Undying Empire

Undying Empire

by Scott Edwards

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Traumatising content

Elinor is just a sixteen-year-old goth going through some abnormal teenage drama; her parents are involved in giving some 'unwanted' humanitarian aid to Venezuela, and they're dragging their daughter along to expand her world view ... much to her displeasure.

The jungle sucks and the bus has no air conditioning, and great, she's kidnapped ... The Oscillation happens, monsters attack ... she's a monster. Now, she's in a foreign world, fighting to survive.

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Author
Scott Edwards

Scott Edwards

Mythickin

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Table of Contents
142 Chapters
Chapter Name Release Date
B1 — 0. Humanitarian Aid Sucks! ago
B1 — 1. In Death, Do We Part? ago
B1 — 2. Aren’t Undead Scary? ago
B1 — 3. What If I Get Captured? ago
B1 — 4. Birth Of An Empress ago
B1 — 5. My Secret Weapon! ago
B1 — 6. Is There Hope? ago
B1 — 7. Birth of the Royal Court ago
B1 — 8. Demon ago
B1 — 9. Coming To Terms ago
B1 — 10. The Binding ago
B1 — 11. The Cleansing ago
B1 — 12. The Great Chain In Motion ago
B1 — 13. Forged In Fire ago
B1 — 14. Omens of Madness ago
B1 — 15. Mysterious Marvel ago
B1 — 16. Rise Of The Empire ago
B1 — 17. A Fluffy Terrorist?! ago
B1 — 18. The White God ago
B1 — 19. The Sound Of Thunder ago
B1 — 20. Living Reactor ago
B1 — 21. Lich Nature ago
B1 — 22. Veil of the Witch ago
B1 — 23. The Makings Of An Empire ago
B1 — 24. The Spider Family ago
B1 — 25. The Queen's Story ago
B1 — 26. Rival Sisters ago
B1 — 27. Dominated ago
B1 — 28. Training A Warden ago
B1 — 29. Undying Appetite ago
B1 — 30. Juggernaut ago
B1 — 31. Fear ago
B1 — 32. The Light In A Child ago
B1 — 33. The Clavex Clan’s Trial ago
B1 — 34. The Delthax Clan’s Trial ago
B1 — 35. A Choice To Be Made ago
B1 — 36. Lingering Humanity ago
B1 — 37. Enemy Forces ago
B1 — 38. A Cold Heart Seeking Fire ago
B1 — 39. Supreme Chief Elinor ago
B1 — 40. The System ago
B1 — 41. Declaration Of War ago
B1 — 42. The Parting Ceremony ago
B1 — 43. Overwhelming Force ago
B1 — 44. The Religious System ago
B1 — 45. Hope For Unity ago
B1 — 46. Whom Do You Serve? ago
B1 — 47. Revelation ago
B1 — 48. Setting The Stage ago
B1 — 49. Pray ago
B1 — 50. Choices ago
B1 — 51. Foundations Set ago
B2 — 1. An Empress Rises ago
B2 — 2. Set In Motion ago
B2 — 3. The Avana ago
B2 — 4. Empires Need Capable Servants ago
B2 — 5. Duties Of The Head Maid ago
B2 — 6. Ambassador Klaus Klossner ago
B2 — 7. Unfolding Plots And Speculations ago
B2 — 8. Game On! ago
B2 — 9. Panic! ago
B2 — 10. An Inquisitor At Work ago
B2 — 11. Am I In Moderate Danger? ago
B2 — 12. Talents Of The Youngest ago
B2 — 13. Threatening Forces Abound ago
B2 — 14. I’m Bored ago
B2 — 15. The Antipathy Of A Queen ago
B2 — 16. Baxter ago
B2 — 17. An Empire Grows With Its Enemies Or Falls ago
B2 — 18. Undesirable Position ago
B2 — 19. A Courtly Show ago
B2 — 20. A Royal’s Game ago
B2 — 21. Unique Discovery ago
B2 — 22. Political Sponsors ago
B2 — 23. The Puppet Princess ago
B2 — 24. Deadly Plots and Succulent Secrets ago
B2 — 25. Sari’aél ago
B2 — 26. A Game Of Chess Begins ago
B2 — 27. It Takes A Pawn To Corner A Rook ago
B2 — 28. The Plot Thickens ago
B2 — 29. Lost Souls ago
B2 — 30. Handed A Loaded Gun ago
B2 — 31. Stateswoman Lukuroha ago
B2 — 32. Pirates ago
B2 — 33. An Ally Forged ago
B2 — 34. Unsettling Signs ago
B2 — 35. A Welcoming Estate ago
B2 — 36. The Fruits Of Demon ago
B2 — 37. Sacrifice ago
B2 — 38. Despair And Hope ago
B2 — 39. A Divine Father ago
B2 — 40. Divine Warlord ago
B2 — 41. The Invitation ago
B2 — 42. The Devil Above, Demon Below ago
B2 — 43. The Path Ahead ago
B2 — 44. Finally, Progress ago
B2 — 45. Securing The Future ago
B2 — 46. Life As A Citizen ago
B2 — 47. First General Conference ago
B2 — 48. Cultivating Enmity ago
B3 — 1. Expansion ago
B3 — 2. Fear, Communication, Or Order ago
Tested Positive For COVID-19 ago
B3 — 3. Given New Life ago
B3 — 4. Building Faith ago
B3 — 5. Family Bonds ago
B3 — 6. Ke’Noa’Thra ago
B3 — 7. Familial Delusions ago
B3 — 8. Discovering Worth ago
B3 — 9. Pandemic ago
B3 — 10. Building The Broken ago
B3 — 11. Echoes Of The Past ago
B3 — 12. Resistance ago
B3 — 13. Gambit ago
B3 — 14. Fallen Angel ago
B3 — 15. Milthren’s Test ago
B3 — 16. Last Option, Corruption ago
B3 — 17. Inner Peace ago
B3 — 18. The Choices We Make ago
B3 — 19. Never At Peace ago
B3 — 20. A Cryptic Messenger ago
B3 — 21. A Prize ago
B3 — 22. Second Seed ago
B3 — 23. A Bizarre Twist ago
B3 — 24. Building Trust ago
B3 — 25. Only Teenagers ago
B3 — 26. Sparkling Winds ago
B3 — 27. Xaria Of Excellence ago
B3 — 28. The Power Of A Lord ago
B3 — 29. Journey To Mirelitel ago
B3 — 30. Mission Start ago
B3 — 31. Great Change Ahead ago
B3 — 32. Divine ago
B3 — 33. The Return, Jailor Of Eternities ago
B3 — 34. Way Of The Strong ago
B3 — 35. A Call To War ago
B3 — 36. Rejection ago
B3 — 37. Death In The Mist ago
B3 — 38. Hubris ago
B3 — 39. The Last Domino ago
B3 — 40. Storm Bringer ago
B3 — 41. A Spear And A Hammer Cross ago

