The Fragmented Six (Six Chances)
[Participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge]
What would you do if your life, memories, and feelings were suddenly tied to another person?
Six people. One life.
A spoiled prince haunted by a ghost. A big city swindler with a knack for illusions. A cold soldier with a sharp eye. A pirate with a few screws loose. A chieftain’s bookish daughter with carefully bandaged hands. A peacekeeping agent with an eye for vengeance.
After simultaneously knocking on death’s door, these six find themselves psychically connected across national lines. Tensions rise between them and between their respective countries, which are recovering from a long war over the mysterious vitae—an energy source harvested and utilized in weapons and engines called conductors. Loyalty, memory, and sense of self blur as conspiracies encroach.
Assassination attempts, underground weapons dealings, border conflicts, tales of terrifying beasts, and a terrorist organization called ELPIS.
—Everything is connected. Nothing is coincidental. The spark has ignited…!
Part I: The Converging Six [COMPLETE]
Part II: The Illusionary Six [COMPLETE / (Deep editing)]
Part III: The Fragmented Six [ONGOING]
In-depth blurbs for each part within.
Contains found family, magitech, parallel plotlines that converge, conspiracies, morally gray characters, Chekhov's guns, and a lot of character development.
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This is it.
This is the one.
Incredible world-building, with cultures and settings that bring the story to life.
Characters each speak with their own, unique voice. They are built, and shaped by those around them and connected to them. Fantastic.
Action is superb. Thrilling, suspenseful.
I highly recommend this to most people, the exception being those that come here for blatant wish-fulfilment or murder-hobos.
The characters here are smart, geniuses even in their small, respective domains, but they are flawed as well. Thay must struggle to overcome those flaws, and they sometimes fail.
As the title and synopsis state, this story includes six main characters. They and the world they occupy are well written, but keeping track of everything going on will require some small effort by the reader.
Dialogue flows well with character and scene descriptions, of which there are many. Author clearly knows how to write in a more than acceptable manner.
Overall, grammar is good throughout. There are a number of minor mistakes, but barely enough to trouble even the most grammatically aware. Another editing sweep by the author will likely remove any remaining offenders.
There are some mix ups during treatment of action vs dialogue tags.
Occasional repetitive word usage between adjacent sentences (I know this one is hard to avoid).
Would really like to see capitalised chapter names.
Fixing line spacing throughout chapters 20, 21, and 28 is highly recommended.
The world is quite interesting, and features a number of distinct locales. The world building is enjoyable, as are the central concepts of the author's resource: Vitae. The use of the psychic element is also well done, and provides an opportunity for many engaging scenes. However, some additional exposition of the in-universe terms early on would be of benefit.
Each of the six main characters feels unique in their own way, and the author does a very good job of making them sound different during dialogue. There is also a great number of secondary characters that appear to be equally well written, though some readers may struggle to hold a clear picture of who each character is during the frequent POV shifts.
If you're looking for a story with a wide cast of interesting characters, in a well thought out fantasy world with a magic-like resource, definitely give this a try.
Wonderful worldbuilding, great characterization. As I'm reading I can imagine it as a popular anime (the character portraits probably helped there).
One teeny grammatic issue, a few times there's a period at the end of a spoken sentence where there should be a comma, but it's the only thing that stood out to me.
"Hi there," he said. [Correct]
"Hi there." He said. [Incorrect]
"Hi there." His voice made her blush. [Correct]
If it's one continuous sentence/action then it's a comma. If the spoken sentence is finished and another action takes place, it's a period and a new sentence.