Advertisement
Remove

Erick woke up in a startled second.

He was alone. Drool stuck him to the pillow clutched in his hands. Yellow-white lightorbs cast steady light from the upper corners and center ceiling of this pillow/resting room. The sound of rushing water was far away, but audible. His MP and HP were full. Did that wake him?

Erick stood up and cast a [Cleanse] where he had laid, standing himself in the burst of thick air as it went to work. Eleven more of those and he’d reach spell level 3. He brushed his clothes down. He had already [Mend]ed everything of his and of Jane’s, but maybe, if the pay here was good, he could buy some local clothes soon. He was wearing a traveling outfit when they fell to Veird, and he was still wearing that traveling outfit. Jeans, t-shirt, shoes and socks meant for car rides more than hiking through the desert. Jane was in the same boat.

I wonder what’s happening with her.”

A giant appeared in the doorway.

AHHh! Oh.” Erick tried to not look like an idiot. “Sorry.”

Al smiled, saying, Back to work! You have more mana, yes?” Al beckoned Erick to follow.

Yes.” Erick followed. “Full on mana.” Then he remembered the one [Cleanse] when he woke. “Uh. Mostly full.”

Concentration?”

And Mana Shaping.”

Mana Shaping we can work on later. [Meditation]?”

No [Meditation]. Not yet.”

Al nodded. We get you to level five today. Buy the necessary skills. [Meditation] very important. You work on that on your own until you can meditate without afflictions.

Erick tried to work out what he was saying. Working on [Meditation] on his own? That sounded about right. Makes sense. But Erick didn’t want to Meditate in the sewerhouse until he thought he was safe to do so.

- - - -

 

Down the staircase they went, past the terrifying underground river, back through small metal door #2. The trip wasn’t as terrifying the second time. That darkness past the metal bars of the cesspool room, though… That was still terrifying.

Erick dumped 12 [Cleanse 2]s and three [Cleanse 3]s into that cesspool, chunking two and three meter holes into the settling sludge, but the pool itself was something like ten meters across and several meters deep. The water was almost as nasty after his cleanings as it was before. Al didn’t seem to mind that Erick couldn’t clean the whole thing. He just made Erick go back to the pillow room and lay back down. This time, Al left Erick with some bread, cheese, and water, then went across the hallway to his well appointed office and shut the door.

The cheese was strong and so good. Erick would have eaten more, but being at 6 mana was exhausting beyond belief. He laid down.

- - - -

 

He woke up, startled. His HP and MP were full.

Jane snored on the couch next to him. The little food that he had left on the one plate was completely gone, but there were two plates on the table in the center of the room. Did Al give Jane some food, too? That was really nice of him.

Maybe working here was a good idea. It’s not like it was a full time job, since the pools got cleaned and processed every four days. Maybe that’s how long they took to fill up?

Status: Cleanse.

 

Cleanse 3, instant, short range, 10 mana.

Purge an area equal to the level of the spell in meters of all Toxins, Disease, Filth, and Corruption.

Exp: 50/300

 

Erick did some quick calculations based on what he knew. Skills only go up to level 10, according to Irogh. So the pool itself was probably exactly ten meter across… Or probably less to account for water depth. That meant a max level [Cleanse] was necessary for this job. He wasn’t sure about how long it would take to get to level 10. Jane would know. He’d ask her later.

Status.

 

Erick Flatt

Human, age 48

Level 3, Class: None

Exp: 250/300

Class: -/-

Points: 2

HP

80/80

150 per day

MP

160/160

422 per day

Strength

8

+0

[8]

Vitality

15

+0

[15]

Willpower

16

+0

[16]

Focus

20

+0

[20]

 

422 per day? The heck? Oh. Right.

 

Concentration 2

Multiply your base MP regen by 2.11

Requirements: 20 Focus

Exp: 56/200

 

I guess it levels based on what actually regenerates? Every MP past my cap must have been lost.

