Forgotten Dungeon

by maheusz

Original ONGOING Adventure Comedy Fantasy Dungeon Grimdark LitRPG Low Fantasy Magic Multiple Lead Characters Non-Human lead Post Apocalyptic Reincarnation
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity

Death comes quickly and without warning. Even for such little personage as him.

It's quite hard to start as a dungeon core. Quite harder when divine bureaucracy simply dumps you in the a** end of nowhere because of their incompetence and because of your agent status as a Fallen Angel.

Yet Uno (temporary name) is used to working with subpar materials and making the best of circumstances. It doesn't help that his personality was cut down to size, but he tries to overcome the system with ingenuity and a healthy dose of duct tape. Or the local equivalent of such.

***

An audiobook of the Forgotten Dungeon story has been made by Agro Squerrils and is available on YouTube, under this link:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLcfzFNUhrNS3Z7DfjN5pMWn-CI1uKg3s2

He has my permission and full support for doing so, so don't be shy and check it out!

***

Hello people! It's a story about a dungeon. Or maybe the dungeon? Who knows. Dumped in a hostile world, working hard to overcome circumstances. There is an RPG system in place, but I'll try to make it not number-heavy. I would be more focused on skills - at least from the perspective of the sentient races. Dungeons will have their own little playground.

I'll try to make MC not overpowered - it always irks me how the stories tend to go from zero to hero in a few minutes. I hope y'all will enjoy the ride!

***

Also, a Discord server has been made recently:

https://discord.gg/sK2pam3

Join and share your opinions, if interested! :)

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 177,077
  • Average Views :
  • 4,786
  • Followers :
  • 1,389
  • Favorites :
  • 325
  • Ratings :
  • 314
  • Pages :
  • 253
Advertisement
Remove
Go to Table of Contents
Rate it
Fiction breaking rules? Report
Advertisement
Remove
Author
maheusz

maheusz

Achievements
Word Smith (IV)
I Am Ascending (VI)
Village Head (V)
Good Commenter (III)
Toplist #1000
Advertisement
Remove
Reviews

Leave a review

FrozenFingers
  • Overall Score

Unreadable inf you value logic or electro-technics

Funny storry, starts good but takes a nose dip when logic comes into play.

The magic in this story follows no rules, not even those introduced by the author. He mentions something about "no more fuel in the tank" and in the next chapters the dungeon is suddenly able to do double the amount of magical work and not even a mention of running out of fuel and its not like the dungeon experienced any kind of growth in the capacity department.

Thats just one example of the abolut lack of logic in here.

But then the author manages to even up that when the dungeon is able to perform brain surgery on the level of being able to download knowledge with two wires of uninsulated cooper that penetrate the body in the neck and go uo from there into the brain.

A total lack of logic regading magic is now expanded to no clue about electronics. (Electricity always takes the path of least resistance, wich would be in the neck, in this example of brain surgery)

This mistake is repeated again when a whole underground lake filled with eels is electrocuted by dipping two wires, a short distance to each other, into it. (Electricity follows the path of least resistance between the two different potentials nothing wouldhappen to the eels that are jot dirdctly between the two electrodes)

Zethuron
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

A interesting dungeon story, even if flawed.

Im already liking the story so far, one of the reasons is because its a dungeon story with interesting twists to the usual dungeon trope. Its basically a rough gem that needs some polishing to be actually good.

The MC one day dies, forgotten by others until people got worried and his dead body goes get found, yet he was waiting the whole time as a spirit, forgotten by the heavens due to incompetence, until someone noted that there was a mistake and comes to correct it, there the MC accepts a offer to be reincarnated in another world as a dungeon core, just that some important details about the world and its people were left untold.

He is reincarnated to a world on the way to destruction where civilization is tethering on the brink of ruin, the majority of the gods gave up on trying to even save it and left, yet there are some remaining who want to save the world, even if they have to use souls from other worlds.

There he is, in a dangerous place, as a lone dungeon core with no guidance at all, there he slowly builds up while learning about the world and the system, with going in odd directions never seen before on that world, creating things that would be seen as insane experiments that should have never been made. To slowly change the world for better or worse, with worse being far more likely due to the developments of his dungeon creatures.

