Tammy's ghost was waiting for me when I returned to my Little God's Room.
I'm not honestly sure how she saw things. When I prayed to Alanna, I saw her Room as clearly as I saw my own--but surely, that was because I was also a god. An average person with an average prayer was represented, from what I could tell, as a person wandering around deaf and blind. If I extended the metaphor, surely people who appeared to have open eyes in the Room were actually seeing it. But was that certain? Was it a matter of some kind of talent or ability? Were people with no spiritual sensitivity doomed to be blind in this place forever?
In any case, Tammy's eyes were open. She had... a bit of energy left, not like the last ashen soul I'd seen here. She was still in uniform, and she saluted me smartly as soon as I appeared before her. But... she didn't talk. Couldn't talk, I felt.
She wanted to do more. She wanted a job. In that one moment, she had saved hundreds of lives by being able to See. I had been... I was the only reason that anyone would ever remember her. A lost person who might have been just another victim, but became a hero.
Or at least, a heroic victim.
I didn't know what exactly she was asking, except what she herself had explained about Angels and Vicars. That happened, she had said, when a dying person dedicated themselves to a god. I wasn't sure what that meant, though; I had never encountered such a thing and didn't want to say "yes" or "no" in ignorance.
After a long moment of panicked indecision, I offered her a lame "hang on a moment" and reached out with my godly powers towards Alanna. I felt the call reach her, but rather than appearing in her Room or her appearing in mine, we both appeared momentarily in a shared white space.
She looked... grumpy, but better than I'd last seen her. She showed up as Lucile, which was the form I really wanted to talk to--Alanna's godly form was beautiful, but too seductive for the mood I was in. Lucile and her grumpy just-woke-up face were calming, grounding, and I was able to breathe easier just having her there.
"What is it?" Her voice, of course, was equally grumpy. I guess just because I appreciated her presence wasn't enough to make the call worthwhile, huh? I smiled to myself, but it faded quickly.
"I have a woman... who wants to become an Angel, I think. I don't know--"
"What that means. Right. Angels have to find someone or something to bind to. You... uh, right. She might think she can bind to you. Don't let her. If that's a deal breaker, then it is. It's a bad idea." Lucile counted on her fingers like she was trying to recall a speech she had been given or prepared a long time ago. "Anyone else... understand that whoever she binds to will probably create a church, one you don't lead and can't govern. They will have their own opinions as to who you are and what you want, and those opinions will be very frequently wrong. You can bind her to an object, if she agrees. Then you can start your own church. Understand that she might not want that life, though, it's very different from following someone for a lifetime and then being free. Pretty boring, actually."
"What else... don't let her bully you into anything. She's still human, just now also dead. She doesn't know what she's doing any better than you do and if you trust her you may regret it." Lucile gave me a bleary-eyed stare for a moment. "Having an Angel is very good for you, but it's not necessarily the right move. It all depends on who or what she binds to. I would say offer to let her try, but demand the ability to refuse if she picks the wrong person. You'll have to figure that out for yourself, though. Is that enough?"
"I think so." Looking at Lucile, I couldn't help smiling a little. "Thank you. Get some sleep."
"Mm. How did the battle go?"
"Fine. Between your help and mine, they didn't get the drop on us at all."
Then I was back with the ashen spirit, and I took Alanna's advice immediately. I felt Tammy immediately make a request that she follow me around--bind herself to me, and I refused. She felt a little sad, but then tried to go follow Bard. I... felt that was wrong, and refused. I couldn't say why, except that Bard was clearly not interested in these things. He might just see it as a burden.
She tried another person next, and I got a bad feeling from them, too. Now, Tammy was starting to feel frustrated, and tried again to get me. I refused, and she sat there for a long moment as though sulking. As time went on, though, she relaxed, and I felt her naturally gravitate towards... someone. Someone that I was sure I didn't know, but had probably met. Someone that didn't give me bad feelings.
So I let her do it. I felt a connection that I only poorly understood linking Tammy to me, and then another one reach off, connecting Tammy to... someone. Someone in camp, I thought. Someone Tammy liked, someone who probably liked her back.