Hmm. And it didn’t give base experience, either. Maybe skills like this get their own exp based on what they do, but my exp doesn’t go up unless I am spending resources? Yet another thing to ask Jane.

Erick looked at Jane. She was sleeping soundly on her couch, her blanket wrapped around her body. The few trinkets left from the car crash were tucked just under her couch.

A blackscaled monster loomed in the doorway.

HOLY FU—!”

Jane launched to her feet. She immediately calmed, then glared at Erick.

Calm down! Stupid humans!” said Blackscale, shaking his head. He was out of his armor, wearing a simple dark tunic and dark pants. “I came to invite you to dinner, not get screamed at. Dad wants to talk to you more.”

Of course.” Jane composed herself. “We would love to have dinner with you all.”

Blackscale spoke to Erick, “And you should spend some mana on [Cleanse]. We’re done for the day.”

Blackscale waited. Jane turned to Erick, and waited.

Erick shot out 15 [Cleanse]s across the room. There was a level up notification in there somewhere, but he ignored it. The room was clean before, and it was still clean now. When he was done, he turned to Jane. “What’s your training regimen like?” He paused. That wasn’t all English, was it?

And then Jane responded in non-english, but every word was understandable, “I got this here—” She pulled a black stone from her pocket. “It’s a piece of hard stone that I can [Strike] with my finger.” She demonstrated by holding the stone in her hand and tapping it with that same thumb. The air cracked at she ‘struck’ the stone. Then she glowed with the power of a [Rejuvenation]. “Then I heal myself, and [Strike] the stone again. There's a global cooldown of a second between each activation of each ability, but that's fine.” Which she did. “It’s all pretty zen, once you get into it.”

Blackscale smirked. “I remember that stage of growth. A friend cast the healing spells on me for me. I’ve focused on other things.”

Jane walked forward. “But why would you not want the option of healing yourself?”

Blackscale laughed, then started walking toward the stairs leading up. Jane followed.

Erick hurried to catch up. He listened to their discussion from his position in the rear, taking in all the new words. Jane must have talked to a lot of people today. Many more than Erick had.

 

- - - -

 

Blackscale opened the door and walked in, saying, “They’re here, Dad.”

Welcome! Welcome, Erick and Jane!” Al appeared in the doorway, waving them inside. “Come in! Come inside to my home!”

Thank you for your hospitality.”

Erick and Jane walked in and Al nodded.

Now this place was more Erick’s style, but it was all giant sized. Stone flooring and lots of carpets. Warm wood furniture with canvas cushions. Big picture windows. Half of the upper room was open, containing the kitchen and the living room. The other half was a wall with three doors, one of them open and leading to a bathroom.

Dinner is later, but for now, we have wine! How long will it be, Savral?”

Blackscale, Savral, Al’s son, said, “An hour. Everything is prepared already.”

You have a nice home,” Jane said.

Erick said, “A really nice home.”

I enjoy it here. Thank you.” Al pulled the cap off of a black bottle then poured wine into giant-sized goblets. He handed one each to Jane and Erick, then took his own, leaving Savral to pick up his own glass, which he did. “To your health.”

To your health!”

They all drank at once. Erick was suddenly hit with a sense of vertigo. No, not from the wine. That tasted great, and everyone was smiling. No. The vertigo came from how similar this was to dinner with new friends, or old friends, or any one of the thousands of times he had experienced this exact same interaction, but back on Earth. A sudden pang of homesickness struck. He sighed.

Al frowned. “Is something the matter?”

Erick waved him off. “No. No. Just a sudden homesickness. Usually, I was the one to start these sorts of dinners.”

Al smiled wide. “I look forward to eating a meal in your home one day. But until then, come, come.” He waved them toward the living room part of the common room, to a pair of couches set up across from each other with a coffee table sitting between them. “We can sit and talk while Savral cooks. My son is a great cook, but still no wife! Or husband.”

Dad.”

What? It is true enough.” Al said to Erick, “He is too reluctant to commit.”

Father.”

Ha ha! I kid, I kid.”

