Forgotten Dungeon

by maheusz

Original ONGOING Adventure Comedy Fantasy Dungeon Grimdark LitRPG Low Fantasy Magic Multiple Lead Characters Non-Human lead Post Apocalyptic Reincarnation Villainous Lead
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

Death comes quickly and without warning. Even for such little personage as him.

It's quite hard to start as a dungeon core. Quite harder when divine bureaucracy simply dumps you in the a** end of nowhere because of their incompetence and because of your agent status as a Fallen Angel.

Yet Uno (temporary name) is used to working with subpar materials and making the best of circumstances. It doesn't help that his personality was cut down to size, but he tries to overcome the system with ingenuity and a healthy dose of duct tape. Or the local equivalent of such.

***

An audiobook of the Forgotten Dungeon story has been made by Agro Squerrils and is available on YouTube, under this link:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLcfzFNUhrNS3Z7DfjN5pMWn-CI1uKg3s2

He has my permission and full support for doing so, so don't be shy and check it out!

***

Hello people! It's a story about a dungeon. Or maybe the dungeon? Who knows. Dumped in a hostile world, working hard to overcome circumstances. There is an RPG system in place, but I'll try to make it not number-heavy. I would be more focused on skills - at least from the perspective of the sentient races. Dungeons will have their own little playground.

I'll try to make MC not overpowered - it always irks me how the stories tend to go from zero to hero in a few minutes. I hope y'all will enjoy the ride!

***

Also, a Discord server has been made recently:

https://discord.gg/sK2pam3

Join and share your opinions, if interested! :)

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maheusz

maheusz

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neain
  • Overall Score

Story is decent

Reviewed at: 045

I was enjoying the story until I got tired of the author pointing out how this story was different from other dungeon core stories. I DONT CARE that simply naming a dungeon mob doesnt make it special, it doesnt need to be pointed out. If that was the only time that it felt the author was poking at other dungeon core novels then I would ignore it as anyone who has read any number of them would have that reaction once or twice. But it felt to me that the author kept going out of his way to point out that there was no magical system in place for things like that... except for when there was. Mainly restricting the main character, but thats one of the main stays of a dungeon core novel. How is this ones system different than others.

Don Wihongi
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This story is alright

Reviewed at: 061

04/02/2020

Edit: Hey author my past words still stand but I think you deserve a higher rating now, I have changed the 3.5 stars into 4, congrats you earned it.

11/20/2019

I like this story and at the same time, I dislike it, (the lowish rating is due to my previous ratings of, in my opinion, superior stories, soz author).

It is a bit of a slow story and at times a bit bland, (mostly the adventurer or sapient species pov parts, I don't like those adventurers, they are not likeable or intriguing, the most interesting thing they offer will be when they die horribly to Uno's madness, if that even happens).

The humans and other sapient races save for the rat boys are not compelling and only inspire the reader to want them dead, perhaps this is the author's intention but it feels too drawn out, we need a little more immediate gratification for the rising bloodlust towards the humans, it is becoming quite aggravating.

And maybe we should have some sapients we actually like in this story? that would be nice, the rats already kind of count but I think more is needed too.

But these rather negative feelings may just be my own rancor at work, and not necessarily true, the story is still a decent enough read, not really much technical knowledge goes into some of the shenanigans this story tries but it works well enough.

Also some grammatical errors and strange wording here and there but nothing immersion breaking (unless you are a word natzi).

The story is a sturdy enough dungeon read, not the best, not the worst, probably somewhere in high middle tier among similar stories.

Even so Mr author, keep your chin held high, your efforts are not bad at all.

 

Ciaina
  • Overall Score

Well written, loooooong winded

Reviewed at: 042

Grammatically, it's damn well done. 

But the pace is worrying. There is a difference between a slow burn, and pedantic. If this was a movie, I would tell you to get an editor. 

Cut the world building with some MEAT. Some substance. This is frustrating. 

Spoiler: Spoiler

 

Zethuron
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A interesting dungeon story, even if flawed.

Im already liking the story so far, one of the reasons is because its a dungeon story with interesting twists to the usual dungeon trope. Its basically a rough gem that needs some polishing to be actually good.

The MC one day dies, forgotten by others until people got worried and his dead body goes get found, yet he was waiting the whole time as a spirit, forgotten by the heavens due to incompetence, until someone noted that there was a mistake and comes to correct it, there the MC accepts a offer to be reincarnated in another world as a dungeon core, just that some important details about the world and its people were left untold.

He is reincarnated to a world on the way to destruction where civilization is tethering on the brink of ruin, the majority of the gods gave up on trying to even save it and left, yet there are some remaining who want to save the world, even if they have to use souls from other worlds.

There he is, in a dangerous place, as a lone dungeon core with no guidance at all, there he slowly builds up while learning about the world and the system, with going in odd directions never seen before on that world, creating things that would be seen as insane experiments that should have never been made. To slowly change the world for better or worse, with worse being far more likely due to the developments of his dungeon creatures.

