He Who Fights With Monsters

Edit: I haven't had the time to update this review so it is still as of Ch. 222. Editing as I forgot to give spoiler warnings and spoiled other RR stories. My bad.

For Shirtaloon, this story started incredibly and has managed to garner and maintain a lot of attention becuase it can be so incredible at times. I write this both as a review, and because it's difficult to step back and look at your own work objectively so I'd like to point out some easy areas to improve.  

OVERALL

Overall this is a very fun story. It has been on the front page of Popular This Week for months now for good reason. That said, there are a few things keeping it from being a great story or, at times, good. Those things are, in order: the lack of character development, the lack of a believable villain/ plot, and the static nature of the main character. Many reviews get caught up in the minutia of these failings and fail to reinforce the fact that this story is still worth a read especially if the author shores them up. 

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

The MC's character development will be covered last. Here, I want to focus on the side characters. In few words, the side characters are not developed.

The beating heart of every story is its characters. Gintama is a comedy with the barest hint of a plot for hundreds of chapters and it's listed as the greatest comedic manga because its characters are full of such life, depth, and diversity. The first Pirates of the Carribean was such a hit not because of its rather cliche love story, but because Jack Sparrow was such a compelling supporting character. Also note later installments in that series were worse because Jack became the main character and the driving force of the series was lost.

Readers invest themselves into the lives of the supporting cast in order to be dragged along with the author's script. The emotional investment in stories - on Royal Road especially - come from our investment in characters that are actually at risk. The MC in most stories is protected by plot armor so it's the plights of the side characters that tend to draw us in.

Lack of a Villain/ Plot

If main and side characters are the heart of a story, the villain is the lungs. The villain is the one who breathes life into the little interactions between characters and creates the urgency that drives a story forward. It can't be something as intangible as monsters or the big evil cult because those aren't problems that can be directly addressed by the MC. 

Immediate - The villain creates urgency by doing something that needs to be addressed NOW. The cult is going to the end the world, but it's a big world and we have time for a few rooftop barbies before then.

Close to Home - If a villain isn't somewhere that the MC can challenge directly, then he's the villain of someone else's story. The big bad is, suffice to say, difficult to reach.

Just as good as the MC - This is the kicker. The villain needs to win. If the villain never wins there's no sense of risk, of danger. Even if it's something small, a villain has to prove themselves by triumphing over the MC in some way. Cyclostomata and Chad never do.

A good example is the Joker from the Dark Knight Rises. He is immediate: from placing timed bombs next to loved ones or running to ferrys filled with explosives at each other, he isn't a problem that can be solved later without massive consequences. He is close to home: Batman can reach him with his two orphan fists. He is better than the Batman: Batman loses to him. When the Joker creates Two-Face Batman loses to the Joker so completely that he needed to do something completely outside of the Joker's expectations to win. He had to sacrifice his own image of a hero to be a hero.

THAT is a villain. A character that can challenge and inspire the MC. Every hero needs his demon lord.

Luckily, adding one also fixes the other half of this issue, plot. What are the MC's goals right now? Get stronger? Who is he trying to beat? Oh he's trying to protect? Do some pushups every morning. No I want to know what he's working towards. I see a lot of rising action but not even the foggy outline of a climax. What will be the apex of this story arc? He gets so strong he can endure the monster flood? Why should we care? The plot so far hasn't been imporant because the MC has been in the 'adjusting to a new reality' phase. But he's almost bronze rank, it's time for Thanos to come knocking at the door.

How to fix?

Make a villain. I wish I could offer more actionable advice, but the flavor of the villain is heavily tied to how you want your story to develop, so it's all on you. Have some fun with it!

The Main Character

I saved the best for last because it is the easiest to fix. A lot of your readers have been getting frustrated (based on the other hundred reviews here) by the fact that your MC has stagnated. Let me explain, and this has two sides to it. Your MC started as a snarky, quippish guy who was just adjusting to his circumstances and it was done beautifully. I probably got past the first page of his character before recommending this novel to everyone I know. The issue now is that he hasn't changed. As I mentioned earlier, he has passed the adjusting phase of his tenure in this world and he still acts like the snarky, quippish guy who was using confusion and witticism as a defense mechanism. The other side of this, and likely the one everyone has issue with, is that your side characters don't react to this realistically. All of them are either awed by his gibberish, or don't react at all.

Lastly, you don't need to tell us that something is having an effect on Jason. We've read enough of his character to be able to see it when it happens. So rather than "Jason was, for once, silent. He had no words to say and Sophie was shocked when a bit of that mask fell away." you can just describe what happens like "Jason stood, quietly, admiring the simple beauty of the fireworks. Sophie spared him a quick glance, her worried frown giving way to a small smile as she saw rare sight of his unblinking eyes and open mouth."

How to fix?