Savral was already cooking and doing his best to ignore his father. There was no wall between the kitchen and the rest of the room, so Savral could participate in the conversation while he prepared dinner. It was a nice design. As for how he was cooking: it looked almost like a normal Earth kitchen. The stove was magical, of course, with summoned flames from a dark metal slab that adjusted the heat from a series of touch-based runes on the edge of the metal slab. Everything else was completely normal. Well-seasoned black woks, black pots, and black pans. Cutting boards and chef knives. Strange-looking vegetables and seasonings, though.

Erick sat down on one end of the couch, Jane the other. Al took the facing couch and brought the wine bottle with him.

Speaking quick, Al went right to business. “So you two are from another reality.”

Jane nearly spat out her wine. Erick did not control his own reaction that well; a bit of drink came out of his mouth without his say so.

Al just pulsed a tiny [Cleanse] and kept right on. “What type of world were you born on? I have known a few outsiders in my time. One was from a reality of what she called ‘spaceships’ and ‘warp drives’. She was not human, though. Close, but pointy eared and unusually skilled in plant magics. She used to call herself an ‘elfin’.” Al shook his head. “Fate was not kind to her. She used that word around a clan of orcols and they murdered her for it.”

Jane held her breath.

Erick couldn’t help but say, “Just casually murder someone? Over a word?”

Ah. So you come from a kinder world.”

Jane said, “Well. Maybe not. I’m sure there’s a case of someone saying some seemingly innocuous thing around someone else and getting killed for it.”

You seem like good people.” Al said, “So don’t ever call an orcol an elf. The beauty you see is part of a long history that started with the Sundering, the destruction of all the elves, and the sudden combination of one people and one monster because the Script misfired. The Rage and the Genocide Wars followed, where the Goddess of Beauty was dying because her people were already dead and the only way to save herself and stop the War was by becoming our Goddess of Brutality. To this day, she gives us the tools, but we cull the Rage from ourselves. There are some side effects.”

That was all great to know, but mainly Erick was ecstatic for one specific reason. “Oh, thank god you’re not human!”

Al chuckled, “What?”

My self-esteem just got a massive boost.”

Ha!” Savral said, “You thought an orcol a human?”

I’m not from around here.”

Al just laughed.

Erick was about to speak when Jane spoke first, “We’re from a world— One world, just humans. No magic. Do you know the population of Veird? The size of your planet? It’s hard to judge comparisons.”

Al looked up, humming.

Savral said, “Maybe five hundred million people? Not sure.”

That doesn’t include the Wrought, either. There’s too many down there and they don’t let any non-wroughts into their cities.” Al said, “Veird is maybe 25,000 krin across? I think that’s right.”

Krin?

Jane said, “It’s practically the same thing as a kilometer. They also use a base 10 metric type system.” She turned to Al. “Our Earth is half that size, but with eight billion humans.”

Crowded!” Al said.

Yes.” Jane asked. “Were you always a sewermaster?”

For about 25 years. I used to be an adventurer until Savral’s mother dropped him in my lap.” Al smiled. “I’m happy for the outcome, but I miss travel.” He pointed at Erick. “I hope you skill up fast. I want to take a vacation soon!”

That was a big load to drop in Erick’s lap.

Really?

Really?” Jane said, “That’s a bit crazy.”

Don’t get me wrong. The Mage Guild gets very angry if they don’t get their shipments on time. I just want another aura mage that I can trust to do the job and keep the rads flowing so I can leave Spur for a week or two, every so often. I’ve trained up several aura mages over the decades but the last one left for greener pastures over a year ago. I’ve had a standing request with Irogh to point any new aura mages in my direction.”

Erick let that all sink in. Al was primed to let him.

Erick said, “Sounds great to me.”

YeesS!” Al cheered, sloshing wine. Some spilled on the carpet. A tiny [Cleanse] followed as Al stood up to completely fill everyone’s wine glasses, saying as he did, “Another bottle!”

Erick drank to that. So did Savral.

