Mystery of the Dungeon
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After long years of research on Dungeons with all his colleagues, learning all they could about dungeons. Mavis Shin, his family and friends have reached a dead end in their research. Without being able to see the other side of the mysteries of the dungeon they research how to make their own dungeon. After succeeding after several failures Mavis himself is now a Dungeon. Now able to discover the mysteries of the dungeon, how will he grow as a dungeon. Will he be conquered or will he conquered. Watch as the only sane dungeon makes friends and foes on the road to discover his own secrets. PS. This story was inspired by Lair, OreDungeon, Danmachi and a few others. You will see some similarities when it comes to dungeon structure but i will try to keep it as original as possible
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This story is great and really immerses the reader in a different world from a creative and interesting perspective. In addition there is more than the 2 line history a lot of other stories give and the history of the world created by the author has a very big impact on the story and is consistent. A few other reviews state that the MC is lacking in character development, but to me i see it as necessary for a dungeon consciousness to be logical in their applications. The author is very methodical in nature and makes it so there are few to no holes in the story. While the story is being told at times from different points of view it is necessary when the reader realizes that the MC only knows what is going on in front of or within his own dungeon. This makes the different POVs necessary to allow the reader a more complete glimpse of the world the story is taking place in.
I did not give this story 5 stars because there were a few grammar and story issues, but they are relatively few and far between.
Last Chapter included in review: #14
Status Assumed: Active at time of review
In general this review is written using a fourth grade measuring guide and contains no link to solutions for fixing various errors. In order to stay sane I will provide links to various .gif files to explain how reading this made me feel, because, I don’t actually know.
Setting – Fantasy, in a dungeon. It follows much the same general outline as Ore Dungeon for those who have braved it. There are some clear deviations from Ore Dungeon that set it apart. Some include a father who becomes a monster in the dungeon, starting with moss and other bugs, and simply having more written than the currently translated Ore dungeon story. Plus it goes into what happens ‘outside’ the dungeon, which is always a plus.
Characters – This part throws me off a little bit. Here’s a sample issue – the main character we follow becomes a dungeon and seems almost passive about it. His judgments and mental lines of reasoning ooze a passive attitude. That being said, there’s an admission in the prologue that this transformation process results in a loss of memory (And I assume personality). There seem to be a number of puppet characters who serve no purpose but to observe the dungeons actions and remark upon them for the viewers. Shakespeare did this too and it was silly. The father is called ‘father’ and isn’t given a name anytime soon, but the interaction between them is amusing enough for a chapter or two. Afterwards a small host of alternate Point of Views start up.
Problem / Conflict – Going along with this sort of ‘Whatever goes’ mentality is the main character (Dungeon, is a dungeon even a character?) simply trying to survive and build himself up. Driven, I assume, by dungeon instincts. This creates a conflict that isn’t one of necessity. There is no rush, no tension, just casual observation. It’s more like a child being handed a puzzle and being told they can play with it, or not. Luckily it picks up as the main characters father is introduced, then more as issues from outside the dungeon creep in. Just stay with it a bit if you’re interested in more tension.
Solution / Resolution – Problems are solved in stages. Each one presented in simple logical order. I am a dungeon. I need more points. I spawn a few monsters and sucker people in. I make a boss to defend my heart. Most issues are solved with little coming ‘out of the blue’. This can be bad for tension and excitement. The story reads more like an observational journal than anything dire. Until the POV switches come in. There are some scenes later presenting the dungeon from an adventurers point of view, once readers get to this portion, they should feel a heightened sense of apprehension and excitement.
Creativity – Dungeon Management seems to be an increasing common category in the RE: or Lit Novel style of story (And it’s only vaguely a RE: story). It’s still fresh enough to be of interest regardless of overall innovation. There is admission of inspiration by Ore Dungeon which may attract some readers, and does impact the worlds creativity. Still, this fiction goes above and beyond in terms of plot by bringing in the outside world and showing people react and take advantage of the dungeons layout. There is real ‘change’ to the local world – which other fictions sometimes miss.
Organization – Occasional notes are made from the author to readers that may disrupt the flow for some. The conversational back and forth is crammed together without spacing and hard to read. The story flows chronologically and doesn’t have flashbacks listed anywhere which is great for readers looking for a simple story to ride along with. The chapters are decently sized. There needs to be a bit clearer break between the POV, anyone trying to speed read will be lost. (Example: Chapter 2, shift from son to father)
Conventions – There are a few cases of paragraph sized sentences. Word repetition occurs within the sentences (Quote:”mysteries of this mysterious”) – especially on sentence starters (The prologue is painfully full of ‘We’ starters, chapter 4 has a huge wall of ‘I’ starters). Sentences have punctuation which sets it above the worst ratings. Occasional slip ups include switched from 1st person narrative to 2nd person. It should be noted that there are rules for writing numbers in text as well. These issues may cause a disconnect for grammatical sticklers. The layout is a bit distracting in terms of 'comfort' for casual reading.
