Has it ever happened to you? Have you ever felt that something is killing you but there is nothing you can do to remove it from your life? Have you ever felt completely lost and alone at least once? Maybe. I wish I could be in that position myself so that I can understand her, feel and see the things that led to the tragedy of her life. I, her friends and family members loved her and we miss her every single second.
My name is Clyde Hukes. Brittany Slowless was my dear friend and I miss everything of her, from her kindness to her silly sense of humor. Therefore, it only feels natural for me to make her last wish happen, and share her story wherever it is possible. In this piece of writing, I included five key entries from her diary thus allowing her to speak with her own words, although I did my best to format everything in the most formal way possible. Brittany was no writer, neither am I, so please be forgiving if you notice mistakes or stumble upon the occasional profanities. She has something of great importance to tell you, and I really beg you to pay attention.
17 February 2018
Hello World! Hello diary! Ladies and gentlemen, here comes the star of the show, the graceful, the stunning, the glamorous, Brittanyyyyyyy Slowless. Yup, that's me! A very very very...x 7 pretty teenage girl, with magnificent blue eyes, enchanting short hair, the voice of a charming siren and a breath-taking smile. I'm sixteen years old and I live in a beautiful house with my pretty ten years old little sister Tabby, my super cute five years old baby brother Tommy, Camilla my gorgeous mom, and my father. And oh, I almost forgot our lovely puppy Mr. Walky-Walky, a name it deserved because it never stands still.
My school is not really far from home and sometimes, I walk home with Sarah (my bestie) and Clyde, who are both childhood friends. It's really cool to hang out with them, but I wish with all my heart to spend some time with Stefan. He's a little bit older and is a grade above me, but he's so cute and sexy.
I like teen pop and rock music, fairy tales, and romantic comedy movies, and yes, chocolate and vanilla creams are the most delicious. I like walking and hanging out near the lake, it makes me feel so alive and relaxed and I don't really know why. One more very important thing I like is my peach perfume. Yeah, I don't mind having the smell of fruit.
Well, I think we broke the glass already dear diary. Pretty cool for a first impression, right? Don't worry, I'll be back very very soon. I know people may think you're old fashion but I love you dear diary. Until then, take care and kiss kiss kiss to you dear diary! Bye Bye!
25 February 2018
Hello dear diary! Miss me? You know, there's so much going on in my life. Especially with him. It happened again yesterday. I just can't believe that he's doing this to me every time he gets an occasion. It was late afternoon and I was alone in the kitchen, texting Clyde about the party at Jenny's house. He then suddenly appeared at the door, with his vicious smile on his face and walked to me. I knew what he was up to and begged him not to do that again. It feels so wrong because it is very wrong, but he likes it. I can see it in his face and in his eyes, he likes to touch me. I got up when he became too close, he grabbed my arm so I can't get away and I think even he could see my heart pounding inside my chest. A quiet 'no' escaped from my mouth when suddenly, an angel rang the doorbell. He looked in the direction of the house's front door with anger before releasing my arm, and he went to open it to my bestie Sarah.
She showed up because we had to go together and meet Clyde and the others at the party. He let Sarah in and I grabbed her by the arm and sped up with her to my bedroom. I know she noticed the little tear in my eye but I didn't give her the occasion to ask anything about it. When we arrived in my bedroom, I just told her to wait there, took my toiletry kit and went to lock myself in the bathroom.
I never shared it with anyone. Neither my mom, nor my brothers and sisters, nor my friends know about it. This is such a shame and I'm not sure anyone can believe me if I ever told that disgusting story. I felt alone in the world because of that man, unable to find the reason why he decided to make my life a living hell. Doing those dirty and immoral things to me, Brittany, his own daughter. At least I had a backup. I took the small bottle and the little pipe out of the kit, before making one short line on the sink and I quickly sniffed it. Jenny and her friend Samantha were the first to introduce me to cocaine. It seemed really fun from the beginning and it became my main refuge when I'm hurt.