This is the easiest one. A villain is a foil to the MC and will change him naturally as you write them both. Honestly exactly like your title implies. Hell, name your villain Abyss, that'd be fun. Also as you grow your sidecharacters you'll naturally flesh out your MC too so this one will literally fix itself once you address the other two.

FINALLY, AS THIS IS A REVIEW

Many stories aren't well written enough to have their issues wrapped up in a neat little bun with three little bullet points. Not many stories truly are cultured enough to include an appropriate Nietzsche quote. It is a rare story that has both of these and updates practically daily. Just know, prospective reader, that if you pick this one up, the story does suffer from the little issues that any story would if its author was required to output material as quickly as this one, pending edits. I say it is worth it. And, if you're an elitist that only touches stories from out of golden geese and dusted with diamonds, read the beginning.

UPDATE: My BOY the LION MAN has been given motivation, goals, and depth. Im so happy

Generally a very well executed story.  If I'd written this 25 chapters ago I would have scored it much higher.  However, since then I've really soured on certain parts of the story, especially the MC.  Did you know that he's a brilliant social manipulator?  Well if you didn't, don't fret!  The other characters will tell you how smart he is, over and over and over!  Everybody loves him, you see, except the people who don't, and that's how you know they're the bad guys.  If I could find somebody to love me even a quarter as much as these people love Jason, I'd have the best wife in the world.

Update: Couldn't take it anymore and dropped it a few weeks ago.  Updated with my final ratings.

When I was a teenager, I was a bit of a smug, self-righteous atheist, over impressed with my own intelligence. The protagonist of this story is something I could shamefully picture myself writing back then.

His every half baked, awful plan at "social manipulation" of the local nobility and other elite is a success, and what should result in him getting punched or socially ostrasized instead results of some more politically savvy character cooing over how smart he is.

He's openly insulting and heretical towards members of the clergy and actual gods, despite having pretty good evidence they could smear him across the pavement. Besides intentionally getting himself beat up by two priests, he suffers no consequences for this, and in fact the gods like him for some unfathomable reason.

This is a world with cultivation tiers, where each level is vastly above the one before, and might makes right--none of the above makes sense, even with his connection earned by saving the lives of a few powerful people in the beginning. He should be dead or crippled, and I found myself rooting for his opponents.

The initial monster hunting, progression, and joking interactions were good, and it's a shame the character turns into a black hole, as everything revolves further and further around him.

 The story started out very strong for me. It fun, enjoyable and exciting. The MC had some hilarious reactions and interactions with other characters, the blood cult villains were great, and every thing was wonderful. 

Then we get to Greenstone city and it all starts going downhill. The MC changes from a normal but pretty funny Australian dude trying to find his way around, to some kind of discount sherlock Holmes who is always second guessing people and some kind of social mastermind despite being a normal guy from modern society earlier. He deftly navigates the local high life and leaves anyone who matters impressed with him, not to mention become a cold blooded killer. But only sometimes, otherwise he's a great warm guy who doesn't believe in violence or immoral acts.

Yeah, it all gets a bit confused and contradictory. The funny stuff gets more and more rate, while somehow info dumps and boring drawn out sequences become more common. 

And it is very drawn out, the first 40 chapters feel fast paced, but it all slows down in the city and with how the MC changes for the worst into some kinda Gary stu it's a bit unpalatable. 

Side characters are ignored and forgotten, rotated through like a fresh outfit for the MC to wear for his daily witticisms, and other than acting as a canvas to showcase the MCs skills they never really seem to get better or improve. 

And then one of the oldest side characters dies and the story temporarily goes dark and it feels SO out of style. 

For gods sake in the first few chapters you have him almost served up to a cannabilstic blood cult and you made that light hearted and funny. It's not a dark story. People didn't read this for a dark story. People will stop reading this you make it that. 

Each arc gets gradually less interesting. The first one, with the blood cult, was great; there was an element of mystery before we understood the power system and how Jason got to isekai'd, and there was enough comedy to keep things entertaining.

Then things started to degrade, and by the later arcs (as of this review, fighting the Builder cult inside the Reaper's pocket dimention) the fight scenes become incredibly dry. It starts boiling down to "character uses their power, but the enemy countered with their power, then character healed with their healing power." The main characters never seem to lose or be set back in any way. Very boring.

None of the characters are particularly interesting either. Jason starts as a sarcastic, irreverant man with a penchant to get in over his head, which works well with the early story.

But he then stays that way for the entire story as his circumstances change, which is less and less interesting.

The other characters are either bland or unlikable. The villains seem to only exist to make life hard for the good guys, with little motivation. Then they get unceremoniously defeated, with no build up or payoff.

The power system is really loose; I have no idea where the limits are or what powers a character can or can't have.

I've been reading this story for a few months, but I really feel no investment to continue at this point. The story was at its best when Jason was running around naked trying to complete a quest to obtain pants.

