Old Riding Author Lunatic Asylum

by Sidewelter

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

Just off the A19, in the dark, incomprehensible lands known as Yorkshire, there lies a town. A town where shadow-silent alleys glint with the secret hunger of knives. Where blood soaks the chipboard window shutters of forsaken terraces stretching off into the night. Where the smog-choked air rattles with the depraved laughter echoing out from clubs that can only generously be described as post-apocalyptic.

Well, that’s Middlesbrough. But down the A19 a bit (an impossibly long way down, actually) there lies another town: Raughnen, in the ancient, forgotten Old Riding. It is an equal match in muggery and thuggery alike. It also has magic spells and pointy wizard hats.

And now, across the miles and across all sensibilities, a pretty nasty power (a magic one) calls out for its pretty nasty counterpart (a decidedly unmagic one): a proper sound Boro lad.

Nothing good can come of it.



This is a collection of one novella and four connected short stories:


I. A Yorkshire Summoning

II. Old Riding Day Trip (the novella)

III. Heaven is a Parmo

IV. Death on the 66

V. Death on the 257

In total, this comprises 34 chapters totalling around 35,000 words, so try not to worry. It will be over relatively quickly.


There are three more short stories with more tenuous links to the core collection: Rush, Paper Round and Scenario 79: Sausage Fingers, all of which can be found in my collection Short Records of Misadventure. Reading these may allow you to make more sense of certain parts of the story, if any sense is to be made at all.



NOTE: There are instances of prejudice and discrimination within these stories, including elements of sexism and ageism, which are purely the thoughts and actions of the characters involved and which certainly do not reflect my own views on these matters.


ANOTHER NOTE; A WARNING, PERHAPS: This can get a bit weird. In less than 150 pages, we have four viewpoints, first and third person narratives, and a completely disjointed plot with lots of gaps, dead ends and no real resolution. Also ZERO lunatic asylums. It's all a bit odd. If that sort of thing isn't your cup of tea, which it most likely isn't, it might be best to move on now.

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Word Count (13)
Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
A Yorkshire Summoning I ago
A Yorkshire Summoning II ago
Old Riding Day Trip I: Nothing Bad Ever Happens to Tourists ago
Old Riding Day Trip II: Sometimes Bad Things Happen to Tourists ago
Old Riding Day Trip III: Grub Up ago
ORDT IV: Show Me a Sign ago
ORDT V: The Demon Museum, a Destination of My Own Choice ago
ORDT VI: Quest No. 21825 ago
ORDT VII: Fall of the Teawalker ago
ORDT VIII: Dealer ago
ORDT IX: Square One ago
ORDT X: A Riveting Conversation ago
ORDT XI: Afternoon Amble, or the Big Massive Sweaty Horrible Hike ago
ORDT XII: Shotguns in the Dark ago
ORDT XIII: Mrs. Bradley and Her Technologically Innovative Daughter ago
ORDT XIV: The Real Monsters ago
ORDT XV: The Church on the Hill ago
ORDT XVI: Boro Lad ago
ORDT XVII: One For the Road ago
ORDT XVIII: It's Not You, It's Everything ago
ORDT XIX: Long Way Up ago
ORDT XX: A19, 22:45 ago
Heaven is a Parmo I ago
Heaven is a Parmo II ago
Heaven is a Parmo III ago
Heaven is a Parmo IV ago
Death on the 66 I ago
Death on the 66 II ago
Death on the 66 III ago
Death on the 257 I ago
Death on the 257 II ago
Death on the 257 III ago
Death on the 257 IV ago
Death on the 257 V ago

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