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Author
Nad

Nad

Achievements
I Am Taking Off (IV)
Word Smith (VI)
Group Leader (I)
Fledgling Reviewer (I)
First Comment!
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Azaken
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I feel like this is a good start!  The character really felt like he was alive and had various interests, and he acted in a way that made him feel three dimensional.  The story seemed consistant and cohesive.

The only thing that takes a point off is that I feel like there is not enough explanations as to what things are, how they are acting/reacting and such.  Like, you have the substance, but missing the little bit extra that finishes it up.

HRJohnson
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Emotional and epic. Eyes were glued to the page!

Reviewed at: Bacis 1. The Young Man with No Name

Wow I think this is going to be a gem! 

Such a powerful and emotional first chapter, with tons of mysteries and epic moments. It almost felt like I was watching an anime or awesome movie. I really want to know what makes a Bearer, what they can do, and why these enemies are so interested in the land of the gods.

The only criticism I have, is that it could use some editing in some parts, as far as punctuation goes, but its very minor and easy to ignore since the story is so engrossing.

I can't wait to see where "Nothing" ends up!

Keep them comin!

Beeqs
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 I'm very curious to see where this is going. A powerful and emotionally resonant opening and it seems to hold a lot of promise. 

There are a few places where writing choices jolted me a little. One of them was here in the first chapter: 

 " 'I thought there was no one else, I’m sorry you had to see this, little one.'

Spoke an old man at the center of the bodies."

It appears that you are leaving the dialogue tag in the next paragraph to create a bit of a shock as to where the voice came from. I would approach this a little differently, though I see what you're going for here. 

There are two ways I would go with it. Either you have the old man appear lifeless and he's being approached in curiosity as to whether or not he's dead and then he speaks as a bit of a shock. That has a good sort of soft horror element.

The other is that the POV character is looking around at the carnage and this voice kind of slithers out from the center of the pile of bodies and it takes him a little while to figure out where it came from before he finds the old man.

I think that helps give it a little more emotional resonance than the way it is written right now and would help strengthen the opening. 

Looking forwarwd to seeing more.