An Old Man's Journey Vol 1: Harem Slayer

by Allanther

Original ONGOING Adventure Comedy Fantasy Short Story Anti-Hero Lead GameLit Harem LitRPG Magic Male Lead Portal Fantasy / Isekai Villainous Lead Virtual Reality
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

 

Charles was an old man.  A widower.  Retired.  He spent his days watching old movies and waiting for his kids and grandkids to call.  That's all he wanted in the short time he has left.

Then his long time friend Bert, one of the last living ones he has, reaches out to offer him a chance to play a game.  A virtual reality similation that could give him another way to spend time with his family.  So he seeks to find a place within the game, a way for his family to visit.

With a magic stick levels above what he should have at his level, Charles sets out on a journey to find the perfect place to entice his family to visit. But the game and the players have other ideas.  Set up as an NPC quest giver to some, and antagonist to others, how will Charles reach his goal and what will he have to do to get there?

 

This is a work of fiction, any similarities between etc. etc. etc.  Please don't sue me.  

 

This is a rough draft and I hope that any readers with a penchant for editing chime in to help!  This is Vol 1, an intended series of Novellas.  I've scheduled all ~15 chapters to be released in one weekend, about and hour apart.   Once I get feedback and polish this one, I'll start on the next volume. Feel free to comment your thoughts on what you liked and what/where you think I can do better! Thanks for checking it out!

Temporary coverart from pixabay. 

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Author
Allanther

Allanther

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magao
  • Overall Score

Have read up to chapter 10.

The writing is easy to read. There are some grammar and spelling issues, but nothing too egregious.

The story is fun, old man casually messing with other players and

Spoiler: Spoiler

 I really like Bert

Spoiler: Spoiler

(which of course is vital to the plot).

Might want to add the Short Story tag, and unless there's a major change in the last few chapters I'm not sure Villainous Lead is appropriate.

ReneeWolf
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I like the character, even if he isn't the most exciting. I like how old he is (don't see many old people), and how that is convied, I like how you made him a person.

The grammer doesn't have any glaring issues that caught my attention.