 

The MC is basically the best part about this story, he is a genius and fits perfectly as a dungeon core, i am liking his personality and the way he acts, expect the dungeon creatures to act weird because of him, especially the Ratlings who are totally not inspired by the warhammer Skaven. Other characters arent that much, mainly because not enough has been shown of them.

Great story, the author went in creative directions with the dungeon setup here.  Some of his monsters are quite unique, not simply being templates, but designed and built directly by the dungeon core as functioning monsters, they are some kind of magical cyborgs, basically fusions between flesh and metal with some other materials added in, which is a development i do really like. Its very hard to go fully unique with dungeon stories, but the author has done a great job at making a story that tries to do it different while staying true to the core concepts of the dungeon genre.

Yet the story is not only about the MC, but about the world as a whole, and how it changes due to his existence.

I may have said that the story and its characters are good, and they are, but there are some notable flaws with this story, first of all logic is lacking from it, if a author want to write a subject in his story, he should research it before writing it, sadly it does not seem like that has been done here, i can see that being a major problem to some readers.

 

Overall decent grammar, but i feel like this story could use good editing, there are many flaws that i cant exactly point out, but they do exist and hinder the reading of this story. Its like the writing style as a whole is somewhat flawed, with the author forgetting to use sentence structures like 'a' , 'the' and the likes. Sadly this problem still does remain with the newest chapters, im honestly not sure anymore.

One of the problems i had with this story, was fixed with the author changing all dialogue indicators from '-' to ' " '. Its good the author is willing to listen to feedback.

Bascially the main problem is that the earlier chapters could use some good editing, i suggest that the author gets a editor for them, not only for the old chapters, but also to make sure that the new chapters will be of atleast a good quality standard.

 

As summarized, a rough gem, thats slowly improving in quality. Anyone interested in reading a creative dungeon story is certainly recommend to start reading this story.

jpat1988
  • Overall Score

Nothing to unique here IMO. The MC is kinda nuts and its more annoying than entertaining. And the swithing of POV is very annoying. Would have given the story 1 star but I like the rats lol.

FrozenFingers
  • Overall Score

Unreadable inf you value logic or electro-technics

Funny storry, starts good but takes a nose dip when logic comes into play.

The magic in this story follows no rules, not even those introduced by the author. He mentions something about "no more fuel in the tank" and in the next chapters the dungeon is suddenly able to do double the amount of magical work and not even a mention of running out of fuel and its not like the dungeon experienced any kind of growth in the capacity department.

Thats just one example of the abolut lack of logic in here.

But then the author manages to even up that when the dungeon is able to perform brain surgery on the level of being able to download knowledge with two wires of uninsulated cooper that penetrate the body in the neck and go uo from there into the brain.

A total lack of logic regading magic is now expanded to no clue about electronics. (Electricity always takes the path of least resistance, wich would be in the neck, in this example of brain surgery)

This mistake is repeated again when a whole underground lake filled with eels is electrocuted by dipping two wires, a short distance to each other, into it. (Electricity follows the path of least resistance between the two different potentials nothing wouldhappen to the eels that are jot dirdctly between the two electrodes)

Oskatat
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Good at the core

Reviewed at: 058

I am extremely and pleasantly surprised by this little gem

The writing switches between PoV occasionally but lets you know to whom. While there are some grammar and spelling mistakes they're not disturbing me while I read. All this lets me read smoothly through the story without breaking my focus

Some of the points I truly like so far: The dungeon is pressed hard. No 'I made this fantastic trap-monster combo and now I am safe' feeling, no sudden SS++ class boss monster appearing to ensure that the core is always safe.

He doesn't have much more knowledge about modern tech than the average person meaning for example that he knows what a battery is, what it contains, more or less, and what it does, but really making one is something else. Anyone hoping for gunslinger ratlings are going to be disappointed.

The world is briefly described and gives actual meaning to the setting and most of the characers have an understandable and more or less relatable motivation. The most cardboard cutout of the group so far is an elven princess.

If you like dungeon stories and want somthing different from the usual fairy tale ones, I can absolutely recommend this

Litrpg lover
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Good new dungeon story, has a lot of psuedo science which is the reason for the low reviews but who cares its magic. A few grammor problems here and there but thats it...............................sjhcaixvoebisnc

orandel garnett
  • Overall Score

It's a good story about a guy reborn as a dungeon making cyborg monster's with an orignal  world  premise that i haven't seen so far in other novels.

i look forward to seeing what happens from now on

Khalaenas
  • Overall Score

I have made a review.... Or have I?.....

Reviewed at: 053.5 My body is a temple

It's good, really like my boi Uno(Fuck Anima), and I support Revenant Waifu. Now I have to make the rest of the review. Oh boy. 

For a dungeon story, it is really good, and actually updates somewhat(Looking at you Dungeon Heart), and also has made an interesting story, at least I think it has. Could be wrong, but eh, who cares?

 

Uhhhhhhh... What more? I'd like to say more, but it's late and I'm tired, so I'll just say. Non is best girl, and I want Uno and her to stay friends(at least I think they are friends, somewhat?)

 

Edit : Dungeon seems to have come back soooo... Yay? I'll leave up the review though. I will add to it if there comes a reason to though.