How much does this job pay, anyway?” Jane asked, sipping her wine.

Al rummaged around for another black bottle of wine, saying, “We pull an average equivalent 5400 gold from the pools per month, 4100 is immediately deducted by the City of Spur, as is their due.” He opened a new bottle and rejoined them on the couches. “1300 is left. 400 of that goes into sewer maintenance which is handled through daily [Mend] and [Cleanse] quests posted at the Adventurer’s Guild.” He sipped his wine, which was more like taking a huge gulp, then filled his glass before setting the bottle on the coffee table. “Leaving 900 for pay. I take 600 of that since I personally do the magic and the business necessary to control the sewerhouse. 80 goes to Savral, 60 to Bacci. There’s another pair of employees at the other gold building in town, you might have seen it? They both take another 50. That leaves 60 for any part-timer that wants to cast the correct spells, correctly, and who isn’t a liability.”

He looked at Erick. “Can you do the work, or are you a liability until you can?”

Smiling, Erick said, “A liability for sure, but I still want to get paid.”

Ha!” Al said, “Half pay, provided you do your best to level. If I think you’re slacking, you’re fired. You’ll also need [Ward] at some point in time, but that’s easy to level. [Ward] is also useful to make money outside of this sewerhouse.” Al pointed at the window and down. “See those lights in the streets outside? I made those. Some last for years, but a good warder is never destitute for long. The Mages Guild organizes all that, so talk to them if you want to do some warding.” Al turned serious for a second. “But this job comes first, okay.”

Of course— But! I need to buy [Ward]?” Erick smiled at Jane. “Jane here thought it was a bad buy.”

I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about sometimes. It happens.”

Savral and Al laughed. Erick smiled.

The smells of frying meat and grilled veggies filled the air as two earthlings talked with two veirdlings about nothing in particular, and about everything that everyone should know. For instance, Erick and Jane could probably buy a house in the human part of Spur for cheap, maybe four hundred gold, while 1 gold a night was the average price for a decent hotel room. They would spend tonight here at the sewerhouse, though, Al wouldn’t take no for an answer. The resting rooms downstairs were made to be rested in, and if the sound of water bothered them, Al could close the door to the river room

Erick enthusiastically wished for the door to the river room to be closed for the night.

Dinner was great. Fried meats, vegetable stir-fry, and a rice-like grain that was brown and round.

When it came to the topic of killing shadowolves, Erick was widely panned for his pacifist views.

Night had come in full while they ate. Al cleaned up the mess with a simple [Cleanse], leaving the plates and utensils on the table where they had been since before dinner was served. Al bid them to retake the couches for more talking before Jane and Erick went downstairs for the night, so they did.

As Erick sipped his wine, he looked out over the dark city. Sure, there were lights here and there and the streetlight orbs illuminated the roads, but the buildings mostly stood dark against the night sky. Either there was no night life here, or something else was wrong with the city. Erick was leaning toward the second possibility.

Al noticed Erick’s stare. He said, “If you’d listen to any of the wrought who lived through the Great Purge of Spur over a hundred years ago, they would tell you stories about this city being a beacon for all adventurers. A jewel of the crystal forest. A beachhead keeping Ar'Kendrithyst contained. Overpopulated in the extreme.”

Jane sipped her wine.

Erick asked, “A hundred years? And it still hasn’t recovered?”

It can’t. Fundamentally, Spur will always be weak from now on. The Human city of Frontier was established after the Great Purge, and then the Incani built to the west in response to the Humans.”

Savral spoke up, “You two are the only humans in Spur.”

Well that’s fun,” Erick said.

Jane added, “Humans are a drag, anyway.”

Savral laughed.

Al said, “When I spoke earlier about you buying a house in the human district for cheap, I meant the former human district. That part of Spur is a ghost town. People have been asking for it to be torn down to make way for parks and permanent farmland, but the Mayor, Silverite, won’t allow it. I hope you two choose to stay in Spur. Maybe you can even revitalize that part of town.”

