
Style Score: 4/5 The writer does a lot of heavy telling when I wish she would slow down and give more details by showing, particularly with fight scenes, where a lot of tension and action is muted behind narrative. Dialogue as well, sometimes feels more scripted than natural, particularly for the antagonist.
The biggest struggle here was that when the story slowed down, the writer focused on a parade that in the grand scheme of things didn’t matter, rather than the two ML’s so far that were watching the parade. Character’s are what readers want to connect to, not random events that won’t matter a few chapters later. And the parade was the only time the story slowed down really, other than the princess speech, after which the action picked up and we had no time for character development or dialogue.
Story Score: 4/5 If I had one complaint, overall, it would be that the story felt plotted. Things that might reasonably happen did not happen or vise versa in order for the plot to go where it needed to go. Example. Ragna, who relies on her gravity glove for fighting, doesn’t bring it with her to protect the princess because…she made a mistake and forgot it? Also, everyone buys the fact that a simple student whose been friends with Princess Arua all her life and who lost her parents to the Viax (the enemies in this story) suddenly joined forces with the Viax to try and kill Arua. Same for her friend Sven, who lost both his parents, but is labeled a traitor. Obviously this is the work of the antagonist but as of chapter 9, people just ate it up without hesitation. This is a plot “forced misunderstanding” I’ve seen before and have never liked. But that’s just my preference.
Grammar Score: 3.5/5 There were quite a few misused words. Some sentence fragments. There were also a few sentences that just needed to be rewritten as I found myself stopping to mentally edit them to make sense. And a little bit of tense fluctuation. Most of which I pointed out in my comments. Overall the story still feels like its in rough draft state so I’m sure a lot of these problems will go away once some editing and a bit of rewriting have polished the story up.
Character Score: 4/5 Personality-wise, I feel like we’re still getting to know Ragna, even seven chapters in. I can’t decide if she’s motivated to become a Valkyrie to protect, get revenge, or just achieve stardom because her interests seem to bounce around constantly. Also, when she connects to people, even her close friends—she feels distant from them in a way that is puzzling.
Sven is a strong supporting character that I want to ship with Ragna, but ultimately, I realize he’s a character created to serve a purpose. He was a little to “good” which made his fate all the more disappointing. Also, his love declaration, when we’d only been told he had a crush on Ragna, not shown, felt heavily narrated/plotted. Still, he was my favorite character over all.
Altera seems like a b*tch who resents Ragna’s background, her closeness to Sven, and possibly also her close ties to the princess. We’ll have to see what role she takes after this attack. She might be snobbish but is she loyal?
Arua seems like the typical princess who grew up with expectations and responsibilities but also seems to have a lovable side when around her friends, i.e. sitting in Ragna’s lap. I expect her personality will come out and even change after her country has been invaded.
Personality wise, they all need a bit more development—which I expect we’ll get as the story progresses. The fact that the story feels plot driven rather than character driven is probably why they’re personalities have taken a back seat to the events around them.
Physical descriptions were scattered for the two main characters. Sven and Ragna. While the side characters seemed to get more attention. I know Ragna has blue eyes but nothing else and I’m struggling to remember if Sven was described, other than being muscular at one point.
A great start to a unique world. The setting is an impressive combination of Norse mythology and high-tech warfare. The titular character is likable but I found the other characters only so-so (not bad but not very interesting). The lore was well-done but the overall story didn't really grab me as well as I was hoping. Still though, it's a well-written novel that has many good things going for it. Recommended!
I like the concept of this story quite a bit. I like that it has sci-fi elements like the mecha and vr training. I also like that the mc uses a sword, at least as far as I've seen her while she's fighting.
Unfortunately there is a pretty big problem with the grammar. I don't really have problems with run-on sentences, of which there are quite a few. My main problem is with the wording. There are several words that were used that either don't belong there or are very rarely used in that situation. An example would be the use of 'slugging' as a term for moving forward in chapter 1. For the most part I could figure out what was being conveyed but it does detract from the experience.
So far the characters aren't fleshed out so much but that's to be expected, it's still pretty early in the story.
Comecei a ler com uma idéia ... e acabei terminando os primeiros capítulos com uma idéia completamente diferente! Gostei da premissa, acho que o personagem ficará muito "quebrado" durante a história e terá um desenvolvimento consistente ... é difícil, de certa forma, não gostar dela, por causa de sua visão de mundo.
Fora isso, outro ponto que quero enfatizar é a construção do mundo, muito bem feita e instigante.
I'll be honest. It's a slow start after an action packed scene but it does very well to build up a world and its characters.
Specifically Ragna here is pretty cocky and sure of her future only to find things in a very unexpected turn. There is build up of her life and views of her surroundings, as well as her attitudes. I expect further chapters will show development of her character as she goes past her comfort zone now that circumstances forces her out of it.
