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Five years had passed. It's not a short amount of time. Too much had changed beyond the simple numerical figure. However, if one thing remained unchanged, it's the fact that I remember this same exact day, the day I last saw you. I walked by places we frequented to as memories of the past resurfaced within my mind. That wooden bench we used to sit on while eating popsicle ice cream, it's now replaced with a sturdy, metallic one. That CD rental place we always go to... it's now a cafe. Of course, not all has changed. Some remained the same the way they were. Only, there wasn't you to spend the time with.

You know, I have always regretted it. I thought "Ahh.. how good would it be if I had done this?" or "If only we did that...". The "ifs" never slowed down. They come into my mind, endlessly, as if to drown me into an endless abyss of regret. Just like today, I once again thought. If only I knew that would be the last time, I wished that my last memory of you was one with a bright smile... one that was exclusively for me to see... and one that made me fall for you.

Yet, on that day, instead of the youthful smirk and rosy cheek, tears were regretfully flowing in slow sad outpour. Your eyes were filled with deep emotions I couldn't exactly tell - Disappointment... Hatred... Anguish.

I was too young. Too clueless, even. Obviously, I didn't know how to love. I thought pouring out my feelings were enough. The twenty-two year old me couldn't possibly understand what was going on. There were too many questions, too many reasons. Excuses were the only thing that could be said and done. An explanation was never an option for both of us.

"Love conquers all"... whoever said this must be a liar or another hopeless romantic idiot.

If only I knew. And perhaps, if I tried more. I could have saved you.

I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry.

But even though you are gone, you still live within me. You exist, right here, inside my heart. The memory of you.

 

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Tetsu

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