Ragna: A young girl's failure to become a hero
by YAK Edge
- Traumatising content
Family, love, a promising military career - Ragna Griffin's life was perfect. Well, it was, but when her kingdom brands her a terrorist, it all falls apart. Caught in the center of a conspiracy, she's forced to flee.
Thus, Ragna sets off on a journey to clear her name. Unfortunately, she'll soon realize the cruel and brutal reality of the real world. Each day, her mind and convictions drift closer to their limits.
In the end, will she persevere or break?
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This story presents an interesting futuristic (and possibly militaristic?) world. I think there's magic too since people can teleport. Overall, reading was enjoyable, the descriptions are very lively.
Style: This in my opinion is the major problem with the story. I ended up being confused for the entire section that I read. The setting is very creative, but you should first concentrate on conveying the setting in as easily understandable a way as possible. I know you don't want to do an info-dump, but I think an info-dump would be preferable to the confusion I had. There are transitions to new scenes and no explanation as to when it takes place in relation to where you just were. - This bit, in particular, is easily fixable, just make sure at the start of each scene to quickly explain how long it's been since the last one when it isn't obvious.
Grammar: This needs an edit. It conveys the message, but the reader needs to work to move around commas (there are lots of unnecessary commas) or fill in words that aren't there.
Story: The story itself is quite good. There's betrayal, death, love, and loss all in the first arc.
Characters: I liked the characters. Ragna, although not entirely likable, is relatable and interesting. The side characters do what they have to do. For the length of the review, there was really only enough time to showcase one character so I can't fault the story for not having fully fleshed out side characters at this point.
Altogether, I think this story has potential if it can fix the style problems I saw and the author does an editing pass. If you can get past a bit of bad grammar, I think you'll enjoy reading this.
I quite enjoyed this story for what it is: an adventurous story about a young military official who is fighting to save her name after a terrible crime was framed upon her.
This author clearly has spent hours upon hours building up this lore, and it shows clearly while going through the first few chapters. That being said, I agree with a few reviewers below that the lore is, indeed, kind of just shoved in your face.
This author has well-crafted prose, though, and despite a few typos and confusing paragraphs, I found myself enjoying the story. Once the author goes through and fixes these more than awkward scenarios, I can go back and up the grammar and story score! That was the biggest downfall to this story, and I know I fall victim to this too as a writer. Often times, our first drafts are full of paragraphs that are overly complex or vague because we, as authors, worry about foreshadowing too blatantly, or accidentally spoiling something that will happen later on. I have found, though, that making a second draft early on really helped me fix those paragraphs. I suggest the same to you, Yak.
I loved the glossary Yak had included in the beginning of the story, it really made the plot and environment feel fleshed out. I did not mark down the story score because of a lack of lore, but more so a lore overload in the beginning chapters. I'd suggest, if you do make a second draft, to go back and scatter this world-building more naturally throughout the story so the reader isn't overwhelmed.
All in all, for a first draft this is an amazing start. I think, after a little rewording and editing, this story will take over the site and become a loved story about a woman clearing her name. Good job, Yak, and I'll be following this story.
Ever heard of the worldbuilding technique Iceberg Theory?
Ragna basically says the Iceberg Theory can go jump in a lake and melt in the summer sun. Like now.
Everything regarding worldbuilding is shoved at your face.
If you are a fan of intricate and detailed down to the minutiae worldbuilding, Ragna is made for you. You could choose to stay just for the worldbuilding.
There's two glossaries, for goodness sake and a glossary often included at the end of the chapter!
But it is no fun to scroll down every time you're unfamiliar with a term. Or even read it after the fact. So lower style score for me.
Not to mention that the amount of terms exclusive to the world building in this story can be an overwhelming. Some things can still be unclear contextually.
Basically, I've written so many paragraphs on this one aspect that you can see how over the top it is.
Ok fine, some of the book, band, and song names are fun, especially with a detailed description in the after chapter glossary.
I do enjoy the viking lore and modern tech combo. It makes for some very clever set ups.
But still, it's too much.
Gah! Need to move onto the characters and plot.
Ragna is naive. Her sense of morality is understandable, but wouldn't work in reality. The population would be decimated!
Her reaction to several horrific events wasn't fleshed out enough. Like someone dies and at the time she freaks out but a chapter later she's kind of...over it? Nope for me.
