Kool Kobold

Kool Kobold

by Soap34277

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

Jacob lives a normal life well until he got shot and killed.  With his final breaths he said his last words face and faded into darkness.  Sitting in a void for who knows how long until he's suddenly given a second chance.  Excited to see the new world he opens his eyes with excitement.  To find a pair of scaly hands.

 

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Soap34277

Soap34277

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Interesting... but needs improvement

Reviewed at: Chapter 1: Prologue

The updates are slow but I can wait. The events goes too fast and how characters speak is sometimes confusing. He acts like he has two personalities, he acts nice but goes sadistic in a fraction of a second when doing "something" relating to violence. He suddenly want to kill someone for just insulting him but its okay if you don't want to remove this. Maybe describe a event or action more and maybe do something like this "I throw my javelin at him but I miss, he picks it up and throws it at me. I dodge but I didn't gone unscathed. My shoulder is bleeding but I'm not down yet." before the characters speak. And maybe squish some sentences together to not make it spaces heaven. I'm sorry if this strikes as rude but I'm just saying you have some flaws of your novel format that needs improving.