The First Magician

by Pooperman

Original HIATUS Action Adventure Fantasy Dungeon LitRPG Male Lead Reincarnation
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

James died from touching something he, in hindsight, should definitely not have. As luck would have it, he was reborn into a world with magic, levels, skills, and stats. Just like an RPG! The most curious thing about this new world was that magic had only existed for thirty years. What kind of life will James lead in a world filled with monsters, dungeons, and magic?


Usually will update Wednesday and Saturday, but there's always the chance I haven't gotten around to writing in a while so there may be a break. Additionally, I intend to edit heavily between arcs.

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Pooperman

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hawlol
  • Overall Score

I wanted to make a less agressive review than the current ones.

Reincarnation stories tend to be plagued by two common mistakes, this one also commits them:

First: Excessive exposition. Since the MC is a baby/child the author uses the oportunity to explain too many things. System, skills, training, magic, world, currency, history, all compacted in the 25 chapters. In between all these expositions, a few strands of story, a few named characters but nothing substancial happens to them. There's no tension and no plot. The story so far is: Reincarnated MC trains as a baby and then as a child at the adventurers guild.

Exposition must be given in small doses and only the necessary information for the reader to understand the story at that point in time. Here it's exposition for sake of exposition.

Second: Genius children. Children are dumb, specially the really young ones, that's why they need to be looked after at all times. 6 year old children do not look after themselves and cannot hold serious conversations with hard topics. Still, in most reincarnation stories, for sake of the MC having friends or rivals, every child is suddenly as capable as a teenager. The suspension of disbelief goes right out of the window.

Be prepared for exciting sword fights between 5-7 years old, and heavy theory lessons that would let an adult drooling, let alone a bunch of children. Yeah, baby push ups was also bad, but I could overlook it. The excessive exposition and super children made me quit at chapter 20, though.

There's a reason transmigrating to an already older body is a common trope, it avoids the boring years of childhood without timeskips and throws the MC right into the story. There's also a reason why training montages exists: because training is boring!

 Writing good childhood stories is hard, this one is not an exception, unfortunately.

rulerhades
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Awwwwwww yeeeaaaaahhhhhhh, are you ready for this boys and girls? What wonderous story have we stumbled across today? Why, we have a training arc right off the bat! But hades, he's only a couple months old! I know, best time to really turn on the heat and push your limits, right? Nevermind all the harm it could do to your body or natural limitations. It's a fantasy world so we do things by fantasy world standards. 

Style: Lots of time skips, not very good at painting the picture. Too focused on the MC becoming the very best that ever was at the ripe age of a couple months old to bother with something as trifling as setting. 

Story: Generic reincarnation story with a cringy mc. A poorly thought out system.

Grammar: Could use an editor, its readable but there's enough issues that it can ruin the flow.

Characters: BABIES CANNOT DO PUSHUPS. They also do not interrogate their parents at the age of three about the system and declare they taught themselves to read. Said parents also wouldn't take this in stride and brush it off. I will never understand authors who write characters that are babies and/or young children and then completely ruin the character with it. If you have no idea how to write a child then please do not do so or seek help in doing so instead of coming out with things like this. 

crazy_dwarf
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 It has 7 plot holes I will address

1. Baby exercise - babies cannot do regular exercise and most people do not know how to train such a fragile body without harming it long term

2. Genius or monster? - Although it is addressed a little, it is beyond genius to be able to read at 3 years old, and to understand the stats he was reading. Why did no one suspect him of being a demon or a monster? It is a world barely after a calamity. If ever superstation was supposed to come back, it is at this era! – At chapter 5

3. Big brother jealousy? Where? – at chapter 5 the mc defeated his big brother max at arm wrestling. The mc is 3 years old and max is 5 years old. Any kid will react badly to such an unreasonable situation. This is moreover repeated at chapter 8 in the sword fighting class when the mc defeated all his opponents and max lost on his first one. How can we as the readers supposed to even acknowledge the existence of max if he adds nothing to the story barely being a comparison point to the mc but not even reacting to the "shadow" the mc is creating.

4. Give dangerous materials to kids? Why not? – At chapter 11 the mc was 4 and bought a known poisonous material that is also mainly used to create poison. He was then even allowed to keep it by his father. Why did the merchant not stop the kid from buying it? And why did his father not intervene?

5. At chapter 12 a 6-years old kid (the mc) was allowed to choose the school he was going to on his own without a parental guide. Even if the choice can be made by him at this era, wouldn’t the other school's recruiters insist he needs his parent's guidance and then try to convince them?

6. Why do you have a 4 hour per day education butthe students are sleeping at the school place and not at home? The house is really close (across town) – at chapter 14

7. Why did no one trail the mc after the second time he sold his experiments? – At chapter 22

Hendrik Ottersbach
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Okay some of the critism of mine: 

A novel is hike. It is not about the goal it is about the journey. You want to look left and right and enjoy the view of nature. Sometimes take a break and sometimes walk your own way instead of following the always trodden path.

You my dear author do neither of these. You start sprinting right from the get go, are only looking down at your own two feet and follow the boring old path slavishly. Or to put it in simpler terms: Way to fast paced, no details, no showing instead of telling and not enough originality.

I am also pretty disappointed that my expactions were not fulfilled. I expected a mage (not a sword fighter / sometimes I fling a fireball mage) with a fleshed out system who invents the first schools of magic - a bit of a trailblazer. That is not what I got and I am dissatisfied because the title, thumbnail and description promised me otherwise. 

Quartz Ring
  • Overall Score

I haven't signed into Rrl in over a year but when I started reading this today and finished it too fast. I thought I really had to tell you to please not give up and keep writing this awesome story!!!

chay
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honestly the story is fun, however that's it.

the worldbuilding has a lot of holes, like 

Spoiler: Spoiler

 second point the skills you have three skills for language (language writing, reading) but none for math?

Spoiler: Spoiler

like i previously said the story is fun but those holes just destroy any posibility to really be taken by the story.

Spoiler: Spoiler

 

review at chap 19

GeoffHoehn
  • Overall Score

As some other reviewers have been noting there are a few inconsistancies to the story line.  I didn't mind them too much and those plot points didn't ruin my suspended disbelief.  I have read other attempts at a similar genre and they were much much worse than this.  I have enjoyed it and hope to see additional chapters soon!

Kanada
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There are other stories like this one. This one is better. 

Branko
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Good start. Interesting having it begin with child birth. Very few editorial mistakes, making for easy reading. I look forward to more. 

chaogoesmu
  • Overall Score
Spoiler: Spoiler