Girl with the Golden Eyes

by A s h e s

Original HIATUS Action Adventure Fantasy Anti-Hero Lead Female Lead Grimdark High Fantasy Magic Multiple Lead Characters Non-Human lead Portal Fantasy / Isekai Strong Lead
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

Cyril was the sole child of an international power couple Edward and Madin. Become of interfamily fighting, Cyril was horribly injured and had to remain in a coma because of the pain she felt when she was awake. Eventually, they found that she could connect with their family via technology that such as Full Dive Technology that captured the nerve signals. Years go by and her father had created a virtual game around her, but her body eventually fails and she chooses to end her life while she was still her. 

However, life deemed that she would get a second chance to live and she gets reincarnated in the world she and her parents created - 5,000 years later...Note: Please bear in mind that I am not a professional, or anyone with any higher learning. Simply someone who found a passion to write.

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
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  • Pages :
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Author
A s h e s

A s h e s

KayBayKee

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350 Comments
Word Count (14)
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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Chapter 1 ago
1 [LEGACY DRAFT 3] ago
2 ago
3 ago
4 ago
5 ago
6 ago
7 ago
8 ago
9 ago
10 ago
11 ago
12 ago
13 ago
14 ago
15 ago
16 ago
17 ago
18 ago
19 ago
20 ago
21 ago
22 ago
23 ago
24 ago
25 ago
26 ago
27 ago
28 ago
29 ago
(Not a Chapter Spoilers) Timeline and World Rules ago
When God closes a door . . .[ LEGACY DRAFT 2] ago
When the Gods close a door . . . . (2) ago
When the gods close a door. . .(3) ago
Another will open... ago
Another will open. . . (2) ago
Another will open... (3) ago
EPICINIUM ago
Return of a Fallen Goddess ago
Return of a Fallen Goddess [2] ago
Return of a Fallen Goddess (3) ago
Old Dogs ago
Old Dogs (2) ago
Crossroads ago
Crossroads [2] ago
The Empire's Capital ago
The Empire's Capital [2] ago
The Empire's Capital (3) ago
Calamity ago
Calamity [2] ago
Calamity [3] ago
Calamity [4] ago
Reunion ago
Undercurrents ago
The blight spreads ago
The blight spreads [2] ago
The blight spreads [3] ago
Cursed from birth ago
Cursed From Birth [2] ago
22 ago
Come Hell or High water ago
2.1 ago

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71M073J
  • Overall Score

Two chapters.

That's apparently how much of a story you need to bring someone to tears. Starts a bit awkwardly - In Medias Res - but that hints to a well prepared prologue. 

This story, while as of writing this (after rewrite) only 2 chapters, has some serious potential. Here's to keeping it amazing!

Lil Smurf Cat
  • Overall Score

If you're expecting a happy go lucky isekai with a harem of big titty wamen and where everything works out through the power of friendship or MC plot armor.

 

Then this ain't the story for you chief.

 

Its dark 

Its gritty

And most of all, it's a fascinating story. Where I want to know what happens next. 

raycantwo
  • Overall Score

hope it dosen't restart again

Reviewed at: Kiss of Violence [2]

interesting storry. the author has restarted this story 3-4 times already but it is still worth reading

Yabint
  • Overall Score

Lots of potential, but needs an editor

I'm enjoying the premise of this story and look forward to seeing where A s h e s takes us with their vision. The descriptions are good however the story lacks in how it flows, there is a lot of word repitition and sometimes it feels that sentences are moved acound in paragraphs without the author going back to the beginning to ensure that the final draft has a natural cadence. 

As others have said, this work would greatly benefit from a second pair of eyes going over it. 

FlavorTown
  • Overall Score

Needs some editing, but the fact that those damned ninjas started cutting onions on the second chapter gives me extremly high hopes for this!

Folded Corner
  • Overall Score

Written Like an Unedited Novel

Reviewed at: Come Hell or High water

It's good. It's actually pretty damn good.

