Anton Thorn died in an incident of his own creation, his body torn and shredded to pieces.
Yet death and eternal rest did not await him. Gods, from another world, took his soul along many others to their world to fight an overwhelming and impossible foe.
By chance and oversight his soul was missed by the gods, his soul destined to remain in limbo and torment for all eterinity. A few weak and desperate gods took a chance with him and brought him through to their world.
Now sent far away from the battle, in his original body, to a small village in the husk of a dead kingdom. It is now up to him to restore the Kingdom and fight off anything that would threaten him or those he loves; be they human, beast, monster or hero.
---[Cover art by ssddx]---
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I've read this story until chapter 100 by the time I write this review. The beginning was rough but interesting. The story definitely needs polishing, grammar fixes, etc but could be quite good once that is done.
The reason for the low score here is trifold, the characters, the absolutely glacial progress, and the authors lack of knowledge on some very important aspects of developing a city much less an Imperium and the things required for it.
First of all the characters. While a lot of time is spent developing them, giving them motivations, goals, wants, etc. All of which is fairly well done and means most of them are fairly decent in that regard. Most of them are also extremely stupid, most of all Anton.
Anton makes questionable choices quite regularly, he avoids using his mana to be "topped off in case he needs it", yet loses out on chances to train and progress because of that. There is a general lack of long term planning, progress and smart choices.
When they first meet the demons, Anton stands by and watches stupified. He even reasons they "might be friendly" for no good reason whatsoever. Instead of lighting them up the moment they arrive, possibly saving hundreds of lifes in the progress.
Which lines up with him being pretty damn unimaginative. Anton has the prayer power, which in theory could do almost anything. You'd think he'd be hell bend to try it out, see what it can do. Can it turn metals into more expense metals? Can it enhance armor and swords? Can it help make tools better, get him knowledge, allow him to learn more easily, etc? Anton doesn't. He doesn't care at all. He experiments once or twice with it, then just uses it for healing.
Anton as an MC frankly is pretty useless. Sure he can blow things up, so can Verona. He can heal folks, so can Kal. He isn't a good city planner, he isn't particularly savvy when it comes to technological progress, he isn't a good ruler, diplomat or much of anything else. He's good at exactly one thing and as we progress we see people just as good or better at it.
Yet the author felt the need to make the demons resistant to magic, so Anton "isn't OP". In many ways it feels the author in terms of progress both Antons and Atros is erring too much on the side of caution, leading to almost no progress whatsoever.
The second is the speed of progress. Glacial doesn't even begin to describe it. Early on Anton progress relatively well, as does Atros. This comes to a screeching halt fairly quickly. By the time I write this, 100 chapters in, which would be a good 3-4 books if this was a series. Atros has a whooping 2000~ inhabitants. It took this place 100 chapters to double it's population, yet it already declared itself an "Imperium". We're seeing army in this setting numbering close to the hundreds of thousands.
Atros is for all intents and purposes still a subsistency farming commune. They have no industry to speak of, they have no standing army beyond militia conscripts and trained villagers, they have no currency, they don't even have a governing body beyond some "council" who does everything themselves.
Antons progress is similar absent, after the battle with the yellow Goblins, partly because he "wants to play it smart and conserve mana" and party because he never thinks of doing so he hasn't progressed at all. He still uses the same spells, he still seems to have the same limitations, he barely even tries and see what his powers can do.
Third. If you do a city/empire building story, please, please take a moment and look at even ancient city planning and some of the basics. People don't work for free, even in a subsistency based economy. You absolutely do need some amount of bureaucracy to organize things, etc.
Also having a city with no real fresh water source whatsoever, isn't really a good idea. No digging wells doesn't solve this. Pretty much every and ANY succesful city up until the modern age where we can solve some of those issues was build next to a major waterway for a whole host of reasons.
If you want to build weapons, you need infrastructure for that. A single smithy and a few smiths aren't going to equip an entire army. Especially if everything is hand powered as they can't even get waterwheels to do some of the work for them. Production output of such smiths is low, they don't finish entire sets of armors within a day or two.
The logistic, infrastructure, production speed, goals, etc all make zero sense.
Same goes for the walls. Walls normaly have the purpose of keeping things out. In this story they're more of a minor hindrance, with every attacker easily scaling them. Why even have them in that case?
The list of similar things continues. Please dear author. This could be a good story but some of this stuff really needs you to look into those things for an hour or two to read up on them.
Im dropping this. It's still good but I just don't care anymore about it. It's been 4, nearly 5 years and I feel like very little has progressed. The so-called Imperium.....seems no closer than it was when he started barely. It's absurd to me that more time has passed in the real world than in your stories world. I'm so extremely bored with this beaskin liberation thing.
