The Mountain Lord

by D.H.Hansen

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Fantasy Historical Anti-Hero Lead Grimdark Harem High Fantasy Magic Male Lead Martial Arts Portal Fantasy / Isekai Ruling Class Strategy Strong Lead War and Military
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

On the world of Camcesa, humanity stands at the brink of war. Facing the end of their race, the desperate leaders of mankind turn to a divine relic. In their darkest hour, they summon humans from another world to fight for them— as the Prophecy had foretold.

Karth was a prisoner minding his own business, just trying to serve out his sentence. Called upon against his will, Karth was summoned to another world. A new world of magic and black powder, and most importantly his freedom. Soon he finds himself with a noble title he did not want, caught in the middle of a war that was not his, court intrigues, power struggles, and a forced marriage.

Faced with the ugly truth of his new home, Karth is forced to make a choice— change his values, or change the world.

Updates on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Patrons have access to early chapters.

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 101,829
  • Average Views :
  • 3,511
  • Followers :
  • 1,417
  • Favorites :
  • 349
  • Ratings :
  • 457
  • Pages :
  • 541
Advertisement
Remove
Go to Table of Contents
Rate it
Fiction breaking rules? Report
Advertisement
Remove
Author
D.H.Hansen

D.H.Hansen

Achievements
250,000 Views
Word Count (14)
1,000 Comments
Top List #400
1,250 Followers
4th Anniversary
Good Review (III)
Fledgling Reviewer (I)
Advertisement
Remove

Leave a review

Reviews
Sort by:
Listou
  • Overall Score

Uncertain but promising

Reviewed at: Chapter VI

This story has potential, no question about that. Grammar is good, only faults or flaws i could see is mostly me nitpicking of finding an extra letter somewhere it does not belong.

Not much to say about the magic system so far, seems solid enough. Need to see how the author handles it in fights and day to day stuff before i can form an opinion on it. Doesn't look like it will be any powercreep problems with the way it's handled so far though.

Worldbuilding is good so far, not enough chapters to really get into it yet, but so far dark and gritty just as i like it.The natives of the world seems belivable with how they have been indoctrined, seeing as our own world have at several occasions been far worse than what is portrayed here. Feels solid and real, with attention to details such as noticing someone got the literal shit job of cleaning the nobles personal toilets.

My only concern is the main character so far. He is portrayed as an intelligent man, and a hardenend criminal. Yet his actions feels more like your typical 14 year old isekai japanese edgelord heroic type. He is prone to rage at his subordinates for things they really cant change about themselves (story has what looks like hardcore indoctrination/brainwashing, think ubermench from naziland ww2). He is quick to notice everything around him, and the smallest changes in behaviour of the people around him, but he fails to notice that people who have grown up in such a world from birth can't see what is inherently wrong about it?

Even after his subordinates repeatedly try to warn him about heresy, the stigma of the tainted and slavery he still acts like a angsty teenager and keep bringing it up and endangering himself and everyone around him. Like seriously, heresy might not mean much in this day and age but in the middle ages there was a very real risk of you digging yourself an early grave.

To me it feels as he is portrayed to be a badass just for the sake of it, like Einstein and Conan mixed together. At the same time i understand why as the main character, from our world and timeline would and could react so negatively to the practices of his new world, and if you throw in the already established mind fuckery that is going on because of the summoning it can be excused to some degree.

But for someone who is supposedly as observant and intelligent as the main character is portrayed? For me personally it drags the story down by alot. He doesn't feel like a "real" person, he feels more like some sort of marvel anti-hero, superhuman and righteous. The arrogance and confidence he displays can be attributed as a character trait, but melded together with the other things? i just can't get myself to feel anything for him, because he feels more like a movie character than a real person at this point.

Hopefully this will change as we learn more of his background as a career criminal, and seeing there is only 6 chapters out as of this review it can be claimed to be a bit early yet, to make an in depth review of the main character's motivations and persona.

Personally at this point i can't give it more than an overall 3 star rating, both because of what it is, and seeing the pace the story is going with. If the main characters personality stabilizes and is given some humanity for lack of better words this will be an easy 4 star.

