The Immortal

by TheGibber

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content

A story of a man who thought he had lost everything, only to be given a new chance with a particular caveat. Will he achieve his goals this time around? Will he bite off more than he can chew? Will he discover what he had tossed aside in his previous life? Find out when he is taken to a world quite unlike our own. An attempt at a slightly more serious and somber isekai cheat story.

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  • Followers :
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  • Ratings :
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  • Pages :
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Author
TheGibber

TheGibber

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Word Count (12)
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300 Followers
1st Anniversary
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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
1: My Wasted Life ago
2: New Opportunity ago
3: Strange Land ago
4: Fairy Tales ago
5: Other Peoples ago
6: New Relations ago
7: Failed Invention ago
8: Gift ago
9: Uncertain Future ago
10: The Summit ago
11: Jorgen ago
12: Wealth ago
13: Goodbye ago
14: Training ago
15: Dungeon ago
16: Four years pass ago
17: Hannah ago
18: Dryads ago
19: First Magic Lesson ago
20: Bestowal and Creation ago
21: Preparation ago
22: Ceremony ago
23: Festival ago
24: Brahms ago
25: Recruitment ago
26: Clan ago
27: Celebration ago
28: Shopping Trip ago
29: Request ago
30: Dungeon Crawling ago
31: First Day of Work ago
32: Monster (Bosir's POV) ago
33: Return of the Rest ago
34: Duel ago
35: Gearing Up ago
36: Rivalry ago
37: History Lesson ago
38: Nightwatch ago
39: New Routines ago
40: Sad News ago
41: Grave ago
42: Vacation ago
43: Emergency Request ago
44: Hunting Party ago
45: Encirclement ago
46: Dragon ago
47: Lie ago
48: Stories and Thoughts ago
49: Bragging ago
50: Meeting ago
51: Audience ago
52: Lunch ago
53: Unravelling ago
54: Negotiation ago
55: Minera ago
56: Special Cards ago
57: Silvestri ago
58: Representative ago
59: Camp ago
60: Missing ago
61: Threat ago
62: Interrogation ago
63: Pursuit ago
64: Struggle ago
65: Lost ago
66: Split ago
67: Infiltration ago
68: Search ago
69: Imprisonment ago
70: Darkness ago
71: Realization ago
72: Guild ago
73: Exam ago
74: Amina ago
75: Third Class ago
76: Physical Ability ago
77: Tree ago
78: Honecker ago
79: Rank Up ago
80: Acolyte ago
81: Derby ago
82: Bias ago
83: Visitor ago
84: Worth ago
85: Past ago
86: Taxi ago
87: Break ago
88: Destination ago
89: Mortal Relations ago
90: Astonishment ago
91: Effect of Alcohol ago
92: Introspection ago
93: Three Dozen ago
94: Squad Training ago
95: Service ago
96: Expedition ago
97: Whip ago
98: Bile ago
99: Melt ago
100: Colossus ago
101: Dungeon's End ago
102: Honey, I'm Home ago
103: Sulking ago
104: Feelings ago
105: Riot ago
106: Entertainment ago
107: Therapy ago
108: Preaching ago
109: Difficulties ago
110: Brute ago
111: Icy Road ago
112: Rachimov ago
113: Caravan ago
114: Plaza ago
115: Coifs ago
116: Stadium ago
117: Audience ago
118: Heel ago
119: Cheers and Jeers ago
120: Cheating ago
121: Finals ago
122: Only One Left Standing ago
123: Lèse-majesté ago
124: Swept Along ago
125: Introductions ago
126: Easy Dungeon ago
127: Burden of Lives ago
128: Quills ago
129: Caprice ago
130: Nebulous ago
131: Importance of a Hero ago
132: Escape ago
133: Interlude: A Statesman's Burden (Prink's POV) ago
134: Wanderer ago
135: Healing ago
136: Nourishment ago
137: Camp ago
138: Kassa ago
139: God's Win ago
140: Children ago
141: Boredom ago
142: Spiritual Activity ago
143: Noncompliance ago
144: Directions ago
145: Frontier ago
146: Popularity ago
147: Convincing ago
148: Celebration in the Village ago
149: Hardening ago
150: Power ago
151: Abuse ago
152: Growth ago
153: Peaceful Days ago
154: Newcomers ago
155: Future Plans ago
156: Subhuman ago
157: Execution ago
158: To the northeast! ago
159: Scoundrel ago
160: Lies and Truth ago
161: Dungeons and their toys ago
162: Food ago
163: Shame ago
164: City in the Republic ago
165: Resupply ago
166: Currency Exchange ago
167: The Loffreq ago
168: Runner ago
169: Grounded ago
170: Smelting ago
171: Free ago
172: Team Meeting ago
173: Feelings of Guilt ago
174: Bureaucracy ago
175: Tax ago
176: Supporters ago
177: Prejudice ago
178: Suspicion ago
179: Neglect ago
180: Briefing ago
181: Decision-making ago
182: Metal Carriage ago
183: Boredom ago
184: Method of Transportation ago

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Reviews
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Dcethe
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Immortal, but that's his only positive trait.

Reviewed at: 124: Swept Along

General - Honestly, when I started reading this it had my hopes up for a great story, but as I progressed further in I find myself having anerusm's over the character's decisions throughout the story. You had so much potential, but a lot of the story suffered because of your seemingly illogical decisions by Yos. your main character.

Story - A typican fantasy isekai, but with a unique twist with resources that can only be provided through a dungeon. The world building was great as you had kingdoms with bartering systems before an actual economy was slowly introduced. My only problem with this is that Yos never even makes an attempt about learning about the world around him despite suffering for it multple times.

