Forgotten Undead

by Shiroun

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Fantasy GameLit High Fantasy LitRPG Magic Non-Human lead Villainous Lead
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

The Soranian race had many titles, most of them were simple slander. They called the race "evil", "half monsters" or simply "demons". Nobody even asked why they did that because everyone knew the reason. They were afraid of the race. That race was objectively the superior sapient race of all of the races. Why? They could mix their blood with other races and get their features, strengths and weaknesses. Yes.. even the blood of the mighty dragons could be mixed with that race. No one knows for certain whose idea it was to band together and purge the race from the planet. A noble? A king? Or.. even a god? One thing is for certain.. the race is extinct. They even burned the bones so that they couldnt be reanimated. But they didnt find the bones of an individual that bled to death in a cave. Oh how cruel his vengeance would be, if someone would reanimate him..

 

 

 

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Disclaimer: Not my art, if you are the owner and want to take it down for whatever reason it may be, message me. (Of course you must show proof)

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Shiroun

Shiroun

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mazlog299
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I don't necessarily like speaking poorly of authors, and writers who put themselves and their work out into the wider world, however I also feel that one must prepare to receive negative responses as well so here goes.

The story is bad. Not to say that it is terrible but it need some serious work. Also I will be touching on spoilers so fair warning.

Spoiler: Spoiler

 Grammar leaves much to be desired, the author won't even consistently capitalize proper nouns, makes no effort to differentiate conversations between character, no use of indents, no 'He said' most of the time. This makes reading a chore and a half. Paragraphs are just thrown about haphazardly giving me a headache, though I suffer from this as well.

Style. Well at least he writes mostly in the same tense and though he jumps characters perspective often, it's usually clear whos perspective is being represented. Usually. That being said I have nothing overly positive to say as the author does nothing really new or exciting.

Alright, last but not least: Story. This is one of the few redeeming things about the writing so far, and it's mostly wasted potential. Ignore all the crap that the author covers this story in and the bare bones are surprisingly solid. The MC is reletively fresh, though the monster MC genre has been done, the skeletal paths are left relatively untouched, leaving alot of wiggle room. The attempt at humor is, just poor. either take a macabre humor stance or go hard on grimdark. that's my personal nitpick though.

Spoiler: Spoiler

 But it certainly feels like the potential is wasted. With lackluster characters, migraine-inducing grammar, and stunningly incomplete style, its only redeeming feature being mediocre at best story, covered in the muck of the authors poor writing skills this story is worth a cursory glance at best.

I did, however give it a better overall score than you would think, mainly because i believe firmly, that with some effort, and a hefty chunk of editing, and SLOWING THE STORY DOWN, the author could make something really good here.

I'll keep an eye on it, and hopefully you can make this story into something worthy of all of our efforts.

daspablo
  • Overall Score

a new skelebro appears!

Started this on a whim and ended up binging it all.

occasional grammar issues but after chinese novels they werent jarring in the slightest.

lets murder some heroes *anime ding sound*

Kreo
  • Overall Score
  1. Actually I think highly of this novel for a lot of reasons, it got an original idea, well developed situations and rather interesting plot, but it got also quite the errors like some not so well thought situations (the logic is somewhat lacking sometimes but is not so evident), immature writing style (some types of repetitions and alike) and etc. It's a really enjoyable story and I'd give it 4 or 4,3 but actually will give 5 hoping that it'll get better cause this lot got a lot of potential 
Peculiarflame86
  • Overall Score

Like a chair made in woodshop

As a chair, it must serve the purpose of being a chair.

Its supports its own weight, and the greater weight brought upon it. This story has such a wonderful premise already, and an interesting world that's been hinted at. 

Its comfortable. Once started, you dont really want to get out of the chair. Watching the interaction between (so far) the 4 main characters is both believable and fun. I originally clicked on this for the hell of it. And now my legs lost feeling.

However, like anything made of wood, it could use some sanding as it's a bit rough around certain points. I'd say once the author hits stride we will all add this chair to our table

Thrasher92
  • Overall Score

Very fun Villain Protagonist story!

This has recently become one of my "must read" stories. I highly suggest it to anyone who wants to read about a powerful skeleton wrecking his way through stuff.

Sagaaa
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Awesome skeletons are a rare find

Just wanted to say hi cause I like the novel, don't expect any information from my review.

It would ruin the experience of reading this awesome story. And I am feeling really lazy right now. Sooool.

FUCKING READ THIS NOVEL!!!!!

Now really, it has only started but it has a good juju and I think it will do great.

Althayas
  • Overall Score

It can seems paradoxical, But Xur’quar is a good protagonist. He can be harsh towards his enemies but kayak with his friends and allies. His race is a little overpowered, but he is their last representative.

I will follow this story with pleasure and interest.