The Parallel Timeline: Time Loop Rebel

by Wilberforce

Original ONGOING Action Mystery High Fantasy LitRPG Magic Portal Fantasy / Isekai School Life Strategy Strong Lead

He has the ability to rewind time.

He has the ability to copy other people's skills effortlessly.

His memory is photographic thanks to the library in his head. 

He is also a time looper. 

You won't be wrong if you immediately think someone that has all these decent skills will be invincible. But what if he is transported to a new world where he's no friends at all? What if he is trapped in an academy full of time loopers that want to either steal his soul or fry his mind? What if he has to find a way out of the time loop to survive? Will you still think he's invincible?

Remember, when you play the game of loopers, you either win or die.

***

Blue screens? Yes.

OP MC? Check.

***

This is a time loop mystery inspired by the Mother of Learning.

NB: The first arc before the academy starts slow as the mc finds his way and uncovers the nature of the loop on his own.

***

The cover picture isn't mine. 

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Wilberforce

Wilberforce

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AnthraxRipple
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Time-looping System-Based Isekai.

Reviewed at: Chapter 2 : Again?

An unfortunate milk vendor has been teleported to a strange new world filled with magic and an everpresent system. Oh, and he's stuck in a timeloop. There's a lot going on with this story and these disparate systems slam together to create a nitro-fueled journey through a strange new world.

Where it Excels:

Imaginative Setting: The setting here is really fascinating. It has a distinct culture that is hinted through a myriad of small details, but it still manages to feel surreal and alien. This is especially evident in the earlier chapters where a lot of thought is put into incidental descriptions that reveal volumes.

Inventive Everything: I can honestly say that I've never seen this particular genre cocktail before. All of the disparate parts mesh pretty well. The system is nonstandard and is well integrated into the setting. The timeloop allows the audience to explore the mysteries of the system, and the isekai element allows everything to feel as strange to the main character as it does to the audience.

Critiques:

Redundancy: Time loop stories have more pitfalls than traditional narratives. Several scenes throughout the fiction get repeated wholesale. Unless you are trying to specifically emphasize something, such as the beginning of the loop, it is best to avoid redundant phrases. They don't add any new information and often don't need to be emphasized.

Pacing: As much as I love the setting and premise, the story is too fast paced. Important story events are placed back to back to back, with almost no time for transition. The audience barely has a chance to breathe between events. This also hurts the integrity of the setting and premise as important details are glossed over in a handful of paragraphs. The earlier chapters are better about this, creating a natural ebb and flow of events and smaller scaler revelations.

4th Wall Breaks(Minor): Sentences that begin with "In case you were wondering" or "Well, you see" (outside of dialogue or inner monologue) engage directly with the audience and break the 4th wall. It's best to avoid breaking the 4th wall unless you have very specific reasons to. It only happens a handful of times throughout the story, but it is always incredibly jarring.

Personal Opinion:

There's a lot of complexity here. I love the setting and it's impressive to see so many difficult and disparate ideas integrated so well. It's an engaging world; I just wish the story would slow down enough to appreciate it.

 

parkertallan
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This author clearly has a knack for taking your standard person transported to a new world story and turning it on its head. The MC Gaus is not only likable, but has a good head on his shoulders. His character hadn't been fully fleshed out yet, but we learn enough about him to see his frustration and confusion about the mysterious situation he finds himself in.

And this mysterious situation isn't your usual monster of wizard, but something much more entertaining. I'll not spoil anything, but I guarantee you'll enjoy it.

Although there is much we still don't know about the new world Gaus finds himself in, the small glimpses we've seen so far show great promise.

I must admit the grammar is a little rough in places, but overall the story reads well. In terms of writing style there is much to like. My only quibble would be when the author provides too many details. 

Overall, "Parallel Timeline" is a fun and interesting read. Certainly if you're looking for something a little different, then this story is for you.

TheWitchOfTheRock
  • Overall Score

Starts to pick up around chapter 3. Give it a chance until then.

Reviewed at: Chapter 3 : Time Prison

This story starts off slow, but it's got  some good worldbuilding, and it's easy to read.  I'm curious  to get more details of the world we're in. 

 

My biggest critique is that the author tells too much. Not necessarily description, but potentially telling us things that we would have known, and  affect the flow when put into words. 

 

Still! Good story! Give it a chance, and enjoy the world. I look forward to more details about this strange multiverse. 

Gerald
  • Overall Score

The Grammar is excellent.

The story and style is ok. 

Anyway, the repeatation is irritating. Can you do something about those copy/paste lines every time loop? I can't do more than ch7 anymore. I'm going to be crazy by just reading those copy/paste lines. 

zigman2021
  • Overall Score

What story are you guys reading?

Reviewed at: Chapter 6: Battle Alchemist

What on earth are all these 5 star ratings. You can't be reading the same story.

The grammar is awful, the main character doesn't act naturally, lots of passages are literally copied/pasted which is lazy even when time travel is involved, and the mechanics of the time travel and the world he's in seem arbitrary and odd.

A painful read.