With a yawn from Jane, the night was over. With compliments to Savral’s cooking and a ‘good night’, Al led them downstairs then rolled a vault door over the entrance to the underground river. How had Erick not noticed that door there before? Maybe he was just too scared. Whatever the case, he felt a lot better about sleeping here for the night. Al pointed out the employee washroom, and pulled out some blankets for both of them, trusting them to find their own accommodations inside the first resting room.

Erick cast 16 [Cleanse]s, making sure Al saw. He did. He smiled. He bid them good night.

Erick hit the pillow and instantly fell asleep.

He woke up later, cast 15 more [Cleanse]s, used the wash room, cast a [Cleanse], then went back to bed. This time he stayed asleep for the rest of the night.

 

- - - -

 

In the morning Al brought down breakfast for the three of them. Toast, fruit jam, and hot tea. He gave Erick five gold as an advance on his job as apprentice Aura Mage; 3 gold coins and twenty silver. Erick handed most of it to Jane, who could already spend it on getting them a room at the Guild and opening a Guild bank account. She was going to start hunting in Ar'Kendrithyst with another group of rookies.

When she left, Erick almost broke down and cried. “She’s taken so well to this world, but there are people-eating monsters around every bend in the road.”

There are.” Al nodded. “But she’s already stronger than most rookies that I’ve ever seen. I checked up on her while you were resting yesterday. I doubt you have anything to worry about.”

Erick looked at him.

He laughed. “What did you expect? That I would allow strangers in my house? I have friends everywhere in this town, and they tell me many things.”

Erick nodded, saying, “That’s sensible. More sensible than I’ve been.”

You’re almost as bad as I was with Savral! He was much worse than your daughter. Bumbling into slimes. Letting shadowolves surround him. Failing out of the Guild’s close combat course three times. Though your daughter lacks the levels to back up her obvious skill, levels will come with time.” Al asked, “What was she doing before she came here?”

Now it was Erick’s turn to be mysterious. He smiled, and said, “I can’t tell you that.”

Ha ha!” Al stood. “And that is your right as a father. Come! Let us begin. Have you leveled from yesterday? Assigned your points?”

Mostly.”

 

Erick Flatt

Human, age 48

Level 4, Class: None

Exp: 420/500

Class: -/-

Points: 4

HP

80/80

150 per day

MP

160/160

466 per day

Strength

8

+0

[8]

Vitality

15

+0

[15]

Willpower

16

+0

[16]

Focus

20

+0

[20]

 

Cleanse 4, instant, short range, 10 mana.

Purge an area equal to the level of the spell in meters of all Toxins, Disease, Filth, and Corruption.

Exp: 220/500

 

Concentration 4

Multiply your base MP regen by 2.33

Requirements: 20 Focus

Exp: 36/500

 

I should have bought Concentration when I was at 0% MP or 100% MP. That non-round number is going to bother me, I can already see it happening.

Very nice. Do you have [Meditation] and Mana Shaping yet?”

Uh.”

 

Meditation 1

You are at Rest while Meditating.

Afflicted ailments: Immobile, blind, deaf, ten minutes to begin.

Requirements: 10 Willpower

 

Purchase [Meditation] for 1 point? Yes/No

 

Yes.

Yes.”

Keeping a point or two in reserve was already the plan, in case he needed to buy some sort of defense, like [Force Shrapnel].

 

Force Shrapnel 1, instant, forward cone, 5 mana

Sharpened forward blast of mana that deals 5 + ½ WIL physical damage.

 

Purchase [Force Shrapnel] for 1 point? Yes/No

 

No. Not yet.

Those numbers were pretty low, but as an AOE spell it was eligible for Aurify.

Which would unlock at Mana Shaping 5.

Which might take a while depending on how the Mana Shaping gains experience.

 

Mana Shaping 1

Alter spell AOE in subtle ways, 10 MP + spellcost

Requirements: 10 Willpower

Exp: 0/100

 

It looks rather expensive.

