Unfathomable Senior

by Kuropon

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

It all started after I received that weird email...

What? Click the boxes to select the body type?

Want me to select a starting point?

Let me put in the name and be done with this, it's getting late...

I always was bad with Chinese names... how about... Zhang Dong ... Hehe...

Wait why is everything going dark...

First time writing anything and English isn't my first language... so plz no bulli...

Made a discord server for the story: https://discord.gg/QZ5rpuC

Support me on my Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/kuropon

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Author
Kuropon

Kuropon

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Chapter 1 ago
Chapter 2 ago
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Chapter 25 ago
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Chapter 29 ago
Chapter 30 ago
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Chapter 32 ago
Chapter 33 ago
Chapter 34 ago
Chapter 35 ago
Chapter 36 ago
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Chapter 101 [ Volume 1 Epilogue. ] ago
Chapter 102 [ Start of Volume 2 ] ago
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Chapter 345 ago
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Chapter 348 ago
Chapter 349 ago
Chapter 350 ago
Chapter 351 ago

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Reviews
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Steelheart
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Good concept, questionable execution

Reviewed at: Chapter 72

TL;DR: Fairly relaxed, slice of life type of story, with some flaws. Not too bad overall. It's easy to read and understand. In my opinion, there is not enough tension, as the MC has no overarching goal beside getting stronger, or at least no personal investment in anything.

 

A more indepth review aimed at the author:

Style: This is where the biggest flaws appear. The language used is fairly simplistic and doesn't always flow well. To illustrate and give you some pointers on what (not) to do, here are some examples:

  • Don't use the word "guess" at the start of sentences so often. If a character says that in a sentence or thinks it directly, that's (barely) alright. But if you are going for an objective third person narrator, you definitely can't use sentences like "Guess bombarding enemies with overwhelming ranged skills could work,...", because that is a (grammatically incorrectly) shortened version of "I guess bombarding enemies...". Your narrator is third person in every other instance, so this is disorienting and wrong.
  • Don't refer to women as "females". It feels as if you were talking about an animal of some kind, not a human. Call them women, girls, crones (if you like and they're old), anything really, just not "females". You never once referred to men as "males" in your story, probably because of the same reason. It is weird and demeaning.
  • Don't address the reader directly as a narrator when describing things ("You could see a tree..."). This feels weird, because your narrator is not an active participant in the story and neither are your readers.
  • Don't use words like "baddie" when describing enemies (as the narrator). It kills the tension. As an example, let's say we've got the MC facing his archnemesis, the person who killed his family and sold him as a slave in combat. So, a fairly tense situation right? Now watch what happens if you write something like this: "...His eyes were focused on him. He who had taken everything and left only suffering and hatred in his wake. He who killed his wife and children. At the face that was still haunting his dreams every night. Smiling, the slaver drew his sword, the sword used to cut little Jasons head off. The baddie advanced and cut towards his neck...".     Totally kills the tension, right? So long story short, don't do it.

Also another important thing: Show, don't tell!

 Story: For me personally, there isn't enough tension. Everything seems easy, and the MC never seems to struggle. But if slice of life is what you're going for, then that is perfectly fine. Otherwise, it's fairly standard. Nothing exeptionally good or bad here.

Grammar: The spelling is mostly alright, but there are a few mistakes here and there.

Characters: Overall, they're all fairly bland. The MC never seems to really struggle or suffer any actual hardships. I think 70 chapters in, that's unlikely to change. Most characters never feel really fleshed out, most of them are defined by their relationship with the MC.

Klingeris
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Can be read without thinking

Reviewed at: Chapter 196

Look,

the story does get better after a hundred chapters of below-average power fantasy. Afterwards, the story becomes something that I would rate as average. The length is respectable, but it also means that the author is less likely going back to rewrite the story or correct the many grammatical mistakes.

The story is marked as comedy and it is a very subjective topic, but I personally hate when almost all of the jokes are referring to a meme's or pop-culture. There are some good one's but, again, in the latter part of the story.

My main issue, however, is that that the only person with a semblance of any character is the MC (and one side character at the start of the story), and even that is stretching the definition of the word a bit.

Everyone is a cliche. Disciples? Enemies? Friends? All cliche. Every single character is one dimensional. Everything revolves around MC. No one even questions MC, everyone just accepts, that he is right and just. 

You would think that if he is thrown in an unknown world he would mostly mess up, but no. He just goes around almost never making a mistake with no logical explanation, besides - modern man smart, natives - not. Traditions? Civilization? Functional society? What's that? Probably nothing important.

In the end, the only people I can recommend this story to is the ones who want a long read which does not challenge you to think.

