He Who Fights With Monsters

Edit: I haven't had the time to update this review so it is still as of Ch. 222. Editing as I forgot to give spoiler warnings and spoiled other RR stories. My bad.

For Shirtaloon, this story started incredibly and has managed to garner and maintain a lot of attention becuase it can be so incredible at times. I write this both as a review, and because it's difficult to step back and look at your own work objectively so I'd like to point out some easy areas to improve.  

OVERALL

Overall this is a very fun story. It has been on the front page of Popular This Week for months now for good reason. That said, there are a few things keeping it from being a great story or, at times, good. Those things are, in order: the lack of character development, the lack of a believable villain/ plot, and the static nature of the main character. Many reviews get caught up in the minutia of these failings and fail to reinforce the fact that this story is still worth a read especially if the author shores them up. 

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

The MC's character development will be covered last. Here, I want to focus on the side characters. In few words, the side characters are not developed.

The beating heart of every story is its characters. Gintama is a comedy with the barest hint of a plot for hundreds of chapters and it's listed as the greatest comedic manga because its characters are full of such life, depth, and diversity. The first Pirates of the Carribean was such a hit not because of its rather cliche love story, but because Jack Sparrow was such a compelling supporting character. Also note later installments in that series were worse because Jack became the main character and the driving force of the series was lost.

Readers invest themselves into the lives of the supporting cast in order to be dragged along with the author's script. The emotional investment in stories - on Royal Road especially - come from our investment in characters that are actually at risk. The MC in most stories is protected by plot armor so it's the plights of the side characters that tend to draw us in.

Lack of a Villain/ Plot

If main and side characters are the heart of a story, the villain is the lungs. The villain is the one who breathes life into the little interactions between characters and creates the urgency that drives a story forward. It can't be something as intangible as monsters or the big evil cult because those aren't problems that can be directly addressed by the MC. 

Immediate - The villain creates urgency by doing something that needs to be addressed NOW. The cult is going to the end the world, but it's a big world and we have time for a few rooftop barbies before then.

Close to Home - If a villain isn't somewhere that the MC can challenge directly, then he's the villain of someone else's story. The big bad is, suffice to say, difficult to reach.

Just as good as the MC - This is the kicker. The villain needs to win. If the villain never wins there's no sense of risk, of danger. Even if it's something small, a villain has to prove themselves by triumphing over the MC in some way. Cyclostomata and Chad never do.

A good example is the Joker from the Dark Knight Rises. He is immediate: from placing timed bombs next to loved ones or running to ferrys filled with explosives at each other, he isn't a problem that can be solved later without massive consequences. He is close to home: Batman can reach him with his two orphan fists. He is better than the Batman: Batman loses to him. When the Joker creates Two-Face Batman loses to the Joker so completely that he needed to do something completely outside of the Joker's expectations to win. He had to sacrifice his own image of a hero to be a hero.

THAT is a villain. A character that can challenge and inspire the MC. Every hero needs his demon lord.

Luckily, adding one also fixes the other half of this issue, plot. What are the MC's goals right now? Get stronger? Who is he trying to beat? Oh he's trying to protect? Do some pushups every morning. No I want to know what he's working towards. I see a lot of rising action but not even the foggy outline of a climax. What will be the apex of this story arc? He gets so strong he can endure the monster flood? Why should we care? The plot so far hasn't been imporant because the MC has been in the 'adjusting to a new reality' phase. But he's almost bronze rank, it's time for Thanos to come knocking at the door.

How to fix?

Make a villain. I wish I could offer more actionable advice, but the flavor of the villain is heavily tied to how you want your story to develop, so it's all on you. Have some fun with it!

The Main Character

I saved the best for last because it is the easiest to fix. A lot of your readers have been getting frustrated (based on the other hundred reviews here) by the fact that your MC has stagnated. Let me explain, and this has two sides to it. Your MC started as a snarky, quippish guy who was just adjusting to his circumstances and it was done beautifully. I probably got past the first page of his character before recommending this novel to everyone I know. The issue now is that he hasn't changed. As I mentioned earlier, he has passed the adjusting phase of his tenure in this world and he still acts like the snarky, quippish guy who was using confusion and witticism as a defense mechanism. The other side of this, and likely the one everyone has issue with, is that your side characters don't react to this realistically. All of them are either awed by his gibberish, or don't react at all.

Lastly, you don't need to tell us that something is having an effect on Jason. We've read enough of his character to be able to see it when it happens. So rather than "Jason was, for once, silent. He had no words to say and Sophie was shocked when a bit of that mask fell away." you can just describe what happens like "Jason stood, quietly, admiring the simple beauty of the fireworks. Sophie spared him a quick glance, her worried frown giving way to a small smile as she saw rare sight of his unblinking eyes and open mouth."