Decisions in the story don't feel natural, its as if your forcibly lowering his IQ whenever he needs to make an important decision.

Spoiler: Spoiler

 

Style - No problems really, There are no massive blocks of paragraphs and everything is decently spaced except for the odd missing sentences every now and then.

Grammar - This is one of your sore spots in the story, a lot of sentences are missing words that make it hard to understand the original meaning I suggest you spend 10 minutes on a chapter just proof reading, or try to hire someone or atleast ask for people to spot out quick mistakes as poor grammar can ruin a flow of even the best stories.

Character - Ah yes, Character. Here we have a 680 year old man baby who shows no increase in social skills despite being around people for 40 years. If you had told us he was afflicted from aaspergers or even autism that would explain why he lacks social skills even toddlers possesse and We as the reader would be much less annoyed everytime he talks, because as it stands he acts like a literal incel.

Yos, despite having previous life experiences, Has shown to make mistakes that a low-iq peasant would make. You establish in the story that he is somewhat smart, but at the same time you decide that he would fall for tricks a kindergardener could make up. Has he never had people try to manipulate him in his last life? was he so sheltered that he never learned how humans operate despite 26 years of modern life on a planet filled with billions of humans, and why does he serious lack ANY, SHORT OR LONG TERM plaing of ANY KIND. Yos was an athlete who knew how to train his body, but if he tries to apply that skill anywhere else it seemingly just dissapears.

Despite having literally one of the worst MC's I have ever read about, your other characters are actually good in your story. People act on basis of greed, get frustated realistically, and even know when to back off at times.

TlDR: If your Protagonist had learned from his mistakes, this novel would easily be top on the site. Character development feels too slow, making it hard to sympathize with the Main Character.

This is as of Chapter 115 - I feel frustrated that I read up to this point as it was a massive waste of time. I have hopes that one day you will improve your skills as a writer.

cya

endoria
Overall

No story to be found

Reviewed at: 85: Past

The big issue with this story is that there is no actual story.
It is an amalgamation of different things happening to a borderline moron MC, who is fixated on "running" (as in athletics) and somehow has no ounce of common sense left in his brain.

There is no actual character development, no progress of getting stronger, no cultivation, no world building, just things happening without any sense.


zimbimbaroo
Overall

Looks like this story suffered from being written in mostly a vacuum. Over 100 chapters posted on four days, 100 chapters that never got the benefit of live feedback. Hopefully the author slows down, get's reader feedback, and refines the story. It's good for a first try. 

crpgnut
Overall

Average story with really short chapters

Reviewed at: 113: Caravan

So, the book is about an OP dude that mostly uses physical boosts in combat and is an absolute moron outside of combat. Total dweeb with zero personality or social skills of any sort. The book so far is probably about 140 real pages. He is an immortal but never learns anything from any experience. He makes the same mistakes repeatedly and never grows as a human.

I was stuck at work or I would have never finished this, lol.

Acerbic
Overall

If you like OP MC out of nowhere.

Reviewed at: 20: Bestowal and Creation

Starts as mildly interesting isekai story about a single-minded person who only wants to be good at running, but then around ch. 13 radically swings with some bs power spike montage.

spookyscaryskeletor
Overall
Spoiler: Spoiler

 

Really fun to read and while the character is obviously a superhuman hero, he never really loses his relatability. Also the author has at times a good sense of humor and an excellent method for writing about sadness and loss.

WOLF CRECENT
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

A good story with a flawed and relatable protagonist in a unique world.

Reviewed at: 124: Swept Along

A good piece of work though with alot of flaws.

The main protagonist is flawed and one of the most stupid characters that I know of but he is somewhat relatable and even charming in a Don Quixote kind of way. He hasn't gone all isekai harem op protagonist who can do no wrong. He is active makes mistakes which he has to deal with and feels human and relatable. He is hardworking, morally good most of the time and has to deal with internal problems that I imagine someone who is immortal has to deal with like loss of loved ones, loneliness and not wanting to be in a relationship due to his condition.

The main problems with our protagonist is that he is so stupid that he doesn't learn thus leading to him suffering when he is among humans.

The main protagonist is also OP and though the reason for his OPness is good he powers up too quickly and easily rather than gradually.

The side characters seem well thought out and somewhat realistic but fail to make much of an impact on.

The world is quite unique and interesting with a world where certain people have gifts that make them faster, stronger or in this case immortal. All resources come from dungeons and cultures have evolved around them. Overall the world building is something that has been done well.

The pacing of the story seems rushed with events packed into each chapter.

The grammar is good enough but there are multiple typos.

Overall this is a good but somewhat rough story that needs a bit of polishing.

FrostPrism
Overall

Currently on chapter 10 and the story is fine but not for me. There are grammar issues, the MC has a weird obsession with running, and he just seems to lack common sense. But if you don't mind any of that give it a read.

GallifreyanNerd
Overall

I like how it goes from wanting such a simple thing, to being an adventure of truly imaginative proportions.

Dragonightmare
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I will admit I'm a little biased I love the immortal learning to live with that gift/curse.so I enjoyed this more than the average reader. while world-building and mechanics are well-written character writing comes off as clumsy at best. the mc from the beginning of the story comes off socially awkward and dense in most situations involving people. ill freely admit I have Aspergers a social disorder. and even too me the mc seems socially inept. another problem is even though you did a good job establishing the world but that does not matter because the main purposes of strong world-building is seeing how the central characters interact and react to the world and how the world reacts to them. the mc seems disinterested in the world around him and while that would work later on after he lived long enough and experienced enough to become disinterested in the world he was not nearly reached that point. the mc also seems in some regards as lazy and unmotivated and considering he used to be a star athlete that comes off as strange considering the amount of effort will power and training to accomplish does not match with how you set him up