Rebirth of Abium
The boy named Abium lived as a servant in the Lawbarth noble house until 16. One day on an escort, he and other servants were left behind as scapegoats, and by some luck, he survived.
But chaos arrived in the whole Easica continent.
Demons and Devils appeared from Abyss and Hell.
Evil gods cult members slaughter everywhere.
He survived till 40 years and died in the hand of Greater Demon Kolgath
When he wakes up, he found himself traveled back in time. What choice would he make to change his future?
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The only issue with your story is not just the grammar but it's a significant issue.
you need to work on syntax, order of words, past tense vs present tense, not throwing random second person third person and first person shifts etc.
I am gonna assume you are learning English as a second language to which I will congratulate you for your efforts so far but your story is incomprehensible at worst and very awkward to read at best.
I like the premise. Then again I always like return to the past novels. Unfortunately you really need to work on your grammar.
I'd hazard a guess that English is your second language and I applaud your bravery and tenacity. More over I think if you were to go through and read your work to yourself out loud you'd be able to pickup allot of your mistakes yourself.
Good luck to you.
So first the biggest but most understandable issue, the grammer is terrible making the story very hard to read. English probably is not the authors first language so bad grammer is understandable but still makes the story hard to read.
Now for the style. Leaving out the first person to third person to past tense ect since that can fall under the same umbrella as the grammer. We still have the sudden vomitting og knoledge. To me it seems as soon as the author comes up with a ranking or system or back history it is just dumped on the page. now this can be good because there is a lot of info that the reader now has.
the issues are:
1. It messes with the flow of the story when it is just all thrown out at once.
2. this kind of info dumping leads to info charactor should not know, and also leads to conflicting data if author does not keep track of the information he dumps out.
3. There is such a thing as too much knowledge given. and with the bad grammer these info dumps make the story that much harder to follow.
Now on to the story where there are spoilers. First I like the died and wake up back in time and this story has an okay reason. but that is the end of the good things about the story. MC wakes up and in less than 24 hours he adapts his body to the swordman skills he knew before, doubles his mana with a self made potion. So mucles do not work that way and while it is possable for him to know how to make the potion, it is not reasonable for him to get all the materials since he is supose to be a servent that is just slightly better than a slave. Also why would he have such a good sword that just looks rusty? Then there is the over stated difficalty to get skill manuals for swordmen and mages but MC just happends to have a royal sword skill that lets him jump from lv 0 to fight monsters that a lv 3 would run from? and in a day of walking he enters this mistical magical land that in his past life no one was able to get to even with hundred man expoditions?
My point is the story is not even believeable with magic as an excuse. it also tries to speed along instead of any building. MC goes from 0 to hero in 24 hours and is working for epic face slapping.
Last is character development. there is none. the MC is what ever is needed the side charactor only exist to make MC look good. there is no depth to any of the character
I couldnt get past ch 9. The grammar issue is just too significant .
Or any other free grammar corrector.
Structure, verbs, syntax, punctuation. Everything needs work.
If your language doesn't use roman letters, I could understand, but this is borderline unreadable.
Get one of those programs, and rework everything. It will be FAR faster than what you might think, and it will help you improve. Massively.
you need to do something about your grammar. i understand that you are likely not an native english speaker, but every other sentence is plain wrong.
it's an achievement you could keep it halfway readable with how badly you screed up some of those sentences. and i say that as an actual compliment.
still, you need to get someone to fix up your story, asap. just find a friend or something to read it for you and fix it up a bit. or look for an editor on the froum on RRL, but i advise you to make work on it, because the story itself is worth reading.
Good read, its like Warlock from the abother world. I would suggest some writing editor like grammarly.
The story it self is great but you just need to proof read it. Your missing a lot of words that go in sentences throughout the story and that's messing it up.