The Great Dungeon
by DaDiamondBro
- Gore
- Profanity
Dylan was an ordinary young man living on Earth, doing his best to enjoy a normal school life when tragedy struck. One day, at a meet for his sports, Dylan was caught in an explosion and promptly passed away. The regrets he had on how little he had done with his life, along with the regrets of others who died, caught the attention of the Will of the World, which decided to reincarnate Dylan into the world of Thunnberg as a Dungeon!
Now Dylan must struggle to survive in this confusing new world in a 'body' that is no longer human, doing his best to survive in a world that aims to tear him apart. Will Dylan survive and grow while retaining his humanity, succumb to the dungeon's instincts and devour everything in his quest for power, or fail once again in his second chance at life?
Cover credit: Gabz
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The MC is but a leaf in the wind
Reviewed at: Chapter 43-Gehennia's God Territory
This is nice dungeon story. It has all of the interesting interactions with monsters and humans that build intrigue and manages to avoid the traps of painstakingly describing how every single pebble is artisticaly placed. It has some of the usual trappings like blue system boxes and monster evolution and dungeon domain.
The presentation is solid, the world building is more than sufficcient to carry the story and the pacing is fine. The characters, at least the ones that stick around for more than 2 paragraphs, are well developed and have some distinctinctiveness such that there is hope you will recognise them when they show up a few chapters later.
Unfortunately, there is a big hulking problem, thats where all those story score stars that went missing are hidden. At a certain point some god will randomly interfere for no reason at all and the next 20 chapters of plot will be driven by this. As is usual for nosy gods in stories there is both hefty contrivances and solid steel plot armor involved. And then.. again a god interferes to throw more random bullshit the MCs way and mysterious OP persons start to appear that have no other motivation, so far as the reader can tell, than to be super mysterious and put pain on MC.. but let him escape alive because you cant let the Mc die. Since about chapter 20 the Main character has been but a leaf in the wind, incapable of meaningfully affecting his own fate, that is dictated by the random and capricious moods of mysterious gods.
Solid Dungeon Story
Reviewed at: Chapter 9-Skirmish
Read your sentences with the word "that" in them and at least half can be removed without loss of meaning. Just tightens the writing a little and easy done.
A few "was fighting" = fought, "was facing" = faced, "was opting" = opted, "was peeking" = peeked, but meh, really. I am not a big fan of the word "was", kicks the reader into the past, but many a top 20 story has it, so I am definitely in the minority opinion so I can be ignored. I considered adding some example re-writes to the review except your usage would require significant effort on my part, so pass. Generally speaking, a "was" or a "were" are missed opportunities for the writer to do better imho.
I would also consider adding the tag LitRPG or possibly Gamelit given your Dungeon Levels and Skills. Currently eleven of the top twenty stories have a LitRPG tag, so popular in search.
good start and keeps it up
Reviewed at: Chapter 23-More Monster Upgrades
It's very nice to really see a dungeon start at the bottom, going from insects to birds, mammals and, inevitably, goblins. The first hallways doesn't kill everything with deadly traps, the enemy is appropriatly cautious (to the limit of their intelligence) and there is something resembling an ecosystem. We have a cousin to truck-kun, crazy murderer-san to open up the story for us. No worries about high tech stuff or too many morals since, as the story put it, 'a lot of memories have been removed' to prepare him for his new life.
The writing is pleasant with an occasional error like a double word. English is full of superfluous words though, and here and there some can be removed to improve the flow (see what I did there! 'Though' could be removed without altering the meaning, it's just used to draw extra attention)
The characters so far are interesting enough. I like that even a number of the goblins get a little history, which is vital in making a world come alive. Holding off on the score for now until there is some more development. Monsters that are part of the dungeon even when not born there seem to be fanatically loyal etc etc.
All in all somewhat scratches my itch, it doesn't do that much different from many before
A good dungeon fiction
Reviewed at: Chapter 5-Transmuting Bugs to Monsters
the grammar is ok but the the thing that I really like is how the protagonist start from the bottom whit insects and not the usual and boring cobold that evolve in 10 cp and become op ( for now I can give only 4 stars because there are only 5 chapter but if it continues like these there gonna become 5 )
Dungeon
Reviewed at: Author's Intermission#1: Thank YOU!
Like it but what if he incorporated modern stuff like make spray to come out at artillery shells that explode with acid or some may in stead of poop they lay bio grade acid mines cores for the Beatles
Or make new centipede variant that is carrier for creatures or have many spirit cores
That move under ground tiny tunnels alliwing swift change of core locations
Goblins m'boy!
Reviewed at: Chapter 18-The Dungeon Wins in the End
I'll start off by saying I'm not usually a fan of the dungeon-crawler niche, but where a normal dungeon-crawler lets you progress through the dungeon, the great dungeon lets you progress the dungeon!
This is such an awesome idea to me, the grammar was fine, I'm no saint in that regard myself, haha.
The story is fast-paced, every other paragraph the dungeon expands or can summon a new monster, it's very rewarding to read.
Honestly, I felt the story was incomplete before the introduction of the goblins, the goblins was where I was like "NOW THIS IS A DUNGEON STORY!"
Personally I wish we got to see some characters from outside, maybe a human and the dungeon-guy would try to communicate with them.
In conclusion, if you like the idea of an ever-expanding dungeon, you will love this story!