I've finally decided that I'm no longer gonna subject myself to reading this book for three reasons: MC stagnation, Filler character sheets, and ridiculous plot.

First, MC stagnation. I actually didn't mind the MC's personality for the first 50 chapters, my problem came when 150 chapters later his personality remained the same while his character sheet became the size of half the chapter. The only hints of change were in the little revelations of flaws that were sprinkled around. However, the author makes no attempt to address these flaws lest he has to think of another way for the MC to get an emotional advantage over someone magnitudes stronger than him. Also, why the hell is everyone falling in love with the MC? Everyone just can't stop singing praises for this guy, it reminds me of those Wuxia novels where the MC does some dumb thing and everyone has an orgasm over it.

Second, filler character sheets. The main character development that is seen in the story is of the side characters. It was really interesting to see them grow and adapt to new situations. However, it is tragic that I had to skip over their tremendously long character sheets with detailed explanations of their abilities because I enjoyed reading their abilities in action than on a blue table. These character sheets take up to 75% of the chapter at times, which is absurd.

Finally, the plot. The only way I can express how much the plot changed as the story went on is by this analogy: Magikarp evolving. It would be reasonable to infer that the MC has a relatively small role in the grand scheme of things strictly because of his level of power however:

 The change in pace is so out of nowhere that it had me thinking that the author just wants to give the MC some huge power spikes and end the novel because he's tired of writing (although his Patreon contrasts this point).

Yeah, that's pretty much it. The only thing I can finish on is that the author took some lessons on ridiculous plot development from the author of Spectral Regalia.

A very good start, but as the  story progressed i began to lose interest in it. The story just became a chore to read after a while, therefore i opted to stop reading. while this story may not be for me, it definitely a few interesting ideas that i found cool.

More talking than fighting. Kind of tired of it. Well written but snobbish. I'm really interesting in where it will go, but having to read through the MC go off on even one more monologue to get there is a no for me.

This is my first review...I normally am the type of guy who does not write reviews, but this book forced me to...

In the beginning it was great, top-notch high quality stuff. MC was likable and the side characters were coming along.

Then out of nowhere, MC becomes a top-notch social manipulator...which I could accept in some situations. However, the MC just shows a complete lack of respect for anything and everything to the point where it just pissed me off.

You would think that a person who is at the bottom of the ladder would think twice before insulting beings who could wipe him from the plane of existence with one finger...but nope...he just ignores all manners and common sense. The worst part though is that he never suffers for it. At this point...I'm dropping it, but for the last 20 chapters I was hoping that he would end up tortured or suffering...but nope.

This is the first time, that I hated an MC enough to drop the book...I really wanted to see how this develops, if the MC shows change...

If the author ends up seeing this though, I know I gave a lot of criticism, and not much of it was constructive, I have nothing but the highest level of respect for you, since you put out so many chapters. Keep it up...just please CHANGE the MC.

P.s.: if you're too attached to him to change him...sigh...

Reviewed at Chapter 116

I'm going to be brief here and cover some of the things that I really enjoyed going into this story. Be warned minor spoilers throughout.

The first main thing was how the mc reacted when he was first summoned. For me at least I saw it as very realistic. He was pissed off, scared, and quite snarky. The whole lit RPG elements started to come in effect and I liked those as well. You also get to see some very humorous dialogue here; one of my favorites is how the Bloodcult family is introduced.

All of these things were really good in the beginning, but as time went on in the novel it started to go downhill. There was an overextension on the whole lit RPG elements. What I mean by that is that the author went too far into it. It started to turn into a number cruncher for me.

There are some stories that do this aspect well, but unfortunately, this one just went exposition-heavy with it.

Going into the world-building there are large info dumps that would be expected, but they are just not entertaining to read. I ended up skimming a lot of them because it just felt so boring to read. 

Going on the characters themselves it ends up going downhill as well. The mc starts to become a mary sue. He's not op power-wise, but for some reason, every single god, influential person, or just random bystander feels the need to stroke the mc's ego. 

You see these large halfbaked plans to take advantage of loopholes in the law or of people with political influence and for some reason, every single one of them succeeds perfectly. This coupled with the mc's incessant need to mouth off to everything and everybody around him just makes him less and less likable.

At this point, I was thinking of dropping it, but in the next few chapters one of his plans actually fell through as you would expect. However, it ends up later turning into his favor after he gets lucky. Earlier there was a romantic subplot that I won't get into, but it was completely unnecessary and brought the quality down.

After that, I completely decided to drop this story due to how much the world around the mc was bowing to his whims. It just became too unrealistic for me.

The last thing I'm going to cover is grammar. Overall this story had few mistakes at all and the ones that were present did not take away from my understanding of the story itself.

I still throughout enjoyed the beginning few chapters though I feel like the later ones need to be thought over again or even rewritten.