Lord of the skies

by Guimaros

Original HIATUS Action Adventure Fantasy LitRPG Mythos Post Apocalyptic Strong Lead Supernatural
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Sexual Content

A young man grows being shunned for being different, he only has a few friends and his family.

When a system arrives in a world, everything changes.

What would you do if a system that says it's going to save everyone, throws you at a jungle?

What happened to his family? Are they alive?

Find out following the steps of Bryan Fulgur.

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 31,464
  • Average Views :
  • 1,165
  • Followers :
  • 163
  • Favorites :
  • 39
  • Ratings :
  • 53
  • Pages :
  • 178
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Author
Guimaros

Guimaros

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Nomad1791
  • Overall Score

Ehhh not bad but not great. Decent afternoon read

Reviewed at: Chapter 17 - The meaning of friendship

Needs a editor. Worlds ok characters are ok, Grammer mistakes in every chapter some simple and easy to overlook others bit more jaring. Overall 5/10 you got talent and a decent imagination just need to polish up good luck 👍

chakfor
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Potential is there, lacks in the execution

Reviewed at: Chapter 10 - Decisions

The premise of the story is pretty basic. A system happens, a couple is split up, guy goes through a tutorial and finds the girl, yada, yada.

 

Overall: There's potential, but it needs polish to shine.

 

Style: Basic, nothing to write home about.

Story: Again, nothing overly original, but it's Gamelit so that's pretty forgivable.

Grammar: Bad. There are mistakes all over the place. There are some very awkward word choices that make me think that it's being written by somebody that learned English as a second language (if this is the case I extend kudos to the author for their attempt and hope they keep practicing!). There is a plethora of mistakes in tense, as another reviewer has stated. Don't swap between first and third person perspectives.

Characters: Completely forgettable. They're like cardboard cutouts. Take some time and actually think about each character and their motivations.

Ryancost
  • Overall Score

Has potential, no character depth

Reviewed at: Chapter 13 - New challenges

You need and editor. So many past tense mistakes. Plural mistakes as well. Decent afternoon read. It has potential but you are moving too fast. Like summarizing a story. Characters have no depth. Their friend samuel is just like a polyfiller. Do not write to finish the story, write to fill the world with characters and background stories.