Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content

 

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Author
DanteKing

DanteKing

Dante King

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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
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The Vale
Overall

It feels like everything is built around the MC being guided by his dick. Every second sentence makes a point of mentioning how attractive a female character is and how attracted the MC is to them, with a side of how they are reacting to each other. I know it's marked as harem but good god man, time and place. Show some restraint. It completely swallows the interactions snd reduces the overall level of quality, and - as the title of this review implies - makes me cringe.

If you dialled the horndog back a bit to normal human being levels of interaction, it actually has potential to be good. As is, I couldn't make it past chap 3.

Sandsforever
Overall

Early review chapter 16

I'm not normally a fan of the first person perspective but the author does it well in my opinion  

Do not remember many(if any) grammer errors but then again I went through the American public school system

I like his writing style so far story isn't long enough to truly say how much character development is going to happen looks like a good start so far 

TLDR: Story is good so far... worth a try
 
 
Spoiler: Spoiler

 I dont know how I feel about how Lillian's dad reacted he seemed to be an overprotective father and then flip on a dime and after she almost died twice he fine with her going off all willy nilly with a stranger 

  • I understand he trying to open the cage and let her fly free or whatever 
  • It's an understandable decision at the same time  because he's the dude that saved her both times just felt like to me he (her dad) would have been more cynical or at least put a guard on her(which maybe is happening in the background)
Just being nitpicky just how I felt when I read the scene
Xander
Overall

Good, With the Potential to be Better

This story is a decent read and I do recommend it.  Reason for the 4 stars is that the story does feel a bit rushed, the MC a touch too trusting, and could honestly do with a little more worldbuilding.  Overall though, the story is solid.