The Man Who Killed the First Monster

by HanNamja

Original ONGOING Action Fantasy GameLit LitRPG Low Fantasy

Jason Park, a man with ambition. At a ripe age of twenty-nine, he took the risk to struck big at the cut-throat world of finance at Wall Street. Like any human in the whole world, money is everything. Yet for him, things didn't happen as he expected. Burn out and failing another one of his job interviews, he dragged his feet over the sidewalk of New York City. Yet something unexpected happened, a cry for help coming from the dark alley of the city. A city well-known for its two sides of light and dark. He hesitated at first but his morality swayed him. He came to help but what he found only opened a door that he wishes it wouldn't open. 

He was the first and it wouldn't be the last.

From green dollar bills to blue game-like windows.

His reliance shifting to the latter.

An encounter that will bring forth a New World order.

A world hungry for blood, sweat, and tears.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

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HanNamja

HanNamja

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Leumas
  • Overall Score

Starting to fail

Reviewed at: Chapter 36

Eleven chapters (edit 36 chapters in) and it is(was) looking good. There are (more than) a few issues with it that need to be addressed.

THE PLOT IS STARTING TO GET STUPID!!!

First is the dialogue. The characters' dialogue are emotionless and unnatural. They talk like they are reading from a script.

The second issue is the grammar. More specifically, verb usage. There are many examples of misused verbs throughout the chapters. It is bad enough to break the flow of the story.

Roger Tavares Mendes
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It is not the worst of stories but we still hope to see improvement.

Reviewed at: Chapter 35

This is not a bad story, but in many moments it makes us angry or wish that the characters will die or that the story will disappear, or the MC's own anger, one of the most incredibly irritating things is the distribution of points and the moments in which that he takes action or fails to take them, it reaches the point where we sincerely ask him if he is too stupid or if he simply has a mental development problem. But in spite of everything I believe that we can have hope in this story and that the author will not force things that would be illogical or something just to advance the plot of the story as he wants.

Thymm
  • Overall Score

Too many problems to really enjoy it

Reviewed at: Chapter 7

Ok, I tried it, but there are some many issues, that this is too much for me.

  • As a non native speaker, all those grammar mistakes make it even harder for me to read.
  • Up until now, it seems that there are a lot of random characters that do and say random things, just to make this seem more interesting. At chapter 5 or 6 we already have 6 or 7 (seemingly random) characters we know by name.
  • The formating makes it even harder to get into a reading flow. Spaces every one or two sentences. That's too much. 

Good luck with this, but I'm out. 2 stars because I like the genre and because it's not that bad, if you can ignore the mentioned problems.

chaogoesmu
  • Overall Score

It's like a bad action movie, characters make no sense, completely unbelievable, but lots of action and stats so entertaining.

PaulTB
  • Overall Score

The grammar is bad, the writing awkward and the MC is sort of over-acting like a pre-teen who thinks he can do Shakespear (but really, really, can't).

I didn't get through the first chapter.

warownslife
  • Overall Score

 Oh its... it's pretty bad. I try to be positive buts it's pretty not great. 

Ardan O'Brien
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This is wretched. Avoid at all cost.

Reviewed at: Chapter 12

There's no reason that this should be trending.  The plot jumps around like a grasshopper on meth.  The grammar is terrible.  The characters over-emote like you'd see in a bad anime.  The dialogue is unbelievable in content and lacks any semblance of flow.  -5/10 would not recommend this to (or inflict it upon) anyone.

zigman2021
  • Overall Score

I have no idea why this is trending. I couldn't make it past the first few "chapters." Can't find a redeeming quality.

FallenChaos
  • Overall Score

I dont understand why

Reviewed at: Chapter 35

I dont normally leave reviews but who would save life saving point in an apocalpse like his stats were barely past 40 total and he saved 100 or so points because he might need them?No you would save no more then 10 and the rest raise your most important stats.

LouderBerg
  • Overall Score

Good idea poor execution

Reviewed at: Chapter 27

The biggest problem with this story is the characters they don't feel human their reactions are just so weird and off putting ;on the other hand, i don't really care about grammar quality that much but this really needs an editor some mistakes are acceptable but there is just so many of them

Verdict: The idea is great the execution is poor i suggest a reduction in story upload rate followed by a revision based on the comments and reviews given