The Magic of Logistics

by Yohan

Original ONGOING Fantasy GameLit Magic Male Lead Slice of Life

The harbour Luc has been dropped into is not a normal one. It looks like a medieval town, it's full of strange people and some of them are waving magic around.

Luc will need to rely on new friends and his own determination to learn how to harness the magic of the Aether. He has to find his way back home.

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Hi everyone,

This is my first story in English. Please tell me if I've used a word incorrectly.

It's a slow-paced, slice of life isekai focused on Luc's goal of going home, his learning of the magic and gathering the resources he needs to grow.

The chapters after the first one will be about 2-3k words long. I'll try to post at least once a week.

Hope you enjoy!

Cover art from here: https://www.deviantart.com/joakimolofsson/art/Harbor-354494418

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Yohan

Yohan

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Tana Nari
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Far better than the first chapter would lead one to believe.

Reviewed at: 15 - Company

I'm serious: ignore the introduction blurb and first chapter. They're both pretty bad and are in no way indicative of the quality of all other chapters. 

The story focuses on a soon-to-be father dumped into an isekai system world, who then spends his time trying to master the one class that gives him hope of getting home.

It's a damn good starting premise; better than the vast majority of its genre by that setup alone. Add into that other strong, complex characters all with their own motives and concerns... you have yourself a rare gem of a character focused and driven narrative.

The story is, however, rather slow. As expected of the 'slice of life' genre which the Author accurately states his story fits into. I don't count that against it, but I do consider the near absense of conflict against it. What little character conflict occurs often ends within minutes of starting and has little narrative or emotional impact, such that they might as well not even have happened at all. The MC's only goal (returning home) is a fine hook and all, but there's nothing that seems to be a threat to that goal. It's either possible, or it is not possible, and there's nothing standing in the way except the sheer amount of time it is going to take to find the solution.

As such, the story often feels aimless and static, with little more than "ding, level up!" to indicate any steps of conflict and/or resolution. Even Slice of Life relies upon subplots and emotionally meaningful conflicts of personality to keep the story fresh.

The grammar is fine, especially considering the writer knows English as a second language. Typos are not common, but still the writing could use the help of an editor.

The writing style is also quite good. It spends just enough time describing scenes without going into purple prose, and focuses on the events rather than wasting time on useless detail. It doesn't make the common System genre mistakes of spending more time with numbers than the story. If the author could go back and fix some odd choices in the first chapter, and a number of line errors that appear to be artifacts of copy/pasting from a different word processor, he'd have a professional tier format.

Utekishi
  • Overall Score
I like those kind of stories so my review will be biased.

Our protagonist get transported into medieval like magical world filled with exotic races, rudimentary System and Gods. He has strong desire to go back to his old world, to his wife and soon to be born child. Going back, it’s not an easy task, he need to surpass local Gods and become best Aether Mage there was to even begin his return journey.
 
What I find jarring is lack of common knowledge of the ‘magical’ world, I may have missed it but I don’t remember name of this world to be ever mentioned. We don’t know if it’s a planet, a plane, if there are stars and outer space, how big it is. MC as a person who has access to one of the best book collections his knowledge is lacking. We have no idea of local/global geography or politic situation, bare for ruling backstabing class does backstabby fishy things like you know politics bad, power corrupts. 

Like other revivers already mentioned, show not tell. I know you have this awesome big world in your mind, full of crafty plots, colorful races and beautiful places. You may even want rush to the good parts, where action will speed up, antagonists will arrive and it will be so cool when protagonist best them all!
 
Don’t.
 
We don’t know about your world any more than you write about it. We have bird people, seal people, lizard people, even armadillo people. We were told about some of their defining trait’s, but we haven’t experienced them.
 
All dialogues sound like they were taken from language learning book, proper but they lack substance. It’s understandable as English is not your father tongue, but as every skill it’s to be learned.
For example bird people cackle when they talk, but it’s not present in actual dialogue. I imagine armadillo would talk in defensive blunt manner, similar how dwarves are often portrayed but without alcohol.

Lot’s of details are summarized by few lines, so we get little time skips time after time with ruin pacing.

I’m not a writer so no idea how good my advices are. If you have problem with describing world and characters interactions learn from the best. Read some masterpieces, be aware of what you are reading. After every other page try to use your own words to describe what you had read about. See how they differ from the original, understand why author choose to use words in that way or another. I’m not telling you to become a copycat and try to steal a style but to wander, to explore the possibilities and find your own.

Last piece of advice would be to not obsess about perfection. Learning is a process that takes time, and every skill need experience. Every chapter not need to be perfect, even if it’s a little better than last one that it’s a big step forward, and if it’s a bit worse? No need to fret, do your best and progress will be apparent with time.       
 
 
xachariah
  • Overall Score

Not badly written, but nothing interesting

Reviewed at: 16 - Up and Down

The story is fine.  I like the premise about coming in and using portal magic to instead focus on logistics, if you don't then YYMV.  The grammar and writing style is also good.

 

I gave it a middling review though because it is very bland.  All the fantasy races act like humans in funny suits.  Magic and classes exist but don't seem to impact the world at all.  It's a foreign world but everything is basically reniassence Europe with funny names.  And there's nothing we see that's particularly interesting going on. 

 

I don't hate it, but I don't think I've seen anything new or felt any strong emotions from the story.

Ebisou
  • Overall Score

I'll get you started with a review.  An accountant is transported to a world with levels and is told that the only way home is to become an [Aether Mage].  This is a LitRpg that is light on the Rpg and so far the system reminds me of The Wandering Inn.  As of chapter 10, it has been the protagonist exploring town, meeting locals and trying to establish himself so he can someday get home to his wife and baby.  

