The Undead Revolution

by ylosp

Original HIATUS Adventure Fantasy Anti-Hero Lead Female Lead Grimdark LitRPG Magic
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Traumatising content

 

This was my first attempt at writing a story, in hiatus indefinitely.

This story follows Silvy, half-elf, a rare race despised by both humans and elves. Having never met her father, the first years of her life were spent together with her mother, who had to leave her native village because of the blasphemy she had committed by giving birth to Silvy.

At the age of eight, Silvy became an orphan and was left to fend for herself. Her mother had died of illness, Silvy’s life turning upside down: the child went from living in a modest but cozy home with poor but daily meals to live outside the walls in the slums, where crime was commonplace and food was scarce.

Luck had yet to abandon her completely though, because a group of orphans like Silvy decided to help, integrating her into their group and teaching the tricks of the trade; that is, stealing and swindling.

But fate had not yet finished playing with her. Kidnapped and frightened, her life will turn upside down again when she awakens as undead, but still able to think clearly.

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ylosp

ylosp

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Venan
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
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A Good Monster Core Story

Reviewed at: Chapter 22

Very strong hook that leads into an above average story. I definetly recommend this one to any LitRPG fans.

Strengths:

The characters feel very real. Each and everyone we meet has their own life. Even when we only know one for a chapter or a couple paragraphs, the characters we meet have goals and ambitions that do not neccessarily revolve around the MC or are convenietly placed for the MCs benefit if that makes sense.

Grammar is a non issue and scenes do not lack detail, nor are they overdetailed.

Mc has original abilities that are both wonderfully op, but also realistic with their own realistic weaknesses.

Faults:

The only aspects that make this story anything less than stellar are the Magic system and the sterotypical Rpg world.

The magic is not very magical and doesn't leave me intersted in learning anymore about it, which is darn shame because I love magic.

The world isn't anything we haven't seen before. Dungeons, adventures, mages guild, yadda yaddaa. Monsters are very bland as well, which is another love of mine.

Yet despite these minor faults, I still enjoy this story and believe it is going to attract quite a few followers.

Nicebagdad
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

The story is good, I think. Its a fairly well written main character with believable interactions, The main char has some op abilities that lead her to being a bit weird in general. The quirks in her character make certain things seem a little jarring.

spoiler: Spoiler

 The main character herself isn't (in my opinion) very Realistic.

Spoiler: Spoiler

Interactions are generally well written althoug there have been  a bunch of conversations that seemen inorganic and unrealistic. I can't tell if its because of English not being the writers native language or what.

Grammar

THe Author is writing in a second language and for what it is it is incredibly good, there are a few mistakes that can make certain scenes slightly annoying to read. It is definetly legible but it needs some editing. 

In short

A cool new story from a new writer, the biggest problems seem to be the grammar and the at times jarring main character.

Try it, you might like it.

Ronny766
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Sigh... might as well post a review

Reviewed at: Chapter 33

I feel extremely sad that the author has put it on hiatus indefinitely but I do understand why he's doing it.

Now onto the review

The story might be paced a bit slow but it's quite intriguing. What interested me the most was the possibilities of what the main character could become in the future. Her powers and possible hidden abilities. On the other hand, the plot does feel a bit lacking in some sort of spice or spark. However, the action, possibilities, and characters somewhat makes up for it. The characters in the story are unique each with their own goals and personalities. Grammar is great, nothing to complain about there. Overall, this is great.

OxenThunder
  • Overall Score

Its in your Head, your Heaaaadyededed, Zombie, Zombie, Zombie-bie-bie / Litrpg

Reviewed at: Chapter 20

I like it alot. It's a well done zombie/litrpg story with some fun additions. Some advice would be to work on the flow of your action scenes.

daspablo
  • Overall Score

Why does this not have any reviews yet?

 

Anywho, here be my opinions.

here we have a strong MC that needs to work for things 

Her cheats are logically used and constent.

Her character itself is believable.

Tldr. This is a well done work that needs more reader attention.

Kap
  • Overall Score

Hunger for more

Reviewed at: Chapter 26

Ok so first. English is not the Author's native language and that said if they hadn't stated so I would have never known. Kudos for that.

As for story itself. The MC is written well and her abilities are powerful but not immediately a God broken. She still has to learn and grow.

Now the world building. YES. This should be used as an example for building a story and letting it unfold for the reader. MC is an orphan 12 year old.  She knows enough about her own world that we don't need exposition dumps on how money works but is still ignorant of the wider world enough that readers still get to learn as she does.

Cannot WAIT for more. 

darkalter2000
  • Overall Score

It was dropped right when it was getting good. 

MrHrulgin
  • Overall Score

A solid story. It's definitely gory, but it always feels in service to the plot rather than entirely gratuitous. The protagonist is consistent, maybe mature for a child but also given her background it's not unreasonable. The day to day plot is interesting, and there's enough hints scattered through of the larger meaning and reactions of the world to keep me wanting more. This isn't a world where there's a single OP MC and everyone just cowers, the antagonists are people with their own plans and plots.

 

The only downside is very occasional grammar errors, but it's mostly good. 

 

Definitely worth a look and a read.

sarbification
  • Overall Score

Realy, i dont know what to say about fiction, when you read something good you even can't add something to story for beter plot, and this fiction is exactly like that. It have so good well passing plot, and have some depth, charater is good and have purpose to kill some bad people (and some). Realy it like a book written by a man who know what he want to write.

P.S. About grammatical can't say anyting due to the fact that I am not a native speaker.

XeroDK
  • Overall Score
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Painfully Okay Train Ride

Reviewed at: Chapter 27

The plot is good but it drags on frequently with infodumps which have important information about the setting (The author doesn't have the time or talent to fill us in any other way). Some small details pleasantly come back but their not written like it matters until the stuff happens. The story is progressing nicely but sometimes unrealistically. For every nice thing I have to say, there is always a negative. For every leap forward, there is a leap back. This is a book where you need to continually compromise to get something good only to be a bit more disappointed every time. In the end, is it worth it?

I hope the plot goes somewhere because 27 chapters in, it seems like a mish mash of things happening to the protagonist, Silvy. The most troubling thing about this story is that the main character doesn't have much agency. Things just happens and then she, a 12-year-old girl, acts unrealistically as if she's an adult that knows what she's doing. This only comes off as pretentious because her actions are only a result of her circumstances. The only reason why she is acting is because she's reacting. How are we supposed to relate to her?

The little agency Silvy has is her desire for revenge and survival mind set which are bottom of the barrel motivations but okay. But then the little choice she does have is snatched away when the undead core starts talking and goes on a ramage.

Spoiler: Spoiler

I absolutely hate it when something the protagonist has starts talking and steals agency from the character.

Teenage pretentiousness is a hallmark of angsty behavior and it painfully shows here in Slivy. Let me explain in this spolier.

Spoiler: Spoiler

 I sigh in frustration. A classic trait of a royalroad story. It's good but it's not that good.

The plot is pointing to something grand and magnificent so I'll keep an eye out on that.