by Avery Light
- Traumatising content
A man from Earth, just an average Joe you passed by on the street.
He reincarnates into a fantasy world, but the guy has read and watched fantasy stories before... lots of them, and so he makes the stories his spirit guide.
This is his story in a western style cultivation-ish world. A world where dog eats dog. Where another, much larger dog, is always lurking around the corner to eat the survivor.
Warning: The protagonist has negative views about heroes and villains, good and evil. He isn't too smart, alien way of thinking, and questionable moral. Depending on your point of view, he's rather crazy. You have been warned.
Hello everyone, this is my first novel and English is not my native language please forgive the grammar. I wish to improve my craft so if you are willing to add criticisms or comments, it would be much appreciated. I hope you enjoy my story.
The genre is intended for young-adult
The cover isn't mine and I will take it down if the owner wished it.
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*** Reviewed at chapter 19 ***
So, this is a decently interesting story. It follows a fifteen year old named Viers, as he wakes up one day in a fantasy world with all the bells and whistles that would typically encompass. He finds his way to a town and begins a life of adventure. So far, it's the typical fantasy fanfare. Unlike many other protagonists in a setting such as this however, he's definitely not Goody Twoshoes, but rather a self-centered maniac out for power.
The characterization of the main character is far and away the best part of this story. Viers acts and feels just like an edgy teenage geek would. If that was the author's intention, then good job: It's really well executed, and kept me engaged. The lone nitpick here is that the pop culture references were a bit meh, but that's just me.
Far and away the biggest weakness of this story is the grammar. It's downright poor - Many little problems that add up over time, and make it difficult to fully understand exactly what the author meant. Odd and weak word choices, and (especially in the beginning) repetitive sentence structures really hampered my enjoyment of the story. This is definitely something that needs work.
Furthermore, I do think that the main characters thoughts and reflections take up a bit too much of the spotlight. On top of that, the way he reacts to being in danger isn't very realistic, almost as if he's treating this like a video game. Having some moments where he realises his mortality would go a long way. What few secondary characters there are sadly aren't very fleshed out, which is disappointing. Another light problem is that the pacing is a bit slow as he arrives at the guild - little happens, beyond some slight worldbuilding. I think this story could use some sprucing up in this part in particular.
That's my review. In short, there's a lot of promise here, but the execution is rough and definitely needs more polish. I wish the author the best of luck in the future.
Come armed with a strong stomach and an open mind, brothers and sisters, we've got an adventure on our hands!
This is a big, bold fiction that deals with some very left-field themes and will leave the reader at the edge of their seat.
The style is a little on the odd side. It reads and flows like a light, teen fiction, and even promotes itself as such. However, it tackles sinister motivations, cruel intentions and some honest to Hades gore. Seriously, it's graphic, and it's kind of awesome. Why do I have such praise for such a conflicting style? It's what the audience wants. Do I think it's right to pitch this at young adults? Maybe not. Do I think it delivers? It definitely does.
The story doesn't really deliver any surprises at a glance, it's a reincarnation isekai-esque fic. Where I think it stands out is in the unusual thought processes of the MC, and, by extension, the author. I like that the character explores the limits of their new situation, and I like that they try and blend whilst learning as much as they can. The story pace reflects that. We grow with the character, rather than launch on a quest to save a princess right off the bat.
The grammar is actually pretty good. The author does not speak English as their first language, and it does show. There are missing words and incorrect tenses throughout but, honestly, I can't write half as well in any language, and I barely can in my native English, so I have nothing but respect for Avery Light.
The MC is the unique selling point. He's entirely self-interest, and that colours everything he does. If he's acting politely, it's out of self-interest, if he's callous, you guessed it, self-interest. I found that incredibly refreshing. He wasn't an anime character with consistent actions, he was a human being with consistent motivations. If you like him or hate him, he's perfect for the job.
In summary, this is a great story, from the mind of a talented author who is not afraid to test the boundaries and challenge the audience.
Okay so right up front, I enjoyed this story and recommend giving it a try for anyone who enjoys reincarnation or progression fantasy.
The world and story are interesting and so far unique enough that I wanted to read more. Magic is simple enough to follow but has enough room for depth that I suspect the author will be expanding on it as he goes.
Viers is a pretty dang solid MC, with my only gripe being he feels like he went a bit too quickly into "I am going to get super powerful" considering he finds himself in a new world. Considering he is depicted as a bit of a nerd that isn't crazy unbelievable, I myself would probably be similarly driven if I found myself in another world, but still.
The grammar still feels a bit clunky at times but it seems the author has made strides with that, judging by his notes and prior reviews. I can't judge too heavily, because I never saw the original chapters but it was not a major problem for me.
The only other thing that sometimes felt a bit difficult to swallow was how tough the MC sometimes felt. One that stood out for me is he seems to weather pain and violence a bit too quickly after entering the world. I think that would mainly be a personal issue and I doubt most would take issue with it.
All in all, I enjoyed it. Good job author, keep up the good work
The title...yeah. Just ignore that, no idea what to put.
