Unsummoned

by psyMeat

Original HIATUS Action Adventure Fantasy Romance Anti-Hero Lead Harem LitRPG Male Lead Martial Arts
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

This story is about the return of a summoned hero, a returnee. A twisted fate of an average young man who was one among the summoned to become heroes in another world. However, it was not all fun and games for him. The world had deemed him as a failure among the heroes and cast him aside like trash. It took him decades of effort before he was finally back, but that world still haunted him here.

Author's note:  I'll try something new by attempting to mix both Cultivator & Mage in this Multiverse, and I'll make sure the Harem isn't stupid.

*The illustration source of the cover is not mine.*

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  • Pages :
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psyMeat

psyMeat

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dan.paulus
  • Overall Score

Pros: So the story is pretty standard RRL.

Cons: The English is bad.  I have trouble reading through a story that has never been edited by a native english speaker.  The idioms are foreign and dont resonate with me and the sentence structure is slightly off.  It is notable that the spelling is surprisingly good, spellcheck for the win. 

Also theres some awkwardness in the story.  The main character saves a girl from being raped, while discussing how hot she is and how he wants her too.  Then she starts trying to screw him about 5 minutes later.  The male fantasy is getting layed on pretty thick in this one.

LittnerLover
  • Overall Score

 If you're at all used to reading translated wuxia then the rough english isn't really a bother, it's not so bad that the eyes can't gloss over it and get the meaning. The real problem is the MC's interactions with women. There's the seed of a good story in there with an interesting system and skills, a cool OP MC, and him bringing his skills/knowledge to bare against the assimilation/invation of earth. Unfortunately, like 80% of the story is him worrying about girls or girls worrying about him. The MC's character is also super hypocritical because he goes on about his trust issues and about how he's not going to let himself get tied down helping people when he should be living his life for himself and trying to help his mother, but then he spends all his time helping the desperate chicks around him. Not only that, it's clear the only reason he helps them is because he wants to fuck them, but then he constantly makes excuses and puts distance between them leading to this whole mopey MC having women throw themselves at him dynamic which is just... ugh. Maybe it gets better later, there's definitely the kernal of a good story in there, but for me I think I'll stop here. 

mio
  • Overall Score

started good, but went over the top

Reviewed at: (Not a chapter) Character Sheet

it started off good, but the mc is such a negative ass, understable, seeing how he lived, but it's like he was mentally retarded and never grew older than 16.

this was still ok. it wasn't great, but i could swallow it since the powers were interesting enough. but then you went all drama with the stepmom for literally no reason other than to give him a flimsy excuse to keep acting like a child who didn't get his lollipop.

it's honestly offputting to me. you built a great world, an interesting system, and it all fits perfectly, but then you seem to be trying so, so, so hard to make it dramatic and dark that it just seems forced to me and the whole thing just falls apart.

still, thanks for sharing your work, and should you ever start another story, i'll give your writing a try again, since you do have some great parts. This story though, i'm sad to say i will give up on at this point.

Aspartame
  • Overall Score

The english is fine, a few small errors here and there, but nothing really terrible. It tries to use all the tropes, but doesn't really go into any detail for me to care or invest. Most of the time I want to go "I have no idea what's going on, how we got to this point, what the MC's options are, or why he chose to do the thing he did." But I think that might be the point? It's like the ultimate Min-Max story, all the story options are open and not enough details will ever be explained to pin the story to a sub-genre. It's all the sub-genres. On the other hand, it's a convoluted mess.

Azcheron
  • Overall Score

I don't think the Author has ever spoken to a real woman...

Reviewed at: 1-11: Mistake and Regret

Chapter 1-11 has 'delilah' go on about how real men don't exist anymore, and how they all run away when she mentions children...

The narrator then goes on to speak about pregnancy as the 'price to pay' for sex, and that condom companies are covering it up with the idea that you can have sex for pleasure. 

 

The author is literally calling himself out hahaha. 

 

That aside, it's just a taste of the ridiculous assertions and thoughts that the Author seems to have about women, and how much of a fantasy he seems to have of vulnerable women throwing themselves at him... Its a little disturbing when the near rape victim goes on to want sex with what seems to be an underage MC, or at least the author makes a big point of how young Delilah is, only to focus more on how she's only interested in even younger men than her. 

 

 

Overall its very mediocre as far as the setting and powers go. He's on the 'Path of the Magus' as opposed to a muscle brain cultivator, and yet he fights in close quartors with 'magic arms', like the author would have much rather simply gone with a cultivator story anyway. Its bland and confusing at best, but the sections where the MC interacts with women (about 90% of the story) are even worse as the Authors misanthropy shine through, and in the process of trying to think of 'womanly thoughts' he even manages to insult his own narration. It's bizarre, and certainly not in a good way.

 

I can't read further than chapter 11 in this frankly terrible apocalypse system story, with an OP MC (and yeah, the whole 'summoning' thing only goes as far as making the MC OP, and trying to make us feel bad for him. Don't expect anything more from that trope.) 

jordanTB
  • Overall Score

Rough English, but oh so worth it

Although, yes, it's a heram tag, the mc is rather compelling and DOESN'T smash every pulse having female, which is nice, the magic is a bit rough, but the concept is absolutely perfect. We've had transport to magic world, we've had magic systems worlds, but here we see the betrayed hero of the first suffer though the second,  and its better then I thought possible, here's hoping it has the staying power to make it to the end!

CyclopsSlayer
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

There is so much good about the story, but also so much bad...

The characters seem decently written, their actions mostly believable and proper. 

However, some decisions, and actions seem so far out of the blue as to make little sense. 

The spelling is decent and the author willing to correct errors. It is the sentence structure, word order, idioms, all these often seem jumbled or at least awkward. Most of the errors could be corrected by finding a native English speaking editor or beta-reader. Even using Grammarly free could help here.

Althayas
  • Overall Score
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  • Character Score

I don’t know this is the first time he story mix the sommoned bro with the integration of Earth in one System, but this is well realized. Maliq is a interesting character, and he isn’t too overpowered to begin