How to fix?

This is the easiest one. A villain is a foil to the MC and will change him naturally as you write them both. Honestly exactly like your title implies. Hell, name your villain Abyss, that'd be fun. Also as you grow your sidecharacters you'll naturally flesh out your MC too so this one will literally fix itself once you address the other two.

FINALLY, AS THIS IS A REVIEW

Many stories aren't well written enough to have their issues wrapped up in a neat little bun with three little bullet points. Not many stories truly are cultured enough to include an appropriate Nietzsche quote. It is a rare story that has both of these and updates practically daily. Just know, prospective reader, that if you pick this one up, the story does suffer from the little issues that any story would if its author was required to output material as quickly as this one, pending edits. I say it is worth it. And, if you're an elitist that only touches stories from out of golden geese and dusted with diamonds, read the beginning.

UPDATE: My BOY the LION MAN has been given motivation, goals, and depth. Im so happy

Generally a very well executed story.  If I'd written this 25 chapters ago I would have scored it much higher.  However, since then I've really soured on certain parts of the story, especially the MC.  Did you know that he's a brilliant social manipulator?  Well if you didn't, don't fret!  The other characters will tell you how smart he is, over and over and over!  Everybody loves him, you see, except the people who don't, and that's how you know they're the bad guys.  If I could find somebody to love me even a quarter as much as these people love Jason, I'd have the best wife in the world.

Update: Couldn't take it anymore and dropped it a few weeks ago.  Updated with my final ratings.

When I was a teenager, I was a bit of a smug, self-righteous atheist, over impressed with my own intelligence. The protagonist of this story is something I could shamefully picture myself writing back then.

His every half baked, awful plan at "social manipulation" of the local nobility and other elite is a success, and what should result in him getting punched or socially ostrasized instead results of some more politically savvy character cooing over how smart he is.

He's openly insulting and heretical towards members of the clergy and actual gods, despite having pretty good evidence they could smear him across the pavement. Besides intentionally getting himself beat up by two priests, he suffers no consequences for this, and in fact the gods like him for some unfathomable reason.

This is a world with cultivation tiers, where each level is vastly above the one before, and might makes right--none of the above makes sense, even with his connection earned by saving the lives of a few powerful people in the beginning. He should be dead or crippled, and I found myself rooting for his opponents.

The initial monster hunting, progression, and joking interactions were good, and it's a shame the character turns into a black hole, as everything revolves further and further around him.

 The story started out very strong for me. It fun, enjoyable and exciting. The MC had some hilarious reactions and interactions with other characters, the blood cult villains were great, and every thing was wonderful. 

Then we get to Greenstone city and it all starts going downhill. The MC changes from a normal but pretty funny Australian dude trying to find his way around, to some kind of discount sherlock Holmes who is always second guessing people and some kind of social mastermind despite being a normal guy from modern society earlier. He deftly navigates the local high life and leaves anyone who matters impressed with him, not to mention become a cold blooded killer. But only sometimes, otherwise he's a great warm guy who doesn't believe in violence or immoral acts.

Yeah, it all gets a bit confused and contradictory. The funny stuff gets more and more rate, while somehow info dumps and boring drawn out sequences become more common. 

And it is very drawn out, the first 40 chapters feel fast paced, but it all slows down in the city and with how the MC changes for the worst into some kinda Gary stu it's a bit unpalatable. 

Side characters are ignored and forgotten, rotated through like a fresh outfit for the MC to wear for his daily witticisms, and other than acting as a canvas to showcase the MCs skills they never really seem to get better or improve. 

And then one of the oldest side characters dies and the story temporarily goes dark and it feels SO out of style. 

For gods sake in the first few chapters you have him almost served up to a cannabilstic blood cult and you made that light hearted and funny. It's not a dark story. People didn't read this for a dark story. People will stop reading this you make it that. 

Reviewed at Chapter 116

I'm going to be brief here and cover some of the things that I really enjoyed going into this story. Be warned minor spoilers throughout.

The first main thing was how the mc reacted when he was first summoned. For me at least I saw it as very realistic. He was pissed off, scared, and quite snarky. The whole lit RPG elements started to come in effect and I liked those as well. You also get to see some very humorous dialogue here; one of my favorites is how the Bloodcult family is introduced.

All of these things were really good in the beginning, but as time went on in the novel it started to go downhill. There was an overextension on the whole lit RPG elements. What I mean by that is that the author went too far into it. It started to turn into a number cruncher for me.

There are some stories that do this aspect well, but unfortunately, this one just went exposition-heavy with it.

Going into the world-building there are large info dumps that would be expected, but they are just not entertaining to read. I ended up skimming a lot of them because it just felt so boring to read. 