GRAMMER: No issues.

PLOT: mostly slice of life so far, but it is early days yet.

WORLD BUILDING: Slowly building a nice world, no giant info dumps.

A good story to keep an eye on, I can't wait to see how it develops.

 

 

Bill501
  • Overall Score

This book is fantastic, do yourself a favor and take the time to read it. I hope you continue the book for a long long time. Thanks for the effort. 

Jugglermaster
  • Overall Score

The story itself is great but my main issue is show me what happened, don't just tell me. Classic show vs. tell problems that most Royal Road stories have. It's not bad enough that I wouldn't read it but would say it's not an amazing story until that's fixed for sure.

The other issue I have is the author likes to say "all races and genders" when this doesn't show me how that is true and I don't end up believing it. Likely this falls under show vs. tell too.

In summary, I liked the plot and grammar a lot. The characters could have more depth but the show vs. tell needs fixing.

P.s. there is a nude scene in the community bath house but it is rather tame.

Paschmet
  • Overall Score

Very nice and promising

Reviewed at: 14 - First Day

A very nice story so far (chapter 14). It has a refreshing side and it somehow manages to be original.  The MC is still trying to find a place for himself in this new wolrd and i'm waiting for the MC to start doing things in earnest ! 

Personnaly i love seeing him start a buisness, i'm the kind of guy who like the managing side of stories :) 

Keep up the good word Yohan ! :)

SwampyCat
  • Overall Score

 

 

I like it,

For once I feel empathy for one of the characters from a displaced/teleported/summoned book Luc looks like he wants to accomplish his goal , has the determination to go through it and would eventually accomplish it even if he will leave behind friends : but here is what makes me anxious will the author stick with it ? I hope he will come home , I hope he won't be too late , and I hope the author won't give me nasty surprises (cuckoldery from either Margaux or Luc , etc..) because that would be disappointing and disgusting. Also try to avoid or keep short potential tangents and please don't dabble too much with time even if it is unavoidable.

I may seem like I make demands but it is just that so many stories have fallen in such pitfalls and many others I haven't covered but why I put it in my review is because your story gives me the impression you actively try to avoid them and if I am talking to future you who wants to the change the direction of the story please : trust past you more. You don't imagine the amount of gratitude some people would feel when they see Luc come back on time for the delivery of his child, because if you haven't realised yet which I doubt it appeals to some rather personal and difficult themes which from what I said earlier have been abused and miss used and would invoke in certain demographics some rather nasty overreactions .

Many such stories stay unfinished because the author lost drive or made the story too long or convoluted by cramming a lot of ideas in one, they may be sometimes be weighed down by the feelings of their own characters because it may reflect their personal lives or simply by pure empathy for their characters or conversely they cater to much to their audience so I only have one real advice : be confident and stay strong I really like your story and I think you do too so don't forget why you do and that you do love it.

Keep in mind the ending YOU want and don't forget to drop hints in your story for your audience and yourself, the ending allows to shape the events during stories and filter a lot, an ok ship reaches port with it's crew a good one also brings the goods. So yes I am anxious but I am also excited so good luck and you have done a good job stirring your ship in a good direction have confidence in yourself and the plan you had before coming aboard, keep it short don't deviate too much and thanks for the ride.

rulerhades
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Its okay, bit of a disappointment

Reviewed at: 15 - Company

It's okay, not great, not bad, not even particularly good. It doesn't really have anything that sets it apart and makes me want to read it. I can set it down after 15 chapters and not care so much about how the rest of the story plays out.

Style: Formatting issues make it a pain to read at times and lack of contractions can make the text seem robotic in nature.

Story: Guy gets transported to a system-esque world with magic. A lot gets put to the wayside in favor of following the protagonists long term goal. There's hardly any world building as of yet and it feels like a waste. There's this big, wide world with many different gods and cultures, different peoples and races. Instead of exploring that though we get a lot of whining about someone who isn't there and focus on one set of magic, which I assume is going to lead into logistics. The plot would probably be more fun to read if it was presented in a different manner. How that should go, I'm not entirely sure but it's disappointing to see the way things are currently panning out. The way the sapients came about is also lazy. 

Grammar: It's readable and not particularly eye catching. That said, there are at least a couple of errors every chapter and could use a tune up. Or an editor.

Character: This is the stories biggest flaw in my opinion. The main character complains about his wife who isn't there constantly and focuses way too much on the long term goal. I get it, not having your wife there sucks, especially with the circumstances. That said, it doesn't need to be hammered in every chapter or multiple times in a chapter. Besides that, there's no real fleshing out of the characters. The (arguably) second most important character at the moment doesn't really have a personality. Yes, she has hobbies and things she does, but we don't really know what she is actually like as a human-like being. We don't know her motivations and feelings, we don't know how she got to where she is or anything along those lines. She might be a supporting character but that's not a reason to gimp her on making her real. As a result I don't really care about any of the supporting cast, combine that with my iffy feelings on the main character and it leads to a story that isn't really that enjoyable. 

Ulysses
  • Overall Score

SLOW AND INGAGIN AS WELL AS THOUGHT PROVOKING

Reviewed at: 16 - Up and Down

For those who have a problem with slower and non-action focused novels don't read this, maybe give it a shot and see that there are other things in life. 

For all the others then this is one of the top novels in RR and Scribble hub and far better than most Chinese low-quality crap. It is truly pretty good and even though I haven't cried I find the money-making ideas have blended well with the more serious tones of the story as well as the magic, that actually flows really well because of the soft and less restricted system style word