Original ONGOING Action Adventure Fantasy Anti-Hero Lead Magic Male Lead Reincarnation Strong Lead
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

A man from Earth, just an average Joe you passed on the street.

Reincarnated into a fantasy world, but the guy had read and watched fantasy stories before... lots of them, and so he made the stories his spirit guide.

This is his story in a western style cultivation-ish world. Where dog eat dog, then a car-size dog eat the remaining dog.

Warning: The protagonist have negative views about heroes and villains, good and evil. He isn't too smart, questionable moral, and depending on your point of view, rather crazy. You have been warned.

Author note:

Hello everyone, this is my first novel and English is not my native language please forgive the grammar. I wish to improve my craft so if you are willing to add critics or comments, it would be much appreciated. I hope there are people who could enjoy my story. Thank you very much.

The genre is intended for young-adult

The cover isn't mine and I will take it down if the owner wished it.

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 57,808
  • Average Views :
  • 1,257
  • Followers :
  • 260
  • Favorites :
  • 71
  • Ratings :
  • 81
  • Pages :
  • 356
Advertisement
Remove
Go to Table of Contents
Rate it
Fiction breaking rules? Report
Advertisement
Remove
Author
Avery Light

Avery Light

Achievements
100 Comments
Top List #2000
50,000 Views
200 Followers
The Days after Christmas
Word Count (VIII)
Good Reviewer (V)
Great Review (IV)
Advertisement
Remove
Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Chapter 1 - In Deep (V3) ago
Chapter 2 - Freedom (V3) ago
Chapter 3 - Only Human (V3) ago
Chapter 4 - Wolves in the Woods (V2) ago
Chapter 5 - Luxore Town (V3) ago
Chapter 6 - P Game Prologue (V3) ago
Chapter 7 - The Path of Power (V3) ago
Chapter 8 - It Works Out (V2) ago
Chapter 9 - Invite Pain as a Friend? (V2) ago
Chapter 10 - Status Report (V2) ago
Author Acknowledgement ago
Chapter 11 - Buy Poisons to Drink Them (V2) ago
Chapter 12 - Adventurer's Tag (V2) ago
Chapter 13 - Herb Slaying Animal Slaughtering (V2) ago
Chapter 14 - Storm Battle (V2) ago
Chapter 15 - The Guidance of Fate ago
Chapter 16 - PDP ago
Chapter 17 - Aspiration to be King ago
Chapter 18 - Power Troubles ago
Chapter 19 - A Warm Fire ago
Chapter 20 - Intio and Victa ago
Chapter 21 - You Afraid of Failure? ago
Chapter 22 - What's in Your Mind? ago
Chapter 23 - Lights On Lights Off ago
Chapter 24 - Classmates ago
Chapter 25 - Monkey Love ago
Chapter 26 - Just an Itch ago
Chapter 27 - Side-Quest ago
Chapter 28 - Limit ago
Chapter 29 - Thinking Viers ago
Chapter 30 - Arte ago
Chapter 31 - Just Training ago
Chapter 32 - Tomalica Magic Carp ago
Chapter 33 - Tomalican Night ago
Chapter 34 - Tomalica the Explorer ago
Chapter 35 - They Are Dangerous ago
Chapter 36 - Exclusive Invitation ago
Chapter 37 - New Member Orientation ago
Chapter 38 - Contract Signed ago
Chapter 39 - Price of Power ago
Chapter 40 - Water Affinity Up ago
Chapter 41 - An Ordinary Day ago
Chapter 42 - Ghoul ago
Chapter 43 - Leon ago
Chapter 44 - His Most Powerful Arte ago
Chapter 45 - What Do You Expect? ago

Leave a review

Reviews
Sort by:
Gyeig
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Interesting concept, but lacking in a few places

Reviewed at: Chapter 19 - A Warm Fire

*** Reviewed at chapter 19 ***

 

So, this is a decently interesting story. It follows a fifteen year old named Viers, as he wakes up one day in a fantasy world with all the bells and whistles that would typically encompass. He finds his way to a town and begins a life of adventure. So far, it's the typical fantasy fanfare. Unlike many other protagonists in a setting such as this however, he's definitely not Goody Twoshoes, but rather a self-centered maniac out for power.

The characterization of the main character is far and away the best part of this story. Viers acts and feels just like  an edgy teenage geek would. If that was the author's intention, then good job: It's really well executed, and kept me engaged. The lone nitpick here is that the pop culture references were a bit meh, but that's just me.

