The Green Egg

by zetas

Original ONGOING Adventure Fantasy High Fantasy LitRPG
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

Sam is a simple man with simple wants; mastery of powerful magic and the secrets of the universe.  What's so weird about that?

This is not a grimdark story, though there are instances and chapters of potentially disturbing content.  

Updates flexibly, currently being rewritten.

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zetas

zetas

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Ares1487
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 If you had asked me to rate this story as of Chapter 12 I would have given it a much better score. As it is I'm still not sure if I'm reading a High Fantasy novel with sprinkles of darkness in it, or a grimdark fantasy with a sociopathic main character.

 

Spoilers ahead

 

 

 

 

 

 

So the first 12 chapters are very well executed, great grammar, a neat version of the system, overall the only problem is the lack of a long term goal for the main character, he seems to be just going whereve people tell him to. At chapters 13-15 an Ambush occurs, leading to the death or enslavement and probably rape of all the other characters except for the Main Character and his female sidekick-probably future love interest.

I had to recheck to ensure that I was reading the same story, but it was. I was not yet put off by this, as a bait/switch into a dark/grimdark fantasy story isn't completely out of my wheelhouse, but then chapter 16 comes along, and the main character and his female sidekick are doing just fine. No concerns and just some casual complaining. Apparently no concerns over being chased, and these bandits who had access to the technology to make what seem to be mind control collars in effect, let them go without a care in the world. At this point I had to check the title of the story again, still the same story.

Overall I'm of a mixed opinion on this story, the tonal whiplash obviously has me kind've wary to continue reading. Apparently if things get too lighthearted I need to wait for his friends to all die or something, and him to shrug it off by the next chapter. I'm going to continue reading this story, and I might change my mind in the future, but at this point I don't think I can recommend this book until I know where it is going.

Is this story a twisted grimdark story of pain or high fantasy story of overcoming opposition? I have no idea what the tonal focus of the story is at this point, and I think 16 chapters in, that's the biggest problem.

mightykk
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Choppy flow - Painful to read

Reviewed at: Chapter 16: Waiting is Butthole

Interesting premise, interesting characters, an original world and it's all ruined by the absence of warning the reader when the scene changes, or when a new charater enters the conversation.

I find myself constantly scrolling up 1-2 paragraphs, when I find myself surprised - We're in a forest now? Time has passed? Character X spoke, was he present earlier?

Forget enjoyable, this dosn't make for an acceptable reading experience.

Still - I slogged thru till the latest (chapter 16), because the premise and world are interesting.

The other main problem is that the MC really is a "feather brain". i.e seems to occasionally grab hold of an idiot ball, when the plot requires.

Raph772
  • Overall Score

This is a story with bones but no meat, constantly jumping from one plot point to the next without regards for pacing or properly fleshing out the world that's been created

 

Mynthio
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I really like the way the author implemented the LitRPG aspects into the story and think the overarching plot is promising so far. 

But there are time-skips and not just one or two, almost every chapter has a time-skip between it and the last one sometimes there are even time-skips in the middle of chapters. I understand that the beginning especially the prologue is there to set the stage for the rest of the story, but there is no cohesive whole to the story and all the setting up becomes pointless.

Two examples:

 It would be better if we followed the storyline closely and gained all that through Background stories since then it would at least explain why only the important bits are mentioned.

Honestly, with so little cohesion, I'm not sure I could characterise Sam, because all the little detail that makes a character more than a name are skipped over.

ShadeByTheSea
  • Overall Score

Light hearted story with some political drama that turns dark without warning

Reviewed at: Chapter 13: Val Punches a Bear

If prefer the type of story it was for the first 12 chapters, just stop reading there an remember it foundly. If you like grimdark and tragedy that still tries to play it off as a light hearted MC than continue reading. I for one will not be.

Castif
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This story is just weird. The Party of the MC are literally fighting for their lives and MC just decides to go wandering off for no fucking reason. Later on the lvl 30 mc sees his friends who are 60+ getting 2v1 by another bad guy and decides he's going to help them/experiment with magic even though all he does is cause one of his friends to get seriously injured.

 

If I had to describe MC I would say hes some sort of sheldon cooper/ Abed (community) mix and in all the bad ways

LittleCreepy
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A wonderfully featherbrained idiot

Reviewed at: Chapter 4: Blue Boxes Galore

I like it so far, welcome back to the site.

The story as of Chap 4 is a good introduction to our characters. It feels like a nice DnD campaign with friends, just starting the grand adventure.

Our MC is an inexperienced 15-year-old, who tries to learn as best as he can from the adventurer pair that agreed to take him along for a while. He uses every opportunity to gain experience, can use his head to strategize and is only hold back in that regard due to inexperience and missing information.

Still, he is the featherbrained bookworm, that would run into the evil lair just because he never saw one bevor. Curiosity killed the cat.

I like the world this plays in. The start with the system is unique, as far as I can tell. Good job.

What I am wondering though, if you activate the system this way, are there different versions of it? Are there some better for government or even big gangs? Maybe there are buggy ones? (As of Chap 4, I don’t think this will be addressed, but it had to be said regardless.)

Also, does every species store their mana in different body parts? That would be interesting.

 

Now, to the complaints. I will list a few things I saw, but it is quite good already. They are mostly nit pics and easy to correct.

I know from personal experience that RR can fuck up the spacing of your document. You should go over them again and readjust.

To help readability you should also consider breaking up your paragraphs a bit more. Bevor or after someone said something, to indicate better who speaks. You should also search for grammatical errors again. There are a few left, here and there.

I like how you put in an infodump or two and made it completely in character. Well done. Please don’t do this more often than occasionally though. It is still an infodump and those are, more often than not, hard to read through.

Now to the only real problem I saw: The blue screen of death.

I would recommend upgrading the boxes in earlier chapters, but Chap 4 takes the cake. I don’t know how to handle this any better, but there has to be something that can be done! Don’t worry too much though. This Book doesn’t stand alone in this problem.

pantster
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Style: Nothing wrong here. 

Story: Good mix of seriousness and comedy. The story follows Sam an aspiring scholar. The Litrpg system is nice. The author has been able to explain the system and how magic works without resorting to infodumping.

Grammer : A few typos here and there, nothing you won't find in even the top novels on RR.

Character: This is one of the strong points of the novel. Our MC here is more of a scholar than a  fighter, with endless curiousity. The side characters we've met so far also seem like real people with their own goals and lives that go beyond the MC.

TheHuscarl
  • Overall Score

LitRPG with the main character being a socially, cross that, totally inept librarian type, but one that isn't focused on actual combat, a true scholar ;)

It doesn't have HP (At least in the parts we've seen) so big plus there. 

The characters are very light-hearted/comedic, and that seems to just be the writing style. The story still has creepy slavers and murderous crude bandits etc. that are just as cruel and grim as you can imagine, but the interactions are from the MC's point of view (i don't think that's the reasoning behind it, but it works for my immersion ;) ), so anything social seems almost comedic in the mismatch. I love that part personally. 

Oh, and the side characters/companions are great. 

Ulvlar
  • Overall Score

Good fun a scholar mc who found and eg O_o