Wait? did you say the Demon Lord was a...?

by yobyoby18

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Comedy Fantasy Dungeon High Fantasy LitRPG Magic Male Lead Mythos Non-Human lead Portal Fantasy / Isekai Reincarnation Strategy Strong Lead
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

Daron had lived through 2 lives before so now, in a third, he has everything he needs to become great. It's just a matter of fighting his way to the top with what he now knows, but that might be a bit hard when he has to start from the very bottom.

From the F- ranked monster the Horned Rabbit, to something great, but it isn't like it's impossible after all the Demon King in his last life was a Horned Rabbit too...

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  • Ratings :
  • 62
  • Pages :
  • 110
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Author
yobyoby18

yobyoby18

easily distracted author

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Aspartame
  • Overall Score

I stopped in the middle of chapter 4, the whole thing is infodump. Followed by a time skip, more infodump, 2 paragraphs of story, then more infodump.

Don't pause the story to directly explain to the reader everything your target audience probably already knows or can infer. If you Have To infodump, have a knowledgeable side character explain it to the MC.

TheSandsOfDeception
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

The narrator, whom I assume is the main character, is constantly speaking directly to the audience. Infodump after infodump is given, with absolutely no reason as to why the main character would be thinking through what exactly fire magic is. Any immersion into the story that you may have gotten is instantly broken, and not for any comedic effect. Infodumps aren't necessarily bad, but in this case they're poorly done.

 

The grammar seems okay though, and I've given the story and characters 4/5 as courtesy, because I didn't actually manage to get through enough to see much of either.

BeastyJD
  • Overall Score

Where is the 4th wall, OH WAIT THE MC BROKE IT

Reviewed at: AS 1: Regal Bladesmanship

I enjoy the story so far love that the mc is a horned rabbit. I don't like how in the early chapters the mc is literally talking to the audience and not to himself. Like he would say something along the lines of "Hey this is why I am doing what I am doing and how im doing it" or when the mc gets a special ability it will say something like "mc forgot to show ability earlier so now he is showing it" instead of thinking to himself "Hmm what do I do 1st, ah yes I do this and this 1st and then that leads to this" and for abilities he could have done something like "what was that ability i forgot to look at it" but after it gets past the 4th chapter it kinda slows down on the whole needless infodump that the mc really doesnt need and neither does the audience.

TL:DR Auther makes mc talk to audience on random stuff that he could make the mc think to himself during the 1st 4 chapters.

The Big Black
  • Overall Score

Nice funny story for relaxing, but early chapters are overflowed with useless descriptions of skills and stats

ChimeraBoi
  • Overall Score

A Horned Rabbit working on being op whats not to like