Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

The Gods are dead

As they bled dry, so did the magic which gave them birth. In the new era of technology, its pathetic remnants must hide in the shadows or be locked away. In the ancient era of magic two beings often stood out: Galileo, an immortal scholar obsessed with knowledge and Angelica, the most loyal servant of the greatest among the now dead Gods. But why are they worthy of mention? Because after millennia of isolation, the two emerge in the new world beyond their reckoning.


The entire story is told from the third person, however, each chapter will be told from the perspective of only one of the characters. This will be signified by the first letter of their names after the chapter number to avoid confusion.

I submitted this fiction as a  [participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge] as well as a participant in National Novel Writing Month. The original challenge had been to finish this entire faction within the month of November reaching the 55.5k word minimum. This goal had been achieved.


I do not own the cover picture

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Author
sarvashaktimaan

sarvashaktimaan

master procrastinator

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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
Reviews
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Dawodd
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Two ancient immortals in a not so ancient world.

Reviewed at: 11G A great match

(As of chapter 11)
Overall:

The premise is an interesting one. With two main characters that must individually find their way through a world that's completely alien to them yet familiar to us. So far, it's been an enjoyable read. And definitely different from the usual formula of just punching everyone and everything in sight.

Style:

The story shifts between the POVs of its two main characters. I won't go into much detail due to spoilers, but although their paths are separate, you can still see some influence that one's choices indirectly have on the other.

Grammar:

Not much to say except that the grammar is very good. You likely would have a bit of a hard time finding typos unless you're an experienced editor and/or are looking for them.

Story:

The story so far is probably my personal favorite in terms of these categories . It has a good bit of world building, which is a drug that I and several others are addicted to. Following the two main characters as they each choose a very different path to forge their way, you get insight into their old world and see how this new one is similar to our own, yet different in certain aspects as well.

Character:

The "mad" god with an insatiable thirst for knowledge and the archangel looking for her purpose. The way they try to adapt and change themselves to match their new environment has been fun to watch. Once again I can't say much because spoilers, but let's just say that it's the little things that give them some trouble. The side cast is interesting as well so far, but I'll wait for the story to continue further to see more of them before casting my opinion.

 

javert
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

A story that can't decide if it's silly or serious

Reviewed at: 01G - Prologue

Review written as of chapter 11. This review was written as part of a review swap.

Seeker is an interesting story, I'll give it that. The general premise of the story is that two hyper-powerful magical beings functionally spent 2000 years in hibernation, and emerged into a world where the old ways of gods and magic are mostly dead, and technology and science rule. I like that premise. Unfortunately, the story doesn't quite live up to its full potential.

Style

The writing style is... fine. The author spends a lot of time trying to describe magical/religious/mystical events with grandeur, but it comes off as clunky rather than poetic. The prologue chapter contains some of the worst examples of this, so if you don't mind that, you'll probably enjoy the rest of the story.

Grammar

There are occasional typos and grammar mistakes, including things like wrong apostrophes and mis-punctuated dialogue. It's not a huge deal. If you're not a nitpicker, you won't notice anything wrong.

Character

Character is one of the biggest areas in which this story falls a little flat. The problem here is that there are two main characters, Angelica and Galileo, who are generally unlikable.

Angelica (really could not have picked a more on the nose name!) is supposed to be the "good" and "nice" character, I believe, because we're supposed to feel sorry for her for spending 2000 years basically in solitary confinement, with her limbs ripped off. The reader feels pity for that, but when one of the first things Angelica does after being freed is do some mass murder, that lessens the pity just a little bit

Galileo is straight up a self-centered jerk. If the goal is to hate him from page one, then yep, success at that.

Because they are more powerful than everyone around them, both Angelica and Galileo spend a lot of time looking down on everyone around them. While understandable, it's annoying. It has the unfortunate effect of making it hard for the side characters (who have real potential to be interesting!) to shine, because at every second the POV character is going "they're so much less than me for xyz reason." 

Story

So here's where the other two big problems come up for me.