When we were about to leave for the party, Sarah, of course, notified my father of our departure out of respect. I can still remember the look of that shameless perv when Sarah turned and walked to the door, unaware of his vicious eyes staring at her backside. Just like it wasn't enough, when I touched the door handle, he added: "be wise young ladies, and don't return late at home." Of course, I didn't even reply. The worst was the admiration ladies had for him, including Sarah, who bored me all along the way with her description of how charming and sexy my father really is, until we finally arrived at the party.
Jenny's house is super nice. It has a lot of space and I'm really in love with the big garden in the backyard. The party was a life changer and it felt really good to be there. The drinks, the food, the music and the people you know, everything was on point. The party was lit. The only flaw was the complete indifference of Stefan. He treated me like I didn't exist and just hang out with those other girls there. Then, of course, Clyde had to make it worse when he made an umpteenth move on me. He just popped up from behind me and put his arm around my waist and pulled out some lame line like he was a real player. I think he was super drunk and I don't wanna belittle him or anything but he's just a friend. He then had a crisis of his illness. It has something to do with all his muscles and he describes it like all of them burning at the same time. From the look on his face when it happens, anyone can tell the pain is really unbearable, and I really feel bad for him every time I witness it.
Since Sarah and all the others were busy partying for real, I went to sit on a corner of the backyard with my cup of juice and watched the happy people from afar. That's when that guy came to talk to me. He had all black clothes and wore a sweatshirt with his hood on. "Rough night huh?" he asked me, and from there we just had a normal conversation. Everyone calls him Mr. B, he told me, and that night, he didn't only introduce himself to me, but to a new drug. He called it 'Kingdom' and handed me five doses of the potion along with two syringes all for free. That's when I saw his hands and how pale he really was. Mr. B had pale skin with purple eyes and he just reminded me of the vampires or other mysterious super humans we see in movies. While I was examining the luminous and purple liquid in the minuscule capsules, he told me about the weird and only way to contact him whenever I need a refuel, confident about the fact that I will need other doses. When I looked in his direction to ask him why he thought I would be hooked, he had just vanished, completely gone.
Once home, after locking my door to keep my sick dad out of my room, I sat on my bed and injected myself for the first time with kingdom. "You'll live the fairy-tales you like so much when you take it." I remembered him telling me. The effects didn't take one minute to manifest. I felt all my muscles weaken and things began to change in my bedroom. The ceiling, the walls, and everything in the room except for my bed disintegrated, and I found myself in a magnificent garden, covered with many flowers of several colors illuminated by a beautiful sunset. There were birds flying in circle right above my head and I was surprised to be wearing a dress worthy of a princess. I got out of bed and started walking in a random direction, all smiles in this fairy-tale of mine. It was exactly like I imagined it, except for one detail that popped out of nowhere.
That man or whomever he is just rose from the ground and stood still at a good distance from me, staring at me without moving, despite me waving at him. He wore a black cloak and had something glinting on his head that was probably a crown. Just like that, my heart started pounding really hard, I began to sweat and I felt nothing good coming from him, anyway, the ones who wear black in fairy-tales are usually villains. When I decided to walk in his direction to take a closer look at him, the whole landscape quickly disintegrated and I fell on the ground which then turned into my bed. I was back in my room, lied on my bed like I didn't move from there, and I was so tired that I couldn't move and just slept in the same position.
It was a beautiful experience even though it didn't end well. But I hope that next time I'll have a chance to go further into the fairy-tale and fully enjoy that wonderful escape from my dark reality. So that's it, dear diary! I have to go with mom now and buy some groceries. Let's hope she'll buy me some cream. Until then, take care. I love you dear diary. See you soon!
18 March 2018
Dear diary. I don't know if I can find the right words today. The only thing I can say for sure is that it hurts. It hurts so much. Before yesterday, while I was asleep, he succeeded to unlock my door. I don't know how he did that but, by the time I felt his hands and woke up, it was already too late. There are no words to describe the atrocious things he did to me that night, and it still hurts so much. My own father raped me. I'm sorry for wetting your pages right now dear diary, but I just can't retain my tears. Why it had to be me? Why it had to be my father? Why I just can't have a normal dad and a normal life? And on top of that, the sweet getaway Mr. B offered to me that allowed me to escape that nightmare turned out to be another real hell. Thank you for being there dear diary, writing like this help me feel better a little bit.