Good work overall. Readers will find it interesting.
This story heavily focuses on the topic and philosophy of war. Uniquely themed over different mythologies, this is a futuristic yet supernatural setting with both advanced tech like virtual reality and fantasy powers like defying gravity or teleportation. Definitely catches the eye for a large number of readers.
We follow the story through the eyes of Ragna, an ambition filled girl with an idealistic hope for complete peace and serenity. She is willing to do everything to protect her people and despises any sentient being evil enough to harm others. Quite a naive mindset, given the world's history and even when considering her father being one of the highest ranked military officials, but interesting nonetheless.
When destiny is not so kind and she finds herself facing the charge of treason, Ragna will journey through and thorough in an attempt to clear her name and restore the thing she's lost, all the while facing the cruel selfishness of humans she thrives to protect...probably.
There are no visible issues with prose or grammar. They are descriptive and concise enough to hook a reader. The few or so typos are corrected without delay when mentioned.
Characters are well written, but it is the mc that stands out the most amongst them (obvious much?). Flawed and slightly hot blooded, it will be interesting to see how she changes for the good while keeping her purity and innocence.
People who love conspiracies, politics, and war, in general, will certainly find it up to their alley.
It's always nice when form matches function. Military prose for a military protagonist. The sparse but necessary quality of the writing makes the strange combination of genres and influences meld naturally before the reader has realizes how strange it all is. Looking forward to this one.
This was a pleasant surprise even if magic (urban fantasy) is not my thing. It made me though of Shadowrun but with a Nordic vibe.
Style - I loved fast-paced action-driven story and world-building. Those two barely mix together well in webnovels as it requires a good sense of balance. Here, the alchemy works without affecting the general pace. Each portion has its time to shine when they don’t share the spotlight. It wasn’t an easy task as the story mixes sci-fi and mythologic elements which could be VERY confusing. That wasn’t the case for Ragna even if the description can be quite heavy. I also liked the omnipresent humor.
Grammar – It is well-written and has been polished over time.
Characters – One of the strengths of this story is how well-done the characters are. Some of them could seem “dephased” in comparison of the world but I think it added some flavors. This was anarchic and, judging by the book cover, I think what’s not out of place here. Ragna is quite a typical strong and smart character but I think she can evolve past that and become more vulnerable. Luckily, her companion, Sven, brought balance. It's still pretty classic but effective.
Story – We got action straight at the begining. We got interesting characters and we got a nice word where the author put a lot of efforts. What about the plot? A thriller involving a conspiracy and the life of a powerfull and promising person falling apart. That’s intriguing enough considering the setup, an urban fantasy world.
The overall pacing of the story is great with a good balance of showing vs telling. The big action scene so far was well done, keeping the fight moving while not overdescribing anything in particular. The worldbuilding is being done at a good pace as well. I'm experiencing it as the story unfolds, rather than a big history dump.
Sentence structure is well done throughout. No glaring mistakes that draw me out of the reading or cause confusion. A few minor things here and there, but nothing that really takes away from the story.
The story so far is well crafted. The world has a good mix of modern and magical elements. These first few chapters do a good job of letting the events show the world and characters. The beginning had a nice hook of action, which then eased me into the rest of the story. Not too many new fantasy terms that I have to figure out what they are or remember.
The characters are portrayed well enough, though a little cliche at times. A few of the first character interactions, espeically Sven, for me had that moment where I thought "Oh, one of those type of characters" leaving me with just a touch of bordom toward him.
„Ragna: A young girl's failure to become a hero“ is a riveting action story about a young girl named, well... Ragna, who is living in what appears to be a fairly advanced kingdom, serves a diligent military career as she has high aspirations to become a so-called ‚Valkyrie‘ who are extremely high-status military officers with special abilities. However [plot events] happen and she is branded as a traitor and terrorist. Forced to go on the run, she then sets off to restore her reputation.
As you can probably tell, the story has strong nordic tones, especially regarding the naming of people and things as well the entire runic system that comes into play later on. I appreciated that the author took to the time to make an index and a glossary at the start of the story for future back-referencing, as I am one to get confused easily.
I found no major spelling errors, it looks like the story has been proof-read fairly extensively. The chapters are long and there are a lot of them.
The worldbuilding is cool, but I also got a little confused about the setting because there are swords, but there are guns, there’s VR, but there’s magic and there are social-media influencers. I mean, it’s cool, but I’m old as dirt so I had a little trouble keeping up haha. But after a while the tone became a little clearer to me, so everything worked out fine in the end.
I definitely enjoy the characters and how they play off of each other. There are a lot of cute little mini-interactions, especially with the side-characters who still manage to remain interesting despite little screen time.
All in all, I’d say to give this story a fair short, especially if you’re looking for a wild ride! =)