Divine Construct

by Winterwisp

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Fantasy Sci-fi Grimdark LitRPG Male Lead Mythos Non-Human lead Steampunk Supernatural Virtual Reality
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity

Rejoice, ye mortal souls; the gods walk among us once more! 

It has been millenia since elvenkind were freed from the yoke of the Emporium; millenia since the Old Ones disappeared into thin air from one day to the next; and millenia since all-encompassing war left the surviving races with next to nothing of their heritage or civilization. Now focused on rediscovering the techniqes and machines that made their old masters so powerful, many have cast aside the elves' natural ability to control lifeforce in favor of the more potent source of mana, leaving the study of the ancient elven forerunnners - the Elvan - to collect dust by the wayside.

Ignoring this trend, two would-be treasure hunters have delved deep into the ancient Ammedian forest, and now find themselves in unfamilliar conditions while hunted by a bloodthirsty brigand. They must find the Heart of the Forest, and discover what lies there, and hope that what they discover there will be enough to save them.

Meanwhile, in a different world entirely, Sam has been in and out of hospitals for most of his life. Currently chained to his bed, and unable to live half the life he aspires to, Sam enters into experimental surgery, risking his life in the hope that he might someday get to see another world. When he wakes up, however, something is very wrong, and he will have to adapt quickly if he wish to keep the one life he has left.

[participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge]

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Winterwisp

Winterwisp

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catalinnr
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I would take a mc that does everything perfectly every day over forced idiot that needs layers upon layers of plot armor just to survive each chapter.

Seriously, there is no chapter where he is not dying by the end of it,talk about things becoming boring but not realizing you wrote it like this.

Plot is convoluted even after trying my hardest to make heads and tails of it.

Deus ex encountets and plot armor as well as random encounters  that has no reason to be there other than making the story bloated. You don't need to save the universe every chapter like in marvel,take a chill pill and recover. It only took taking a beating 6 times for the mc to realize that his power that let him absorb stuff can be used to eat any matter even if less efficient, but no, brain is hard to corelate things, dude, even neanderthals can understand touching fire = pain = bad = don't touch , let alone a bedridden young man that, while an idiot, can do complex math in his mind instantly for his sister.... inconsistency is just as much of a problem as the plot armor gundam.

You don't need to have explored the planet to have knowledge, that's what internet and tv are for and since he went to school before ending in the hospital again and learned from his sister bringing him notes he should have more than middle school knowledge.

The only way for him to be a complete retard is by giving him a tumor since he was 10 y old or smth and have it disappear since his old body is in the other world, that would make his actions somehow believable, but still, his character is so bloated , changing it will change the whole farce of a plot, he has knowledge he shouldn't have, basic sapient skills that he should but don't use and the construct that sometimes is changing his thinking,sometimes not for no apparent reason. 

He wants to be named Ares for some reason cause it's the name of a god and everyone will care in the new world when he goes for world domination *cough*i mean going on a masochistic taking a beating spree*cough*....how and why does he know or care this much for the name if he, on top of his X DNA disease has an advanced case of ADD, somehow, while in a new body...

The grammar is ok for a draft but i expect the rewrite to clear the spelling mistakes that would confuse what the aithor meant in that line.

I'll give it a try after the rewrite and after you decide on a goal and plot cause after 14 chapters it killed all the hype i had for the concept of this story and the more i dig in it the more inconsistencies i find.

OxenThunder
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The story is a cool concept that is poorly executed. The moment you start getting into something the author kills his own flow and switches paces.

Sigurd
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Strongly recommended for any fan of LitRPGs

Reviewed at: Chapter 7 - Deconstruction

This review applies up to chapter 7.

Style:

Fluent and articulated. The only perplexities I have are the length of the paragraphs, which last for a bit even after a single line of dialogue and can be a burden for some readers, and the (sometimes) overly complicated descriptions. The usual LitRPG message log can also be a little obnoxious. Still, very good.

Grammar:

Nearly flawless. Could use a little more variety here and there to avoid repetitions, but that's pretty much it. A completely different level from what I'm used to see on this website, anyway.