Whenever I felt extremely down on my mood, I injected myself with a dose of kingdom. Each time I do that, my room just disintegrates except for the thing I'm sitting on, and I find myself in a different adventure. You already know that the first time I was in a beautiful garden, right? Well, the second time I was near a chocolate lake, but I didn't get enough time to just jump into it. The third time I was in a golden palace, and I think it was my palace because I had a golden crown on my head and I wore a golden dress. The fourth time I was with my family in a big and fancy house. We were all smiling and laughing, sitting around a big table with all sort of appetizing food on it. We were a happy family from what I saw and felt, you know, a normal happy family. The fifth time I was at Jenny's party. The backyard was different, bigger and prettier. There were many white garlands and multicolored lights above our heads, everyone was happy and they seemed to be there celebrating our marriage maybe? Because at one point, everyone just left me in the middle of the backyard and Stefan walked from the crowd to me. He was cuter and more handsome that I can even imagine, and he was dressed in white clothes just like me, getting closer with his marvelous smile. Something then just happened and ruined everything like always.
The strange man in black I saw the first time always had to show up and ruin everything at some point. Each time, he was getting closer and closer and closer, just like the last time I took some kingdom. Stefan approached me and just stopped a few steps away from me like he couldn't move forward anymore. His smile disappeared and he stared at me like he hated me, and then suddenly transformed into the man in black. I could clearly see the horror he was. His black cloak is old and torn up, the thing on his head is indeed a golden crown but it's broken and embedded in his head. The man or the demon maybe, is a smelly and partly decayed corpse, a zombie. His left arm is skeletal and his right arm still has some rotten flesh on it. Through a tear on his cloak, I could see his ribs and an organ, maybe a lung, moving inside. From his forehead to his nose, he has really pale skin with all white eyes, but from his nostrils to his chin, there's no flesh left. Because of his appearance and the crown on his head, I named him the Fallen King.
Now I don't have any dose left and I think it's better like that. Drugs are bad anyway, I'm leaving all those stuff behind for good and I'll try to focus on the positive from now on to keep me up. I'm getting more and more tired every day because of the side effects of that drug and sometimes I can't even go to school. I just hope Jenny and Samantha will try leaving drugs too. I never told them nor anyone else about kingdom or Mr. B out of selfishness, with the thought that the drug was gold, that Mr. B had only a few of it, so I had to stay one of the few customers in line for it. It's better like that anyway, I don't want them to see the Fallen King. It has been one week since the last dose, but I still feel his presence, and sometimes I think I really see him. In a corner, far in the horizon, when I close my eyes, he seems to be everywhere. Right now, I hear some strange noises coming from downstairs. It's surely in the basement.
This house is sometimes a living nightmare, I'm scared dear diary, and I don't wanna go look it up myself. You know, my father can be right behind my door, and I already barred it. Even a commando can't get in right now. It's late, and I think we should just sleep dear diary. Until next time, stay safe. I love you with all my heart. See you soon! Kiss kiss kiss!
24 March 2018
Dammit! Dammit dear diary! Why I didn't see this coming sooner? What a lowlife bitch! I thought she was my friend. Why she didn't just say things from the beginning instead of snatching him from me? She knew my feelings about Stefan but she went for it anyway. We just had a fight yesterday, but there she is, posting pictures of them together in social media for everyone to see. I'm seeing it right now dear diary, it's right there in front of my eyes! They're obviously dating!!! Fuck! I'm so mad right now! I'll never forgive Sarah, she's not my friend anymore!
