Victor Petard Asterisk was just an explorer, like many others. Roaming unknown parts of the galaxy, seeking the answers to Humanity’s greatest mysteries among the stars. One day, he chanced upon an unnatural wormhole that brings him to another Universe.
A Universe filled with magic and wonder!
“Hah! With my advanced technology, who would dare challenge me?”
“You there, savages! Still using bows and swords? Better go back to farming in the countryside!”
"And you! What's with that backward magic staff? Use mine instead and witness its power."
Filled with determination and experience, from years of exploring, Victor will seek out the unknown and unravel the deep mysteries held within this strange Universe.
Follow Victor’s journey, as he lays down a legend that will echo throughout the Multiverse and last for eternity.
This is a Science Fantasy story where technology will eventually change the civilization.
The first few chapters might contain a bit explanation but it get better overtime.
Kingdom Building is starting around 20s chapter.
Although there is Comedy and Romance here and there, it wasn't the main focus of the story.
The length of every chapter is around 1500++ words, might be longer but rarely shorter.
DISCLAIMER: English is my second language! I will be trying to improve over time but it takes time. So please bear with me...
Also, if you're going to point out any grammar mistake in the story. Thanks in advance....
New chapter will be released every two days.
This time the art cover wasn't mine so if the owner want to take it down, just tell me.
For anyone that want to join me on Discord:
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The paragraph and dialogue structures are overall good. Someone may find issues with the use of square brackets for the lines spoken by an AI, but I would never call it a flaw. It's style, nothing more to add.
This story begins with a wrong sentence. Then, the following ones all contain at least one mistake each. As a non-English speaker myself, I understand that the urge of writing sometimes can be a bit overwhelming and we might just want to do it, without a care for grammar and other boring aspects. Still, as much as it hurts me to give a low score, this must be a honest review. Tenses shifting randomly from present to past, a general negligence in the structure of sentences, misused punctuation and a constellation of typos made this read harder than I imagined, with my eyes rolling at least once per paragraph. It's not the worst I've seen by far, but needs a lot of improvement.
The setting is promising so far. Without spoiling anything, the story seems to move on at a steady pace, without cutting any corner, it's dynamic and entertaining enough to keep the reader invested and doesn't look improvised. Writing a sci-fi world (even if it has fantasy elements) is never easy, and I can get the feeling that the author did a good amount of research before starting this project. Good!
I found no major issues with the characters. The interactions between Victor and his AI companions (and others who come out later and who I won't spoil) are believable and interesting. There are also occasional shifts in perspective that work well and deepen our knowledge about the protagonists.
This is one of those stories which I can't punish with an overly strict rating because of its passion. The potential is there, and with some time and effort it might even become a success, especially given the level of the competition here on this website. Still, please, your grammar!
A dubious yes, for me, but still a yes. Read it, bear with it and get used to its quirks. If the author wants to improve it, it will improve.
Okay first off, forgive my grammar.
If you are wondering should you read this? Yes. Keep up the good work author!
Style: Nothing to nitpick here. Smooth.
Story: The Story is the driving force of this fiction, start in space but soon in fantasy world, some info about the tech that shows the author didn't just make things up and have done some research is a plus point. It's immersive too, give you the feeling of wanting to click the next chapter button for most chapters.
Grammar: I'm not one to talk because my grammar is bad myself but, in my humble opinion, this is the weakest part of the story, but don't get me wrong, it's great and easy to understand. I just sometimes noticed a few not quite fitting choices of words and there's over the top description like the Chinese novels. It may be just me but sometimes it breaks the immersion, like when you were driving your car in a straight line and met a speed bump.
Character: The earlier chapters have chars doing questionable actions, like they were a bit scripted? In my opinion the MC also a bit jumping the gun with his action in the early chapters. Still, it remains exciting and Victor (MC) was easy to relate with.
Review until chapter 18
This review is relevant up to chapter 43.
This story is a fine meld of sci-fi and fantasy, taking elements of them both and making a good run of it. There's character in this work, and it is decently put together. There are, however, also issues - of which the author is aware, and actively working on. As a work-in-progress this is a fine story that shows potential.
Style: I will not spend too much time on this. Consistent narrators in their given perspective, and agency in character actions are my main gripes here. Except for these, stylistic decisions are fine.
Grammar: While there are no issues with spelling; general syntax and word choices needs more work. Keeping the past tense in both narration and direct speech is also an issue. It is nowhere near terrible, but it takes away from immersion and makes reading a chore.
Story: As mentioned, this is where the potential of the story shines. The premise is interesting, the play on science is mostly believable, and there is a steady build over the initial chapters. I fear the author may be rushing a little in later chapters, perhaps due to requests from the audience.
Character: Here, again, there's potential, but in this case it is especially the antagonists that drags the story down a bit. While the MC is generally fleshed out neatly, and the side-characters are distinct and consistent, the antagonists who have appeared at this stage all feels cut from the same cloth. Writing compelling antagonists is a hard but rewarding art that sometimes needs more attention than main- and side characters.