 

The MC is basically the best part about this story, he is a genius and fits perfectly as a dungeon core, i am liking his personality and the way he acts, expect the dungeon creatures to act weird because of him, especially the Ratlings who are totally not inspired by the warhammer Skaven. Other characters arent that much, mainly because not enough has been shown of them.

Great story, the author went in creative directions with the dungeon setup here.  Some of his monsters are quite unique, not simply being templates, but designed and built directly by the dungeon core as functioning monsters, they are some kind of magical cyborgs, basically fusions between flesh and metal with some other materials added in, which is a development i do really like. Its very hard to go fully unique with dungeon stories, but the author has done a great job at making a story that tries to do it different while staying true to the core concepts of the dungeon genre.

Yet the story is not only about the MC, but about the world as a whole, and how it changes due to his existence.

I may have said that the story and its characters are good, and they are, but there are some notable flaws with this story, first of all logic is lacking from it, if a author want to write a subject in his story, he should research it before writing it, sadly it does not seem like that has been done here, i can see that being a major problem to some readers.

 

Overall decent grammar, but i feel like this story could use good editing, there are many flaws that i cant exactly point out, but they do exist and hinder the reading of this story. Its like the writing style as a whole is somewhat flawed, with the author forgetting to use sentence structures like 'a' , 'the' and the likes. Sadly this problem still does remain with the newest chapters, im honestly not sure anymore.

One of the problems i had with this story, was fixed with the author changing all dialogue indicators from '-' to ' " '. Its good the author is willing to listen to feedback.

Bascially the main problem is that the earlier chapters could use some good editing, i suggest that the author gets a editor for them, not only for the old chapters, but also to make sure that the new chapters will be of atleast a good quality standard.

 

As summarized, a rough gem, thats slowly improving in quality. Anyone interested in reading a creative dungeon story is certainly recommend to start reading this story.

jpat1988
  • Overall Score

Nothing to unique here IMO. The MC is kinda nuts and its more annoying than entertaining. And the swithing of POV is very annoying. Would have given the story 1 star but I like the rats lol.

Lunasmeow
  • Overall Score

Shit. total shit. The story is good but the sheer lack of knowledge the author has leads to unbelieveable bullshit, even in a magical world - especially when the author EXPLICITLY said the player doesn't get help or cheats.

Apparently the random person who turned into a dungeon figures out neuroscience, to the point that he can modify his own brain - despite not being human anymore and being a dungeon core, a thing that shouldn't even HAVE a brain... and then somehow adding wires to a monsters brain and downloading information from it to his non-existent brain.

Oh, and he makes "machines" and anyone who knows a damn thing about tech would know his shit isn't a machine. He doesn't even know how to make a basic circut, thinking that adding wires and electricity makes things tick. Sheer idiocy - a person not knowing their subject matter, but trying to write with it anyway.

Thrasher92
  • Overall Score

I'm a big fan of Dungeon Core novels and this is set up to be a good one. Creative use of new elements, political tensions, and bickering gods appear to make it interesting. Looking forward to more chapters!

Rares Jorovlea
  • Overall Score

I love the insaniti of the core and the evolution of the little rat guys but i would love to see more from the point of view of the adventurers .

After all Uno is a bringer of great change as i see it and i am curious how this change affects those outside the little world that is the dungeon.

Well that is it for now.

Looking forword to the next chapter!!!

orandel garnett
  • Overall Score

It's a good story about a guy reborn as a dungeon making cyborg monster's with an orignal  world  premise that i haven't seen so far in other novels.

i look forward to seeing what happens from now on

Jangofet54
  • Overall Score

Really good dungeon story. Unique monsters and environment

Spoiler: Spoiler

 It's evocative of the Skaven constructions but also Frankenstein. It combines electricty and magecraft to create horrifying constructs and unique environments.

 Anywho I really enjoy this novel personally and look forward to see where it goes.

Jaksterzoo
  • Overall Score

I cannot give an advanced review right now because I'm on chap 2. Just the hopping between the different déménagions gave me a good laugh and I'm just giving this a 5 for now. Great intro.

Danyel N
  • Overall Score

This is a good story I love it even more that its a dungeon story with a new kind of sistem and more the mc hes great