Apocalypse Born

by artifex

Original ONGOING Adventure LitRPG Post Apocalyptic Slice of Life

The world as we know it ends in the year 2000. Over the course of a week, billions die and the survivors are faced with a reality that no longer makes sense. Can they fight back against wizards, monsters, and robots in a world where none of the old rules seem to apply, and their only ally is a mysterious heads-up display that reads like a particularly uninterested narrator?

Well, that part of the story's mostly done.

Hunter, instead of being alive in the age of heroes and martyrs, bravely fighting for the future of his entire planet, is born in 2003. By the time he can walk and talk, humanity has already fought back the worst of its demons and settled into its new status quo. What's an easily bored kid supposed to do in the Midwest when there's all this magic and nothing to do with it?

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artifex

artifex

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KrownoX Raven
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I find the world to be interesting but there are some problems with the way the story is told.

Dialogue:

Which nine year old thinks like that? Pewds' army doesn't seem so. Hunter and his friends' dialogues are too mature for their age, even with the timeskip. Just imagining a kid saying those lines makes me cringe a bit.

The other characters? I can't even give a fuck about what they are saying. And there are too much bullshit philosophical dialogue. You are face-smacking these values and ideas to the protagonist and even the readers. Can you do it in a more subtle way? Show don't tell?

Exposition

The chapters are too long to fit all the bullshit philosophical ideas and world building together. You're even mixing them! Stop! And also, quit exposition dumping. Most readers will forget these jargon by the next 2 chapters. Only dump info that are needed.

Par0xysm
  • Overall Score

I really didn't want to make such a review like this since RR needs more post apocalyptic stories, but here goes:

I got to about chapter 12 before qutting this story.

Review:

Plot: There simply isn't any purpose to the story at all, and it almost completely lacks a plot, it is literally just exposition, nonsensical technobabble terms without explanations, and unnessary math and number crunching that adds nothing to any story, good or bad.

Characters: Every single side character is only there for answering the mc's questions, and almost none of them have any interesting personalities, the mc included.
The only slightly interesting character is his mother, and i would've much rather read a story about her life, and how she and others tackled the descent of all this change and chaos to the world, on top of the system suddenly appearing.

World Building: The world building could've been great, it has an interesting premise, and personally i always liked post apocalyptic stuff, but when everything is exposition it just loses any immersion it could've otherwise build on.

Writing Style: Very rarely have i been this annoyed by how speech and thoughts have been written and portrayed in a story, it is literally like this; Mc speaks to somebody: "Hey ummm, so like would you help me, i dunno, maybe make a robot so i can like, use it for ummm training?".

Then he thinks about some technobabble stuff and then; Somebody else says: "No no mr MC boy why you can't does she do that today, it would be better if you tell me have patience and do it tomorrow instead this now"

This is an example of how completely immersion breaking this is for me, and i've been entirely confused multiple times by how some of his toughts are written like that, while others aren't. Most of the time he sounds like a very slow witted 7-10 year old when he's speaking, while he's supposed to be 16 almost 17, and is seen as an adult. While earlier in the story when he's supposed to be 9 and 13, he throws around technobabble and terms a boy his age shouldn't know anything about.

 

Imo this story is yet another example of a highly overrated/over hyped story on RR, and it's kind of dissapointing to me tbh. I'm giving this story an overall 3 stars, with the possibility of a 3½-4 stars if there was a plot, and the entire style of conversations got changed and improved.

  I highly doubt it would happen though.

Techman
  • Overall Score

Fantastic story with stupendous world building and believable characters. The writing is top notch quality.  There's no way this won't end up on trending.

The story follows Hunter, one of the first in the generation born after the system apocalypse. Things have settled down into a new normal, but there is still adventure and danger to be had. He takes advantage of the accumulated knowledge of the prior generation to maximize his growth potential and not fall into the same pitfalls they did. His "build" is unconventional, but works well in the system. The system itself is incredibly well designed.

Chapters are nice and long, but this is going to be a very long story. 10 chapters in and he's still only 16 years old and level 1. That's not to say he's weak and useless; he's currently gaining and maxing out a truly impressive list of skills and abilities. I guess it's more that this all feels like the opening moves in some grand epic, so there's gonna be a lot more to come.

READ. THIS. You will not regret it.

 

Quiet Pup
  • Overall Score

Cool World Building With Dull Characters That Have No Purpose

All the main character does is train with no purpose. He so far has no goal, but trains anyway just to keep himself busy. All the other characters in this story do is exist to answer his questions and act ridiculously wholesome to the protagonist. The worldbuilding is interesting, but it is like I am reading a children's book that has no actual meaning to it. I know it is tagged as Slice of Life so a lot of my complaints so far could be just seen as complaints to the genre itself. To me a good Slice of Life story has to have interesting characters that interact with eachother. The main character has almost zero personality. He is polite and trains a lot, that is basically his whole character so far. His "friends" are barely ever described and he barely does anything with them. The adults in his life are just information dumps so he can continue training optimally. The only character in this whole story that I would consider interesting is the mother of the protagonist. So while the world the author is writing about is interesting it lacks any other meaningful thing a story should have.

Damokles
  • Overall Score

This is a very good post-apocalypse story!

This is probably one of the best apocqlypse fictions i have read here so far.

The characters are relatable and the surroundings are lifelike.

 The author implemented a system that makes sense, and seems to care about the people

Spoiler: Spoiler

 

CourtJesster
  • Overall Score

Solid, with some drift towards exposition

The 'system' integration is believable.

The characters come to life well. Not perfectly, I think, but well. 

You can see what is happening because the writing is well done. 

Expect this will be quite long running, similar to Randidly or Savage Divinity, simply because it takes a good while to reach lvl 1 (yay character development) and it is SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS implied that you can reach upwards of lvl 1000. 

I think the italics showing what MC is thinking are well done for the most part, but sometimes are a little clumsy. 

The first chapter almost put me off, because I hate exposition, but, I admit - for exposition... it is done fairly well. I recommend you grit your teeth through it, because the characters to come are good. If the first chapter DOES put you off, be aware, there is a lot of explanation that can honestly get a bit dry in chapters to come. For example, with the build of the MC, I want to be more 'wow that's cool' as the build comes together, rather than be overwhelmed by all the seemingly irrelevent minutiae of options regarding skill paths and spell stuff etc. etc.  

But who cares, this is clearly someones dream world, that they have thought about for a long time, that has been planned well, and definitely begins well and I am on board to read more. 

ShadowOfHAvoc
  • Overall Score

The story starts out with an interesting concept but it just never  realized it's potential. The cool post apocalyptic setting is never explored, the world development is slow and done in a very boring manner that makes the main character, who is more like the only character, come off as very anxious. A lot of what we learn about this setting is done during the MC's training, and most of it is stuff that a kid born after the apocalypse should probably have learned as a kid before they get access to the system. A major problem with this story is that the only real character is the MC sure there are other characters but they bring nothing to the story and come across as tools used to educate the MC (the reader really) about how the world works, and one they do that they vanish from the story. 

 

Safely I cannot recommend this story.

 

Divus
  • Overall Score

Mature and skilled as an author.

A very good story, interesting and well thought out and NO blatant Deus ex machina or out of place wish fulfilment. YAY

Thank you.

Precocious Pi
  • Overall Score

It's a good story. I don't often leave reviews, but this story deserves trending. I think the author would need to update more often for trending, though. I would like more chapters, hehe. 

slargon
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Only a few chapters in, but this story is an excellent example of detailed, consistent (so far) world building. 

It's clear the author has thought his world through and it makes a huge difference.

We'll have to see where this goes, but it's promising so far.