As a sidenote i generally don't bother to leave reviews on stories i don't have faith in or like, or i rate as below 3 stars. 3 stars does not mean bad, it means average or slightly above. 4 stars i would generally give to novels/stories i wouldnt be surprised to see published. The last one i only give to my personal favorites (lot of personal bias on these in how they are written and such).

Will keep close watch on this and come back after another 20-30 chapters to update my overall score. 

Theakorn
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Uncertain if this can be pulled off well

Reviewed at: Chapter XVI

Overall, this is a flawed story with decent potential. Writing wise, there is little to be critical about. The text flows nicely with few mistakes, the largest issue is the dialogue could use some work - which puts this ahead of many others here on RR. I could say the same about the worldbuilding - its gritty and dark in the clean anime-way, with a muskets and magic level of technology. Several of the "dark" traditions of the grossly racist and mysogonistic society mimics real, historical traditions, such as tying cleanliness to the enemy. A nitpick here is that the technological development is either not well thought out or poorly explained, at least by the first 15 chapters. Firearms are a few years old, but they have already moved to mass production of flint-locks muskets, which took many centuries of real time devolpment, both in chemistry, metalurgy, infrastructure, military doctrine and so on. This needs some proper explanation down the line to be believable. 

Now, all of these issues can be either be improved with some editing or some well thought out explanations. The main issue is the main character. Based on the dialogue in the comment section where the author have answered some of the readers misgivings about how the MC acts, I believe the author have either made a fundamental mistake in crafting him, or have completely failed to communicate his character to the readers. The MC is a cool, calculated, bad ass bank robber, that after 40+ bank robberies wasn't even a suspect to the federal task force that hunted him. After the portal incident he is a petulant, edgy teen that attacks everyone around him and can't help but constantly speak heresy, even to nobles above him in the hierachy. This is not in any way a calculating criminal mastermind. In the last chapter this trend was slightly moderated, but it remains a flaw and only time will tell if this story is worth following.

It will require some writing chops to pull this off, and I am not really certain the writer can do that. In part because of how the MC interacts with the world, and in part due to detecting the dread weeby words "harem" and "catgirl". I have very rarely read a well written story that incorporates those elements.

d0m1n1c
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

"Man of his word" that lies and cheats when it's convenient

Reviewed at: Chapter VI

The MC is wish fullfilment incarnate for the author, which is fine if you like that sort of thing, but hypocrites set me off.

If you can stand shallow characters, leaks from the writer's bias, and a sanctimonious hypocrite for an MC, then check out the story.

Seriously; the story flows well and for a rough draft the grammar is pretty good; read the first couple chapters, and if you don't absolutely hate the MC or the world he gets sent to, then you'll probably like the story.

Kanada
  • Overall Score

I don't think this story is for me, but I am sure a lot of people will like it. It's definitely worth giving a try to, and I urge everyone who might be considering it to give it a chance. It's a personal taste thing for me, rather than a lack of good writing. 

Macronomicon
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Pissing on the story: To Establish Dominance

Reviewed at: Chapter V

Three little words: To establish dominance. Words I'd never thought I'd find strung together outside of a dog training manual from the sixties. But whatever. Let's do the review.

Grammer and style are fine, that's not the problem.

The problem is character likeability and going at times too extreme with the racism and at the same time underplaying other things.

I'll give an example:

Spoiler: Spoiler

 Now let's talk about likeability. Do you personally think you could enjoy the company of someone who seriously says the words 'to establish dominance'? I know he thought it and didn't say it, but the point stands.

Likeability is huge for the MC. It's like, the MC's job.

"But what about all those antiheros that go around being assholes to everyone else!?"

No, not likeability with the rest of the cast. Likeability with the reader.

The MC does a poor job being likeable to the reader. Usually this is done by having something in common with the reader. Or having charisma, or some kind of chutzpah.

If a MC is a bad guy, which this one is, rather than saving the cat, you could give them charisma. Have them be passionate, eloquent, or driven, funny, or support values until death.