I don't care about them being slaves. The way everyone has to watch the way they talk and walk on eggshells like they are delicate princesses is aggravating as well. Literally, stop fucking apologizing!!! Woohoo save them and be a hero. Yay! And? There's nothing else to it than that. No great premise. No mysterious reveal to ramp up the tension. It's extremely cut and dry.
Anton is STILL a novice with his own magic!! That is crazy!! On top of that, there are soooo many problems with Glyph magic and Principle magic that have been expressed repeatedly and not once has the author responded to them. I mean Principle magic seems to be superior all around since it can pick Glyph magic apart but not the other way around. It's expressed that the much faster cast times for Glyph magic are why it was popular but during every fight Anton had against a Principle mage, I saw no difference in either sides cast speed. Both were flinging magic back and forth, there was no pause from the principle mage that Anton took advantage of to spam attacks. Nothing. The author has repeatedly ignored questions regarding that.
But that's not even that big of a deal to me honestly. I said so in a previous posts that i could overlook that to just enjoy the story.
But its just moving too slow and there are other things I'm going to read instead since I can only read so much with the time available and this story is taking up some of that time that i would rather be available for something else.
It was nice. But now it's like the pacing is a real life example of stagnation. I mean it's been nearly 5 years since I started reading and the story itself started and MAYBE 1 1/2 to 2 years has passed in-story? Later Atros Imperium. It was fun while it lasted.
I'm not one for long reviews, so I'll say this: 4 years and 5,000 pages later and there is ZERO sign of an 'imperium'. The plot needs a lot more direction, and at this point I don't think it will get it.
The story and the people are far too simple. Ok, guy gets thrown to a medieval setting and is given leader position for no particular reason that is fine. What isn't fine is how people are portrayed as idiots. Build a wall, use stone instead of wood and store food are all things any commoner would know about in ancient times but for some reason, the people in this story need to be told.
Well.I continued till ch88.but now it has become boring..MC is I think an idiot..He has forgotten many things he said he would do...Also not creative with magic.. Doesn't even experiment or think new ways of applying "magic"... and really marriage...Not even a year of story build up..
The premise of the story is another transported to another world. The MC has the typical unlimited potential to work magic. For me the story is an okay read, or average. The setting is really interesting, the situation the mc is thrown into while not unique is still interesting. The author could use an editor, as there are many words that do not fit into context, but were not caught by auto correct because the filler words are actual words, just like i said taken out of context.
I do however have three strong gripes with the story overall. 1, the connection to the gods is very sketchy, and the first couple of chapters are a little hard to follow, and in general uninteresting. 2, after one display of power, nearly killing himself in the process, the villagers follow the mc with stunning devotion. It's clear that he has very little to no grasp over magic, and has just about no memories about anything. Yet a group of 1000 people follow him, about 9.9/10 of them blindingly. The MC has some sound ideas, but to bumpkin villagers who only know farming, how would they know a good idea that the mc offers from a bad idea? The MC almost kills a dozen villagers with his magic, and it's not even addressed by the villagers, excuse me?!?! My third gripe is the characters. They're all flat. Jeff "trains the people how to fight" excuse me, a guy who has been in "a few scraps" is teaching people how to kill how to use a pitchfork or spear to fight? And he does a damn good job of it! WTF! The MC is rescued by a girl. Okay, but for reasons, she now lives in his room, and travels by his side for everything. Uhhh what? The MC talks with the village chief about people doing something productive for the village, and she literally does nothing. She trains with a spear in the mornings, and just recently started to do so. The MC refers to her as being the first real guard the village has seen in years. Yeah okay, keep thinking with your dick. The MC jumps straight into the defense of the city, and doesn't have a personality. He's just a person that goes along with situations, a person who describes himself as a loner, and is then a leader, and feels natural in 2 days. The village is too unrealistic for me, and that laddies and gentleman is what grinds my gears.
Honestly, if you want to keep potential readers coming, you really have to rework that first part of your story.
The quality is so bad i have to force my self through it, but i do admit that it gets better after that, but still not so much. A couple decision still seems so dumb, and Anton, our MC, can't be creative at all with his praying power, i understand it uses lots of mana, but it still have many uses if he just take the time to think for the right use, like just a simple prayer every morning so that everytime he finish exercise, that exercise will become more effective and his body will wet stronger with each training he does. Will that take much mana? I don't think it will. With just that little prayer and a bit of training everyday he can become stronger, at least physically. And another example is that, when fighting enemies on close combat, he can chant a prayer so his body will be moe resilient or his perception will be enhanced so he can get that edge in close combat against physically strong opponent.
But overal other then that, after the first part of the story, it's pretty enjoyable and i definitely want more
So thank you, i guess?
And sorry you have to put up with my bad english
I've dropped the story after Chapter 11. Chapter 1 with the introduction was fine/good and made me interested, everything after went downhill. Honestly, the author has ok grammar and sentence structuring. Although sometimes it can get annoying when you've read "allot" a lot of times.