Story:

The story seems to start as very classical, in media res fantasy, but then sweeps the rug from below the reader's feet and introduces him to a very different context. Despite LitRPGs not being my favourite genre by far, however, I liked the twist. The way the protagonist is thrown into the new world is still interesting (but more on that in the characters section) and watching the discovery of his new abilities is a delight, especially with a writing this good. I also liked the in-and-out of the game world situation. It's a breath of fresh air to see that there's still something out there.

Characters:

I really love the characters of the prologue. They are fully designed (spoiler alert) even while being throwaways and have great alchemy with each other. Greedy, litigious and at times childish, they are so well-developed that they compelled me to read, and made me hope for some more unconventional take on the genre.

The real protagonist arrived, however, and the difference weighed. At the start of his story he is a little bland and you'll need patience to see some development in him. The way he (spoiler alert) passively accepts the new identity of Ares to the point that he refers to himself that way, forgets about his own twin sister for a couple of chapters (even if she is introduced as an important person in his life) and lacks any form of fear in front of what he is experiencing is a little unrealistic. The story asks the reader to simply believe it, and thankfully rewards him in the end.

The protagonist is a good character, sure, but will make you miss the duo of the prologue right when he takes over. Still, after getting used to his presence, his interaction with the world shows great effort if compared with the standards of the LitRPG genre.

Side cast is a bit simple but overall good, nothing too flashy.

Overall:

If you love LitRPGs, you'll also love Divine Construct. There are some inconsistencies with characters and the way the story is told, but even if it's not perfect I have to commend the author for the extremely good writing and (albeit a little chaotic at times) vivid images this world leaves.

Recommended for 99,9% of the readers on this website.

 

Anthezar
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A promising new story with strong story telling

Reviewed at: Prelude - Hidden Forbidden Secret

Review given after finishing chapter seven.

 

STYLE:

I really like the style. There's a high level of intelligence in the words; you can truly feel it - though at times it can be tightened for a stronger affect. It's descriptive with rich imagery and I wouldn't call it flowery either. The only issue I have with it is the abundant amount of large paragraphs, making it hard to enjoy the language and story. 

 

STORY:

This felt like a breath of fresh air compared to the standard anime LITRPGs I've seen. At first, the difference was odd and strange, but it grew to be wonderful. The world building is powerful. I really want to see more. I want to know about what's going on with the MC. I'm interested about what is going to happen - which is saying a lot, because I lose interest quickly in stories if there is too much world building, haha.

 

GRAMMAR:

Most of it is good, but there are a lot of long sentences that are probably attributing to the long paragraphs. I would suggest using more semi colons when combining two complete sentences. Still, the work is solid and there aren't any glaring issues with the text in this area - but I do feel that it can be improved upon.

 

CHARACTER:

I liked Sloan. I'm still bitter about Sloan. The characters in the prologue had such popping personalities. They breathed life into story, even when I felt that the writing style was less edited here in the prologue. Sweet enthusiastic Sloan, excited about his world, he's such a darling cinnamon roll; and by contrast, the greedy, even abusive companion Krens who is just a full pack of brute force in his character. They lived in their story. Yes, still bitter. xD

All right, let's talk about the MC Sam/Ares. I understand, I really do. Sam is very sick teenager with a dying lifespan. Depression can ruin you. It can and will nearly erase you, who you are, and your personality. I know this on personal experience.

That being said, at the beginning, Sam is bland. A white canvas, so to speak. The first few chapters feel like he's existing in a new world, but without mentally reacting to it. His character really begins to bloom in chapter five, where this bland existing/reacting comes to full understanding by the reader. It's not bad, but it feels like it was missing something early on. The author is absolutely skilled in character writing, so I have no doubt that a little editing can bring Sam to life even further.

 

OVERALL:

I'm new to the LITRPG genre. I have watched a few animes of it and have a number of favorites, but as a reader I know next to nothing. Overall, this story is rather engaging and interesting, like a geode of worthy potential. With some more editing and formatting improvements, I feel like this would be quite amazing.

I love it. I'm invested. I look forward to new updates and I would definitely recommend anyone looking through these reviews to give it a go. It's worth the read. The author has gained a new fan. :)

-claps- Let's go, lovely Author! I want more now. Hehe!

abdirahman
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Story: I have to give the author a point for an interesting story. This is a great addition to the litrgp genre. The author made a great twist that has been seen in a few novels. 