CrimsonPhoenix
Overall

Decent but MC ruins it

Reviewed at: Chapter 121

Personally, I enjoyed the story but the recent chapters have made me decide to quit. The premise is ok, the grammar is good and the world you've created is nice but the main character ruined it for me. Initially, I was fine with his antics as being thrown into a cultivation world from the modern world would require a period of time to adjust so the entire first major arc was somewhat believable and enjoyable. However, the time skip into the second arc and the MC's actions in the new arc ruined everything because he's still a massive idiot. I feel like that time skip should have allowed him to become more mature, a better leader, and more knowledgeable/adjusted with the cultivation world he found himself in but that's not the case. He doesn't act like a proper leader, doesn't ask for advice from the more experienced people, doesn't take into account the new worldview and so much more. He is currently trying to introduce modern concepts like law, trials, police, weekend, etc but he fails to tell others what he wants and just arbitrarily says this is how it's going to be without trying to make sure his clan understands. He completely fails as a leader and acts like a dictator that has no clue how to run a clan let alone a city. The MC's actions make it seem like he's a little kid bossing people around and assuming everything will understand what he wants and that everything will turn out fine but it doesn't and won't. For that, I've finally decided to drop it. To the author, I enjoyed it so far but your MC isn't really growing or developing and seems stuck as if he had just arrived in the world in all the ways that matter besides combat.

JackStiles
Overall

Usually don't enjoy Xianxias

Reviewed at: Chapter 71

There are flaws, sure. It's a fun somewhat wish fulfillment novel that doesn't take itself too seriously. 

I would have liked to see some growth from the start, base level. Hardships, character growth, the likes. It's not a serious novel of that nature though, it keeps it light and fun.  The authors has been able to throw enough hardships in, that even with his overpowered system, it still keeps it interesting.

If you want to enjoy a light Xianxias series for fun, you'll enjoy it.

Aggammenonn
Overall

Kuropon isn't reinventing the wheel with this story, but the toungue-in-cheek manner in which it unfolds is amusing. I'm enjoying this story a great deal, even with its flaws.

Be a Zhang! :p

some total kretin
Overall

W FOR WISH FULLFILLMENT (ALSO WISHY WASHY)

Reviewed at: Chapter 59

As far as xianxia goes, it's ok. The thing is, this novel bypasses the standard grindy training by giving the MC a system with a shop. Shop that already contains everything he could ever possibly need. And then sends him to the world messianic supersoldier style.

The novel could have better execution, but the premise is done so that the MC can get anything without much struggle whatsoever. It cheapens the achievement so much it looses any value it could possibly have. It's the billionaire son bragging about buying a new Lamborghini as a birthday gift for his dog walker.

apocolypse101
Overall

Nothing super original about the concept behind the story since it's your classic "gamer gets transmigrated to another world with a mysterious game-like system" story.  However, it is well written and fairly amusing for a xianxia story, without too much filler or dragging out the plot.  Overall, it is a decent story that is fairly enjoyable.

Zir
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Quality Steadily Improves

Reviewed at: Chapter 163

The plot is great, and I really enjoy the cultivation system senior simulator genre which is what helped me get through the truly atrocious grammar in the first lot of chapters. If there was just a single editing pass this story could be way more popular. My only complaint about the story content is that the tournament arc had way too much filler as most tourny arcs do, but the climax was excellent.

Also the city development chapters were super enjoyable and it is really nice seeing different perspectives of towns people/disciples.

Also, it's thorough not throughout, though the typos/misused words dont really bother me since the author is esl.

Overall very enjoyable and worth reading if you can get through the first 30 chapters or so.

Noctis479
Overall

Comedy and inventive use of tropes

Reviewed at: Chapter 71

Really enjoying the story so far, comedy is exellent. 

I'm no expert on xianxia because I feel most protaganists suffer from identical personalities, always intelligent and calm in every situation, nice to see something a little different here. The tropes used are the same as other xianxia however I feel the tounge in cheek way they're used and the general comedy keeps them fresh.

A few errors or wonky grammar/structure, but as the author is not a native english speeker I expect some differences, reading american authors has enough thinkgs looking strange to a Brit! Also this is something to expect from amature authors.

Hope this will continue into the future!

Peter_the_great
Overall

The story is ok but it alienates me halfway

Reviewed at: Chapter 278

The story was great but seems the author lost interest in the story and doese something unexpected and unappreciated  

he simply put the MC in a different world and forgot about everything else in the first world it's like you watch a movie and after the build up is about to explode the main character is transferred into a new movie with little to no mention of the ending I don't like this every time this carp happens I drop the webnovel I read since it completely alienates me from the story .I get that the characters will eventually reunite but the time passed and the situation changed so much that it completely ruins the flow  I also have a very hard time caring for the new characters like I just want to go back to the story.