A note from MarmaladeCat

Just some silly things I wrote for fun. No need to take them seriously

  • Do not put milk in toasters - they will not make milk bread and set on fire if you turn them on
  • Arson is illegal (apparently setting a house on fire to celebrate is not responsible)
  • You shouldn't like enrgish - it bad
  • Going around cutting peoples hair will get you suspended from school
  • You are not allowed to keep scissors in your sleeves
  • You are also not allowed to throw them at people (in case they get offended)
  • Bringing a katana to school and sharpening it in Maths is not a good idea - they tend to stare
  • If your brother breaks his arm you are not to throw boxes of bandages at him (he is injured and you are not a doctor, even if you wear a white lab coat)
  • Running head first into a concrete wall will not get you to Narnia, or Hogwarts (you have to run into the red brick one they have all lied to you)
  • Children's books do not have murder or blood (do not ask the librarian for them, even if it's for your cousin. She will think you are strange)
  • However much you want to stab someone in the eye, it is not polite, you have to ask first
  • No matter how much you need someone's legs for a ritual sacrifice they will not give it to you (unless you forcefully take them, but that's rude)
  • Slamming your face onto your keyboard and rolling around on it could turn on grayscale (along with 10 different applications and possibly a virus)
  • Hair is not for eating, it is for setting on fire
  • You must not scream at people who are normal (they tend to get scared)
  • Save sleep for the sane, they need it
  • DEATH (when you die you're dead)
  • If you die harder, you're more dead
  • Tables make great C4 barriers
  • C4 and bed frames are a great idea
  • Flammable gases are flammable (I know from experience, trust me)
  • Flammable objects are also flammable
  • Laughing when someone says funeral is not a good idea
  • Saying yum while looking at heads on pikes is also not a good idea
  • Faceplant. Need I say more?
  • Don’t ask genies for raspberry crowns.
  • When in doubt, dig a hole in your backyard and stand in it and pretend to be a carrot, like so:Related image
  • Shouting “the earth's crust is 50 percent oxygen” and then proceeding to get onto the floor and start sniffing the floor will not get your homework done
  • Walking on top of a random person then claiming you are 70% jesus will get you arrested
  • Your teachers are not kidnapping you
  • The fire alarm is not rude, even if they're being loud
  • The tsunami is not your bathtub and does not have your bathtub
  • Satan gets an allergic reaction when you throw pink puppies at him
  • Vegans are paper towels, but then so am I
  • Macie no means Macie yes (Macie, no)
  • If you make a bad pun and someone says to get out, this apparently does not mean it's time to leave school. Nor does it mean jump out the window
  • When your sister kidnaps your iPad, you are to politely ask them to return it. Not climb a tree and break into her room through the window while your brother plays mission impossible music
  • Tables can be cut apart with a kitchen knife if you use it to play drums
  • Tables are rude
  • Chasing your brother around with a baseball bat will get you told off. Chasing him around with a kitchen knife will get you arrested
  • Bobbin pins are not for sticking in eyebrows

About the author


  • The corner of your room
  • Some blind gremlin

Bio: I don't know. I've probably dozed off somewhere as you're reading this.

Log in to comment
Log In

Log in to comment
Log In