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It feels like these things always end with me running away, and me gaining lots of Destiny Points, and usually things ending up burning up in flames.

First it was the convention center where I first reincarnated so many days ago. Then it was the underground fighting circuit where we were pursued by the Persian Mob. Now it’s a winery in Paso Robles where I am drunk and battling middle aged cultists.

So many ridiculous fights. I almost think The Goddess intentionally sent me to Earth for her own amusement, watching me get into situations where I am put into life and death but everyone thinks it’s just this comical romp.

I’m genuinely in great danger right now! I am holding onto Delta and Francis’s hands and dashing forth with great speed.

Also I’m drunk and everything is basically a blur. I am trying extremely hard right now not to burst into a fit of laughter, because this is certainly not the time for funny moments. This is serious business!

But...

Butt. I said butt.

Serious buttness.

I forget the point I was going on and I think it may be pointless to really think about it anymore. Wine does some interestingly terrible things to me when consumed in great excess.

This almost reminds me of the time I whooped Borguk’s ass in a drinking tournament and then went on to bar-hop across a small town known as Uchiha Statewood. I wrecked more stuff than I could ever really conceive of.

I shouldn’t wreck stuff now, probably.

That Clone Eryk who was really suck a jerk a few minutes ago is the source of a lot of my troubles right now. I’m dashing through a great fiery hall where grapes were once pressed, and all the flames were caused by him. I lost several precious items, such as that giant dinosaur tooth, thanks to his efforts in pulling my rucksack out and attacking cultists with whatever he found.

And worst of all, he used my Destiny Cards without asking!! Agh!

Now I don’t have the option to use [Fireball] if I ever need it. Why in The Goddess’s name would two clones have a linked Destiny Deck system? It’s not as if we have the exact same destiny, is it?

In my anger, I punch a cultist in the stomach and they go flying out the nearest window.

[+1 DP.]

Oh, by the way, I have 55 Destiny Points now, thanks to all of the people I have been beating up. It’s nice.

Violence is one of the most successful ways to cheer an [Adventurer] up when he’s feeling a bit blue.

“Eryk!” Francis shouts. “Where the hell are we going?”

“We’re getting out of this winery!” I shout back.

“We’re going the wrong way! This is even deeper into the building!”

“Oh...”

Well, damn. I need to escape even faster, then, because I have led us down an incorrect path.

There is only one option, then...

Another Destiny Card.

[Blinding Rush!]

...

Ouch...

Blinding Rush: Rank 1. Doubles speed and agility. Cost: 215 LP.

There goes a lot of LP.

I’m down to just [7,412/15,000 LP] now. I’d better be careful. I mean... Careful is subjective, though.

In a flash of light I race forward, carrying my two companions through the fires and smouldering ash. The threats before us don’t stand a chance!

“Aaaaaaaah!” Francis screams.

“Aaaaaaaaah!” Delta screams.

“Ahahahahahahahaha!” I scream.

I burst through a wall, going too fast to let that physical barrier impede me, and more than that going to fast for it to even hurt me.

Finally, now that we are safe from the fire, I let go of my two friends and leave them to their devices for a second. I have work to do.

Karen herself is running away from the winery, I see. She’s sprinting at full speed towards her Nissan Rogue like she’s going to escape all of this unscathed.

You know what? I’m not sober enough to care! I run as fast as I can towards her vehicle, passing her and making her do a double take.

I poof out my bow and arrow from my inventory and, just to show off, I put my left hand behind my back.

Time to fire an arrow!

The shot rings out and the arrow pierces Karen’s car right in a critical weak point. It explodes in a ball of flames and pieces of metal shrapnel whiz by all sides of me. Miraculously, nobody is hurt whatsoever.

Karen begins to cry, and several of her fellow cultists gather around her to give their condolences and also sing the praises of Paso Robles and what it can still give to her.

My [Blinding Rush] skill wears off.

My drunkenness is starting to fade a little bit, too...

Well, maybe.

It’s hard to tell.

I go back to meet Francis and Delta, and th—

“Stop right there!”

In front of my friends is a man wearing a black leather suit and a helmet somewhat reminscent of a cat... or a bear, maybe.

It’s Pablo Rosas himself, now dressed up in his final form costume.

“You will pay for your crimes against Paso Robles,” says Pablo Rosas.

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A note from Thedude3445

BTW nobody has sent me their own Destiny Card ideas. Anyone who has reviewed the story already is welcome, you know! Design a card and it'll be put in the story somewhere, as long as the format fits.


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About the author

Thedude3445

Bio: I like to watch movies.

Avatar art by Mikayla Buan https://twitter.com/mikayla_buan

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