We will walk and talk, then.” Al led the way, having already opened the river door earlier. As they descended, Al explained some of the finer points of magic. “Proper Mana Shaping —not just with the skill’s effects— is the start of being a real mage. Everything else you’ve taken, all the spells you have cast, they mean nothing in the shape of true mana mastery.” Al paused, then said, “Ah. Sorry. I forget you are not a youngling.”

I’m rather new at this, so it’s fine.”

Al nodded, continuing downward. The sounds of the river echoed in the twisting staircase, but Al’s voice stayed above the noise, “The mana costs the Script gives you are approximate costs. [Cleanse] is usually 10 mana, but if you control where the magic happens, it could be more or less expensive. It takes skill, and years of practice to achieve this, so for now, you should be aware of this possibility. Do not try to alter what the skills are enabling you to achieve. Not yet. Just pay the costs and get to a higher level.”

The river room was as loud as ever as they crossed the threshold of the staircase. Below the balcony the torrent of water held the same power as it had yesterday, rushing like a dark frothing snake, traveling faster from left to right than Erick thought he could run.

When they stepped into the left hallway leading to the settling pools, which was a much better name than cesspool, Al resumed talking, “I expect you to spend most of the gold you earn buying some equipment to boost your base stats. Leveling will be easier once you have a Circlet of Willpower, and you have an extra hundred mana to spend.” Al opened up door #1, the leftmost door. He looked inside, then stepped into the room, saying, “They run about ten gold for the cheapest version. Now try using Mana Shaping to [Cleanse] this pool and keep the [Cleanse] focused on the bottom.”

Erick stood near the edge of the dirty, motionless water. He knew how deep the pool was, so he focused on a point out of sight, then thought [Cleanse]. A huge hole of pure water opened up in a perfect sphere, only to be swallowed by muck sliding into the freed space.

You need to link your Mana Shaping skill with the [Cleanse].”

Right. He did not do that. Whoops.

Mana Shaping.

Hold that thought, focus on a different part of the pool.

Down and out [Cleanse]!

Below the surface of muck, there was a vacancy. The entire underwater surface layer of brown seemed to fall, clouding the water as it went.

Oh god. This is such a nasty job.

Vomit into the pool if you have to, ha ha!” Al laughed, saying, “This is why I cannot find good help! It is a nasty job, but someone has to do it.”

Seven Shaped [Cleanse]s later, the pool was emptied of muck, but more yet poured into the settling pool from the inflow. One final unshaped [Cleanse] wiped Erick out.

Now we go back up and you can rest then work on that [Meditation].”

Erick was all too happy to comply.

 

- - - -

 

Sitting in the pillow room, Erick wanted to sleep, but Al would not let him.

They both sat on their own couches.

[Meditation] is one of the most disorienting skills to work on in the beginning. The blindness and deafness are absolute. Some enjoy the experience. I did not. You may start whenever you wish. For now, I will remain here while you meditate.”

Erick frowned. This was not going to be a pleasant experience.

Focus on the skill. You should feel something click—”

Everything was darkness. Erick screamed into the swallowing abyss but there was no sound.

Al’s hands gripped his shoulders, shaking him awake. He stopped screaming.

Al sat back down, saying, “That was an uncommonly bad reaction.”

“… Fuck.” He said, “I’m going to try again.”

Al nodded.

Erick focused on [Meditation]—

He slipped into darkness. He held his scream inside, like holding the lid on an overflowing pot. He breathed, but he could not hear himself breathe. He waited there in the center of the abyss, either holding himself still or forced to not move, he couldn’t tell.

The darkness shifted.

Erick started humming to himself, and mumbling the same song he sang to the Darkness before.

He felt another shift in the abyss. Something moved. An eye appeared, then looked away. A feeling of amusement flowed across Erick. And then he felt at Rest. Mana started to flow; his mind started to focus again as exhaustion began to ebb away.