Far and away the biggest weakness of this story is the grammar. It's downright poor - Many little problems that add up over time, and make it difficult to fully understand exactly what the author meant. Odd and weak word choices, and (especially in the beginning) repetitive sentence structures really hampered my enjoyment of the story. This is definitely something that needs work.

Furthermore, I do think that the main characters thoughts and reflections take up a bit too much of the spotlight. On top of that, the way he reacts to being in danger isn't very realistic, almost as if he's treating this like a video game. Having some moments where he realises his mortality would go a long way. What few secondary characters there are sadly aren't very fleshed out, which is disappointing. Another light problem is that the pacing is a bit slow as he arrives at the guild - little happens, beyond some slight worldbuilding. I think this story could use some sprucing up in this part in particular.

That's my review. In short, there's a lot of promise here, but the execution is rough and definitely needs more polish. I wish the author the best of luck in the future.

Fastus
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

1st review  ---------------------------------------------------------

Firstly an apology to the author because I didn't even finish the first chapter, and the reason is, sadly, the grammar. 

English is not my native language and maybe because of that I really find it hard to read what you wrote, and even excluding that it's really a mess. To be unable to enjoy a story because of the grammar is one of the thing I hate the most, because for all I know it could have been an awesome one.  That said, from the few things I read, I noticed some things that may have been better. 

1. The MC reacts in a way that's not believable considering what appened. He should be panicked at first, or maybe confused, or a mix of the two, or even calmly trying to understand the situation. What a sane person wouldn't do, is jumping right away to the conclusion that he's been transported to another world and be super exited about it yelling, status, appraise etc.. 

2. It's okay to rewind a bit to explain the situation, but it's not even half a chapter and you passed from being in a shitty situation to explaining his life storyand to waking up in another world.. Give me a moment to reorient myself please.

3. It's true that it's been written many times, but one thing is reading and a whole other thing is living it. Finding myself in a stranger body whith his memories and not minding it one bit if not for a "Damn I'm fat again" is strange to say the least... And he should have lived a normal life.

 

This said, I've seen worse and I've not even read half a chapter so maybe things are explained or done better later.

---------------------------------------

2nd review-------------------------------

I reread the first chapter and part of the second.

My opinion on style and character doesn't change.

I am pleasantly surprised by the marked improvement on the grammar, though. There is still work to do but while I still noticed many errors they didn't break my immersion too much, which is worlds apart compared to before.

Due to time constraints i can't read more so I still can't say anything about the story.

-----------------------

3rd (and last) reviw-----------

I must say that I admire the author for the effort he put in improving his work.

The grammar has gotten better yet again. There is still work to do in punctuation and word repetition but compared to before he has come a long way.

That said, I really can't say I agree with his idea of how he persons behaves in certain situations, both physically and mentally, and how a fight works.

For example, pain, unless you are trained and can withstand it, causes certain involuntary physical reactions.

Another exaple are the arrows.. at home I got a compound that fires at more than 300 fps, let's say the bandit's was a really poorly made recurve so maybe it fires at 150 fps wich means around 45 m/s that means that at 30 m he had less than a second to dodge, which is not impossible, but look at the situation and the person dodging.

Or when he's lost in a forest, tired, with no shelter, food or water, with bandits and monsters and then he starts thinking about returning or not to his world, society problems and other things. I'd say he has some problems with his priorities.

Etc..

I admire the effort made in this work but it's not to my liking, I hope others will appreciate it better than me.

Ciaina
  • Overall Score

What would happen if MC has no plot Armour?

Reviewed at: Chapter 36 - Exclusive Invitation

And, following the title, he's also not a complete moron?

Solid story, written by someone with a clear idea of risk/rewards.

The MC WILL make mistakes. He is HUMAN. More than I can say for 90% of stories on this site.

Only a minor gripe, it's a massive plothole right in the first chapter (don't worry, it has no consequences I just found it glaring)

Spoiler: Spoiler

 I know, it's just an introduction, and has no bearing on the story, but it is so glaring that annoyed me 😁

Elliot Moors
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

INTRODUCTION:

Horizon is a traditional story that deviates from the formula by featuring a protagonist who isn't strictly speaking "good", but more in the Chaotic Neutral range. He is self-serving and single-minded in working towards his own ends. For me, that improved my enjoyment of the story. The grammar and dialogue was a bit weak, but might not affect your enjoyment much as a reader if you think that premise sounds interesting.