Going on the characters themselves it ends up going downhill as well. The mc starts to become a mary sue. He's not op power-wise, but for some reason, every single god, influential person, or just random bystander feels the need to stroke the mc's ego. 

You see these large halfbaked plans to take advantage of loopholes in the law or of people with political influence and for some reason, every single one of them succeeds perfectly. This coupled with the mc's incessant need to mouth off to everything and everybody around him just makes him less and less likable.

At this point, I was thinking of dropping it, but in the next few chapters one of his plans actually fell through as you would expect. However, it ends up later turning into his favor after he gets lucky. Earlier there was a romantic subplot that I won't get into, but it was completely unnecessary and brought the quality down.

After that, I completely decided to drop this story due to how much the world around the mc was bowing to his whims. It just became too unrealistic for me.

The last thing I'm going to cover is grammar. Overall this story had few mistakes at all and the ones that were present did not take away from my understanding of the story itself.

I still throughout enjoyed the beginning few chapters though I feel like the later ones need to be thought over again or even rewritten.

This is my first review...I normally am the type of guy who does not write reviews, but this book forced me to...

In the beginning it was great, top-notch high quality stuff. MC was likable and the side characters were coming along.

Then out of nowhere, MC becomes a top-notch social manipulator...which I could accept in some situations. However, the MC just shows a complete lack of respect for anything and everything to the point where it just pissed me off.

You would think that a person who is at the bottom of the ladder would think twice before insulting beings who could wipe him from the plane of existence with one finger...but nope...he just ignores all manners and common sense. The worst part though is that he never suffers for it. At this point...I'm dropping it, but for the last 20 chapters I was hoping that he would end up tortured or suffering...but nope.

This is the first time, that I hated an MC enough to drop the book...I really wanted to see how this develops, if the MC shows change...

If the author ends up seeing this though, I know I gave a lot of criticism, and not much of it was constructive, I have nothing but the highest level of respect for you, since you put out so many chapters. Keep it up...just please CHANGE the MC.

P.s.: if you're too attached to him to change him...sigh...

Great start so far, im liking this story, certainly a different kind of litrpg that i can recommend others to come read.

The MC, well hahaha. Jason is just such a enjoyable and fun character to read about. Its sort of to be expected from a Australian character. And the other characters arent that far behind in how well written they are. Overall their interactions are fun to read.

Jason is quite confrontial at times and honest about being a atheist, this does really show when he interacts with religious organizations or even the gods themselves, barely treating them with any respect, a thing which is considered suicidial by the denizen of the world he is in, this is inline with his belief of being a atheist, but i feel like its going a bit far. Issues are showing already with this story due to his behavior, i hope its set to change soon, or it could make this story less enjoyable.

While this story started off very strong, while it is still going on strong after forty or so chapters, i feel like it is less than what it was at the start.

So far the world this story takes place in, has been shown to be interesting and well developed, with so much more left to be unveiled over the course of the story. The author sort of went for his own kind of unique world, that uses common elements from Fantasy, but also goes in a original direction. Theres the litrpg aspect of this story, which i find to be quite interesting, the author has made his own kind of litrpg system, borrowing ideas from many different sources, and combined that into the system used in this story while avoiding adding stats to the story. Especially the way the abilities and skills are done, is quite different and unlike most stories, i wonder how the author will go with that, without making the MC go absurdely powerful from that system.

Ill be fair that grammar is sort of a problem, overall it is fine, with there being few spelling errors, but there are quite some mistakes overall, with missing words and thus odd sentences because of that, this story could use a good editing round to edit those out, and make it even better in quality. The recent chapters are better in terms of grammar, even if there are still the occasional mistakes that appear, normally they get spotted and corrected quite fast.

Nice style here, no obvious flaws to be found with it. Overall good pacing, even if fast at times, but i dont mind personally. Its pretty easy to keep reading this story without getting bored at all.

A great story, with much potentional yet left to be uncovered, This can be something actually good and fun, if the author can keep writing and not burn out, especially with the current release speed of chapters. There is the risk of the story stopping being fresh and fun, and turning out to be boring and stale while being full of common tropes, i personally hope the author can avoid going on that route.

Recommended for fans of litrpg, you will most likely really like this fun story thats of a good quality.

I have some problems with this story; which are  tempered with the strength of the author's writing, at first.