Spoilers up till Chapter 11, personal opinion. Super honest.
No my real gripe is that I couldn't enjoy the story enough to continue reading. Too many flaws. Most issues for me are story related:
- At some point the MC is the new leader and it's not explained why the new guy (MC) that randomly appeared is in charge of the village. They know nothing about the guy except he has 0 memories and he is supposedly a mage. Why, would you put him in charge? Someone would need to earn leadership, it's not freely given. Either through respect, force, etcetera. No, casting 1 spell isn't enough to earn leadership. They don't know if the guy is even a fine leader, they only know he can cast spells.
- The main character shouldn't just accept his new position either. If someone randomly hands it over to you, shouldn't you feel wary if there's any catch? Why give the position in the first place to him and why does he not ask why it's given to him?
- The romance feels forced. The female character with silver hair randomly appears and starts following him. And from one point to another, suddenly she's stuck with him and he's just ok with it. There's no in-between, there is zero build up and no reasoning given why both are fine with it up till this point.
- The antagonist I read is 100% delusional and 100% evil. There is no real motive here other than greed for power. If you read american comics such as Batman or Spiderman etcetera. Usually the antagonists have better fleshed out stories than the main character themselves. Nope, not this guy. He started a cult and we don't even know how he managed to make people believe in him. Sure, when an outsider looks at a cult, it's obvious it is a cult and they're doing lots of weird stuff.. Whereas the people inside the cult aren't aware of it. But the way this cult is being run, he's not even remotely smart and I don't even get why everyone is following him.
- All characters are flat. We barely know anything about anyone other than the MC and we even don't know much about the MC himself. Almost no character building. There's only power building and low-key levelling I suppose.
- There is no mentioning of any cultural differences which you would think there are in a different country/world/fantasy etc.
- Informal speech is being used, a lot. In situations where it doesn't make much sense.
As you can see what I'm pointing at. I need to jump through too many hoops in order to enjoy the story. Chapter 1 was fine and everything went downhill afterwards. No world-building, no character-building, flat characters. There are too many flaws in the way the story is currently structured.
Honestly I'm only pointing out the bad stuff so I suppose I'm biased. The story is somewhat enjoyable to read, interesting stuff happens and the story setting is interesting (which was the whole reason I started reading). You'll naturally be wanting to know what happens in the next chapter. But honestly, it's not really that good of a story as I pointed out before during my rant. Sorry for ranting guys :-P
This is a fascinating rendition of the popular "transported/reincarnated" story template. As the synopsis denotes, the MC is transported separately from a group of souls that died during a busing accident(?). Potential readers, please be advised that it does not follow the "LitRPG" style of game windows and all that. However, it doesn't suffer in the slightest. I'd recommend you pick up this work. Few chapters, but their lengths are substantial.
After some typical god meeting shenanigans, he wakes up in the middle of a town that is currently being swarmed by goblin-esque creatures. From there, it's a fast paced headlong dive into the state of affairs for the town that is on the brink of ruin.
This in itself (besides the sheer quality of the writing) was what hooked me. While there is a typical "summoning" that our MC missed, we get to stay away from the stereotypical political and training issues of being summoned and we instead are thrust into a more basebuilding plot that's centered around a localized community vs. monsters defense scenario. I love it. All the while, you still stay true to advancing the MC and giving him bursts of insight to increase his control and understanding of the magic he was gifted by the gods.
Your grammar, diction, and sentence structure are all excellent besides some occasional typos and punctuation misses. There is one habit of yours that I should comment on, ( it's one that lots of authors on the site are guilty of) and that would be the tendency to split up dialogue from supporting actions. I understand the need to separate dialogue of course in certain cases, but when you do it too much, it produces a typewriter style of reading for the audience. If you want an example, look towards the beginning of Chapter 8. It's a stylistic thing too of course, but I'd recommend being more intentional with your paragraph construction as it possesses better reading flow and would be easier on your readers. The only reason I bother mentioning it is because you're a good enough author that I can only recommend polishing tweaks.
The last thing I want to comment on is how much of a love/hate relationship I have with how much you keep us in the dark about characters' back story(*cough*Verona and Jeffrey*cough*). After all the times I've been shot in the heart by authors on this site when it comes to romance, I can't help but imagine the worst case scenario until everything has been explicitly fleshed out. This is just a personal aside, and it has no bearing on my rating. Otherwise, I applaud the suspense as it adds a lot to the story.
Here's to hoping that you can continue to write regularly as I am certainly going to be following your tale!
But the MC is so intensely idiotic he had to get transported to a world full of villagers so stupid they lived their whole lives without ever thinking of storing food in the barns they have or building a wall out of easily available materials, or presumably walking and chewing gum at the same time, In order to finally live out his fantasies of not being the biggest idiot in the room.
I am tempted to say it goes downhill from there, but really it doesn't go anywhere.