But overall, we know she's going to have to acclimate her perspective to her world's reality which draws you in.
Sven is a sweet boyfriend. He's not immature, and he really wants the best for Ragna. His conversations with Ragna's dad tickled my funny bone. Gosh those were some hilarious lines.
Ragna's dad is a tad stereotypical, but he's still wonderful. Again he's got that humor. Like charging his daughter interest on a money loan! Plus there is the whole development later on. Mmmhmm.
The princess knows how to be prim and proper and a vision of loveliness, and she's also got an uncouth side that just fleshed her out beyond the perfect princess.
That's all for now.
I applaud the author for putting so much thought into the story that is being crafted. Just...yeah.
Either you'll swim through the worldbuilding and love it, or drown and leave.
Ragna's set up for character growth and even a coming of age into what the world is really like.
The plots between factions and kingdoms exists, but refer to above worldbuilding.
Two things struck me straight away with this story: that it's a really thoroughly-planned piece of work, and that it's got a strong writing style.
I enjoyed the fact that among the unfolding action, Ragna has a distinctly contemplative air. The character herself has a tendency to raise philisophical issues that are quite poignant in the context of the novel. I think in some places, the chapters could benefit from following a traditional narrative arc more closely, as occasionally the start of chapters felt like they started mid-scene - but that's something that I think comes down a lot to personal preference.
I can't really fault the grammar. There may be an error here or there but overall it seems like a thoroughly edited piece of work to me.
I'm definitely enjoying the story so far. Ragna has a lot of worldbuilding and it feels like we are introduced to a very complete world, even if we only see parts of it. I like the take on the military we're introduced to; it feels unique to me.
Ragna is a really strong character. She has a tendency to be rash, or thoughtless but an equal tendency to stop and revise her opinions on something. She's definitely an interesting protagonist to follow. I don't find her completely likeable at all times, but I also think can be the mark of a solid, realistic character and I enjoy her flaws.
I definitely think Ragna is worth taking a look at. Really well done!
Please note that this is an edited review.
So, after Chapter 3 I was a little confused. I'm not going to lie, it showed in the review (the one I'm editing right now, that is).
But dang. YAK Edge clearly knows what he's doing with this! The characters are interesting and fleshed-out, and although they seem to take back-stage to the overall plotline in terms of priority, their attitudes and actions remain consistent with their personalities.
I think my favorite character is the MC, with least favorite being her Valkyrie buddy. She seems to be obsessed with doing the right thing (albeit with a substantial amount of bloodthirsty), while her friend seems to dislike her to the point of sabotaging her training program.
The fighting is well-done, with quite a bit of honestly anime-like sequences that flow well together.
My favorite moment was definitely when MC's family was just sitting outside the pizzeria, chatting about whatever and just dealing with life. Their characters really showed well during that.
The synopsis is well-designed, clearly stating the overall plotline without revealing too much, although the picture doesn't accurately depict any of the depth, range, and size of the world created here.
Have a good read!
I absolutely adore the worldbuilding within Ragna's story- it's like urban fantasy taken to the next level. It's a wonderful mix of myth and sci-fi. Even the magic itself feels scientific and logical. It takes away the possible mystery and wonder, and leaves behind something cold. It fits its Nordic influence, I suppose.
The style is a consistent third person, and is meant to be omniscient. I don't always love omniscient narration, but it fits the mythological feel of the story. There are very few grammatical mistakes, and it definitely does not take away from my enjoyment of the story. The description is verbose, but not overly so. It's rich. Good work with that!
I think Ragna, the titular main character is the best part of this webnovel. She's consistent and strong, and it's always wonderful to follow her. Great work!
(Written as of chapter 12)
Style - The story is well written without any realy deviations from the norm on the reader-side of things.
My only complaint if you can even call it that is that I'm very uncertain of the setting, we are told about the political unrest around the round plantet and we are introduced to a mix of future and past stuff.
Now, it is said in the story that there is a reason people began using swords and magic, that's grand - but I'd like to hear if there are cars, I'm pretty sure social media was mentioned, are the titans robots as suggested in the simulation or are they actual fleshy monsters?
The world building is awesome, I really enjoyed the one chapter dedicated to just terminilogy, it's something I wish more authors did!