To be clear, this is the type of story that shines in it’s concept and is slightly below the standard average in it’s layout. This isn’t bad, it just means that enough work on updating the layout, formatting, and presentation can bring in many extra readers. Still, for it’s sub-genre of ‘I’m a Dungeon’ – there’s enough content to keep those loosely concerned with formatting entertained. If you’re interested in specifically that type of story, give this a whirl, there are new concepts and that’s always a plus.
Want to change the review? Want more details and information? Feel free to PM me regarding this topic.
i love stories like this and dungeon master makes me want to write another series or go back to writing my stories that i have not touched in months. sad that there are a number of people out there that spam hate at these good stories instead of trying to give pointers on what needs improved. i say ignore the hate posts and delete the ones that you can or else it would start getting to you like it did to me(cant think about writing anything now and always have a headache when i want to).
I love the this dungeon story but like the stories i write it needs improvement on spelling and grammer. it is actually easy to make these mistakes and the only way to improve is to continue writing, review before posting, and checking how to spell things. another way to improve is to find one or more PR’s(proof readers) they could be friends, family or even fans and fellow writers from the site.
the story has an amazing plot to it right now but it also seems like it does not have a set path or plot points that it is following. i like this style but it can also have a drop in quality here and there but it also brings amazing plot twists that many readers will not expect.
i like the characters of the story but so far they have not been greatly fleshed out. In the newer or recent chapters that they are beginning to be fleshed out but i wish there was more to the characters. other wise there is about 2-5 characters i’m attached to in this developing story.
with this having the main character actually being a dungeon is quite amazing since we always see it from the adventures point of view. there is only about three stories ive read or found so far these last few months like this. OreDungeon(original was taken down with author rewriting it), and another FF on this site. i can easily see this story being fleshed out and adding many new interesting plots, characters and monsters. i can see a number of monsters from games, movies, books, D&D, Pathfinder, and other sources finding their way in to this dungeon .
the dungeons growth is also amazing and it can leave copies of its self to gather resources might be interesting if he absorbs a number of dungeons through out the continent and leaving copies to gather resources and information from civilization and adventures. interesting twist that everything is created through mana or mp. and that it can change any creature that lives in it long enough. cant wait to see demons, giants, dragons, large ants, possibly even monster girls(like those stories and their half human half monsters/animals.
keep up the good work cant wait for more but don’t burn yourself out take brakes when you need to even if fans beg for more or its a long break we fans will support you. we fans of the dungeon are here if you need us and will always be waiting for more of the story.
This is absolutely incredible.
First the negative. The characters are not really well developed or very unique save the main dungeon character. Also there are a few typo's.
The Positives.... Everything else...
The concept of a living dungeon conscious with mortal allies assisting in the growth of the dungeon offers an amazing level of potential. Keeping things from becoming too OP'd is often a difficult concept for most authors. In this case we have a built in system where anti-hero protagonist 'the dungeon' stays slightly ahead of those who go to conquer it while the individual monsters are less powerful, the greater level of tactics then a normal dungeon allows for the slightly OP nature which keeps those who seek to destroy it from being successful.
The Story itself is really a fun romp as the anti-hero protagonist and its' allies grow, seeking not ever greater achievements of glory, but to refine themselves and gain complexity. Never attacking, but inviting attack by those who modern society would consider evil.
Yes I noticed a few grammar errors, but nothing that was major. In something of this nature I think that is a minor miracle. As for the formatting and style it was well done without any wasted area. The chapters are substantial with lots of meat. There are some 'status' report type boxes but they are concise and appropriate in the places that they are located.
I created an account just to rate this fanfic. The world building, the chapter length, the grammar everything about this story is amazing. Continue to keep up the good work I look forward to future chapter releases.
I like the feel and the pace of this story not too slow and nither too fast, but yust fast enoth for my taiste.
I always wanted a good dungeon story hope you dont drop it to soon.
Nice going in the beginning with the research and trial and error i liked that.
Now that he starts being a real dungeon it gets even better. His father is good too rat omg rofl ^^.
for now i give you 5 star i hope it can stay that way.
about grammer i didnt see anything bad so good work ( not that i am that good in it ^^)
This is ok. Not bad, but there are some big issues
1. Too many references / blatant ripoffs. The author constantly inserts links or referencing descriptions. For example, he would describe some street and include a link to a specific page of a specific manga and say it looks like that. or he would describe the guildhall and then say "it looks like the guild hall of Fairy Tail"
To make matters worse, those links / ripoff statements are done in the middle of the story not a note at the bottom.
If you are going to ripoff something, then don't disrupt the story to tell us so in the middle of paragraph. And at least change things up a bit instead of literally linking to a page in a manga. This really kills immersion.
2. Too many POV switches. and worse they lack in character development despite that (for example we often get "father" point of view... even though father has no name. Or we get the POV of an enemy that will be killed by the end of the chapter).
Was a great dungeon story binge read the whole thing. Shame it never finished the tournament arc that was started would recommend to anyone looking for a good dungeon book to read. Would be great to see you come back and finish tournament arc or do a rewrite and remove the elements that caused the writer's block here and replace with your own ideas.
Love the story. But i hate the end of it and its been stopped for awhile