Unfathomable Senior

by Kuropon

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Comedy Fantasy GameLit LitRPG Male Lead Martial Arts Portal Fantasy / Isekai Slice of Life Xianxia
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

It all started after I received that weird email...

What? click the boxes to select the body type?

Want me to select a starting point?

Let me put in the name and be done with this, it's getting late...

I always was bad with Chinese names... how about... Zhang Dong ... Hehe...

Wait why is everything going dark...

First time writing anything and English isn't my first language... so plz no bulli...

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Kuropon

Kuropon

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Chapter 1 ago
Chapter 2 ago
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Chapter 5 ago
Chapter 6 ago
Chapter 7 ago
Chapter 8 ago
Chapter 9 ago
Chapter 10 ago
Chapter 11 ago
Chapter 12 ago
Chapter 13 ago
Chapter 14 ago
Chapter 15 ago
Chapter 16 ago
Chapter 17 ago
Chapter 18 ago
Chapter 19 ago
Chapter 20 ago
Chapter 21 ago
Chapter 22 ago
Chapter 23 ago
Chapter 24 ago
Chapter 25 ago
Chapter 26 ago
Chapter 27 ago
Chapter 28 ago
Chapter 29 ago
Chapter 30 ago
Chapter 31 ago
Chapter 32 ago
Chapter 33 ago
Chapter 34 ago
Chapter 35 ago
Chapter 36 ago
Chapter 37 ago
Chapter 38 ago
Chapter 39 ago
Chapter 40 ago
Chapter 41 ago
Chapter 42 ago
Chapter 43 ago
Chapter 44 ago
Chapter 45 ago
Chapter 46 ago
Chapter 47 ago
Chapter 48 ago
Chapter 49 ago
Chapter 50 ago
Chapter 51 ago
Chapter 52 ago
Chapter 53 ago
Chapter 54 ago
Chapter 55 ago
Chapter 56 ago
Chapter 57 ago
Chapter 58 ago
Chapter 59 ago
Chapter 60 ago
Chapter 61 ago
Chapter 62 ago
Chapter 63 ago
Chapter 64 ago
Chapter 65 ago
Chapter 66 ago
Chapter 67 ago
Chapter 68 ago
Chapter 69 ago
Chapter 70 ago
Chapter 71 ago
Chapter 72 ago
Chapter 73 ago
Chapter 74 ago
Chapter 75 ago
Chapter 76 ago

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JackStiles
  • Overall Score

Usually don't enjoy Xianxias

Reviewed at: Chapter 71

There are flaws, sure. It's a fun somewhat wish fulfillment novel that doesn't take itself too seriously. 

I would have liked to see some growth from the start, base level. Hardships, character growth, the likes. It's not a serious novel of that nature though, it keeps it light and fun.  The authors has been able to throw enough hardships in, that even with his overpowered system, it still keeps it interesting.

If you want to enjoy a light Xianxias series for fun, you'll enjoy it.

Steelheart
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Good concept, questionable execution

Reviewed at: Chapter 72

TL;DR: Fairly relaxed, slice of life type of story, with some flaws. Not too bad overall. It's easy to read and understand. In my opinion, there is not enough tension, as the MC has no overarching goal beside getting stronger, or at least no personal investment in anything.

 

A more indepth review aimed at the author:

Style: This is where the biggest flaws appear. The language used is fairly simplistic and doesn't always flow well. To illustrate and give you some pointers on what (not) to do, here are some examples:

  • Don't use the word "guess" at the start of sentences so often. If a character says that in a sentence or thinks it directly, that's (barely) alright. But if you are going for an objective third person narrator, you definitely can't use sentences like "Guess bombarding enemies with overwhelming ranged skills could work,...", because that is a (grammatically incorrectly) shortened version of "I guess bombarding enemies...". Your narrator is third person in every other instance, so this is disorienting and wrong.
  • Don't refer to women as "females". It feels as if you were talking about an animal of some kind, not a human. Call them women, girls, crones (if you like and they're old), anything really, just not "females". You never once referred to men as "males" in your story, probably because of the same reason. It is weird and demeaning.
  • Don't address the reader directly as a narrator when describing things ("You could see a tree..."). This feels weird, because your narrator is not an active participant in the story and neither are your readers.
  • Don't use words like "baddie" when describing enemies (as the narrator). It kills the tension. As an example, let's say we've got the MC facing his archnemesis, the person who killed his family and sold him as a slave in combat. So, a fairly tense situation right? Now watch what happens if you write something like this: "...His eyes were focused on him. He who had taken everything and left only suffering and hatred in his wake. He who killed his wife and children. At the face that was still haunting his dreams every night. Smiling, the slaver drew his sword, the sword used to cut little Jasons head off. The baddie advanced and cut towards his neck...".     Totally kills the tension, right? So long story short, don't do it.

Also another important thing: Show, don't tell!

 Story: For me personally, there isn't enough tension. Everything seems easy, and the MC never seems to struggle. But if slice of life is what you're going for, then that is perfectly fine. Otherwise, it's fairly standard. Nothing exeptionally good or bad here.