This review has been long overdue. Sorry if it isn't the best but I have a lot going on and barely had time to read this nice story, hence why it took so long. Anyways, I'll start with the easiest - grammar.
I think the version I read was improved quite a bit compared to older iterations, judging from the views and Avery's author notes. I found the grammar to be pretty good, not much wrong with it. Yeah, a few typos and wrong tense usages, but nothing that gives me a hard reading. Very good.
The story is a fun and interesting mix of isekai and wuxia. Overall, it's pretty basic, but that is far from a bad thing when handled well. The mc spends all of his time into getting stronger, and it's done quite nicely.
The main character, Viers, is probably the best thing about this fic, and the main reason the story is fun and interesting. It was very refreshing for me to read an MC that does everything, and I mean everything, out of self-interest. No random bullcrap explanations and I liked that. The inner monologue is also handled quite nicely plus his thought processes are usually extremely logical which is nice.
The author uses quite a bit of inner monologue, and luckily, it's mostly well-handled and fun to read. The story reads quite light which is a good or bad thing depending on your taste, I personally thought it was a nice change of pace. I guess you could say it's a bit strange when you look at the sinister topics but see it marketed for YA. Nonetheless, it is handled nicely.
Overall, I had a fun time reading and will probably continue in the future. Give it a shot!
TLDR: If you want well-executed character progression involving an original, if controversial and ruthless protagonist in a compelling fantasy universe, give this one a shot.
While Avery Light's Horizon may initially sound like a standard reincarnation fantasy story with a gaming-savvy MC, it hides an emotional rollercoaster centering around the reincarnated MC Viers.
Some character arcs map a steady progression from weak to strong, or weak-willed to confident, or even evil to good. While elements of those exist here, at its core it is the story of Viers revealing/embracing his inner, ruthless self. Without going into spoiler territory, I can say confidently - love him or hate him, you will be invested in the MC of this story.
The author has a distinct style involving the extensive use of inner monologue in the first-person to convey the MC's thought processes - which is crucial to the story as Viers' thought processes differ drastically from most peoples'. Worldbuilding and scene descriptions are well-executed and pull the reader into the author's universe.
The story progression so far has focused on laying the foundation for what could throw the story into a truly compelling direction. The events thus far have all held reader interest, and the fight scenes are well-executed. I feel like in this case, Viers' actions are so integral to the storyline that the Character score rubs off on the story score as well.
This is where Horizon shines. Viers' character will elicit an emotional response from you, whether you decide to root for him or see him fail. While he initially comes off as a slightly-game-crazy introverted weirdo, this changes pretty rapidly, and the effect is shocking(in a good way). The extensive use of inner monologue really puts the reader right into his mind, and though he may arrive at some pretty outlandish conclusions, his thought processes are usually extremely logical. It's just a very alien logic that readers may not expect.
The author is extremely receptive to feedback and has made multiple iterations of the story since it was first published, so I believe the version I read was much improved compared to older reviews. I found the grammar to be easily better than many stories on RR published by native speakers. Still, there are still some issues with run-on sentences and incorrect tense usage, but they were never bad enough to break my immersion and the issues steadily decrease in the later chapters.
Well done so far. I have to continue to see how Viers navigates his new world!
1st review ---------------------------------------------------------
Firstly an apology to the author because I didn't even finish the first chapter, and the reason is, sadly, the grammar.
English is not my native language and maybe because of that I really find it hard to read what you wrote, and even excluding that it's really a mess. To be unable to enjoy a story because of the grammar is one of the thing I hate the most, because for all I know it could have been an awesome one. That said, from the few things I read, I noticed some things that may have been better.
1. The MC reacts in a way that's not believable considering what appened. He should be panicked at first, or maybe confused, or a mix of the two, or even calmly trying to understand the situation. What a sane person wouldn't do, is jumping right away to the conclusion that he's been transported to another world and be super exited about it yelling, status, appraise etc..
2. It's okay to rewind a bit to explain the situation, but it's not even half a chapter and you passed from being in a shitty situation to explaining his life storyand to waking up in another world.. Give me a moment to reorient myself please.
3. It's true that it's been written many times, but one thing is reading and a whole other thing is living it. Finding myself in a stranger body whith his memories and not minding it one bit if not for a "Damn I'm fat again" is strange to say the least... And he should have lived a normal life.
This said, I've seen worse and I've not even read half a chapter so maybe things are explained or done better later.
I reread the first chapter and part of the second.
My opinion on style and character doesn't change.
I am pleasantly surprised by the marked improvement on the grammar, though. There is still work to do but while I still noticed many errors they didn't break my immersion too much, which is worlds apart compared to before.
Due to time constraints i can't read more so I still can't say anything about the story.
3rd (and last) reviw-----------
I must say that I admire the author for the effort he put in improving his work.
The grammar has gotten better yet again. There is still work to do in punctuation and word repetition but compared to before he has come a long way.
That said, I really can't say I agree with his idea of how he persons behaves in certain situations, both physically and mentally, and how a fight works.
For example, pain, unless you are trained and can withstand it, causes certain involuntary physical reactions.
