Reincarnation

by person

Original HIATUS Action Adventure Fantasy
A original story that depicts the life of Sera a Demibeast that is the reincarnation of two souls. The story will depict events that happened in her life as she is thrown into the turmoils that await her throughout her journey. With no memories of her past(Which will be in the first 6 chapters so no mystery here) she travels the lands slowly crafting her legend.

Author note:Thinking of a description is harder than writing the actual fiction T^T. I initially wanted to make it shorter but minimum 100 words for description so here is author note to hopefully use up the 100 words XD. Btw this is the first description i have ever wrote so i don't expect it to be good but hopefully its acceptable. :D
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 138,165
  • Average Views :
  • 3,370
  • Followers :
  • 199
  • Favorites :
  • 54
  • Ratings :
  • 27
  • Pages :
  • 244
Advertisement
Remove
Go to Table of Contents
Rate it
Fiction breaking rules? Report
Advertisement
Remove
Author
person

person

Achievements
6th Anniversary
Word Count (VIII)
200 Followers
50 Comments
Top List #2000
100,000 Views
Advertisement
Remove

Leave a review

Reviews
Sort by:
RdotC15
  • Overall Score

This FF would be a lot better if it got 1 or maybe 2 chapters a day not a lot of progress however the story is really good and I hope he continues to write more <3

Elijah808
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

The Girl with the Soul of the Overpowered Hero and Overlord Dragon

Story & Character: Ria the girl born with soul of the overpowered hero and overlord dragon. Need I say much the potential of this story has? Story is shown from various POV surrounding Ria. There's a little mix of tragedy in the beginning but nothing over the top for those with a weak heart. There's just enough drama to develop an attachment for the MC. Though Ria is a reincarnated being, she has little to no memory of her past life and so she starts off just as that, a young naive curious girl with a hidden potential. Lots of actions and quick pace. 

 

Style: & Grammar: Above average compared to most FF in this site. There are instances where words are switched such when author used "except" instead of "accept" or "on" instead of "and" based on the context. Author needs to work on eliminating run on sentences that happens time to time. Description of the world as the characters sees it is simple, however author has shown to be improving in this area. 

 

Check the story out, it's pretty interesting. 

markhtar
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Sooooooooooooooo what to say, what to say ?

Sooooooooooooooo what to say, what to say ? 

Style/ Grammar : You can do better than this and you will… Hopefully, readers poitings out mistakes will help you proress. I can’t really dissoiate it from the grammar here since your grammar is basically an hindrance to your writting. Don’t be depressed, it’s not that bad, but it’s still enough for me to notice; Hopefully, here again you shall progress and it will get better! 

Be careful with the POV, I know many people love to get different POV on RRL, but seriously, if you make one make sure it’s actually useful to the story or at least to it’s comprehension. Instead of writting “the group POV” you ould simply put 3rd person POV As you did before, since the grop is actually several persons (Thank you captain obvious….), or stick to one member of the group POV to do this.

(Personally I don’t like the way the POV is changed, you should make it in order to be noticed without having to put a title, but then again it’s seem to be a bad habit on RRL, be careful thought, at some point it may hinder your progression as a writter.)

 

Story : Gave you a 5…. But I’m not really sur of the plot right now… I guess it’s to early in the story to complain,  and since it is interesting it’s fine with me. 

 

Character : Gloablly fine, still to early to really judge this part though (11 chapters at the time)

 

Overall : I enjoyed reading it, it’s refreshing and as long as you are not a grammar nazi you should be able to enjoy ride ? (I’m reviewing the rewritted version, not the previous one!)

markyparky10
  • Overall Score

So far this story has been quite interesting and entertaining. I found the double name change kind of funny though. Anyway, enjoying it so far. Keep up the good work.

LW130003
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Interesting story with a lot of potential. I like the split personality idea and it quickly become one of my favorite fan fictions. Do not worry with other people comments, please continue writing this fan fictions.

