Forgotten

by MrAzE

Original ONGOING Adventure Sci-fi Cyberpunk Multiple Lead Characters Secret Identity War and Military
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

Burnout! 2-3 weeks wait time until the next chapter. 

 

Lucas, codename Helix, is the combat techno-medic of Demon squad. It was their task to protect Station 37-H and project Goliath. All Lucas is certain of is that something went terribly wrong in what was going to be their last stand. He was prepared to meet them on the other side. Instead, he finds himself in a familiar place surrounded by faces he has never seen before. His last memory separated by centuries from the present. 

His first priority is to find his squad. His second one is to keep the secrets of Goliath. His third priority is to figure out how to achieve the previous two because he and the entirety of Demon squad have become nothing but spectres in the annals of history. He has become forgotten. 

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MrAzE

MrAzE

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Rouge
  • Overall Score

if it's this story first draft, then it's a damn good one.

Unknowingly, I let myself be led by the hand in this universe, too enraptured with the story around me to recognise what was happening.

 

I started comparing the context of this story akin to a Warhammer 40K universe, then realised it was to happen after the fall of the Empire. Here we follow our hero as he evolves in this strange yet familiar environment.

It is a strange alchemy that can be found here. This work is a weave of contradicting things that kept me reading avidly, kindling my curiosity and interest at every corner.

The suspense is ever present, yet everything could be considered safe. We find a powerful character in a state of permanent weakness, strong yet a breath away from eternal doom. In charge but not really, with allies that aren't, enemies that did what his couldn't when they tried to.

 

It could seem complex, but it is not. Because following our hero, we learn as he does, his environment as alien to him as it is to us. And then we learn about him, how he is an altered version of what we think we are, yet is as we are at the same time. I freely let myself be led through the halls of the space station, wondering about the derelict building that I pictured clearly yet had never seen precisely described. Because it was but I forgot, or it never was and it wasn't needed.


I care about the characters, and hate some of them at the same time, the main character included. I know them enough to do so, I came to know of them and trust some more than our hero. Yet, he is the only one that I want to follow around, just to know. To see. To learn and be astonished.

 

Yes, there are one or two words with misplaced letters, but nothing jarring enough for a casual reader to even notice them. The view is worth the trip, and the story is not finished yet: to me it was an unexpected journey to a destination I did not know I wanted to see. And now, aboard the ship, I am looking everywhere, hoping to gleam some clues and full of fascination.

 

Yes, read this. It was great, and it will be.
Yes, it is not perfect. Excluding that it all depend on who looks at it, a work never is, beacause we learn as we read and as we write. By the end of this sentence, I would have never worded this review as I did.

But in my book if it's a first draft, then it's a damn good one.

Abnormalindian
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A well written space/cyberpunk story

This story captures the readers' attention right away with an action-filled prologue and the pace continues from there as we see our protagonist explore their environment. The style of the story captures the essence of a cyberpunk/futuristic tale with the setting being space. The story itself is interesting with intrigue and action at the forefront only a few chapters in. The grammar of the story is adequate, being above the aver royalroad quality with only some misspelled words. The characterization of the story is the best part in my opinion, with each character introduced being vibrant, and easy to imagine. Overall this story is one with a lot of potential that I hope to see continued.  

Horathio
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Promising start to military / cyberpunk scifi story

This review is written after the release of chapter 15. Update 1 after chapter 21.

First of, I really like the premise of this story. It's a time-displacement story completely set in the future of humankind. Both the original time of the MC as well as the later time when the story takes place are well within the age of space colonization, although the time inbetween seems to have been a decline in technological and other capabilies of humankind instead of progress. Without going into details and spoilers, dealing with an unfamiliar environment and time, military secrets and intrigue, political machinations, fast paced action and life on a space station are all part of the early story so far.

The scenes are mostly well written and the language / used vocabulary is good, although frequent grammar and spelling mistakes often detract from this fact and make immersion difficult. 

As a note to the author, this is in my opinion the biggest issue with this story at the moment, but also the easiest to fix by doing editing passes and using spell and grammar check aids like grammarly or others. I would definitely revise this review in the future, if this aspect improves.

What we can see of the worldbuilding so far is very good with ample material to draw from in the future. Backstory and worldbuilding is well integrated into the scenes, without too much info dump. MrAzE manages to paint a living picture of the world outside of the immediate confines of the story and to whet the appetite to explore this universe with the MC(s).

The characters. This is a bit more difficult to review. So far we have 5 character POVs, one of which I would call the MC. The author manages quite well to keep the views and knowledge of each character separate. Each character has enough backstory to be unique and fleshed out and they are all promising.

 

Update 1: I have been assured that my previous fears with regards to the direction of the story have been unfounded. The last couple of new chapters seem to reflect that.

Update 1: Since I can't seem to cross out old text in the review section, the former Spoiler-section with my concerns from the initial review has been deleted.

 

TL;DR: All in all I think this is a very promising story that has a good foundation with regards to the idea, worldbuilding and characters. Some effort needs to be put into improving grammar and spelling to be less distracting from the good points. 

Let me know if you find this review helpful or tell me where I'm wrong!



kronosxviii
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A not so Warhammer 40k, Heaven

It's been at least a year since a story has immersed me as much as this one has.

Style: 

The authors style of writing feels well set in stone and luckily for us readers it's a positive thing because the pacing is great.

Story:

Surprisingly even though there are 18 chapters at the point in time of this review being made, the story has a LOT of depth to it.  Or at least I can feel the abyss just beyond the horizon that this story will drag us to.

Grammar:

Overall the story has very few mistakes and thankfully the author is one of the reasonable ones on RoyalRoad who is will to work with people on fixing them.

Character(s):

I like the main character and the secondary cast, though we've only been looking at the external layers I'm sure the onions will continue peeling away at a reasonable pace as the story continues.

Interactions between characters feels real and more importantly side characters feel like real people and not blocks of wood with smiles sharpied onto their faces. :3

MrHrulgin
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A great story crippled by grammar issues

The story has really good bones, but is crippled by weak secondary characters and truly bad grammar. There are sentences that are not just incomplete but totally incomprehensible with missing words, and the author switches back and forth between using different words (sword and sward is the most egregious.) I just can't keep reading it. It needs an editor too badly.

 

ILeaveAReviewWhenIDropIt
  • Overall Score

The story is written with dark undertone and my feeble mind can't take it.

Info dump, technological jargon, dynamic turn of events, and blow by blow type of narration make for a hectic story. Some liked it, but I prefer if this style was used on moderation.

 

hi&hello
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It’s great! Maybe that’s why I’m scared to keep reading

Edit: the Author contacted me and aswaged my fears so I’ll amend this review after catching up.

 

All in all I really like this story, which is kind of why I’m hesitant to keep reading, I don’t want to be disappointed(as of chapter 5). The main (well only) issue is the way female characters are being written more specifically how they interact with Helix. I actually like the Dr. and Zoe which is probably why I’m so bothered by the HOLY BATMAN sexual tension..... sexual tension that occurs in downright terrifying circumstances. It’s so out of place that I really can’t tell what the intention is. Besides that I like everything else and the world building is on point.

Spoiler: Stupidly long note to the Author

 

TLDR: if you want it to be a Harrem fine, if not... maybe take a second look at you female characters.