STYLE:

Paragraph and chapter length are both good, making it so that the story is easy to read through. Word choice is nice and breezy as well, although I would have preferred more vivid descriptions.

The tone is fairly light-hearted, especially the MC's inner monologue. There's a good amount of violence, which is given decent weight as the MC sustains damage and makes mistakes.

Overall solid.

GRAMMAR:

The story stumbles here. Numerous mistakes do make the flow stutter. On the upside, the author appears to be very receptive to feedback in this area, and appears to be working diligently towards improving the story, which is always a great thing to see. I assume that this area will change for the better later on.

STORY:

There isn't too much of a "plot" for me to speak on so far. Where I left off, it mostly consists of the MC improving himself in various ways. If that's the sort of thing you enjoy seeing in a serial, as opposed to a "defeat the bad guy" or "find the thing" plot, you're likely to enjoy this aspect as well.

CHARACTER:

I believe that the MC might put off some people. As mentioned in the intro, he is fairly self-serving and dedicated only to achieving his own motives. I found this to be a nice twist to the usual formula, and it was one of the things that kept up my interest in Horizon.

I did find it a little heavy-handed at times, and I thought that the MC went to extremes such as contemplating eating humans without much of a natural progression to get there, since he goes from just a normal individual.

Regardless, I thought it was a cool concept executed well.

OVERALL:

Pick up Horizon if you think that the concept of a morally ambiguous MC working to get stronger without worrying about friends or morals sounds cool. The grammar stutters do bring the story down a bit, but I think it's still worth a read if you enjoy unique POVs.

kjwhitbread
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

I have been enjoying the story so far.  I've read 5 chapters, the only reason why I a stopping is because it's so late haha!.  I plan to read more!

 I do not consider myself a critic because I'm not very good with how a story should be styled or what not, but if you love imagination and out of the box thinking, this story is a go to.  It's entertaining and fun :)

Winterwisp
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

This is a solid piece of xianxia-inspired work, with a main character with many characteristics you don't often see in stories like this. Despite the interesting aspects of the MC, I think the story lacks a 'hook' or a 'distinguishing feature' to set it apart from the many stories that exist like this.

Style: I think the author has adopted the 'martial path' genre very nicely, using well-structured chapters and humorous elements. I do not, however, appreciate all the internal monologuing, which I find to be too long and frequent. I'm a lot more interested in what characters do than what they think.

Grammar: Spelling is excellent, syntax is consitent, and while tense gets muddled up a bit, it's nowhere near too distracting. All-around solid, as mentioned above, however, the author often merges distinct sentences into one long string of a sentence. Long sentences are not inherently bad, but they need special care when structured, else it becomes an exhaustive read.

Story: There is a story worth exploring here, but in many ways it gets bogged down by heavy exposition, both in- and outside the aformentioned monologues. This also comes down to preferences, but I, as a reader, don't need to have everything explained in exhaustive detail. As long as the message is clear, on a sentence level, I like to be free to make inferences about the world and its inhabitants.

Characters: I'm ambivalent about this one because, on one hand, I think the author has an interesting main character, but on the other hand I'm not completely following his motivation. There's a lot of philosophising and justifications going on, especially in the beginning, where it seems like he is set upon a warped path from the outset, rather than arriving at it out of necessity or action. In addition, while there are several side characters, I dont feel any incentive to care about them in particular. It feels like the MC doesn't quite either, so why should I?

Overall: As I have said, this is solid work. It has interesting elements worth exploring, and a main character with potential, but there's no real 'hook' for me. Why is this story worth reading, rather than any other story like it? That is the question I think the author needs to consider.

MrBadWithNames
  • Overall Score

I'm a good bit from finishing it - but I like the way you actively show how the knowledge that the MC has reincarnated affects him, and not by just making him a pure edgelor,

There's a fair bit of world-building.

My only real issue with the story is how the guy's a kunk-fu master after appearing in the world, y'know - but I can't honestly say it isn't something I'm guilty of and it is pleasant to read.

It was a pleasant read, even if I feel it would take more than 1 reincarnation to reach the level of coldness displayed by the mc :D

sleeplessbanter
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

It's a pretty solid story. Now I'm not the best when it comes to breaking down whats makes a story good, but all I can say is that I like this one. The world budling is great, Viers, our MC is a likable guy and the storytelling is good. The only weak point is that the grammar is iffy at times, but the author is fixing that from what I can tell. Overall this is a very good story, with an interesting plot, that you guys should check out.