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Reviews
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LifeReverse
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

The story is nicely written, the characters have their own quirks and ideas, and the world around our Empress is rife with mysteries.

The system used is similar to litrpg but much more off screen making it mesh easier into the story than a table of numbers that pops up once in a while to disrupt your reading.

The main character has a niche set of skills that makes her good at one thing instead of some stories that make the main character a genius in every field they dabble in but that might change once the story progresses, if it ever will.

The only downside for me is the pacing of the story which is what made me give a lower score. The amount of detail that went into the first day can be quickly seen when one considers that it had taken fifty chapters of considerable length to finish it. If it was a story about a single event happening then that wouldn't be much of a problem but this is an empire fic and kingdom building is a thing here. If making of a stable empire can be done in a span of a week then it wouldn't be realistic. Hopefully the author can cut down a little with the details because if they don't, then it will most likely take more than a hundred years for it to get somewhere.

Bargest
Overall

Started strong and then endless stalling

Reviewed at: B1 — 44. The Religious System

The first chapters were awesome, there was tension, action. Then it started to slow down, first, it was philosophical musings for a full chapter meaning nothing, then it was a full chapter explaining about control of populace. And after being disillusioned, you can notice that chapters are inflated by at least half using musing, stalling, or inflated descriptions.

There was an episode where to ask a question to subordinate undead, 30% of the chapter was spent on meaningless talk about why the question should be asked. And the answer to the question can be summed up as "Never thought of it"

dak'kon
Overall

It starts strong, with strong characters and a premise that is both distinct and well-executed.
The first chapters are tense, as we learn about the characters and the world around them there are constant challenges both emotional and physical.
Towards chapter ten the pacing slows down and then slows down some more. We get a treatise on Architecture, on Government then we get spider girls(like catgirls but a spider, don't ask).
Both tension and challenges are absent, without them character progression is limited.
It's especially jarring since the author can do better.
It seems like only the first chapters were planed plotwise.
If the author can recreate what he did in the first chapters this story may become one of the best on this site.
As it is Undying Empire is above anything else is a disappointment.

MechaHeart
Overall

While yes, I'm sure there's some things that Scott could work on in his writing, he always amazed me with his dedication to researching everything for his novels.

 

I've read up to his latest Patreon chapters, and the amount of philosophy and we'll thought out ideas impress me. These novels are not just whimsical power fantasies. They are flawed characters in unjust situations that make the best of what they've got. Well thought out in comparison to a lot of other web novels I've read. Rather than just write a chapter without much thought, Scott has been crafting a wide web of stories which obviously have a great plan to them.

 

I enjoy reading Scott's novels and look forward to seeing what comes next. 

animetine16
Overall

Finally a worthy Undead Empires Novel

Reviewed at: B1 — 8. Demon

Thank you for the gracious gift of this novel. It is a shining light in a bysmal tunnel of this site. A proper undead empire novel. HA, cant wait for this book to gain chapters. Keep with it, you are doing great! 

