From: Kamal E Y < [email protected] >
To: Sabrina < [email protected] >
Sent: 27 April, 2000 09:20 PM
Subject: love and gratitude
To call up now and ask my family to move here is impractical. My brother doesn't have a job. If he also had a software job, then things would have been much better. And I have to find a job here which will be high paying so that I can support my parents and sister. And the other thing is Germany has not actually started giving green cards. I am preparing now itself.
How did the Indian neighbor of your cousin settle there? I want to know about that. Does he speak your language? From which part of India is he? How long has he been there? Where does he stay? In India or S city?
I know what you mean by the deadline. I also wish it would never come up. I know your plans for traveling and writing and about kids. What I asked was the case if we couldn't marry. Ok, if we could marry, we can have kids, or else we have to forget the dream. I also wanted to have kids, but...
I wrote to you in the last mail about the problems of being partners, right? I meant, being staying unmarried is as difficult as marrying you. If I stay unmarried, my parents and relatives will try their best to get me married. But at least we have one more option.
These are days of bad dreams. Yesterday night also I had a bad dream. The weather here has become very bot. today it is 27 degrees.
You wrote that you can hurt your family and some of your friends. Yes, there is the point. You are not close to your family. You don't have any soft feelings for them. But for friends, you care. For me, my family is close to me also, just like your friends. I hate to be so close to them. But it had been like that. Imagine a situation where all your friends stand against our relation. Just imagine. I know you will say that you can convince them. Yes, maybe. But if you can't, how difficult it will become for you? Does anyone of your family know about our relationship? I guess not.
You said you can't be controlled by anyone. I think you are controlled by your love, right? For me, it is the same. I love you and my parents. I think I love you more than I love my parents. But with parents, the only binding thing is gratitude. They have done so much for me. So I have to do something. It is not compulsory, it is only a feeling. And I should not bring harm to their pride among relatives or their friends. If I disobey them, they will be secretly teased by other people. This is my dilemma. I thought about my love towards you and towards them. I am sure that I love you much more.