Grammar - 5/5, everything is well written.
Characters - while the MC isn't exactly my favourite out there, there are a few characters I genuinely likes, and I'm sure the MC would grow on the reader overtime, since I don't dislike them, really.
Story - The previously mentioned questions about the setting aside the story is great, the pacing is also really good.
The magic system kind of reminds me of Jojo stands, no gonna lie, what with the names and specific abilities, this is absolutely a cool thing.
This is a follow-up on my previous review, aside from adding ,5 stars to the style score my rating is the same as before!
So far the pace of the story is going pretty quickly, not quite a rollercoaster but quick nevertheless, personally I really like this, the move from action scene to some world-building.
I'm glad to see the MC grow a fair amount over the course of their journey to avoid being caught and find her father.
I saw a few mistakes here and there, but it was nothing major, these things are boud to happen and never really took away from the story.
If I didn't convince you before, I'll try and do it again, you should really give this story a try! It's fast-paced, full of both action, loads of world-building unlike any I've seen on royal road and a fair amount of comedy!
Style: Clean and readable. I didn't find myself confused which is exactly what I need when the narrative is action-packed like this one.
Story: Aside from some too convenient coincidences in the first chapter, I found the story to be solid. If you are looking for actions, this book with not leave you wanting.
Grammar: I found a few dashes the should have been em dashes, but nothing deal-breaking.
Character: Ragna is an easily relatable female protagonist. All she wants is to be the best of the best, to set herself up for the rest of her life. Of course, that doesn't happen.
As I read RAGNA, I got immediately pulled in by it's descriptive style of narrating scenes especially the action scenes done in the earliest chapters. The descriptions are phenomenal and the character of the MC Ragna is shown clearly right from the get go. But as I continue reading the story, I found a couple of issues.
The third person descriptive style of the story is well-written. The fight scenes were immersive and you can see the passion of the author in making the fiction. But my first issue is that, the author relies on explaining some things in the comment section when a reader is confused on a specific scene or fact. I get that it will be revealed more in the upcoming chapters but the author should at least leave some hints to better portray it to the readers without getting confused. My second issue is that some dialogues are better to be in thoughts (italics) rather than a narration. At first, it was minimal but I'm starting to notice a couple of sentences better to become mere thoughts.
Not much of an issue here. Some are already corrected by the author given how active the community is in the comment section so 5 stars as of now.
Story: 3.5/5 (edited)
Still at the early phase but I expected more after finishing chapter 16. I mention my issue in the style where the author relies on explaining confusing facts in the comment section and that greatly affects the story. Also, the characters are a big part of this rate. At first, I expected a lot in the development of characters from this story. The way they were introduced made me interested on how they will develop and affect the world especially the MC Ragna. But the turning point arrived (where Ragna got blamed for everything) and...that's it. I read some stories here in RR and I like how a massive character development occured in the MC after the crucial turning point arrived but here, it fell a bit short for me. Of course, I saw how Ragna developed as a character because of that event but her unlikable characteristics (egoistic and cocky) were still there. Well, that might be the defining characteristics of Ragna as a character but I was just expecting more appeal especially because of the fact that this fiction revolves around her. I'm not saying to remove those but I just want more development to see on Ragna. But on the positive side, the chapter where I stopped to review is still at the early phase so there's still a lot of potential for growth not just for Ragna but for the other characters as well.
EDIT: I read ahead and saw some improments in both characters and the story, especially at the MC Ragna. The author focused on her, giving her more depth compared to the previous chapters so I added .5 stars in both categories.
Over all, its a 4 star for me as of now. There are some issues here and there but still has what it takes to be an amazing story here in RoyalRoad if done right in the future chapters.
Almost perfect because your world building is well reserched and had many elements like magic and high tech's, that everybody liked. But in the style you write, to keep it mystery you miss many details about plot (For Eg.: In test The instructor used wings and robot and Ragna use gravity manipulator but suddenly magic was introduced with different types and only MC does not use it till I have read).
Characters are well written and they will be great for future ventures but for present they sometime feel out of palace to me as you again want mysteriousness and missed some points to get them there.
I am no great judge of grammer myself so it was good for me, except some spelling mistakes.
One thing that holds everthing here and that is your plot which is absolutely a gem.