Grammar: The spelling is mostly alright, but there are a few mistakes here and there.

Characters: Overall, they're all fairly bland. The MC never seems to really struggle or suffer any actual hardships. I think 70 chapters in, that's unlikely to change. Most characters never feel really fleshed out, most of them are defined by their relationship with the MC.

aelevo
  • Overall Score

Xianxia'ed isekai

Reviewed at: Chapter 52

I feel like reading xianxia version of every isekai with beta op japanese like mc. minus the harem (not yet at least). Good enough read if you already familiar with mtl. 

some_total_kretin
  • Overall Score

W FOR WISH FULLFILLMENT (ALSO WISHY WASHY)

Reviewed at: Chapter 59

As far as xianxia goes, it's ok. The thing is, this novel bypasses the standard grindy training by giving the MC a system with a shop. Shop that already contains everything he could ever possibly need. And then sends him to the world messianic supersoldier style.

The novel could have better execution, but the premise is done so that the MC can get anything without much struggle whatsoever. It cheapens the achievement so much it looses any value it could possibly have. It's the billionaire son bragging about buying a new Lamborghini as a birthday gift for his dog walker.

uictoriam4
  • Overall Score

TL;DR Oblivious MC and kinda like a noob to cultivation and even life generally despite having read many fantasy and cultivation novels

 

The plot is good,the idea is excellent,and even the grammar is fine here if you ignore the few odd errors that crop up once in a while but, the MC is really a noob idiot who runs all around like a headless chicken and I can't in good faith believe that reading about the childish antics of such a person would lead to anything other than destruction of sanity.It could have been funny,but is more of an idiotic story about a person who can't actually think rationally and does dumb things and thinks in a dumb way

Mark Long
  • Overall Score

The beginning were rough. The mc was overpowered and acting like a chicken. However the later chapters are getting better and better. 

Frederick Elliott Walker
  • Overall Score

so most xianxia novels are rediculous in one form or another with lots of double standards. I can not tell you how many I have read where the MC does the very things the 'villains' do but it is heroic? In this story the over powered thing is the system, like all systems are. But the author is trying to make a real person that is not just some murder hobo that is good only because he is MC while he robs and kills everyone. 

As for his system, it is not much defferent than other reward/store systems giving him pionts to spend on stuff. The author seems to make points easy to get and things cheap to buy. Killing gives in 100s for qi lv, 1,000s for foundation lv, and 10,000s for core lv. While the cost of good techques are from 8,000 to 30,000ish. he bought a 5,000 cost techque for qi while spending 26,000 on a core techque? so the pionts and system store is this story's big plot armor hole that most light novels have.

But Xianxia novels always have over powered MCs so get over it? Atleast this novel does not twist logic so that a mentially ill son of a bitch MC (that likes to go on killing sprees because he is a murder hobo) is a 'hero' that people 'love' for his 'kindness' (not killing them) and who is letf alone by more powerful people for dumb flimsy excuses.

As for no one being higher than him, so far the MC started out in middle to late lv for the world so he is stronger than most. Yet near chapter 60 he is starting to get involed with a sect where there are stronger people. The Author did not make this Dragonball themed where MC fights strong opponent just barely winning to have new even stronger opponent appear right after, then rinse and repeat to death. Honestly there are only so many 'strongest in the...' that you can have, after 10 then they are just strong not strongest. So back to point, author is trying to make a realistic world and there does look to be challenge for MC in nearish future but since he started the game with a lv 30 charactor in a game with a lv 50 cap so ya he has had smooth sailing in the starting area. if he did not then his character would be crap and not MC material.

Bottom lines:

New author trying to make a realistic and world and characters-good

A daily releace but shorter chapers-good

has real logic and not because it is-good

MC is actually showing an adjestment period to get use to new world and not instantanious as if he was preparing for it in his mothers womb-good

MC is trying to be hero by doing what he thinks is good-good

there is a system which is the only op thing that makes the MC so Over powered so quickly- not good, but par course for xianxia where MC has to be op.

DrAlt
  • Overall Score

generic cultivation insertion

Reviewed at: Chapter 10

The MC is given xanxia cultivation powers with no experience at using them.  He doesn't need to actually cultivate or work for his powers, there is a system shop with everything, even diet coke.  Shop points are easy for him to get and the chapters are very short.  There is no antagonist/beast who isn't easily handled by the MC in the parts of this story I read.

MastaYoda
  • Overall Score

Original start, Hope it's doesn't change on the way

Reviewed at: Chapter 15

It has only few chapter so far, but it's really good.  The MC is the most realistic one I ever saw in a cultivation world

Good job ! 

Ciaina
  • Overall Score

Solid structure, flawed MC

Reviewed at: Chapter 75
Pretty good grammar, could use some spice, but that is something that comes with time. 
 
Nothing out of the planet, with the exception of the main protagonist. He is a pretty defective human being. 
Again, first story, so experience comes with time. 
 
On a side note : criticism is NOT bullying or being haters. 
It's a rational process, that hardly involves feelings. 
Hypersensitivity is a mental condition, and like all conditions should be addressed and cured.