I saw them in the park yesterday. They were kissing!!! I went to her house later and she was there chilling with Clyde like nothing happened. If he wasn't there, I think I would have ripped her apart and ended up in prison. In her own living room, I grabbed her by the hair and dragged her on the floor before Clyde intervened and saved that scum. Fortunately, only her younger brother was there at the time. Sarah and I yelled at each other before Clyde took me outside to cool me down a little. He found the right words to take my anger away and decided to accompany me to my home. On the way, of course, he had to mess up everything and attempted another move on me. Dear diary, I'm not saying that Clyde is not somebody worth dating. He's my friend, he knows me very well to the bone and he's cute too. Maybe I just can't stand any guy advances because it reminds me of my sickening and gross father trying to have his way with me whenever he can. After I told Clyde to leave me alone, I went in the opposite direction and didn't care about him asking me where I was going. I had to find Mr. B.
Drugs can make you do the craziest things. If I wasn't hooked on kingdom, I would have never been there in that unfinished and abandoned house in the evening. According to his instructions that I all carefully respected, I had to draw a symbol on the floor, to put what he gave to me last time we met right on the symbol which had to resemble a crown, turn around and wait. I screamed and jumped when I heard his 'hey' behind me, only seconds after I turned around. There he was, hood on with the same black clothes from last time, his pale skin and his unusual purple eyes weakly glowing in the dark, handing me three doses and three syringes all for free once again, and looking at me with a little suspicious smile on his face. We talked and I told him about the Fallen King, but he just reminded me that every drug has its side effects and that if I was there, it meant I didn't really care about them. He was kinda right. When my phone rang in my pocket, I lost sight of him to get my phone out and answer the call. He was again mysteriously gone when I looked where he stood.
Since it was my mom calling, I assumed that she was worried about me being outside at that time of the evening. She's always worried and asks me many times if I'm okay and tells me that she loves me so much and I really like that. I love her very much too. So, once at home, I looked for her to let her know that I was back and perfectly fine. There was nobody downstairs and I couldn't allow myself to go to my parents' bedroom and see my father. While I was going to my bedroom, I called her on her phone and I heard it ring in the bathroom. I knocked at the door and called after her but she only answered when I really insisted. There was some pain in her voice. She seemed to be crying and she just ordered me to go to my bedroom. It was really unusual and it deeply hurt me to feel my lovely mom hurt.
After I solidly barred my door, my bed welcomed me just like you do every time dear diary. I sat, and prepared my dose of kingdom and injected the poisonous yet enchanting potion in my veins once more. Everything except my bed disintegrated around me and I found myself on a beautiful and desert beach. I left my bed and went to sit on a deckchair I saw, under an umbrella, and there was a big pot of chocolate cream at the leg of the chair. My mom came from behind me and sat on the other deckchair next to mine with a glass of lemonade in her hand. I never knew she could be that sexy in a bikini and it really pleased me to see that it suited me too. We started a little girls talk and shared laughs for at least ten minutes. The effects of kingdom never lasted that long before. At one point, she put her hand on my forearm and told me how much she loved me. I just smiled, but she started to squeeze my forearm and it really hurt me. My mother then turned into the Fallen King and I could see his skeletal hand on my forearm. I never screamed so loud in my life, my largely open eyes full of fear released a stream of tears in no time while I struggled to break free from his grip. Fortunately, the landscape then fell apart and I was back in my room, tired and unable to move on my bed.
When I woke up the next morning, I saw a burn on my forearm at the exact place he touched me and the mark has the shape of his skeletal hand. The Fallen King had just touched me for the first time. I kept it a secret from everyone and I hope that I'll get rid of kingdom for good very soon. I don't wanna die you know, but I really wish my life wasn't such a hell. I really need help right now. Thank you for being there for me dear diary. I love you. Until then, take care. Kiss kiss kiss and see you soon!
31 March 2018
Hey diary! You okay? I don't look pretty right now huh? Fortunately, I didn't have the idea of doing a video diary, because it would look like I'm making a horror movie with me in the lead role. My head, my back, my arms, almost everything on my body is sore right now and I have burns and bruises almost everywhere. I just coughed some blood before visiting you dear diary. Guess I'm really done for huh? It's evening now and I didn't even get out of the room yet. Everything's so messed up in my life and in this house. What a hell!