Dark Intelligence
  • Overall Score

Author Destroys His Own Story By Chapter 8

Reviewed at: Chapter 8: XM0911

So up to chapter 8, The MC is stuck in a time loop that restarts at 3 am (every 24 hours the day repeats). MC can rewind time inbetween the loop at the cost of 4mana per second at 300mana total capacity.

 

Now, by around like chapter 5, he discovers he's not in the loop by himself. By chapter 8 a group of time loopers find and hunt him down. And it's noted that he's been found since like chapter 2 and that they've been keeping him on lockdown the entire time.

 

Like... No... just no... This LN involves  Multiverses. MC is in a world that is in holiday that has different universes coming together for a religous event. And of the TRILLIONS  of people in this city, MC runs into a time looper and gets shut down by chapter 8. NOPE, just NOPE. Not possible.

MrBadWithNames
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The Parallel Timeline: Time Loop Rebel is a fun fantasy / time-travel story with elements of mystery and RPG mechanics.

 

Overall - 4.5/5

Overall, I think you should give this story a read, if you ever read the mother of learning here on RR, you might be happy to know that the story has simmilar vibes at times.

 

Style - 5/5, The story is written well, grids are used to display some info and generall keep things readable, my only issue with how the story is written is how something you have to read over a 1:1 copy of something that happened before, but since this is a time-travel story, that's to be expected so I won't dock it any points for that!

 

Grammar - 5/5,

No complains here, the grammar is gread, I haven't seen a single spelling / grammar mistake while reading up to the lastes chapter as of now.

 

Story 4.5/5 - I had a feeling I had a good grasp of the story, though as of the lastest few chapters and some developments relating to the MC's ability, I can't be sure.

Either way, the story is great, I just don't know if we're going for a MC-against-the-world-in-a-time-loop or MC-in-a-magic-academy kinda vibe.

 

Characters - 4.5/5

As usual with time-loop stories, you'll often go over charact interations, it really gets you many chances to see more of some chracters and I really like that about this story.

The MC of this story is definitely unique, he feels like a rational person, you'll see what I mean in the first chapter or two, he's hardly ever the stupid-protaganist who takes forever to figure out his power.

 

In conclusion this story uses time-travel effectively in my opnion, I'm looking forward to some more character development!

Falconking
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A story to look forward to.

Reviewed at: Chapter 4 : Magiwatch

I think this is my lucky week, because, since I caught up with the Mother of learning, I have been searching for stories with time looping element. But had no luck until this week. In this one week itself, I came across two stories with the Time loop element (this being one of them) and am waiting to see how these two stories are going to progress.

 

  1. Grammar and style: The author has a good grasp of the language ( I don't know whether English is his native language or not) and is error-free to my knowledge. And the writing style is also pretty engaging.
  2.  Story Score: The plot is not yet fully developed and hence it will be premature to say anything. Even so, I felt it is quite promising that is why I gave it a 4.5 rating with a margin of error. (will re-write the review once the plot is developed further)
  3.  Character Score: Not many characters have been introduced yet. But the MC is well presented. The 4.5 rating is because of the same reason why I gave a 4.5 rating to the story score, and not because the story or the character is lacking something. (will re-write the review once the plot is developed further)

 

Vowron Prime
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Getting transported to another world seems like it'd be traumatic enough. But getting isekai'd into a groundhog's day? And being given time-rewind powers to boot? That would be downright mind-bending! It's still early days yet, but Wilberforce is doing an excellent job of hooking us into their vivid and interesting world. This definitely reads as a mystery as the protagonist Gaus finds out more about his situation and how to deal with it, and thus far it has been an enjoyable one, filled with suspense, tension and action.

Style

The strongest point about the style is the narration of the time loops. Wilberforce does a great job at keeping the tension high during each timeloop, keeping them just long enough to convey the protagonists' thoughts and confusion, but not so long that we get bored. I think this works very well for this type of story.

Story

It's already shaping up to be something interesting, but we don't quite know where it'll go from here. The possibilities are endless, and I have a feeling the author will take this story in a very compelling direction so I can see this turning into a 5 down the line. As it stands, things are shaping up well, but we'll need a few more chapters to really get into the meat of things.

Grammar

There are some grammar and sentence construction issues, but they weren't significant enough to pull me out of the story. Overall I think you will find that the plot will have you not noticing these issues when they arise. Sentences are generally simple and easy to digest, which works well for this style.

Character

So far the protagonist Gaus comes across as a somewhat down-on-his-luck MC, which I actually really enjoyed. The chapter one hook was incredibly compelling for me. That said, right now we've mostly just seen a (predictably) confused MC who is trying his best to figure things out. There have been a few interpersonal interactions, where the dialogue is good, but the characters haven't had a chance to step into their limelight yet. I'm sure that given time, we'll get to know even the minor characters very intimately given the time-loop nature of the story, and I suspect we'll see Gaus go through some very interesting developments as he acclimatizes to his new environment.

So in summary, I feel that this was a unique and compelling take on the timeloop theme. It's got action, mystery, time-rewind superpowers, and a cool alien world. What's not to like?

Justin K
  • Overall Score

So far, it has a good premise. I wonder what kinds of skills the watch has besides time reversal. I also like how he'll become OP, though I hope the entire story doesn't take place on the same day. Reminds me a little of Re:Zero