Grammar: Some mistakes here and there

Style: The paragraphs are kind of long but no other complaints.

Character: The MC is not that great and I wasn't that tied to him.

TimothyMcGowen
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Review up until Chapter 10! 10/27/19

 

Overall: The start is really strong, the shifting from dream to reality really caught my attention. 

The rest of the story once you are hooked just takes off! I love that he never feels OP and adheres to believable logic.

Style: The Style is readable and flows well. You get a good feeling of movement and best of all I never felt pulled out of the story while I read.

Story: I don't want to give anything away, but it starts off with a pretty awesome premise and I am looking forward to seeing how the whole of the story pans out. Definitely worth reading.

Grammar: I didn't find any problems here. I wasn't actively looking but I would say top marks in the grammar department. 

Character: The main character has a significant, "I will be better than I was before" moment early on, I look forward to seeing the character growth there. I will say that all the characters I've read about so far feel distinctly different. 

Wayward Scholar
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The story's just begun, but there's a lot established with tons of potential!

Reviewed at: Chapter 10 - Communication

Applies up to chapter 13

 

Style: The descriptions and flow of the story are excellent. The amount of detail that is put into the environment as well as the characters reactions are colorful and vivid. However, it can drag on a little bit and the information is sometimes a bit too much. 

 

Grammar: The grammar is pretty much perfect. Sentences flow nicely and a wide range of vocabulary is used. The level here in my opinion is basically professional.

 

Story: I can't say for certain how good the story is yet because we are still in the opening sequences. However, the world has been established and so have the inhabitants thanks to the prologue. While the transition was a bit forced from the prologue to chapter 1, I'm glad the world and its races was expanded upon in chapter 10. I'm sure you'll provide more information as the story progresses so keep it up!

 

Character: Given that only one character is really developed so far, I have to base my review on characters solely on him. Sam/Ares is young and has been out of the world for quite a while due to his condition. I assume there is a tie to realism in this story due to how Sam was introduced in a hospital in our world. Therefore, I found it hard to believe that even though he was controlling the construct externally, he was able to understand and coordinate all the physical functions so quickly. I can't really wrap my head around how a long-term hospital patient with a bed-ridden disease has the knowledge and mental reflexes to be thrown right into a forest fighting for his life so fluidly. 

 

Overall: As a whole, this story is progressing rather well. The MC has to settle a dispute before exploring the vastness of the new world he has been exposed to. All I would like to see is maybe more references to Ares current situation back in his home world. After all, if you were whisked into a new world all of a sudden wouldn't you be concerned of what was going on back home?

 

Wilberforce
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As of chapter 12

Style

Style is good. Some heavy  exposition in the beginning but nothing too serious. 

Story

Mc gets transported to another world and he landed in the middle of a trouble. The story is just starting so my score is purely based on the potential and the world building put in place. The races, the RPG and the system is well-thought out and pretty unique.  

Grammar 

This is almost perfect for any webnobel. I noticed a few missing words and typos but surely 4.5/5

Character 

Ares behaves just okay for anyone in his situation. The problem with some audience here is they want to see a character who gets the best skill set and who controls everyone from the very beginning. Well, it really doesn't happen that way. All the good stories I know the mc has to stumble first before they succeed. If the mc always wins and they never loses then you won't even enjoy their success. Orca is the Best, trust me. It gives the story a feeling of mystery and so many questions. 

All in all, this is a good story. Give it a try if you like RPG and isekai. 

Blorgh the muppet
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Summery on read or not to read, that is the question.

Reviewed at: Chapter 18 - No Rest for the Wicked

 A unique on the entire "whoops i travelled to another dimension now lets have a power trip" trope. 
and Unique means Unique, not reincarnated as a fish or something, to try to add new value to an uncreative plot, but a geniune new perspective and approach to this plot device. And best of all? it has consequences, you know, like a normal young adult would have after been forced to fight for survival. 
Writing and language ofc top notch.

mio
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It's a good story, with an interesting premise, but the author has a tendency to over-explain some things.

That, and the mc lacks focus. he gets distracted by every little thing, and it gets so convoluted that it makes him seem like he's touched in the head.

seriously, i have actual ADD (attention deficit disorder), and even i can only sigh and think he's missing more than a few screws, if not all but one.