Before the Fall
by Chaos_is_Harmony
A hero rises from the ashes of a ruined land, journeying to defeat the one who brought such misery. But when he succeeds and ends the Dark Lord's reign of terror, what then is left for the man who dedicated his life to such a singular pursuit? What can he do once his nemesis is returned to dust? What happens before the fall is oft sung of in tales new and old, but what happens after comes in hushed whispers, if at all.
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- Total Views :
- 1,125
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- Ratings :
- 5
- Pages :
- 9
| Chapter Name | Release Date |
|---|---|
| Before the Fall — I:III | ago |
| Before the Fall — II:II | ago |
| Before the Fall — III:I | ago |
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A Tiny Tragedy
Reviewed at: Before the Fall — III:I
The author asked for reviews on the basis of writing style, so I will center my review around that. The story is very simple--it's about what happens to a hero after emerging victorious--and so there isn't much to say there.
The writing, because it's in the form of a nine-page short story, has got a consistent issue. The syntax is nice and varied. The vocabulary's got a lot of big words. There could be more rhythm to each line, but it's not boring. But the imagery? The sensory detail? It ain't really here. The story takes place over a long time, and takes a distant approach to narrating its protagonist, so it needs absolutely vivid detail to grab us and pull us into the character's story, and that's a little lacking here.
This line is an example of the kind of writing that is common in this short story:
"The flame blossoms into a very familiar, all-consuming conflagration, filling the void to its very edges. For in the end, the actions of the sword share the same results in spite of their intent."
Does that give you any image that pops into your head? It doesn't for me! It's some nice wordplay, but I can't picture anything, I can't feel anything. And thus, I can't really get a sense of what the character is going through or why he does what he does.
So while the story was interesting, the prose itself didn't sell me on it and I wasn't able to get much out of it. I would suggest to the author to read a lot more modern free-verse poetry, where concrete imagery is vital. Also maybe my friend wrote on diction and emphasis on a line-by-line basis.
Since the story's really short, you ought to check it out for yourself anyway. Support short story writers!
A Short and Beautiful Tragedy
Reviewed at: Before the Fall — III:I
It's brilliant and only 9 pages, so go read it already.
There's a lack of imagery in places, I have a great idea of the Dark Lord but not so much anything else. Further, the timespan of the story is massive and the shortness of the story makes that hard to appreciate. Not sure how to fix that if you're committed to the 3 pages a chapter and just 3 chapters format but perhaps less focus on the specefics and more on the generalities of his life?