Instead of exploring that thought, though, I felt someone trying to shake me awake. It was a guard, letting me know that the morning rush on supplies was starting, and I'd need to be there to oversee it all.
So I grumbled and got up and got the morning started. For me and the cooks, unlike many, this was a morning like all the others. I saw a small number of new graves added to the ones that the Company dug for our dead, and a small mass grave that was dug for the enemy, but aside from seeing the graves, I didn't have any part of it--couldn't, really, with my duties.
It was early afternoon before I could get time for myself, but when I did, I found Tammy's grave--unmarked, but I knew which--and knelt down next to it. It was probably a silly thing to be sentimental about, since I had already dealt with her soul... but then, I couldn't help but feel like her body was still her, in a way. Even if her spirit was attached to someone else, this was where Tammy could be found.
I was a little surprised when someone came up behind me. It was a human woman, who I recognized as one of the scouts, and... no, that didn't matter right now. I looked back at her, but she didn't interrupt, and I spent another moment resting beside Tammy's body before I got up.
I hadn't come to... say a prayer or anything, really. I knew I didn't need to do that. But it was appreciation for a part of her that was dead or dying in the ground--who knows how long before every last cell would be dead? What a macabre thought--a part that might not all be connected to her soul or spirit. Sentimental, sure, fine. But I would rather be like that, if the circumstance allows it.
"How do you know which is which?" asked the woman.
"I just felt it," I replied. "Can't you?"
She looked at me, surprised, but I just gave her a cryptic smile and left. Tammy's spirit would have guided her to the right grave if I weren't there, but at least this way I got to know the face of my new Vicar.
However that was going to turn out, I was glad to at least have met her.
By sundown, a large enemy force was spotted to the east, settling down well out of our range. The commanders didn't spend a whole lot of time in meetings, probably because they had already gone through everything. What was left now was the wait.
I suppose we could have attacked; I imagine the reason why they settled down for the night was because they had just come off a hard march. But that's my imagination, not fact, and I was far from anything going on with the battle. I just had to assume and trust that they knew what they were doing. My position, both as a person and as a god, was one where I had to sit around waiting to see what others did. I was too small to affect the battle to come.
My dreams that night were troubled, but even when I ducked into my Little God's Room to check, all I found was someone--Tammy, I knew immediately--speaking constantly but quietly with my avatar. I felt a flow of power back and forth between the two of them, and merging with my Avatar a bit, I found that she was trying desperately to help her Vicar.
I could probably have dived into things as a god and tried to figure out what exactly was happening, but in the end, I trusted Tammy. I had to; we would be working together... somehow, whatever that meant, and I didn't want to be a domineering micro-manager.
A god was supposed to empower people, and use them to lead others. I might have to correct Tammy later, but for now, she was embracing her role as leader and guardian, and I didn't have any instinct that was telling me she was doing anything... wrong exactly. It did make me very nervous, though.
Because I woke up with the chefs, and they woke up before most of the troops, I was up well before dawn. At that time... it was difficult to put into words how I knew, but I knew that my Vicar was well outside of camp, I wanted to say without permission, and probably doing something to the enemy. I frowned to myself, but if she got herself killed here, that was definitely not something that I, as a human being, was supposed to do anything about... and as a god, I was already working with Tammy to guide her. So, although I felt uneasy about it, I went through the morning routine.
Just before dawn, I felt an odd spike in uneasiness, and within a few minutes, I heard someone shouting something about fire--in the enemy camp. And as for my Vicar, I felt...
Support "God of Eyes"
- Pseudonymous bastard
A lost soul looking for a path through life. My history has not provided a stable foundation quite yet, so who knows when it will all collapse. Hopefully not soon!
I have been writing stories since I was a child but I wasn't really encouraged or taught. I have developed bad habits and gotten lost inside myself, but still intend to keep fighting and trying to get myself set upright. Fortunately and not, I am not quite alone, but it's always hard to have the wrong kind of help, isn't it?
Best of luck to anyone silly enough to find this page. Work hard and don't end up like me. It has its upsides, but it's really not worth it...