Another exaple are the arrows.. at home I got a compound that fires at more than 300 fps, let's say the bandit's was a really poorly made recurve so maybe it fires at 150 fps wich means around 45 m/s that means that at 30 m he had less than a second to dodge, which is not impossible, but look at the situation and the person dodging.
Or when he's lost in a forest, tired, with no shelter, food or water, with bandits and monsters and then he starts thinking about returning or not to his world, society problems and other things. I'd say he has some problems with his priorities.
I admire the effort made in this work but it's not to my liking, I hope others will appreciate it better than me.
Wow, this was a fun read. Our MC is clearly an internet denizen. Anime, games, and movie references is artfully littered throughout the narrative. MC knows the cliches, runs with the cliches. It's great, it's fun, definitely made me laugh.
Reviewed at 24 chapters.
A nice mix of magic isekai and wuxia. Standard Path to Power stuff - MC spends all his time trying to get stronger. The self- experimentation aspect is interesting.
Nothing particularly surprising in the narrative progression, but the execution is solid.
Pace is upbeat and engaging. There's always something new happening....but short arcs, for now. Avenues of interest that could be investigated in the future - dropped as subtle hints - will give readers something to look forward to. For example, a particular place to visit, a particular skill to learn, a particular person to meet, or a particular mystery to investigate. Adventuring or exploring the world are vague goals.
There's a lot of internal monologue, but it's generally fun. Occasionally it gets a bit superfluous; some trimming would help.
Definitely the weakest link of the story. Actually not that bad though; the foundation is good. Just 2 persistent problems:
1. Tenses. rose vs rise vs rises. could be vs could have been vs can be, etc.
2. Sentence structure. There are only few cases where three statements put together, with commas in between, actually make a proper sentence. This does not work:
It was two days after he vomited on Mirella, when he was running, three people blocked his path, Viers recognized them as his classmates.
It was two days after he vomited on Mirella, when he was running: three people blocked his path - Viers recognized them as his classmates.
Some possible solutions:
Short term - chuck everything into a free editing software like Grammarly.
Long term - read lots of stories with good grammar and absorb via osmosis.
I wouldn't recommend learning grammar systematically - unless it's worked for you before. English in general is a nightmare and is full of inconsistencies.
Good characterisation. I may have a personal bias against the MC though.
MC has, ( justifiably) a severe case of chuunibyou. The change from middle-aged-cog-in-the-machine to walking-the-path-of-battle-and-sacrifice-crushing-my-enemies was...abrupt to say the least. A little illogical, until you remember how much wuxia he's been reading.
MC is basically rebelling against his previous life, pursuing freedom in the form of power while rejecting any form of bonding. In short, he's your run-of-the-mill self-interested asshat who does whatever the heck he wants. If that's your thing, then this story does it well.
Putting aside MC's character traits, as a whole his feelings and intentions are well expressed. He's a character you can really get alongside. Side characters are also encapsulated nicely, each one distinctive and easy to remember. Looking forward to how interactions with MC develop in the future.
All in all, a fun story, especially if the reader is familiar with cliches. Don't mind the grammar, it slowly gets better.
So, I'm revising this at the end of Book 1, which at the moment is the only book there is, and I've got to say, I really enjoyed this story. So basic premise, guy gets isekaied, but he has read thousands of such stories just like the many other isekai stories here on RR. And he uses the knowledge of those stories to guide his decisions. He's a bit of a psychopath but it isn't something that I found distracting. It actually made the story interesting, he rejects a lot of offers and and standard tropes because he knows what the tropes are. The first couple chapters are a bit rough grammar wise, and a bit rough in other ways but I think that's more the author figuring out just how to start off.
If you are looking for an MC that is not just another goody two shoes, this is the story that you should be looking for. The MC is a callous, self-serving and someone who always puts himself first. He is like a trader that refuses to sell anything at a loss and any action that he takes, must result in some kind of profit, otherwise bye-bye.
And when I say this, I do not mean those MCs that are edgelords just for the sake of being edgelords but in the end, they will save the world. No, this MC will watch the world burn and even burn it himself if he is paid enough. The MC is very true to himself.
This is in addition to the fact that MC does not think with his lower head! This is fantastic to read!
Do NOT read it if you want someone who is loved and loved by all. He is not.
This is for those of you who are sick of every hero in this site ignoring their goals for the first pretty skirt that walks their way.
This tells the story of a man with a low aptitude who wants to be stronger than anyone in his world. How does he do it? He buckles down, plans out his goals, sticks to them despite the costs, and does it one step at a time. Yet, the story never feels like it's dragging on. The journey to power is so intersting in this book.
Fair warning, the MC is not a hero. He's not even an anti-hero. Yet, he's not a villain. He has a dream and he will achieve it even if he has to make corpses of the righteous to get there. I call this a must read because you can't keep reading these stories of MC that are strong from day 1 and thus never have to make real choices about what they're willing to do for power. The MC has to make that choice and he does it well.
It also helps that his inner monologue makes light of some of the tropes you see in web and light novels. It doesn't come across as overbearing. It can be too long when he has these thoughts but you get used to it and it fleshes out the chracter. Try this book.