Argos
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Full Member of ‘THE GROUP”

My way of reviewing and rating will be to have a paragraph of notes, then a value which lowers or increases the score. Everyone starts with a score of 5/5, then I lower as I go. Originally it was 0/0 and I add or decrease as I go… but everyone ends up with a negative score…

[spoiler]

World Setting

The world told by Person is simplistic and understandable. There are 6 total races (this is either the 6 most powerful, 6 most general, or really the only 6 races in the world) and they are basically equal, each of them having a territory (although I would like to know how much of the world is covered in water). (Style +-0)

Story POV sometimes switches to a ‘Narration’ and gives some details of the world. Simple. (Style -0.5)

It is weird that the original 6 races doesn’t hold for very long. Even if some races were banished or just aren’t smart enough, I personally think that the ‘Daema’ should also be included in the race category. Or at least make it so that there are 6 ‘dominant’ races instead of just 6 races. Its a picky little thing. (Story -1)

 

Originality/Freshness

Seems like a regular Gladiator type story. MC becomes a slave, is sold to become a warrior, rises up in rankings due to personal skills (or in this case, the oddity of having magic when she shouldn’t). What seems new is that the rebirth aspect of this, doesn’t manifest as memories, but as skills (magic) and other oddities (dual personality). (Story +1)

 

Story Flow

Quite weird. We view it from mainly Ria’s POV and this is fine, but we also get to see from the POVs of others. Be careful of the problems that come from adding some background to POVs. For example, Chapter 5 Dalek POV started before he met Ria. Very odd to read and it would have been fine to just start it off from when they split. (Style -0.5)

Interruptions of Narration is sometimes necessary, but it also cuts into the reading. Various POVs also make for a messy type of structure. Its new and sort of original, but its also a mess to read. (Style -1)

There are a few holes in the story that I see. Main one in my mind atm is the school and their response to the Elf and Human killing the rank c Daema. I highly doubt a military school would accept an explanation that the two killed a higher ranking beast, just based off their words. Unless they really kissed ass on the side, no real military structure would promote anyone without ‘seeing’ the actual deed being done. Nothing worse than having a civilian idiot in uniform, commanding others in battle. Again, unless they really kissed ass. Even with discrimination, a good and properly trained demibeast is much more useful on the front line, then back at training camp. (Story -0.5)

 

Chapter Length

Chapters range between 1.3k to 1.8k words. To me, this range is a ‘small’ range and should really be only used when the author uploads every day. Instead, the story seems to be written in batches. Prologue to Chapter 5 is one batch, done in June. Chapters 7 and 8 are the second batch, done in December. No idea when the next batch will come. Although people obviously have RL problems, I would at least post something that gives a reason for the lack of chapters. (Overall -0.5)

 

Character Depth, Consistency, Development

Right now, Ria seems to be a sad character that is in an extended state of depression. This is sometimes consistent throughout the story and readers know she is a sad character. The only real flaws are when she talks to other male characters. (Character +-0)

We have her background story already, we just need you, as the author, to come up with a proper personality for that type of past. There are a few choices. Either go total Ice Queen with a small side for love, or go Creepy Happy Lady trying to hide her past and etc. There are a few other choices too, just make sure you know what the personality should be. (Character -0.5)

 

Interaction of Characters

Very ODD. She speaks to Darek and Lionel with more emotion than we actually see. I was thinking she would be a dead fish doing everything, but she reacts quite a bit to other characters. Not very nicely done though. (Character -1)

 

Quality of Dialogue

Dialogue seems realistic, until we get to the teachers. Not even adding quotations, we have several paragraphs of very detailed explanations, something not truly done on the first day. The ranking speech was way too long and could have been broken down. Ranking for the classes is done on the first day. Ranking of items should be done when they get equipped. Ranking of Daema is done when they actually start training. Combining them all just makes it a slow read. Something I did my first time through when I wrote. (Style -0.5)

