Haven Chronicles: Eldritch Knight

by TimothyMcGowen

Original COMPLETED Action Adventure Fantasy Sci-fi Magic Male Lead Portal Fantasy / Isekai

It's the end of the world. Follow Phil as he attempts to hack his way into the Haven program and flee to safety.

Enjoy this mashup of sci-fi/fantasy filled with a fast-paced well built out world! Can you work out the answer to the questions that haven't been asked?

 

By Timothy M. McGowen

Eldritch Knight

 

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TimothyMcGowen

TimothyMcGowen

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Maxwell Dark
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The story's world building is magnificent! 

Unlkie most stories I've swam through on the platform. The writer puts effort towards good grammar and spelling making it an easy read. I had a few challenges with it being in the present tense but I adjusted towards the end of the first chapter. 

The world it's set in is pretty well presented and relatable. 

If future fantasy is your thing, there's great potential here.

Anthezar
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A good story with a lot of potential

Reviewed at: Chapter 7

Review given after finishing chapter seven.

 

STYLE:

Style is good, but it doesn't stand out. There's nothing that makes me go, "Ooo, I wish I wrote that." It's not bad at all, but at this stage there's still a lot of room to grow and slide into a style. I just wanted more from it.

STORY:

The story is good, but at the same time it's driven by things happening to Phil. He's not always proactive and the things happening to him seem out of place. Because of this, I began to question everything. The issues I had with the characters weighed in on the story, unfortunately.

GRAMMAR:

Grammar is good, but not perfect. There are some errors/typos and that's not always a huge issue for me. However, there were chunks of sentences that were randomly missing, it seemed. Overall, pretty good, though.

CHARACTER:

I really hate giving 3 stars, but the characters were the biggest issue for me. They all sound somewhat similar, except Golder. I like him, but even then he's not strong enough to carry things. Eve was great, but didn't stick around long. There have been a number of characters, but they're all very 2D. I'm disappointed by this.

I understand, from a number of comments, that Phil is a passive character. But that's not exactly true. Early on, he initiates hacking into a huge company and escapes to the new world. So, he's not exactly passive. Things seem to happen to him for no reason. Why do random guys beat him up and frickin' stab him? What? Why? And why is he tortured for information? First off, why? And second, why didn't he just answer the questions to avoid being tortured? It can easily be explained, but at the same time it doesn't make sense. It felt forced.

Then, chapter 6 happened. And I did a very loud, "What the heck." I had to reread it twice to finally realize what I read was actually on the page.

I don't have a problem with the action itself. My problem is it didn't match Phil's characterization. At all. Nothing led up to it. One night of torture doesn't justify it. He reacts very very unnaturally according to how he was written. I know why it was written this way. I understand. As a writer. I get it. I know the tricks: it's meant to shock the reader. It's to set Phil on a new path. BUT there was simply no build up for this. I need 4 chapters with these villains. I need chapters if this agonizing torture where Phil tries to be strong, but is weakening with each passing moment. I need chapters to build up dislike and hate towards them to be right there with Phil.

But by this point, I was confused by the villains and their actions, since I had originally assumed them to be allies because of the prologue. They didn't seem like villains at all. Maybe they're not and this unfolds later, but it just… sigh. I want more!

OVERALL:

So, why the 4.5 on overall? Because I don't believe in giving a rating lower than that when a story has had this much work put into it. I can tell editing has been done, even with the errors. I wanted very much to be invested in the story, but the character issues detracted from my enjoyment. If the characters had been strong in their voices and individual natures - yes, even if it's being a passive coward - then, I would've been able to continue with the story. I truly believe characters are the most important element in a story.

My advice is to keep writing more. I get the impression that the author doesn't have a ton writing under his belt. Style is learned from extensive writing. Finish the story. Write the sequel. Keep going. My critiques would probably require a lot of revisions and I think it's better to simply keep writing more. Keep on writing!

It's both wonderful and frustrating to see excellent potential and crave more from it.

abdirahman
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Story: This is a great story, I love what you got going on and I can not wait for book 2! The worldbuilding is done very well and handled with care; the info dumps we get are not too much and done in a very good way. 

CHARACTER: I do have some issues with the characters, the MC is subpar and quite weak. I do hope that there are some improvements because that does hold the story back. 

GRAMMAR: There are some issues with grammar but the author is trying to improve it. 

STYLE: This would need some work but it is okay. 

 

CRM5490
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This is after chapter Four.

Characters are believable and feel unique so far. 

The world building is handled well.

I didn't notice any grammar stuff, but I wasn't really looking.

And the style is odd at first but by the end of chapter one I didn't notice. 

So far so good. I like the techy stuff at the start and the fantasy world seems pretty well thought out as well. Looking forward to more.

Winterwisp
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Halfway through a worthy read

Reviewed at: Chapter 10

This review is based on the story until chapter 10

Overall: Very good premise, interesting characters, good worldbuilding, easy to read and understand. Half a point off for a bit of a hasty rush between scenes after the initial hook, and before the MC really gets his powers, but I'll chop it up to a personal preference.

Style: Exposition is well done, made to fit into the story and gradually expounded upon. The hook is well placed, although the first chapters do seem somewhat longer than the rest. As I mentioned above, I have to take away a star for what I feel is a hasty jump through scenes once the MC initially gets to Haven. The plotpoints that are established are nice, but maybe spend some more time on each, or leave something out?

Story: The author makes a great effort to explain exact way the transfer to the world of fantasy works, and why it happens, something I appreciate greatly. For the rest, it is compelling, interesting and I want to keep reading. Full marks.

Grammar: I'm not sure if it's the formatting that the author mentions, but there are a few punctuation and syntax errors. Apart from that it is a very pleasant read!

Character: So, while I think most of the characters are well done, I do have a teeeny tiny issue with those bad guys. I won't spoil it, but I think the issue stems from the same hastyness I have pointed out before. I'm sure it will be remedied in later encounters, which I look forward to!

Good work!

The_Gentelman
  • Overall Score

This review is as of the third part of the first chapter

as always I will keep this short and sweet

holy crap this story has some amazing potential. The first chapter provides a massive amount of world building while leaving plenty of questions for the reader, but in a good way. If this story stays on direction it is going to be very good.

RazerFin
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This story has a interesting and pretty unique concept. 

 

World buikding is is pretty good lore and info dumps are handled in a nice a neat way.

grammer is good for royalroad. A miss spell here or there nothing to bad. Formating seems to be a issue seems like some sentences get cut off every once in a while.

style is good and easy to read.

The characters are pretty good, most have their own unique voice. There is none off the feeling you get sometimes on RR when every character in a story sounds like the exact same person. The only issue I have is with the MC he just comes off as too pathetic, I’m sure ther will be some character growth to change that but lines like “no don’t leave me.” Said multiple times don’t inspire confidence haha.

overall I like this story and will keep reading it, it should be higher up on the rankings

Bobwas
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The start was really well done! Most of the characters felt different and had unique voices. The premise really stood out and my only complaint would be the ending felt rushed. 

Well structured, decent characters, and an interesting idea!

Pallakonto
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Good story, unfinished writing.

Reviewed at: Chapter 10

This is a superb story with a decent plot and some great characterizations...but the unfinished or otherwise incomplete phrases, sentences, and descriptions make it feel like a nice hike with surprise stumblingstones around every corner. Will not continue reading.