And Dungeon Makes Three

by palanca_preta

Original ONGOING Adventure Fantasy Dungeon Gender Bender Multiple Lead Characters

Two friends and a reluctant third were shoved off the mortal coil before their time.

An irate deity did the bare minimum to move them along and get them of his books. He threw them into a world wildly different to the one they had originated in in the hopes of punishing them for the extra work their carelessness had caused him.

In his hurry he neglected to remove the abilities two of them had been gifted for the task they had been born to do.

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palanca_preta

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Acerbic
  • Overall Score

OK-ish rough material, good for the following rewrite (with massive cuts).

Books starts interesting, but then get desperately drown in all random names and people you don't really care about. Why are we being introduced to the whole elvish court? Is this a story of misadventures of three transmigrators, a dungeon novel or some medieval politics epos?

Worse even, many of the Named Individuals are thrown in either with a one-line introduction, or with no prior establishment whatsoever. Like, I am writing this on chapter 15, who da fook are Briar or Firomeena? The story feels rushed and rough. I understand time skips are sometimes needed in story telling, but either nothing of importance should happed there ("the winter passed"), or is should be used as a form of reset ("a thousand years later"). This, this is just like chapters where thrown out.

Additionally, this being dungeon-related story, the dungeon-stuff is being described in a really lackluster fashion, I feel.

TL;DR, this story doesn't know what it wants to be, and doesn't excel and anything in particular.

Noissar
  • Overall Score

Hard to Judge... (ch 13)

I like the marty chapters and progression but that is over shadowed by how much I dislike the Jasper ones.

To me there are just too many perspectives and I will say again I do not like Jasper.

Chapters are short but I think for the current flow have the proper weight. But if you do not equally care about all the POVs ...the immersion is blown.

 

Randy has not really been set into the story at this point.

 

I honestly feel that this should be re-written as 2 possibly 3 different stories that over lapa and/or merge/break apart as needed.

Shimdom
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The story changes perspective often, with many different factions and many different people in each faction each with their own agenda. Which is disorienting and confusing, due to the sheer quantity of characters bounced back and forth between. The politics of the actual dungeons is strange, the introduction of the characters before their death doesn't connect well to show the attitude and personality of the characters in their new world. I enjoy the world being built, but cannot immerse myself in the story due to the too frequent change of perspective to characters I just don't care about. Cool concept, decent story, too many characters too early in the story with not enough introduction.

Mister Bill
  • Overall Score

A good story and pretty unique so far. Multiple MCs but does it well. Worth a read and a nice addition to the dungeon stories here. 

I really like the nature/elves part of all of this. 

Danyel N
  • Overall Score

Couldnt pass over chapter 4. 2 retarded mcs one it's crazy the other one it's an idiot  probably by reading a few more chapters would change but I can't pass over the first few chapters so I cannot find out. I thou5it would be a great story but nah not for me 

Zhaernon
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CCC - Cheap Comedy Copper

As review title stated, this story is a Cheap Comedy Copper.

We follow the (stumbling and bumbling around) adventures? of a trio of friends in a series of some of the more cliched situational comedy pieces that somehow make up a story.

Chapters are very short, and very few as of writing of this review (5 out), but so far nothing strikes as even remotely good, best I can say is below mediocre overall. 

There has barely been any character development so far, but given how short chapters are, it might change later. On the plus side, the characters are at least somewhat discernible given their interactions.

No discernible plot so far, feels like a patchwork of rough ideas meant more for comedy than anything.

TL;DR

Novel might be entertaining to some, but I wouldn't hope for much aside from comedy.

Althayas
  • Overall Score

Two dungeons for the price of one, and with multiracial politics. This is an ambitious story, I hope the the writer made clear certains of the politics.

I will follow this for the moment.