Mc isn't particularly any of those things. Usually he bullies people using his 'superior size', teases other people about their 'inferior size' in every sense of the word. It's only chapter five, man, and he's already made fun of people for having smaller dicks? Leadership material right there.

As far as supporting values until death. 'Oh these women are oppressed, but don't mind if I get a piece of ass here and there.' Sends a weird message.

Also since all the tainted are gone, he's only able to talk about how wrong it is rather than do anything.

Oh right, side characters. The side characters didn't blow my mind, either. The Nerd, used as a exposition device to tell the MC about isekai lore, was pretty...not great.

As was the MC's treatment of said Nerd. I doubt the man was smarter than Einstein, but if he was, why would you make him seem stupid? If he wasn't actually that smart...good for you, but the MC made no sarcastic response to this claim, like 'oh, really'.

He just shouted Nerd and slammed him in a locker. Well, not really, but pretty close. Lovely man.

Spoiler: Spoiler

 



What then? what if other people sees the way he treats Nerd and the nickname spreads behind his back? Does he beat them up too?

You can't solve all your problems by being an unrepentant ass.

SinWirk
  • Overall Score

I am. The story has its flaws, but I find the writing engaging and the MC differs from most stories on this site. Easily a front page story :) Keep up the good work!

Mash_Potatoes
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

HAS GREAT POTENTIAL TO BE MORE

Reviewed at: Chapter XXII

The story has great potential to be more than just what it currently is, the problem is with its Main Character.

Beyond that, the plotline is great, not necessarily unique, but great nonetheless and a good twist to the average 'isekai' stories and one of the better 'dark isekai' stories out there that seem to be gaining in popularity. 

Grammar is, for the most part, great, or little to none grammatical or spelling errors to mess up the reading experience. 

Worldbuilding is marvellous, it exemplifies the 'dark isekai' genre quite well, and while the setting of the story is not very unique it does have its own charm and certainly adds to the man vs society theme the author seems to be following.

Back to the Main Character, there are a lot of issues with him. Early on in the story, he was portrayed as a bit of a brute, at times a vindictive bastard and stubborn as an ox, but he was also shown as intelligent, capable of reading between the lines and understanding the situation he was in.

However, in the author's quest of turning him into some sort paradigm of modern society and ideals, he seems to have turned the Main Character into an idiot who knows the dangers of his actions but keeps doing it anyway in some misguided belief that everyone would simply adhere to him if he showed that he had a mind of his own, capable of being violent and dangerous, and willing to hurt them if they don't do as he says.

DivineCat
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

I recommend reading it.

Reviewed at: Chapter XVIII

It's a good quality story that I recommend you should read.

The magic so far has been good.

the background is shaping up nicely.

the characters are flawed but readable.

the grammar is better than most stories on this site.

its been highly entertaining to read and I'll be bookmarking it so I'll be notified of future chapters.

MarkusP
  • Overall Score

Unusual and well-written

Reviewed at: Chapter IV

It may be a bit fast for a review since i've only read up to chapter 4 as of now but I may as well hype it up a bit !

The strong point of this story is its unusual character background choice and with a personality fit to it.

The story itself is a generic transmigration with a power awakening, but the political environment makes it really intriguing thanks to the main character's personality.

Add to that an abstract power like the MC's and it makes for an interesting read.

The only detriment to the story I've found as of now was that you can sometimes feel the hand of the author a bit too much in forcing sub-characters' reactions, though that's only my opinion.

 

In short, it's an interesting story from which I expect a lot, and once the author gets the setting down and the characters handled, we shall see its true value.

Celsica
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Some of these reviews are completely overdramatic.

Controversy is good, and since the overall rating of the story was nice, I decided to give it a try.

Author decided to go for a summoned hero in a KKK wetdream; not easy to pull off. Honestly, I'm not sure if the main character reacting so stereotypically white knight to everything was just too cliche or if it was the right choice considering the subject matter.

Also, do note that some harsh events came to bite the hero back as a result of his actions. His plotting in return offer moments of genuinely satisfying schaudenfreude

The strong points of this story... make up for it, if you can get passed the few moments of cringe. The story, style, pacing, grammar, are all pretty gripping. A+ for the action scenes too.

Give it a try!