Today's the worst day of my life. And of course, it's the worst because it started with that perv, again. He tricked me into opening the door very early in the morning, saying he wanted my help for something that had to do with Tommy. I opened, he forced himself in and it started again. The brutality, the fondling, the touching, and I don't know what inspired him to say that but he told me he likes my peach perfume. That ruined everything about my favorite fragrance and I just deeply hate it right now. He could have succeeded again if mom didn't show up. She's really the best. And her line when she saw that monster on top of me was really the best: "get off my daughter you sick freak!!!" It sounded like a cool line out of a movie, and if I was her at that moment, I wouldn't have said something that cool.
But when he left me and stood up, he pulled my mom in my bedroom and began to punch her while calling her all sort of names I refuse to even write. A savage aggression right in front of my eyes while I shouted in terror, telling him to stop. Despite the fatigue, I then jumped on him but he pushed me away so hard that I went to bang my ribs against my desk. My mom desperately defended herself, screaming, scratching and slapping him, but the only thing that saved us from that monster is the arrival of our two angels. All the noises must have woke them up and attracted them to the room. Tabby was behind Tommy and she had her hands on his shoulders. Tommy had his toy in one hand and was rubbing his eyes with the other. Both in their pajamas, they looked at that monster, surely not even understanding a thing about what was going on. When he saw them looking at him, he just stood up and left without a word.
With a head sign, I told Tabby to get Tommy out of there and they went to his bedroom. I locked the door and went to hug my mom, and we cried for a moment before we began talking about what just happened. While we talked, she made a movement to take something off her eye and I could spot a stain on her skin under her T-shirt. She wanted me not to care about it but I insisted and discovered the unthinkable. My mom was covered with burns and bruises. Last time in the bathroom she was probably crying over it. I wasn't the only one to hide something in this house, my father was abusing my mom too. We talked about it and I really insisted on finding a way to get out of that living hell before the abuse extends to Tabby and Tommy. I was so happy to finally tell my story to someone of trust. Unfortunately, she insisted that we keep the nightmare a secret, filled with the hope that he'll change and we'll be a normal, united and happy family again.
I was crushed. She wanted to keep us in that hell and I understood by her words and saw in her eyes that she was aware of everything from the beginning. She knew it all but she kept silence and let me suffer, she let both of us suffer. I couldn't even look at her after that, it was unbelievable. I opened the door and told her to leave. She looked at me with sadness in her eyes before passing the door then continued her painful walk to the bathroom.
After she left, I fell on my knees and cried a lot. For some minutes, I thought about running away but where could I go? I'm not strong like the other teens who do that, and unfortunately, many of them end up in bad places, worst places I absolutely don't want to know. My tears would have filled my whole room if Clyde didn't call me on my phone. He proposed me to hang out at some of my favorite places just to distress and relax. It was a good idea but I had reached a point where there was only one thing that could cool me down.
In less than one minute, I felt the luminous and purple substance meandering in my veins. That time, since I was standing, everything disintegrated except the floor and I found myself on a concert stage, dressed like a rock star and I was holding a super cool guitar. The crowd was so lit and chanting my name. All of a sudden, the pop-rock music started and I found myself perfectly playing the guitar and singing even though I never did that once in my life. At the end of the performance, the crowd was on fire and started to chant my name again. It was a magical moment. I then ran and jumped on the fans who lifted me up. I felt like staying there forever, it felt so good to be there.
All of sudden, someone pulled me down and started to punch me on the floor just like what I saw with my mom. It was the Fallen King. Nobody moved when he assaulted me, the whole crowd just became silent and watched me get punched. I was alone against my assailant. He then lifted me up by my neck and threw me against a wall. I still feel the terror I experienced when I was still in the air. After the collision with the wall, I hadn't even landed on a floor or something when he began to kick me all the way down to the ground. He spat on me several times and his saliva burned me like lava. I think I was crying and screaming but I couldn't feel my tears nor hear my own screams. My heart was about to burst out of my chest since it was pounding so hard. The aggression lasted an eternity and didn't stop until the landscape just shattered, and I was back in my room, on the floor, unable to move.