• Jason is not OP, and he's not UP, but his progression kind of sucks.. When his abilities level up to bronze, the notification just has another iteration of necroticER and More disease.. it's not really exciting to read his progression.. Especially when you read about his party's level ups. His are not only a buzzkill, they are boring to read about in battle! Slice the bad guy, inflict blank and wait him out is just boring. The author also took to writing training and battle scenes in a semi past tense or half way finished cut scene style that made it even more stagnant.
• I started to become less interested early on when the author started to commit half chapters and full ones to Sophia's character arc. I skipped them all until she actually started talking to the mc, like thirty chapters later. And I originally hated her character because it felt like she was an interruptor since I couldn't understand why I should have read about her prior. Having skipped all of her parts, I still understood everything I needed to know bc they rehashed it all again over the remaining chapters. This proved that the chapters before were just filler imo.
• Lastly, the author really just tells too much. I don't want to know that the hero is falling for a misdirection or walking into a trap bc the author has the villains talk to each other about it! It renders several chapters almost moot and they usually already are, since he who fights monsters has only fought monsters on screen like 4 times in the last 60 chapters....

Like I said the writing is good and I like Jason's personality but.. It's getting hard to read and I'm not thinking anything will change when he gets to bronze rank. Just a slow slog till the next rank with a point, afflict and wait strategy.

Overall this is a great story with lots of interesting powers and good actions scenes. The only downfall I would say are the random deep and philosophical discussions every other chapter where the MC goes on diatribes to explain why his pov is superior to everyone else in the story. You literally will not go more than a few chapters without someone going into some discussion over various ideals or whatever, to the point that they just repeat themselves a few chapters later.

Aside from that, it's a fun read.

The first few chapters were just strong enough to draw me in until the story started hitting its stride, and then I loved it. The characters were fun, the setting a whole new exciting world to explore and the magic system really tickled my fancy of endless combinations; then at roughly chapter forty, it starts to go downhill.

Style: There's not much to say here, the prose gets you from A-B well enough without being too bland but there's little flair to be found and a fair amount of cliche. The lack of show in the narration definitely hinders the story, with many chapters being dry telling rather than gripping showing.

Story: I'd say the pacing is still awfully slow, as of this it's at over a thousand and a half pages in and things drag on terribly, dry training arcs and chapters of doing nothing but awakening powers and talking about the awakened powers. I'm guessing this is the type of story that intends to keep going for as long as possible and just focus on the characters, but even then the end goal of the story itself seems vague. Is it about Jason's development? The world the author has created? Is it about a message? The world and magic system are certainly the strongest point of this work but aren't enough to carry a story by themselves, though at this point in the story the incoherence of the worldbuilding is starting to make its presence very known.

Grammar: Competent enough, some mistakes that get ironed out.

Characters: The weak point of the story with a lot of telling instead of showing, and the apparent main focus. The side characters range from ok to downright awful. On the upper end of the scale, you have Rufus and Humphrey who have gotten a decent amount of depth, the preference to trade bants with the main character over talking about anything with character substance most of the time aside. Not always a bad thing, the dialogue can be quite funny, though it does tend to drag on with everyone being so quippy all the time and suffers from same voice, where if you took out the dialogue tags all the characters could just be more Jason's. The other end of the scale is the one-dimensional characters who seem to exist solely to make other characters look better by being worthless shitcunts, a good sign that the author is too lazy to do it properly, or the various minor characters who invariably are in awe of Jasons ability to be annoying on purpose for some reason.

The introduction of a new important character, Sophie, while fine when she was not joined up with the main cast nosedives sharply once she takes her place in the group. The character herself is fine, is not totally sympathetic then at least very understandable, but the dynamic she enters with Jason is clumsy all round and is looking like it's going to end up in a very unhealthy romantic relationship built on an already unhealthy dynamic. Both characters have contributed to this, but the tone of the story indicates that only Sophie is going to change for it.

The main character, Jason, starts out likable and fun, a fish out of water in a world of violence and magic; standard but good. The biggest problem with him is that none of his many personality flaws or skill deficiencies causes him any kind of problem that matters. His outspoken atheism in a place where the people obediently venerate their gods never has anyone shun him. His deliberate provocations of people in power never give him a problem the story doesn't worm him out of quick smart. His utter lack of knowledge of the culture never has him make a faux pas that gives him trouble. His never having worked as anything resembling an adventurer or having been in a fight don't stop him from being so good at his job his boss has to tell him to slow down and stop making everyone look bad. etc. Very long list here.

Many of his actions caused by these flaws will instead have the other characters praise him for his intelligence, wit and charisma which is eye-rollingly cringey; but think about if you'd be willing to ever use his tactics in your life and decide for yourself if it's an informed attribute. Not all bad about him though, despite his transformation from normal Aussie dude into someone who will kill multiple people in the street with no emotion or second thoughts in a few months despite believing in his past life that such a thing was Very Wrong; he can be a nice, friendly character who goes out of his way to help others. Still a fucking Mary Sue though.

I've found out that this is actually a second draft, which makes it more disappointing. Not looking forward to a completed version as much, even if it has been finely combed through by an editor to tighten up the plot and spruce up the characters because there is a lot of work to be done there but it's not unrecoverable.