 

Inner Monologue

She seems to mostly be narrated by her actions instead of thoughts, but we do see some of her inner thoughts from time to time. The thoughts however, seem to match Sera (her when she was young) more than Ria. For example, when Lionel first talked to her, she is very nervous and somewhat confused at the situation. Those types of feelings seem to contrast with how she is supposedly depicted (uncaring and depressed somewhat). (Character -0.5)

 

Quality of Descriptions

Very, very simple. We do not get any information that pertains to the size, colour, look, or quality of an object. The school Ria goes to, is it new? Old? Rundown? We don’t know. Her clothes, are they stiff? Soft? Comfortable? We don’t know. The lack of description makes the story very plain and boring and my imagination can only fill in the details so much. We don’t even know much more than her hair and eye colour, only that she is pretty enough to charm most boys her own age (yet the adults and slavers seemingly lack any pedophilic thoughts, not something that seems realistic when dealing with people in those kind of jobs). (Style -1) (Story -1) (Grammar -0.5)

 

Grammar/Formatting

The text is not a wall of text like something I read before, nor is it one or two liners. Instead, they seem properly sized and I don’t visibly see a problem with reading them. (Grammer +0)

The real big problem seems to be the use of ‘enter’ Paragraphs are sometimes mushed together and make a mess of the reading. Sometimes there are a great many lines between the paragraphs and that just looks horrible. (Grammar -0.5)

There is also a distinct lack of commas. Sentences run on for a few lines without one comma and that makes for a very tough to read passage. I had to imagine commas in some of the sentences, which is both stupid and crazy. Also, several words are missing from important areas, and that also messes up any semblance of a smooth read. (Grammar -1)

 

Logic (Most serious for me)

I don’t really find Re stories to be fun, but most of them are supposed to have the MC remember his/her past. If there is no remembering, then there really shouldn’t be a reason to write about the MC’s past life in the prologue. It would have worked just to have a later case of ‘Reincarnation’ theories surrounding the MC’s magic powers, instead of the whole ‘Hero Classed Previous Life’. (Story -0.5)

Next is the logic surrounding Demibeast discrimination. They supposedly denied technology, but the author refrains from explaining why. Did they find technology too soft? Did technology have some bad effects on Demibeast lives? Did it stink? Were they just too poor to acquire it? Many authors add in ideas that greatly impact the story, without actually giving a proper reason behind it. Falling for that kind of problem makes the story lack real substance. (Story -0.5)

Again, the logic surrounding promotion in the school has a huge hole. That is, the word of a student is worth waaay too much. If I was in school there, I would just go out from time to time and explain that the monsters I fought were several ranks higher than reported. Maybe even give some spiel about how I got rid of the bodies with my almighty powers. As a second part of this, you had the elf and human smile in happiness when they saw her, which is very weird. I was about to think they were happy to see she was alive, but then they put her down and bullied her. Oh, another illogical idea. If she could kill a rank C, why aren’t the two afraid of her killing them? They were only rank Es. Very weird. (Story -1.5)

 

Overall

Not my favorite, not gonna continue to read. Read up to the most recent chapter (chapter 8)

[/spoiler]

 

 

Botyok
  • Overall Score

I luckily found this ,gem, again today.
I seriously thought it was dropped and I was so sad (ToT) since this is the first fanfic I've read from japtem.
And it was really surprising for me to find it here,updated.
Well, I guess I'm just at the right place at the right time.Hehehe.

Overall the story is interesting and good.
Also it leaves you wanting MOAR chapters.


----SPOILER----

I like that she has no memories of her past self because she would be too OP from the beginning. Don't be mistaken, I like OP MCs but I also like characters that started out weak ( though in Ria's case (-v-) that later train themselves to beat and  prove their enemies how they were so wrong about him/her. mwahahaha

@person: Welcome back, idol!!! Thank you for sharing your story to us. Also, keep up the good work.