When Erick opened his eyes, Al was still there. Laid back on his own couch, one arm behind him, Al’s giant body pulled the fabric of his outfit tight in all the right ways. He smiled.

Welcome back. You only sang about half the words of your song, but it was still pleasant.”

Ah. Sorry. Kinda lost it in the darkness. That wasn’t my song; just a song from my world.”

He sat up, asking, “Did you level in anything?”

“… There’s progress.”

Advertisement

Support "Ar'Kendrithyst"

About the author

Arcs

Bio: The writer of Ar'Kendrithyst! If you want to support the story, there's either patreon, or https://ko-fi.com/arcs33454

Achievements
Comments(48)
Log in to comment
Log In

Osamaru Ta ago

I honestly can't tell of Erick is bi, or if the Author just keeps trying to emphisis how "good looking" the other characters are....

artsymarsy ago

Edit suggestions:

Down the staircase they went, past the terrifying underground river, back through sSmall mMetal dDoor #2. -> or "the second small metal door"

She was sleeping soundly on her couch, her blanket wrapped around her body. The few trinkets left from the car crash were tucked just under her couch. -> lots of "her"s to go around here, consider chucking a few

Well -seasoned black woks, black pots, and black pans.

“Yes.” Jane asked., “Were you always a sewermaster?” // "For about 25 years. I used to be an adventurer until Savral’s mother dropped him in my lap.” -> he sounds like he's responding to "How long have you been a sewermaster" instead of "Were you always a sewermaster"

two earthlings talked with two veirdlings about nothing in particular, and about everything that everyone should know.

while 1one gold a night was the average price for a decent hotel room.

Erick was widely panned for his pacifist views. -> so it appears that "panned" is some kind of slang but it's not very popular (I had to go to Urban Dictionary to find a definition that fit in this sentence). A little more context around the sentence would let the audience guess whether "panned" is positive or negative.

He gave Erick five gold as an advance on his job as apprentice Aura Mage; 3three gold coins and twenty silver. -> general rule of thumb: spell out numbers 1-10. Above 10, style guides vary on whether to use numerals, but keep it consistent. One of the exceptions to the rule of thumb is when writing monetary values, but that's with a symbol (e.g. $50 or 50G)

[Cleanse] is usually 10 mana, -> I wouldn't spell numbers out in system mechanics, however, since that's a whole thing in litRPG

“Now we go back up and you can rest, then work on that [Meditation].” -> Al had him go directly to meditation tho

Sardeed ago

The Story of the killed space elfin over just saying elf ruffled my feathers enough to make this comment, comment.

Bad Author, BAD! No killing space elve waifus!

DisappointingHero ago

Cutting boards and chef knifesknives.

Well -seasoned black woks, black pots, and black pans.

Strange -looking vegetables and seasonings, though.

Erick started humming to himself, the same song he sang to the Darkness before. <-- Two things here: 1) if he can't even hear his breathing, how can he hear himself humming? And 2) if he's humming, why does Al say he sang the lyrics?

Cestarian ago

Well this is a fairly interesting world, but an interesting world does not a story make...

Are you going somewhere with this? Is there a plot in here somewhere?

I don't feel like there's any hook, the one with the brains, the plan and the action seems to be Jane, yet Erick seems to be the protagonist, Erick who should just be a side character really given what I have seen so far...

But I mean... Regardless of who the protagonist is, there has to be some sort of major goal for the protagonist, currently their only plans seem to be "survive in this little settlement" but that does not an exciting plot make. There's no suspense, there aren't any characters that keep me intrigued, it's like slice of life, but without any life to it...

Is this story going anywhere? The reviews promised a lot of good, but I am already getting bored and I'm just 6 chapters in, there's 211 more chapters, is this worth my time? Is there gonna be some plot? How long till we get there?

Rage_fatigue ago

Edit suggestions:

They would spend tonight here at the sewerhouse, though, Al wouldn’t take no for an answer. OR They would spend the night here at the sewerhouse, though, Al wouldn’t take no for an answer.

Log in to comment
Log In