Erdos
Overall

One of the more nuanced things around here.

Reviewed at: B1 — 10. The Binding

This author's great strength is writing true-to-life dialogue, one he leans onto heavily. Characters will often air their thoughts in conversations that can be fairly long exchanges of point/counterpoint.

In a way, I can understand the average LitRPG reader of this site, who'll scoff every time “politics slow down the plot”, not enjoying this at all. That's how I rationalize the strange average rating and the somewhat misleading consensus in some of the highly voted on reviews, at least.

This is a fantastic Ruler-type story driven by dialogue. A story with an emphasis on social nuance and the protagonist's inner world and motivations. If I haven't managed to lay out in what way you'll be disappointed by this novel by now, you'll have a great time. Go have fun!

xcares
Overall

American teen goth princess to Undead Empress

Reviewed at: B1 — 14. Omens of Madness

Grammar is good and the style is pretty proficient.
Characterization so far is pretty solid as well. The MC is progressively becoming more and more fleshed out.
The MC's actions make no sense tho. Maybe it's cause she is a teen but i found myself dreading what she will do next.

Can't properly review this with only 14 chapters.
Looking forward to reading a lot more chapters in the future.

Richard Dain
Overall

Started reading on a whim, liking it a lot.

Reviewed at: B1 — 8. Demon

This story has a great opening act, and everything is done very well upto this point. But we're reaching the end of the opening act, and I've seen many stories falter at that point. We're not there yet, so 5 stars. Perhaps I'll come and lower it later though.

zoru_22
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Excellent Characters and some Great Concepts

Reviewed at: B3 — 1. Expansion

- I love the aesthetic of the story, the artistic flourish, and some of the ideas that are being played around with here

- Every character feels unique and different. The different species with separate mentalities are a lot of fun, and it's interesting seeing how they all coagulate under Elinor's powers.

All characters ahve their different priorities, interests, and ties to the world, which makes the universe feel living and breathable.

- The SPAG is EXCELLENT. It's clear time was put in in order to ensure the english was effective and comprehensible. There could be a few more em-dashes and semi colons to help mix up the grammatical style bit more.

- Book 1. Book 1's primary issues are... pacing. Not even pacing of the arc. The problem is that during the tense moments, where things are supposed to have weight and be on a timer, the narrative of that chapter doesn't feel like it's on a timer. There were a couple spots where it was "yeah, we have to hurry!" and then there were 2-4k words dedicated to discussing philosophy.

It's not that the philosophy is bad, but where it was sitting added dissonnance as a reader. It's like being told to hurry out the door by your mom and then you rush to the door and she's still in her room getting ready.

- Book 2 suffered from drawing out a particular conflict for too long. I began skimming chapters because the kind of underlying tension kept me from enjoying the characters and why I'm in the story in the first place.

Overall, I guess the primary issue I have is that SME is still finding his way into pacing. Suggestion: Word count in these kinds of lite-litRPGs are somewhat-analagous to time being spent. I need to be convinced, as a reader, to get my mind off of the mystery of a character being put to sleep for 40k+ words every 8 hours, before I can be convinced that something else matters more.

Some other points that are more nitpicky.

The General Conference chapter and some of the mormon lore had me cringing a little. Suggestion: Do more research into other religions to add to the mix, and don't be so blatant about them. I'm not saying religious references are bad, but given how well the world-building and character building and writing already is, that meta stuff throws me out of the worldbuilding.

Chapter naming - I suggest not naming chapters. The "Bored" chapter had me question if I was having fun reading the story at that point.

The biggest nitpick for the story and the style I have, is that you're introducing mechanics without foreshadowing them really. In particular, I'm talking about power being according to author fiat basically, and the rules of the world not feeling consistent. Everywhere the system is built and then there's exceptions being made to the system on a consistent basis. I understand the story's not a true litRPG, but the power variance has given me whiplash. So far there hasn't been a presented problem where I feel like the reader has enough information to solve it along with the characters, which is exacerbating the issue I have with the power levels and new mechanics of the story coming out of nowhere.

Couple that with the story only being a couple of weeks in total time, I had to dock points on the story and style for those issues.

Overall, it's a good read, I like empire builders and litRPGs, I'm glad you found a way to reduce the grinding present in many of the genre, but it seems there's some rough edges in terms of your plotting and pacing and style which need filing off. I can tell you're working hard, and want to encourage you to continue.

YUN AOSHI
Overall

Me encanta la historia, sería bueno que su título de emperatriz pudiera evolucionar a algo que le permita ser una fuerza a tener en cuenta más que solo ser un personaje que solo gobierne o brinde apoyo, cómo habilidades de campo o de ataques de energía o devorar vitalidad en un rango amplio.