Overall: It is always easier to be harsh and demanding than to find the kernel of potential lying underneath. The issues I have mentioned above are easily overcome with more scrutiny and hard work, and with these resolved there's a pretty good story here. Have confidence, have patience, and keep up the good work!
A fresh (compared to usual at least) take on xianxia mixing it up with some sci-fi themes. A step away from "lets push the fast forward button until something interesting happens 200 years later" (lets hope this is still true 50 chapters from now!).
The story isn't the best ever but the fresh theme and experimentation with the melding keeps it fresh and engaging for now.
For grammar I see that some previous reviews have had quite a few things to say. Reading now, however, it is clear that huge revisions and polishings have taken place resulting in quite a pleasant reading experience. (This has been explicitly mentioned, good job!)
At this point the weakest point in the story is definitely the characters, most specifically the villains. This is one area where the story has been stuck to xianxia tropes with grade AAA superglue. In short, at any point in time (to chapter 54 which is current) the main antagonist is always portrayed as a cartoonishly evil entity: Greed, sadism, violence, incompetence, insatiable lust (both literally and for blood), taking imagined offences to unreasonable extremes.. . A character whose all personality sliders where rammes straight off the "bad" end and into the next dimension is not an engaging or interesting opponent, it is a repetitive and tired meme, "oh, yet another unreasonably homicidal inexplicably overpowered person who could not have conceivably attained that power with a personality that bad (who would help or have loyalty to such a person? 5 of them???), just the usual then". Just once.. I would love to read a cultivation story where some of the competition actually acts in a not-insane manner.
In short: Do give it a try, its already quite engaging and there is strong evidence of quality improving over time as well so I have high hopes going forward!
So far it's a great start, and a very interesting universe that we've seen but there are so many grammatical mistakes it gets hard to understand what the author is meaning at times. It might do well do get a second eye on the chapters to suss out these issues.
A Good story from an author with imagination. The style and grammar is annoying.... Pls author dont be discouraged... improve!! Will read later if improved.
Magical Cosmic has an interesting premise, especially when it dives into more hard sci-fi territory. Questionable prose and grammar bring down the readability a tad.
The style is readable and not too wordy with reasonably sized paragraphs and descriptions that don't overstay their welcome, making the story easy to get through. The prose is brought down by frequent grammatical errors, which may turn off some readers.
As mentioned above, frequent errors disturb the flow of the story and is probably the largest flaw here. Were it to be rectified, however, Magical Cosmic would be far more enjoyable, at least in my opinion.
I really enjoyed some of the worldbuilding displayed here, especially some of the specifics of the economy as well as inventions like dimensional storage. It helps give the setting some depth before the MC is brought to a more magic-reliant world.
The characters are fairly enjoyable in general, and the MC is proactive, which is my preference when reading. They read a bit two-dimensional at this point in the story, though, which holds them back a little. Although, I can't speak for anything beyond chapter 15, in which I can only assume that the author has provided more development for the main cast.
Interesting worldbuilding and story direction is held back by grammatical issues. However, if that sort of thing doesn't bother you and you're looking for a coold sci-fi/fantasy mashup, Magical Cosmic is a fun one.
First few paragraphs I read had major misuse of grammar. The story seemed promising but jeez I can't read this.😢
This is a great premise but other than that it falls short.
First, the MC has no real personality, he shows one random emotion to another, and his thoughts are all over the place.
The style is hard to follow, I do not know if it is 1st person or something else.
I did not look at the grammar closely but there are some mistakes.
Finally, the story is rushed, with lots of info dumps, and it is all over the place. There aren't any real goals.
I really want this story to be great since it is a good idea that you have come up with but there are too many issues. What I advise is for you to take your time and not rush things. Develop your characters, give them personalities, explore your world, slowly give us new info.
(old review at 11/10)
although I not a review expert, but I still feel the character a bit 2D for some reason ?, and the early chapter could be a bit info dump, but at least it not overdone and he do spread the info for later moment when it needed though, beside gotta deal with those stuff before you have more wiggle room to write there
the author also do research stuff a bit so at least it quite realistic somewhat.
There are not much chapter right now so I will review again later, oh and the fantasy stuff will begin at chapter 8 (yes, I read the early on in author discord)
Edit at 16/11/2019: After the author have learn and improve more, he have gone back to rewrite the old chapter, so it less info dump and better grammar/typos now, include the problem with past tense and present tense thing, and thing become to be more better after chapter 22, especially chapter 24~25, where you get a new character with interesting quirk there, and kingdom building start at chapter 28 or 29
(slight spoiler hint: there are reason why other call him 'Mr. Brown')
Beside he also notice some problem with the 'china exaggerate' writing style/word like 'cough up mouthful of blood', or the 'I will take a hundred time of punishment for shaming you' while they only slightly offend other guy thing, and are try to find other better replacement for the word there, there are still some 'china' part here and there but it not as bad, hope some of you guy help point out and find a good replacement for him here since he get some bad writing habit by reading xianxia novel a lot .
Here is the example of 'china' way and the replacement (not all replacement is long):
+ 'He cough up a mouthful of blood'
+ 'I noticed that Brown’s mouth was leaking blood, as that could be seen spreading on his brown glove'