The first one is that Seeker can't decide if it wants to be silly or serious. Angelica's POV segments are presented very seriously, and the narration reflects that. On the other hand, you have Galileo working a retail shift and hating it, dicking around on the internet for hours and hours, clicking on scam links because he doesn't understand what they are, and competing in a chess tournament. It's a weird tonal dissonance, and it's not helped by the fact that...

The overarching plot hasn't shown up yet. I don't understand what the conflict is in this story, what the character's goals are, or why anything is happening. Angelica, maybe, you could claim she has the goal of bringing religion and maybe the gods back to the world, and there's maybe some kind of organization that opposes this. But Galileo? He seems content to just futz around and badly learn how guns work. I think the conflicts and goals need to be more clearly stated and show up earlier in the story, in order to help the reader stay invested.

Overall

I think Seeker has a lot of promise in its concept, but I think the author needs to commit to various things: tone, conflict, and the way that the characters are meant to be related to by the audience. It's worth reading and is not bad, but slightly hard to stay invested without a major plot showing up yet.

Nexfer
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Good for short story

Reviewed at: 26G Endgame

This is a short story for my standards but enjoyable no less. 

Even reminds me of 'Coiling dragon' with these deties and all. 

STYLE SCORE:

I want to give 5+ to the author for being able to lead me from hoping from one lead to others without annoying me with abrupt transferring of point-views. I didn't have an urge to jump back to one of the hero of this story and being bored with another. I was really interested in every main characters. 

STORY SCORE:

Interesting  concept of deities like gods and devils and modern world with magic and technology but without symbiotic stuff between them. 

GRAMMAR SCORE:

I'm not native English speaker that's why it's not up to me to comment about it. 

CHARACTER SCORE:

This story is short but even then i fully grasped their characters and i don't have much to add here

Spoiler: for those who is not afraid

 

 

Zadikaria
Overall

Came on a Whim, Stayed for the Bootleg

Reviewed at: Afterword

Its an alright story, with some very enjoyable bootleg SCP Foundation lore.  It isn't very long as of right now, so give it a read.  Be warned though, the character arcs in this story will give you whiplash.

Igor Karpliuk
Overall

Nice work, keep it up, man! I hope you will write more and more books, and if you do, I hope they will be as good as this one or even better than this one! How long did it take you to write this anyway? It must have taken months to do it, maybe even more... 

Asviloka
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Immortals awaken in a land of dead gods

Reviewed at: Afterword

First off, awesome premise. I highly enjoyed the story of Galileo, an ancient wizard awakening in the modern world, with a fascinating combination of insane power and childlike curiosity. But between finding a job and searching the internet for knowledge, he ends up entangled in the silent battle between the Covenant - who seek to preserve relics of ancient magic - and the Foundation who seek to destroy them.

Like I said. Awesome premise.

The story as a whole, though, had some issues.

Galileo isn't the only main character. We also have Angelica. An angel of the olden times, seeking to fill in for her now-deceased god. She goes around talking to churchgoers and stuff. And does powerful dramatic things whenever she gets the whim to do so. Her PoV chapters felt weird and largely pointless. I didn't skip them in case anything important happened, but it never seemed to pay off.

The chess subplot really really bothered me. Games between highly skilled players tend to end in a draw quite frequently, from what I've seen. It seems incredibly unlikely that Q is actually so much better that G that they never even drew once unless he's incredibly slow on the uptake. For a few days, yes, he'd be pwnt, but after weeks and months of playing regularly? With access to the internet and his own superhuman intellect? Feels very forced to me.

I wish we could've had more time with G and Q. Their developing friendship felt very sidelined. I could've done with a bit less boring angel and more actual character development for our main dude.

And then the end happens. I won't spoil anything here, but it felt rushed. Some of the revelations were very abrupt. I suspect that's just a biproduct of the nano-ness of it, but it's worth noting.

Typos are regular, expect a handful in each chapter.

Overall, it has a lot of potential. It plays with some of my favourite plot elements, and with a bit of editing and polishing could be an absolutely stellar little adventure.

 [I read this story as part of a review swap.]