So here I am dear diary. That's how I got my burns and bruises. My body hurts and I disgust myself for something: I want more. Kingdom is killing me, the Fallen King is killing me, but I'm addicted to the bliss that precedes each attack. I'm sorry but I just can't stop. I need to feel okay. There's still one dose left in my possession, but I don't feel like next time I'll survive the Fallen King. My parents are arguing right now, and I just can't take it anymore. Everything is wrong so I need more kingdom. I need to feel okay. Sorry for wetting your pages again dear diary. I just can't stop crying, my whole body hurt now and I can barely write. If I'm no more, I know someone will find you dear diary. The police, my mom, Tabby, or that monster even if I don't wish him to find you. If you find the diary and you're not my father, please give it to Clyde so he can share my story and keep it, so I can be remembered forever. This is my last wish, you know, in case I don't make it to tomorrow.
Dear diary, this is maybe the last time I visit you. Even if something happens or not, know that I love you. Kiss kiss kiss! I love each and every one of you: dear diary, Tabby, Tommy, Mom, Clyde, Jenny, Samantha, Stefan and even you Sarah. I love you. I'm gonna take the last dose of kingdom I have because I don't know what else to do. I'm all alone. I'm lost.
I'm lost. Those were the last written words of my dear friend. The next morning Brittany's father found her dead on the floor in her bedroom. According to the investigators, she had been beaten to death. Nothing was broken inside so there was no trace of struggle, but she was mysteriously covered with multiple burns and bruises. Fortunately, the police later found the diary and discovered many clues that helped investigators shine the light on some of the circumstances behind Brittany's death.
Her father was arrested and charged for all the crimes he committed. Camilla her mother, could not bear her part of responsibility in Brittany's death and attempted suicide just two days after her daughter's demise. She is currently hospitalized. Tabby and Tommy went to live in a neighboring town with their aunt Sally. Sarah broke up with Stefan, she did so maybe out of guilt. Jenny and Samantha went to rehab and put drugs behind them.
Evidently, and despite the skeletal hand mark on Brittany's forearm, the police did not consider the hypothesis that a supernatural entity only visible after the consumption of a certain drug was responsible for her death. Moreover, investigators did not find a shred of single evidence on the existence of kingdom. No capsule, no syringe, not even a trace of the drug in her system after the autopsy, absolutely nothing. However, I chose to believe my dear friend no matter what. She could not have made it up, not something that led to her death. The police launched a massive search for that dealer only known as Mr. B.
With the help of some close friends and good people, the hotline number '*3712' has been established so that anyone can signal or report any kind of abuse or drug activity, especially if the drug involved is called kingdom. We named the initiative 'United Against Drugs & Abuse' with pride and zeal. We are surprised about the number of calls we receive every day and the number of victims that have been freed from their hellish situations since the launch of the initiative.
Brittany's aunt and I plan to launch the 'Brittany Slowless Foundation' soon, to give hope and offer solace to every victim of abuse or addiction that is still scarred by such experiences. I know life can be hard and unfair, but drugs or silence are not solutions to the kind of problems that Brittany faced, and that many still struggle with to this day. There is still hope in humanity and we are here to do everything possible to help you. Above all, know that you are not alone. Be strong, talk to somebody today.
Not long ago, somebody contacted me, saying that he personally knew Brittany and that he wanted to have a conversation with me about her. I really hope he has some information that did not make it into Brittany's diary, like the real name of Mr. B or a clear lead on where he can be found. He also said that he has the same health condition as mine, and is in possession of an elixir capable of relieving me just like it did for him. His name is Byron Belpton and we should meet next week.
I, Clyde Hukes, sincerely thank you for your time and consideration of Brittany's message. Take care and please be safe.
~In loving memory of Brittany Slowless and all the Beautiful Souls we lost and miss so much~