Mhmm
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

When Isekai gives you cliches, make clichenade

Reviewed at: Chapter 24 - Classmates

Wow, this was a fun read. Our MC is clearly an internet denizen. Anime, games, and movie references is artfully littered throughout the narrative. MC knows the cliches, runs with the cliches. It's great, it's fun, definitely made me laugh. 

Reviewed at 24 chapters. 

Story:

A nice mix of magic isekai and wuxia. Standard Path to Power stuff - MC spends all his time trying to get stronger. The self- experimentation aspect is interesting. 

Nothing particularly surprising in the narrative progression, but the execution is solid.

Style:

Pace is upbeat and engaging. There's always something new happening....but short arcs, for now. Avenues of interest that could be investigated in the future - dropped as subtle hints - will give readers something to look forward to. For example, a particular place to visit, a particular skill to learn, a particular person to meet, or a particular mystery to investigate. Adventuring or exploring the world are vague goals.  

There's a lot of internal monologue, but it's generally fun. Occasionally it gets a bit superfluous; some trimming would help. 

Grammar: 

Definitely the weakest link of the story. Actually not that bad though; the foundation is good. Just 2 persistent problems:

1. Tenses. rose vs rise vs rises. could be vs could have been vs can be, etc. 

2. Sentence structure. There are only few cases where three statements put together, with commas in between, actually make a proper sentence. This does not work:

Spoiler: Spoiler

 Some possible solutions:

Short term - chuck everything into a free editing software like Grammarly.  

Long term - read lots of stories with good grammar and absorb via osmosis.  

I wouldn't recommend learning grammar systematically - unless it's worked for you before. English in general is a nightmare and is full of inconsistencies. 

Characters:

Good characterisation. I may have a personal bias against the MC though. 

MC has, ( justifiably) a severe case of chuunibyou. The change from middle-aged-cog-in-the-machine to walking-the-path-of-battle-and-sacrifice-crushing-my-enemies was...abrupt to say the least. A little illogical,  until you remember how much wuxia he's been reading. 

MC is basically rebelling against his previous life, pursuing freedom in the form of power while rejecting any form of bonding. In short, he's your run-of-the-mill self-interested asshat who does whatever the heck he wants. If that's your thing, then this story does it well. 

Putting aside MC's character traits, as a whole his feelings and intentions are well expressed. He's a character you can really get alongside. Side characters are also encapsulated nicely, each one distinctive and easy to remember.  Looking forward to how interactions with MC develop in the future. 

 Conclusion:

All in all, a fun story, especially if the reader is familiar with cliches. Don't mind the grammar, it slowly gets better.

 

Sigurd
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Good but watch out for the grammar

Reviewed at: Chapter 1 - In Deep (V2)

Style: 4

The paragraph structure is mostly good, with some minor mistakes here and there but nothing that could make your nose itch. Good choice of words and decently-written dialogue. The only issue I can possibly find is the use of numbers (“5 meters” instead of “five meters”), which could disturb some people.

Grammar: 3

The main problem. Despite being on point with punctuation, the repetitiveness of certain words and the overly frequent wrong tenses really cripple this story. I hate to give low scores, especially when I'm dealing with the most technical aspects, but sadly I can't avoid it this time. I would advise the author to decide if he wants the narration to be in a present or past form and edit it accordingly, because that issue alone can drive away readers after a paragraph or two.

Story: 4,5

The narration is dynamic and moves on at a steady pace. Without spoiling anything major, it's a solid take on the reincarnation trope, with plenty of dark, gorey action. Worldbuilding doesn't look improvised and is way above the standards you could normally find in the stories here on RR. Interesting magic/roleplay system, nothing really unprecedented but it serves its purpose and is mostly coherent with its rules.

Characters: 4

Viers is a good main character. A bit too resourceful, sometimes, but overall good. The way he acts, reacts and moves around according to the world is mostly believable and reflects his set personality. The side cast he interacts with is creative enough, even the many throwaway antagonists he finds on the way.

Overall: 4

This is one of those stories which I can't possibly give a low rating. However, I have to inform that the grammar might hold you back. Give it a chance!

A dubious yes, for me, but still a yes. If you are looking for entertainment, this is the read for you.