However, it feels like the author wrote this like it was a novel rather than a webnovel. What do I mean by this? A web novel is written week-to-week. Each chapter progressing the plot like a TV show would. On the other hand, a novel is written with only the general idea of a story, and then an Author will write scenes that they feel would work in their story and go from there. Often times they'll get on a roll and write an entire sequence or plot arc.

This writing strategy works execellently for novels. What happens is by the time they finish writing their story they'll have an over obundence of scenes and a somewhat disjointed plot. Then they go through their first pass with an editor and align each previsouly dishjointed scene into something that resembles a plot. Often removing unnecessary, off-theme, or poorly-written scenes along the way. By the end of editing only the awesome chapters are left. Now at this point new scenes would need to be written to tie each of the remaining chapters together.

It's usually not quiet that simple, and some authors will do multiple pass-throughs as well. Why do I mention all this? Because this feels like the first draft of a novel. The chapters themselves are awesome, but in it's current order can feel jarring to read in succession.

Going to talk about the story here so I'll put a spoiler tag over this whole thing;

Spoiler: Spoiler

Obviously this is just advise and you can do with it what you will. I'm not saying this story needs to be rewritten. Instead, you might want to have a repository of chapters to organize and pull from instead of immediately releasing what you had written. It's also much easier to write this way. You're not pressured to continue the arc you don't feel passionate about anymore and can instead simply write whatever you fancy at the moment. From reading this webnovel that's what it felt like you wanted to do, but I could be horribly offpoint. In which case ignore me :P

Regardless, I enjoyed reading this and look forward to any future writing that might come out.

Steel
  • Overall Score

Stories like this aren't going to have flawless editing, these aren't professional. They're hobbies made by people with little or no training. 

I'm judging it based on the contents rather than superficial edits, and it's got a lot there. Yes there are a few cliches but honestly nothing doesn't anymore. 

The characters are likeable, it's not a clone of a more successful work, and the author seems to actually care about it. Which is more than I can say for 90% of the stories on this site.

Milanda
  • Overall Score

An amusing story despite dark tones

Reviewed at: Onward, into the new world

It’s an odd mix of dark/depressing and overpowered and whimsical. While the world itself is very gritty (and sexual assault is the common marker of an evil noble) and dark, it still has a lot of positive moments. The MC is unapologetically Overpowered and the world seems intriguing through her eyes, new and alive and full of potential.

 

I’m hoping to see a lot less of the dark and gritty and a lot more of the wrecking everything for fun. But only time will tell.

RedThunder
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

A "Girl with the Golden Eyes" is a well written novel which manages to pull the reader deeper and deeper into the story, wanting to know what is going to happen next.

Both the story following the mc and 

Spoiler: Spoiler

are both extremely interesting and intriguing, making it difficult to know which one you want to read., when you want both at once Solution: gain the ability to read multiple chapters simultaneously. 

Style is enjoyable and I have not noticed any problems with it. 

Story is amazing and light hearted, but at the same time also dark and not for the light hearted. Be warned:There are some very sad moments and it may make you cry.

 There are some grammatical errors, but nothing huge or something that takes away from the story too much.

Characters feel real and fleshed out: both the mc and 

Spoiler: Spoiler

 I recommend this to anyone who enjoys Isekai, OP characters and grimdark.

Review as up to chapter 11.

Flying F-Salmon Extraordinaire
  • Overall Score

Let it be known. When you asked us to go over to this website, called Royalroad, I was instantly hit by scepticism. I heard of it once before, when I read a fiction called "everybode loves large chests" on there, but the rest just kind of seemed weird and/or bad. But my standards had sunken and I just craved for content. And then Ashen steps in and asks us whether we would like to check this fiction out. And I did. And it changed. A lot. But now, after all of this, the series seems to be on hold. And you're saying, you want to rewrite it... 
I am angry. But I am glad that its you doing it.

This story is dark, gloomy and gritty. And you know how to fucken equip your characters. They come with everything you need, to be reading this for days. So go on. I'll wait for the Xth rewrite. And keep your morale up! I believe in you!