Eternal Mana

by EatCelery

Original HIATUS Action Adventure Fantasy Romance GameLit LitRPG Magic School Life Slice of Life Xianxia
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

A young man woke up in another world with a reward system.

 

 Schedule: Daily until August 1st.

August: Break for rewriting and research on Volume 2.

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
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  • Ratings :
  • 160
  • Pages :
  • 260
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EatCelery

EatCelery

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Beyogi
  • Overall Score

Rough but decent first attempt

The story is about a person that's been Isekaied to a fantasy world. He starts out as a peasant orphan, but manages to quickly improve his situation thanks to the "reward system" that gives him more or less random rewards and later shows his stats.

First he starts out as a fisherman, farmer and gatherer, then he advances to become a hunter until he's recruited into the local mage/cultivator academy. There he's learning magic, herbology and sigilogy (aka runecrafting).

Overall it's a decent enough story for the genre, but there's a bunch of weakpoints. First the grammar of this story leaves you wanting. It's not utterly horrible, but it's pretty rough and the way this story is written seems somewhat anime-esque on ocassion. If you can deal with web-translation of chinese Xianxia you can deal with this. Overall the writer might be advised to get a beta-reader though.

Second, the worldbuilding could be better. There's things like 7 years old joining the magic academy to dodge a potential draft... I'm not sure what kind of world that is, but recruiting children is generally considered an utter waste and a sign of desperation. On the other hand the author clearly put a lot of thoughts into the cultivation system. Between cultivators and mages that seem to be practicing two different techniques there's a lot of variance and things the MC can learn or not learn. While the MC has a cheat, he's clearly playing the same game as everyone else.

Third, there isn't much of a plot. This story seems very slice of lifeish and the protagonist generally does what seems most opportune. He doesn't seem to have many goals and there's not much driving him. It's kind of realistic in a way, but as a result there isn't much tension.

I'm pretty split about the character overall. On one hand he seems to know when to back down and not take a challenge - a are thing in stories such as this - but on the other hand he seems over talented. While he seems to be a college student reincarnated into his orphan boy self, he shouldn't be that omni talented. It would have been better if he specialised instead of this "good at all things crafting" thing he's got going on. Overall he seems a bit weird for an Isekai/Reincarnator. We don't really learn much about his backstory and what is driving him. Much of the time he could just be another random orphan with a system.

That said, for all of its flaws I enjoyed reading this story. If you like Xian'xias, and crafting style stories this might be for you. The LITRPG elements are very limited, so don't expect frequent skill gains and blue boxes. Overall there's much room for improvement, but nonetheless a story you will enjoy if you're into fantasy slice of life inserts.

Hans
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Decent Beginners work

Update:

The story is still distinctly lacking in all character aspects and overarching plot.

The weak points did not get better and the further developments I was hoping for - some more character depth, motivation, progression, backstory or weaknesses for the MC at least - do not seem to coming any time soon. Furthermore, there is a lack of real plot and the writing itself is not good enough to compensate that. Grammar and wording, while not detracting from the story, are not good enough to add to the story's value.

I felt well entertained for quite a while despite the flaws mentioned above and below, but unfortunately the story end up quite average so far. As the author seems to be taking a break anyway, this is a good time for me to bid this story farewell - there are better alternatives taking up my reading time right now.

Old review:

Nobody - including the MC - is feels quite like a real human with complex motivation yet and the story is very linear so far, but hey, it has only been five chapters and two days since the fist chapter was released, so I expect this to change in the near future.

The worldbuilding - while not revolutionary - puts a well executed spin on classic tropes of the genre.

No issues with grammar or orthography so far, but I am no native speaker.

I will try to update the review as soon as chapter ten is released.

Andrew Hoffman
  • Overall Score

Pretty good,  words need some polishing seems a little abrupt at times but definitely a good start. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of it

Tcain
  • Overall Score

I love the story, but, dear lord, you need someone to fix up your work. Its choppy, and just all around a mess.

The story is great. I love it. I just don't like the way you're presenting it. 

karm4
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Wellll....

It is definitely a beginners work. Dont expect too much from this story as it is the first steps from a new fledgling author.

Not going to blame him for it, but there is a lot to be improved in this. Starting from Grammar to an unplaned storyline missing any coherent flow. Missing explanations from suddenly revealed informations....

Still giving 3 stars for the overall score because it is my type of story and maybe not to demotivate the author too early.

 

An important note for the author if you read this:

Stop using 1 sentence paragraphs!!

This ruins any flow or coherency in any story.